I Tend To People Please

[philosogi]

This is because of the ways my ego was implicitly taught in childhood AKA usual stuff. So I'm trying to stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings, which stems from a learned fear of repercussions.  I think this will mean disregarding - to some extent - other people's feelings in order to enact my own truth, but at the same time not acting selfishly, and not letting this be a license for my ego to externalize my problems.

Also, I tend to panic in confrontational situations and default to the people-pleasing role because my ego acts faster and is much louder than me, like a dog that overpowers its human and drags the human so it can go over and bark at another dog. So I want to remember to give myself time in these situations to get in touch with how I want to respond vs letting the ego drag me. 

To solidify these ideas in my mind, I've created myself some hand-drawn quotes/phrases. I think one is more click-baity; the other is more zen. What do y'all think of the logic? What do you think of the quotes?

[Beam]

The role of a female has been ingrained in since childhood when daughter starts learning from Mother and other females just what a Girls role is.

Woman are often pleasers ,

Men , often want to impress others.

Both want be to be loved and respected.

My drive for instance is to impress others at my own expense , Knowing this has allowed me control it.  When I am thinking in my other people pleasing fashion I now catch myself and do whats best for me instead of what makes me look the best.

I am thinking this approach might help you , when you are in a stressful situation and start to auto think of people pleasing , you can nip it in the Bud and do whats best for both you and them.  Compromise and be forthright. remember others ego's are as tender as our own.

 

[philosogi]

9 hours ago, Beam said:

I am thinking this approach might help you , when you are in a stressful situation and start to auto think of people pleasing , you can nip it in the Bud and do whats best for both you and them.  Compromise and be forthright. remember others ego's are as tender as our own.

You make it sound so easy 

[Beam]

My brain works this way ,  men's brains work this way pretty simply lmao
 

The male brain analyzes everything .. all of the time , I'm at its mercy !

apparently women think thru their emotions , well more then guys do

[philosogi]

8 hours ago, Beam said:

My brain works this way ,  men's brains work this way pretty simply lmao
The male brain analyzes everything .. all of the time , I'm at its mercy !
apparently women think thru their emotions , well more then guys do

Out of curiosity, could you explain how such an analysis occurs? Like an example analysis of a scenario?

People keep saying male brains think one way and female brains think another way, but I've yet to 

a) see how this is an innate thing and not a trained thing,
b) understand what constitutes a "male analysis" vs a "female intuition."

[Beam]

 I think its Testosterone the causes Men to always be analyzing the situation but it could be the role we fit into.

I believe we  have both male and female traits in ourselves , men can be in touch with their feminine side ,  we nurture others and think with our emotions when the time arises.

The differnces may be becuase Men traditionally protect others from harm , backs to the camp fire scanning the black night , its common for men to be thinking about every sound they hear analizing it and everything else all of the time. (this is just the tip of being a male)

As children , boys and girls seem to be almost opposites ,  although not a unbend-able rule as we share many of the same human traits.

 I have not studied the subject deeply , but I have read articles with a common theme of how we think differently.

 

This article delves deeper into it

Neuroscientists explore differences in male, female brains

One recent study found that structurally, it's rare to have a brain with all "male" or "female" traits.

"One could go on and list hundreds of anatomical and chemical differences between the brains of men and women, and this would be true in other animals as well," said McMaster University brain researcher Prof. Sandra Witelson.

Her McMaster lab contains a collection of over 100 brains — including Albert Einstein's. 

The differences between men's and women's brains — especially in the language and speech regions —  interest her greatly. Her studies revolve around brain lateralization — anatomical and functional differences between people's right and left cerebral hemispheres just above the ears, and their degree of connection.

"It appears that there is a more generalized interconnectivity in the female brain than in the male brain," she said. "A male brain is more specialized, has more independent modules. I think it's more vulnerable. And I think it has the potential for less plasticity."

Researchers hope brain's plasticity can be used to treat disorders

The National: The learning brain

Dr. Apostolos Georgopoulos is the director of the Brain Science Centre at the Minneapolis VA Medical Center, a large veterans' hospital in Minnesota, where he and his colleagues are measuring the brain waves and cognitive skills of hundreds of healthy women ranging in age from 30 to over 100. Other studies are being carried out on men.

Brain researcher Dr. Apostolos Georgopoulos says that in many tasks, women's brains process information faster and more efficiently. (University of Minnesota/YouTube)

"Women's brains are definitely different from men's brains," said Apostolos. "What we have found is that women, in many different tasks, process information about five times faster than men, and use much less of their brain to do identical cognitive performance."

But apparently, female brain speed and efficiency come at a cost.

"Women seem to use certain parts of their brain much more efficiently, but if these are hit they're in big trouble," Apostolos said, suggesting that men's brains may be better able to compensate for damage.

But Witelson points out that men's brains are vulnerable too. She says at the tender age of five weeks, male embryos get doused in testosterone, changing them and their brains forever.

"The male brain has undergone a sexual differentiation," she said. "And if something should go wrong, it could affect the male brain more than the female brain."

Women's brains more resilient to higher levels of genetic defects: study

Science is just beginning to plumb the diversity of networks in people's brains — each as unique as its owner's DNA. 

How the hundred billion neurons in an adult brain get hard-wired — differently so in men and women — how neural circuits determine sexual or gender identity, recover from damage or age healthily all remain tantalizing mysteries for now.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/men-women-brains-difference-1.3473154

[Beam]

Hey philosogi , I sent this video to a lady friend who is trying to understand her mind and ego.
I think you will find it illuminating ,  as I did.
 

 

[LifeLife]

Buy the book: The disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker. Read it and follow the program at the end of the book to significantly reduce your people pleasing tendencies. That is the best book and the program was designed by the author from decades of work in psychology/counselling/psychiatry to most effectively reduce your pleasing habits.