If I worked really hard, could I attract the girl who doesn't want me?

[Mada_]

There's a girl who I was hanging out with for a while, we are very compatible, many of the same interests. She is very insightful, she is so beautiful it's almost intimidating. 

The last time I saw her, we kissed for ages. We had really "deep" discussions, very open discussions, not about our feelings but mostly speculating about what reality is and how we fit into it. 

The next day she told me that she didn't want to pursue anything romantically with me. 

 

I was wondering, if I built enough momentum within my healthy habits, and became clearer on my life purpose until I see her again, would she want to be with me? We are still quite good friends and talk maybe once every couple weeks. I think I'd want her to be in my life regardless. 

[Thestarguitarist14]

It’s that mentality that will repel her.

 

Also, she already rejected you. 

 

Want to attract that girl you really want?  Stop caring about whether you will get her or not.  Get healthy and work on your life purpose for yourself.  Not for some chick who rejected you.  I promise you, she will start taking you more seriously.

 

Also, you’ll attract other women.

Edited October 2, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[Preety_India]

I'm sorry but I think she already rejected you. 

If she had feelings she would have dropped some hints. 

From her behavior, it seems that her mind is not made up for you. A woman who is genuinely interested wouldn't be so abrupt. 

You can always keep your hopes up but be ready for rejections as well. 

You can start pursuing other women in the mean time. 

Being stuck with the thought of this woman is a waste of time if she is not returning your interest. It is also an upsetting feeling. 

Try your luck with lots of women, you will always end up getting one who is interested and you can begin from there. 

 

 

[Mada_]

@Thestarguitarist14 thankyou 

[Globalcollective]

yeah opening up like this can be dangerous if you haven't already developed sexual tension, it can come across as needy and its worth checking why your so attached to her in the first place if you haven't been with her for sometime. Of course its ok to like someone but it comes across you are heavily invested in her which is why she isn't respondent in the same way. Again Im just making assumptions as she could also just not fancy you at all, but generally its better to wait until you have built sexual chemistry before really opening up. 

In terms of you winner her over if you do all that stuff is an unknown and unlikely, the only way to stand a chance is to actually just let it go and work on yourself for you and go date other great girls.

I have had this a few times, I once dated an amazing and very attractive girl who I got overly attached to and she wanted to just be friends. I agreed and really worked on myself and a few years later I could tell she regretted it when she could see who I had become.  

[Ananta]

14 hours ago, Mada_ said:

The next day she told me that she didn't want to pursue anything romantically with me. 

 

Friend zone.... probably not getting outta that.

[hamedsf]

the problem with you IS that you know less about dating skills and you gotta learn the factors of attraction.

unfortunately this happens to most of our gender and they go out on a date and they think they did everything right and eventually they see the girl is flaking and they blame it all on women. so learn which subjects you should and shouldn't talk about. good luck

[universe]

Of course you can, attraction is not a choice. You already kissed so she probably likes you

But if you want to push things further you have to accept that you might not see her again.

[Mada_]

@universe wicked answer.

You're talking about becoming detached from her. 

 Thankyou very much 

[Proserpina]

Its not so much about detachment as it is about tapping into that space where you are attractive more and more frequently.  aligning their thoughts,  actions and behavior with yours.  every girl and person on the planet will like you in that space, to varying degrees,  so you'll naturally be more detached and less needy. you'll be happy in solitude as you enjoy your own company. 

Don't focus on spiritual work.  focus on leveraging law of attraction with  low effort practices everyday. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Of course it's easy to slack when you've already explored it's full potential

[Recursoinominado]

Yeah, you probably could, but i there is a number of reasons why this is an awful idea.

When you work on yourself, your preferences will change a LOT. Now you probably are clueless about who you are and what you really want, just acting out of neediness, falling in love for the first cute girl that appears and putting them in a huge pedestal. 

Don't EVER obsess over one girl, go work on yourself, approach, approach and approach, gain experience and let's see if you are still in love with this one.

[Sine]

Yes, but also you should go and meet other women in the meantime because this will make you more attractive. But I can almost say for certain that there is something about you that she likes and is attracted to, but when she rationalize it you are not a good fit - and that probably has something to do with either your lifestyle or appearance (not physical but maybe if you are one of those guys who are "too sweet") 

[ColeMC01]

@Recursoinominado What are your favourite places to approach btw? Like a list from most to least favourite since you seem to do it a lot. Would really appreciate it

[Recursoinominado]

2 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Recursoinominado What are your favourite places to approach btw? Like a list from most to least favourite since you seem to do it a lot. Would really appreciate it

It depends a lot from city to city.

Where i lived, the only place where you could find above-average girls walking was a shopping mall so i was forced to game there. For a brief time there was a good street venue in that city where you could find girls walking around at weekends and i went there every Friday and Saturday. 

Some big cities you can pretty much approach on the streets (high volume and anonymity are your friends), subways, malls etc. Somewhere where the girl feels safe is good so she doesn't walk fearing for her life when you approach. 

Night game is easier to find, usually, could be a club or any venue were there are high volume of girl walking around (from a bar to another, for instance). Concerts and parties are also good. 

One time i went to a 8-day psytrance festival were i approached a lot, day and night, anywhere. But it is tricky because a lot of girls are on drugs and rarely alone, so if the girl is hot and in a group, chances are, there is some guy fucking her (he can also be on drugs), so you have to be extra socially calibrated. IT happened to me lots of times to approach a girl in a group only to find out she was with some huge aggressive guy and i had to de-escalate the situation. 

The best approaches are girls alone or with one girlfriend. Gay guys usually help me because they tend to be attracted to me, it is free social proof but this could not be your case, i don't know.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Recursoinominado

[Leo Gura]

@Mada_ No. You are being super needy and low-value. She will never sleep with you due to that.

You have to stop caring about any one girl until she sleeps with you.

Zero investment before sex. Zero!

This is the #1 rule of attracting women.

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura Most guys do this approach where they have their eyes on a girl and they still get her. This logic only works for super hot girls and most guys do not care about that. 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

Most guys do this approach where they have their eyes on a girl and they still get her.

This is factually false.

Most guys never get the girl who they obsess over. The more you care about the girl before sex, the less likely you are to sleep with her.

Because a high-value guy would not care. And girls subconsciously know that. So they avoid needy guys like the plague.

A man who fawns over a girl he hasn't slept with is deeply cringe and unattractive. It reveals just how weak the man is.

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura Well i know like 30 guy friends, all sorts of guys and most of them are like this. Most couples i know were as i am saying. This is maybe USA culture or idk where people do not care about each other before sex because you do not need sex to be attracted to someone. Love might need sex but that is another issue. I know girls that were not comfortable talking to a guy because they liked someone else even before kissing them. It all depends on age tbh, girls before 20 tend to be like this from my observations.

And i am not talking obessing and dreaming about marrying them and gay shit like that. I am saying just geniounly liking them

Edited October 7, 2020 by ColeMC01

[Preety_India]

Personally I can relate to this. 

If a guy obsessed over me, I'd avoid him. The reasons are unknown. 

Not because I would assume he is low value. 

Maybe I'd think he would get way too desperate for me to handle. It reeks of creepiness. 

But persuasion can solve this. If he is persuasive, I might give in 

 

At the same time I wouldn't be too attracted to a detached guy. 

There's a certain macho-ness and sexiness to persuasion. 

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Preety_India