Help to young men struggling with dating AMA

[Globalcollective]

Ive seen so much struggling young men on here and with Leo's thread on this being locked I thought I would jump in and help. It really is a pain to see this as I know it can be changed. 

So bit about me, I use to be sooo bad with women its not even funny, I even have learning difficulties and have bad trouble socialising. I was a virgin up until I was 21 and use to just get rejection after rejection. Eventually I said to myself I would change this once and for all and started to take massive action to improve this. I approached around 5000 plus girls and dated at least 200 of them I can't quite remember now so I have the actual experience to know how a man can go from hero to zero. Overall it took around 4 years to really sort it out.

First thing I will say is we have to end the red pill, black pill and incel beliefs once and for all. They are just so toxic and only represent half of the truth. I'm not the best looking guy, Im average tbf but I could still get lots of results even if I dressed as a tramp.

So if you have a problem or want advice or want me to elaborate more let me know. 

Edited October 4, 2020 by Globalcollective

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective How would you reccommend to start if bars and clubs are closed due to COVID and you live in a country where cold approach in the street is seen as something very very weird due to the culture being very closed and reserved. 

[Globalcollective]

@ColeMC01 What country do you live in? Right now with Covid its a tough time to focus on this but heres what you can do.

- You could look at moving to an area of the world like New York, Vegas or London where there is a high volume and anonymity for say a year or two. Thats what I did, I spent six months saving money so I could live in a massive city. One big advice here is always put your life purpose before learning dating tho. A lot of guys just get into this and use women as a way of avoiding really giving life your all. I found this hard when I did get good I would just get with girls all the time and became super unmotivated and lazy. Don't fall into that trap. 

- Work on your appearance so fashion and tone up at the gym . 

- Spend abit of time learning attraction from different courses or I can help you. 

- Get on some dating apps and try and arrange some dates if you can, ultimately what is going to make you improve at this is getting as much real life interacts with women as possible. You have to get comfortable showing your sexually interested in them and learn how to be socially calibrated. If cold approach in the day is super taboo in your country just go out and do very indirect approaches to start, just try and get into as many interacts as you can. Even a 5 minuet convo about the weather is a good start then you build from there. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Globalcollective

[LfcCharlie4]

Great thread, love to see this!

Have you moved on & started looking for more meaningful connections / Relationships?

I tried the whole Rotation / ONS / FWB stuff and it always felt empty, deep connections are SO much better. But, you have to learn this stuff to even have a chance of developing a deep connection!

[Globalcollective]

@LfcCharlie4

26 minutes ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

Great thread, love to see this!

Have you moved on & started looking for more meaningful connections / Relationships?

I tried the whole Rotation / ONS / FWB stuff and it always felt empty, deep connections are SO much better. But, you have to learn this stuff to even have a chance of developing a deep connection!

@LfcCharlie4 Thanks man, yes absolutely I ended up having a really high quality relationship with someone which changed my whole perspective on how much better that is then being a so called "Player' but I totally agree with you, you need to know how to this stuff works first or else its very difficult to have a chance at getting the sort of meaningful connection one deserves.  

Now I just look for someone who I can have a deep connection with and only have sex if it feels right but I have also noticed you really need to know how to turn the girl on otherwise she will friend zone you ahah. How do you find meeting girls who are on a similar journey ?

[LfcCharlie4]

@Globalcollective Agree man, that shit gets old really fast, but I can’t see the addictive nature to it.

defo, Daniel Rose’s boom is great for that, then Mantak Chia’s stuff when you’re in a committed relationship. 
 

Atm, I’d say Insta and following girls with similar interests and then DMing them, but spiritual girls are few and far between lmao. 

[Rolo]

@Globalcollective  I get scared of being a nice guy, and when i avoid that i become a hateful dick. neither roads seem to work, any advice on how i approach?

[Globalcollective]

2 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

@Globalcollective Agree man, that shit gets old really fast, but I can’t see the addictive nature to it.

defo, Daniel Rose’s boom is great for that, then Mantak Chia’s stuff when you’re in a committed relationship. 
 

Atm, I’d say Insta and following girls with similar interests and then DMing them, but spiritual girls are few and far between lmao. 

@Globalcollective ahah yeah it dose. yeah Mantak Chia is awesome, I'm prancing a lot of what he teaches atm. I haven't heard of Daniel Rose tho. I slightly missed the wave of picking up girls on IG so have yet to try it. I know for some guys they might not be able to leverage there IG so cold approach will work best. I use to work in the film industry so I have no excuses I could make an amazing social media account if I wanted maybe il see how it goes. Any good books on relationships you'd recommend ? 

I work in a very green environment and meet lots o spiritual people all the time so luckily meet hot hippy chicks all the time ahah but when I was living outside a city its very hard to find girls your compatible with in that area. 

@Rolo

2 hours ago, Rolo said:

@Globalcollective  I get scared of being a nice guy, and when i avoid that i become a hateful dick. neither roads seem to work, any advice on how i approach?

@Rolo So women get put of by you being overly needy and supplicating, you can be a nice guy but you have to be free of the need of sex and validation of the girl to pull it off. See the difference? Also you can be a needy bad boy and that too won't also work. Don't worry about being an archetypal nice/bad boy focus on the vibe you are giving off when you approach. Are you emotionally needing a good reaction from the girl or are you feeling centred within yourself and in control of the interaction, if your very sure of yourself women will follow. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Globalcollective

[F A B]

3 hours ago, Rolo said:

@Globalcollective  I get scared of being a nice guy, and when i avoid that i become a hateful dick. neither roads seem to work, any advice on how i approach?

Beyond the concepts of bad and nice guy, just focus on hanging out and having fun. In the beginning, I suggest to avoid heavy topics (such as politics, religion, serious emotional stuff, etc..) and don't invest too much time, energy and money on a girl.

You can do it later.

[LfcCharlie4]

@Globalcollective Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow. 
 

But, expect your whole view on sex to be transformed, I didn’t read it for 2 years as wasn’t ready to hear what’s inside it.

It basically suggests how neurochemically we are not wired to have orgasms with our partner and tbis is why we drift sexuallly, she goes over a lot of the ancient teachings and relates Sexuality to awakening etc.

Tbf, a lot of what she says, makes a LOT of sense, but I’d only recommend the practices with a girl you’re fully committed to & want a future with. 

[Javfly33]

Omg just help me please. 

[Rolo]

15 hours ago, Globalcollective said:

 

@Rolo So women get put of by you being overly needy and supplicating, you can be a nice guy but you have to be free of the need of sex and validation of the girl to pull it off. See the difference? Also you can be a needy bad boy and that too won't also work. Don't worry about being an archetypal nice/bad boy focus on the vibe you are giving off when you approach. Are you emotionally needing a good reaction from the girl or are you feeling centred within yourself and in control of the interaction, if your very sure of yourself women will follow. 

yes! sex has been a obstical for me, and the need for the woman to be a sexual partner for me has created a lot of sexual deviations in me apart from prior deviations from my conditioning. I better know what i need to do, Thankyou.

Edited October 6, 2020 by Rolo

[Globalcollective]

23 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

@Globalcollective Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow. 
 

But, expect your whole view on sex to be transformed, I didn’t read it for 2 years as wasn’t ready to hear what’s inside it.

It basically suggests how neurochemically we are not wired to have orgasms with our partner and tbis is why we drift sexuallly, she goes over a lot of the ancient teachings and relates Sexuality to awakening etc.

Tbf, a lot of what she says, makes a LOT of sense, but I’d only recommend the practices with a girl you’re fully committed to & want a future with. 

Yeah I've heard that before, the coolidge effect or something right? def feels that way right. the more you orgasm the more you feel pushed away over time. How have you find this helping with your long term relationships ?

 

9 hours ago, Rolo said:

yes! sex has been a obstical for me, and the need for the woman to be a sexual partner for me has created a lot of sexual deviations in me apart from prior deviations from my conditioning. I better know what i need to do, Thankyou.

@Rolo Yeah work on how your feeling inside, its a tough one because the more sex you get the more you realise its not a big deal and you start getting more and more of it. remember sex is not a big deal and also dose not bring you happiness. 

 

 

[Globalcollective]

@Javfly33 ahah of course 

[Javfly33]

7 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

@Javfly33 ahah of course 

Ok, so I have a question of logistics if you are kind to help  . 

If I want to start doing pick up (once Covid goes down a bit), what should I do? I live in a town of about 20.000 people. So here its not possible. 15 min in car from here is a town of about 45.000. Still I think not enough people. Then I have another one 40min from here which is 55.000 people. A little bit more but probably will burn it fast. And 1 hour from here is a city of over 2 million. And pretty good city for pick up I think (its a famous one some bootcamps are usually done here). But its 1 damn hour from home. 

How should I structure my calendar so I dont burn myself but also I make progress? Will I have to drive daily 2 hours in order to make progress? So far moving is not an option but maybe next year will be. But ideally I don´t want to waste more time and start making progress already.

Edited October 6, 2020 by Javfly33

[Globalcollective]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

Ok, so I have a question of logistics if you are kind to help  . 

If I want to start doing pick up (once Covid goes down a bit), what should I do? I live in a town of about 20.000 people. So here its not possible. 15 min in car from here is a town of about 45.000. Still I think not enough people. Then I have another one 40min from here which is 55.000 people. A little bit more but probably will burn it fast. And 1 hour from here is a city of over 2 million. And pretty good city for pick up I think (its a famous one some bootcamps are usually done here). But its 1 damn hour from home. 

How should I structure my calendar so I dont burn myself but also I make progress? Will I have to drive daily 2 hours in order to make progress? So far moving is not an option but maybe next year will be. But ideally I don´t want to waste more time and start making progress already.

Yeah I had this problem I use to live in a small town like you and the nearest large city was about 1.5 hour drive. I planed trips say once every two weeks to go to the city and spend a day or night there to practice, do this until you are able to move. Its not ideal but you will slowly start picking it up over time and then when it comes time to move you can. Yeah I think driving two hours a lot would burn you out and prob not worth it so plan to slowly move to a bigger city. Also do every bit you can in your small town. Go on apps and try and get into small talk ect. When you are learning its about getting as much exposure to women as you can and slowly over time you become very comfortable around them. If you get a GF in this time learn how to get better at sex too that is a big one. 

I think ultimately you will prob have to move to a bigger city, you don't have to live there premaritally just for for abit until you get better at it. If done right it shouldn't take more than a year or two. 

 

[Javfly33]

42 minutes ago, Globalcollective said:

Yeah I had this problem I use to live in a small town like you and the nearest large city was about 1.5 hour drive. I planed trips say once every two weeks to go to the city and spend a day or night there to practice, do this until you are able to move. Its not ideal but you will slowly start picking it up over time and then when it comes time to move you can. Yeah I think driving two hours a lot would burn you out and prob not worth it so plan to slowly move to a bigger city. Also do every bit you can in your small town. Go on apps and try and get into small talk ect. When you are learning its about getting as much exposure to women as you can and slowly over time you become very comfortable around them. If you get a GF in this time learn how to get better at sex too that is a big one. 

I think ultimately you will prob have to move to a bigger city, you don't have to live there premaritally just for for abit until you get better at it. If done right it shouldn't take more than a year or two. 

 

Ok, thanks for the reply ?. By what I'm reading It will be a journey for sure ?.

1 o 2 years? You said it took you 4 years though. 

[Globalcollective]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

Ok, thanks for the reply ?. By what I'm reading It will be a journey for sure ?.

1 o 2 years? You said it took you 4 years though. 

@Javfly33 Yeah first two years was before I lived in a big city, once I finally moved took about two. Everyones journey will be different and everyone will have different sticking points but mine was the ability to escalate sexually. Once I learned it and also realised women love sex getting laid became super easy. Could even do crazy stuff like taking a girl home from meeting them 30 mins ago in a shop. Of course this isn't a great thing to be going around and doing but it illustrates the point its not hard and that it can be learned. 

I should add as there seems to be this massive divid now between men and women on how this should be approached but we should just want to better our skills so we can attract better relationships and deepen our connects and get away from these toxic red and black pill ideologies. 

[Javfly33]

21 hours ago, Globalcollective said:

@Javfly33 Yeah first two years was before I lived in a big city, once I finally moved took about two. Everyones journey will be different and everyone will have different sticking points but mine was the ability to escalate sexually. Once I learned it and also realised women love sex getting laid became super easy. Could even do crazy stuff like taking a girl home from meeting them 30 mins ago in a shop. Of course this isn't a great thing to be going around and doing but it illustrates the point its not hard and that it can be learned. 

I should add as there seems to be this massive divid now between men and women on how this should be approached but we should just want to better our skills so we can attract better relationships and deepen our connects and get away from these toxic red and black pill ideologies. 

A dumb question: Have you ever been "called out" by a girl that saw you approaching other girls in the same city you approached her in the past?

Is just a dumb fear I got since LOL and since you said you were in a small town i wonder if that happened to you. Probably its a dumb question.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Javfly33

[Globalcollective]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

A dumb question: Have you ever been "called out" by a girl that saw you approaching other girls in the same city you approached her in the past?

Is just a dumb fear I got since LOL and since you said you were in a small town i wonder if that happened to you. Probably its a dumb question.

hahaha a few times yeah, once in a small town I approached a girl and was messaging her then approached her friend a week later. But its expected in a small town so daygame is a no no unless your only visiting. It did also happen in a a massive city. I was seeing this girl and then approach one of her best friends. The best one tho was I once approached this girl and she rejected me and then I reproached her six months later and she didn't recognise me. It went very well and we went on a date and I asked her if anyone had ever approached her in the day like that before and she was like "once, the guy was super creepy not like you" lool. 

The fear isn't valid tho don't worry about it even if you do nothing bad happens, its actually quite funny. It is unlikely also 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Globalcollective