If I worked really hard, could I attract the girl who doesn't want me?

[Leo Gura]

29 minutes ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura

What about in less developed, stage Blue countries, where people have this idea engraved into their minds that sex until marriage is wrong. There isn't the same cultural context in every country, right? 

That's different. But even then, the girl will not respect a man who fawns over her. In stage Blue countries women are basically treated like property, and while this may be oppressive and sexist, at least the oppressiveness of it makes the woman respect the man.

[hoodrow trillson]

45 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's different. But even then, the girl will not respect a man who fawns over her. In stage Blue countries women are basically treated like property, and while this may be oppressive and sexist, at least the oppressiveness of it makes the woman respect the man.

This.

Basically your “why women love assholes” video is the secret sauce.  The catch is if you’re willing to put your ego (including the ass kissing, simp ego) away and be yourself.

[mmKay]

Quote

 If I worked really hard, could I attract the girl who doesn't want me?
 

[ . . .]

I was wondering, if I built enough momentum within my healthy habits, and became clearer on my life purpose until I see her again, would she want to be with me.

The anwser to this question is yes and no.

What you are asking in a nutshell is if it is possible to get out of the "Friend zone"  by improving  yourself.

It is possible but not along the lines you are thinking right now.

This is what actually leveraged me and many others into personal development. But the trap is that you are proyecting your male values onto women.

What I mean is that right now, you think that " working on yourself " , like meditating, having a reading habit, working out , eating healthy foods, and working on your life purpose are valuable traits that ultimately bump up your chances of getting laid or landing a GF, because if you just stack up enough good habits, you will become be so high value for girls that they will simply just want you.

While these things would be appreciated when already in the relationship, for attraction girls care about experiencing fun and carelesness,  an emotional roller coaster and wittiness & humor,  they respond to you leading in a calibrated way, they enjoy to be in a frame where they can be chasing you a bit, where you don't give her all the attention in the world , and where they look for your aprooval, etc. 

All of these concepts and way, way more along these lines is where you can " work on yourself " , aka " working on your social skills and dating skills. Don't expect going to the gym help you much with this.

TLDR.

You can get out of the friend zone if you stop being friends with her, temporarily or indefinitely, get more experience with girls overall and perhaps if you meet up somehow later on, your chances of her being attracted to you will be way higher.

[Gesundheit]

I have noticed that it's most difficult to understand girls who are into spirituality. Their minds are not wired like the average person. It's very difficult to predict their thoughts and behaviors. One day you're the sexiest guy on the planet, and the other day she does not want to be with you anymore. I have made many speculations about this myself, but I could never be sure. Basically, I'll just say that they're batshit crazy and unstable for a prolonged relationship. Maybe they're in conflict with themselves about how relationships could limit their freedom. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Don't count on these ones for your dream relationship. They're just insanely crazy. Instead, look for an average crazy girl. Both hot and stable.

Also, forget about all the pick-up garbage that's in here. Just keep increasing your availability and you'll end up with someone very quickly. Guaranteed. High value and low value is BS.

[evgn]

You know what, this is exactly what i experianced one month ago believe me or not so i 100% resoante with you. I know that this is a BS but she was really the girl that i liked the most and i would spend the rest of my life with (at least that was the bulshit that my mind was telling me).

I actually wanted to keep her as a friend but i think she doesnt want that. 

But hey ive done that with girls too. So yeah i feel bad about that but you cannot force someone in your life if she/he doesnt want to..

Edited October 8, 2020 by evgn

[evgn]

There was a moment of my obsession where i got to the realization and insight which was:

In this vast universe i am obsessed with one object? Really?

[evgn]

2 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

 

Also, forget about all the pick-up garbage that's in here. Just keep increasing your availability and you'll end up with someone very quickly. Guaranteed. High value and low value is BS.

I cant agree with you that high and low value is BS. Actually all realationships are based on value exchange beside the realatinship with your family.

Values its not just material posseion but qualities a person posses, everybody wants to be around and asociate with people who are beautiful/famouse/rich/high social status. 

Want it or not its just the way it is..

[Gesundheit]

10 minutes ago, evgn said:

I cant agree with you that high and low value is BS. Actually all realationships are based on value exchange beside the realatinship with your family.

Values its not just material posseion but qualities a person posses, everybody wants to be around and asociate with people who are beautiful/famouse/rich/high social status. 

Want it or not its just the way it is..

It sure all is value exchange. However, it's extremely relative and infinitely complicated that it eventually becomes really arbitrary. You can't determine what's high value objectively. There's no such thing as high value except in your mind. And that high value thing may be viewed of low value in other people's minds. It's just basic supply and demand, only infinite in its relativity and complexity. You may dislike people with a victim's mindset and avoid them at all costs, but some other person may create a career out of helping them.

[StarStruck]

On 2-10-2020 at 4:13 AM, Mada_ said:

There's a girl who I was hanging out with for a while, we are very compatible, many of the same interests. She is very insightful, she is so beautiful it's almost intimidating. 

The last time I saw her, we kissed for ages. We had really "deep" discussions, very open discussions, not about our feelings but mostly speculating about what reality is and how we fit into it. 

The next day she told me that she didn't want to pursue anything romantically with me. 

 

I was wondering, if I built enough momentum within my healthy habits, and became clearer on my life purpose until I see her again, would she want to be with me? We are still quite good friends and talk maybe once every couple weeks. I think I'd want her to be in my life regardless. 

Don't hold yourself back though. You are what you are. I would just steam ahead 100% and make mistakes. For me it is about expressing myself and yes your heart will be broken but that is what you want. Recently a girl dropped me and it caused a lot of hurt. Without that hurt I wouldn't have the motivation to change/do the work.

Edited October 9, 2020 by StarStruck

[Hardkill]

On 10/7/2020 at 5:54 PM, Preety_India said:

@Mada_

You need to forget this girl. It doesn't work like that. It's not about game. The girl gave you clear signs. 

You're simply wasting your time building unnecessary hopes.. 

You shouldn't be needy but approach confidently. And just show interest jn several women that you come across. Try to be clear and confident. Not needy. You are just presenting yourself as a good candidate.. 

If you are needy, it's like a candidate that says '"please give me this presidency, please please," nobody will elect such a candidate for a president.. 

But if you are confident, it's like a candidate that says " I am going to create great value, I'm matured and I can handle the issues and I need a chance to prove myself  and I'll take this country (woman) to great heights." 

Now such a candidate is elected as a president because he has shown a hope for great future cooperation and duty. 

The woman sees the man as someone who genuinely cares about her and not some guy who only wants to waste her time by begging her company.. 

So you appear confident. Most women see men in a provider role. As a big shoulder. Not a boy, but a man.. 

So when you are confident, her confidence is raised as well.

 

After all this is the guy she has to show her dad or mom for a future partnership. 

She wants someone dependable even if it's just a boyfriend. She needs to be able to trust. 

Build her trust. 

When a woman says no, move on, there are so many girls, she is not the only one. And once she says no, she is not thinking of you.. She has no thought of you. So no point in thinking about her. 

You can't force her to think about you. 

Sometimes persuasion works. But that's rare. For persuasion to work, she needs to give you that playful glint which means she might accept if you hang on a bit longer. 

If she nervously says no like a dry no, then she is not having feelings for you. 

It's disappointing but it is a good indicator that you should try another girl. But hey at least she is not playing with you. She clearly says no. So no confusion. 

But girls thoughts and emotions change like the wind. So, in the future, he can try again. 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Hardkill said:

But girls thoughts and emotions change like the wind. So, in the future, he can try again. 

This is just a fancy assumption fed by movies and exciting stories. 

Most women when they reject, they simply reject and move on. 

I haven't talked to my first ex in years. My emotions never changed. 

Men have this idea that they know more about women than women. It takes one to know one. 

The false idea spread by pua Bullshitters that men will know women better than women themselves 

Women understand each other well. They know the female nature well, this is the not in a disparaging sense, but the whole idea that men know women  better is very eccentric and wild. Men love to gorge on that. 

If men knew women better, they would easily impress them, which is never the case. Impressing a woman, any woman is a hard job and for good reason. 

Understanding the woman is basically loving the woman, rather than judging her. And most women are simple to read. Once they take a decision, it's over. 

So yea, if a woman rejects, she has friendzoned, time for the guy to move on.. 

[Roy]

It's certainly tempting to want something you can't have, there is a thrill to the challenge of it, but you gotta know when to cut your losses and fold. It can backfire and make your output internally and externally negative.

Think about how stupid this is, why would you want someone who doesn't want YOU? Why ice skate up hill?

Wouldn't a relationship where both parties really want each other be MUCH better?

The answer is a resounding YES!