What if I'm pursuing Spirituality for selfish reasons?

[GroovyGuru]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've started taking meditation seriously again and have been reading a book about Kriya Yoga and have been watching some videos too and have really started to ask myself why I'm even doing this, and I feel I've run into a problem.

At this point in my life, I'd be lying if I said that understanding the nature of reality, or God, or myself, or whatever, is really a top priority or interest of mine. I mean sure, pondering that life as I know it is some kind of illusion and that Truth is right there for me to discover, hidden in plain sight is surely interesting (and definitely scary), but not as interesting as wondering what it would be like to have a girlfriend or travel around Europe. 

I feel I'm mainly practicing spirituality and spending time reading and listening to various spiritual topics for a few reasons. Firstly, I obviously find it incredibly interesting. Secondly, I feel that I'm doing it selfishly because I want some sort of inner peace and state of calmness at all times, and I think that having that calm and peaceful state of mind will help me in my life. It's sort of a practice to improve and develop myself rather than a desire to have deep and profound insights. The main reason, however, is that at this point, I would feel guilty not to. I've learned so much and have invested so much time over the past few years mediating and doing other spiritual activities. I mean here I am on a Saturday night where all my friends are hanging out and drinking and doing other fun things and I'm refusing to engage because I'd rather sit in my room and meditate and read. Some of that is surely down to me feeling guilty if I went out and wasted my time doing stupid shit, but I actually think it's mostly because I simply have no desire to anymore, which perhaps means I've been growing. 

I don't really think I have a question, just wanted to share my thought. Actually, is this even normal? Should I feel guilty about meditating for selfish reasons? I really feel that I'm growing as a person. My priorities, values, and activities I engage in have changed, and for the better. However, I'm just questioning if they've changed for the wrong reasons...

[Leo Gura]

Of course you are.

But that's okay.

[Fran11]

The road to heaven is paved with selfish intentions 

[An young being]

1 hour ago, GroovyGuru said:

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've started taking meditation seriously again and have been reading a book about Kriya Yoga and have been watching some videos too and have really started to ask myself why I'm even doing this, and I feel I've run into a problem.

At this point in my life, I'd be lying if I said that understanding the nature of reality, or God, or myself, or whatever, is really a top priority or interest of mine. I mean sure, pondering that life as I know it is some kind of illusion and that Truth is right there for me to discover, hidden in plain sight is surely interesting (and definitely scary), but not as interesting as wondering what it would be like to have a girlfriend or travel around Europe. 

I feel I'm mainly practicing spirituality and spending time reading and listening to various spiritual topics for a few reasons. Firstly, I obviously find it incredibly interesting. Secondly, I feel that I'm doing it selfishly because I want some sort of inner peace and state of calmness at all times, and I think that having that calm and peaceful state of mind will help me in my life. It's sort of a practice to improve and develop myself rather than a desire to have deep and profound insights. The main reason, however, is that at this point, I would feel guilty not to. I've learned so much and have invested so much time over the past few years mediating and doing other spiritual activities. I mean here I am on a Saturday night where all my friends are hanging out and drinking and doing other fun things and I'm refusing to engage because I'd rather sit in my room and meditate and read. Some of that is surely down to me feeling guilty if I went out and wasted my time doing stupid shit, but I actually think it's mostly because I simply have no desire to anymore, which perhaps means I've been growing. 

I don't really think I have a question, just wanted to share my thought. Actually, is this even normal? Should I feel guilty about meditating for selfish reasons? I really feel that I'm growing as a person. My priorities, values, and activities I engage in have changed, and for the better. However, I'm just questioning if they've changed for the wrong reasons...

Being selfish is a good thing, it helps you to take care of your body and mind.

But if you wish to have deeper insights into the world, you need to be selfless. It will be a hindrance when the truth gets revealed. Don't have any regrets for what you had done. Shed them all.

 

[The0Self]

The only way you can pursue spirituality is for selfish reasons. Don’t sweat it. You couldn’t do it otherwise.

[Shin]

19 hours ago, GroovyGuru said:

 I don't really think I have a question, just wanted to share my thought. Actually, is this even normal? Should I feel guilty about meditating for selfish reasons? I really feel that I'm growing as a person. My priorities, values, and activities I engage in have changed, and for the better. However, I'm just questioning if they've changed for the wrong reasons...

I think the best thing you could do is to ask why you feel guilt.

You ask this question and just wait to get and answer.

The answer you are waiting for is not a sentence in your head (not a thought), which is logical, but an insight.

What is an insight is very difficult to express with words, but it's something close to a gut feeling (intuition), except it feels so true and is so direct that there is no ambiguity, it will feel 100% trustable, even beyond that actually.

To know if you're bullshitting yourself about having an insight, one thing to keep in mind is that if you really have one, you won't feel either happy or sad, it will just be the truth.

After you had it you can definitely feel happy or sad (mostly the later ) though.

[silene]

We can't help being selfish to begin with, it's our survival mechanism, so spirituality is about using the self to transcend itself. We all start from where we're at and progress from there. Self-inquiry works like that doesn't it? We either see that there's no self, or our self expands to encompass everything. Same thing really. 

"Should I feel guilty" wow this is a deep question! Can you even choose your own feelings like that, or are your feelings creating your thoughts? What's the feeling behind this question? Maybe we were taught that selfishness = bad and selflessness = good. If your meditation is growing you and helping you find truth then why should you feel guilty? The whole community benefits from that imo. But you're still allowed to have some fun and let your hair down too although it seems you're becoming more refined in what feels like fun.