Is there a loving way to kill yourself?

[Leilani]

I really fucked up. I lost a good friend because I thought he didn't care about me I had convinced myself he hated me. I have always struggled with this. I push people away because I feel so hated,.so unloved. A lot happened in my childhood it really hurt growing up you guys. Now I fear that feeling all of the time. Sometimes I think the most loving thing to do would be to kill myself. I keep hurting "others" and myself. 

[No Self]

There have been historical societies which venerated suicide - kamikaze in WWII springs to mind.

But the consensus from Near-Death studies and spiritual texts is that a young person seeking to escape working through personal challenges via suicide will have to face them again in some other lifetime or other form. Hence, it cannot be advised (separate to the issue of voluntary euthanasia). And we are by no means here forever anyway. The best advice I can give is to 'die before you die'.

[TripleFly]

You don't need to harm yourself or to kill yourself.

You just let it go, and moment by moment your self will come up, including all the parts of yourself that torment you and cause you to act unconsciously. You don't need to resist it coming up, because it is coming up to leave right out of you. Just continue and contain yourself, console yourself, however you can.

This is a very important time for you. This is where things can change for you. It will be very confusing for you, and that is a good sign that you're heading in the right direction. Simply let go, and watch what is happening. Sometimes you'll suffer more and sometimes less. Breath, feel alive and do what makes you feel alive. Walking, soak yourself in water, nature, meditation.

52 minutes ago, Shunyata said:

Oh stop it delete this no one cares about your shit

Everyone is going through the same thing don't think you are the only one

At the end of the day you have to realize that you are the drama queen (we all go through that)

It's really hard to hear your hurting. Could you try to be more direct and honest about yourself instead of others?

It's really hard to understand you.

Open your own thread!

[Max_V]

@Leilani

3 hours ago, Leilani said:

I really fucked up. I lost a good friend because I thought he didn't care about me I had convinced myself he hated me. I have always struggled with this. I push people away because I feel so hated,.so unloved. A lot happened in my childhood it really hurt growing up you guys. Now I fear that feeling all of the time. Sometimes I think the most loving thing to do would be to kill myself. I keep hurting "others" and myself. 

I'm sorry to hear that. What you're going through sounds awful. 

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a dm. You are not a burden upon this world, you deserve to be here as much as anyone else. 

[hyruga]

Leilani,

Go YouTube and type 'God pls help me'. There are lots of resources available. Look for help. 

If you need anything, pls pm me.

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, Leilani said:

I really fucked up. I lost a good friend because I thought he didn't care about me I had convinced myself he hated me. I have always struggled with this. I push people away because I feel so hated,.so unloved. A lot happened in my childhood it really hurt growing up you guys. Now I fear that feeling all of the time. Sometimes I think the most loving thing to do would be to kill myself. I keep hurting "others" and myself. 

It is not possible that there is a loving way to ‘kill yourself’, for the very same reason these perspectives you are focused on do not feel good. It’s like saying “is there a loving way to kill love?”.  Choose to love instead, which is to say, let the beliefs about yourself, the perspectives about yourself go - simply and plainly because of how they feel. You are love. You will never not be. The perspectives however, you can change. Even if you say you can’t, you’re choosing that perspective. So stop trying to be something you’re not. Stop trying to be what the thoughts are about. Stop trying to be some way you think other people think you should be. Just be you, love, and all is well. Some different perspectives....

”I really fucked up”....I have really learned something profound here about the importance of aligning feeling & thinking from this particular experience. I see what suffering is. I see how I’ve been doing this to myself. It took a wake up situation like this, someone I really care about...but in seeing this, things can only get clearer and easier for me. It takes time, but I now see how I create my suffering. Apologies & forgiveness however, do not take time. I realize I can feel better right now, if I choose to. 

“I lost a good friend because I thought he didn’t care about me I had convinced myself he hated me” ....I learned that when I think on behalf of other people, I realize they have their own thoughts, and their own feelings, and I don’t need to think or feel for them, and they aren’t thinking or feeling for me. Going forward, this makes life a lot easier and lighter. This also, is, well, awesome. It’s more fun not knowing what other people are thinking. Spontaneous, interesting, exciting. I also realized how important it is not to convince myself of things that don’t even feel good, to me. If I do that again, I’ll be aware of it, and I’ll inspect why I’m doing it. I’ll uncover core beliefs, and in doing so, let them go, and that means I’ll be feeling better & better & better.

“I have always struggled with this. I push people away because I feel so hated,.so unloved.”....I’ve been doing this, this focusing on perspectives which don’t feel good to me, for a long time. I am seeing more clearly that how I feel is the direct result of the perspective I am holding about myself. I am seeing that I project this onto others. It took a lot to get me to see that I’m doing this, but now I am positioned to consciously choose how I look at things, via how perspectives feel, and to let limiting beliefs about myself go. I won’t be afraid to feel anymore, and that is going to make all the difference. I’ll put feeling first, and thus I can not go wrong. 

“A lot happened in my childhood it really hurt growing up you guys.”....Now I’m starting to get what it means that I am “already on the path”. I’m getting a glimpse of what people mean when they talk about how we identify with the past, and that is how we hold limiting beliefs of who we are. My experiences don’t define who I am - I say who I am. I say this, now. I also learned the body seems to have stored up emotional misunderstanding, and I want to heal, and I want this body to heal. Just as I recognize that some perspectives don’t feel good - because - there is much love within me...I can also recognize emotional misunderstandings held in the body do not feel good - because they aren’t resonating with the love within me - and it only makes sense then that as I lighten up and let go of these perspectives which do not feel good, this love and source of all well being within me will flush the pain of misunderstanding and identifying out. I welcome it, and willingly allow it, as I am done creating suffering, and ready to heal and love. 

“Now I fear that feeling all of the time.“....It is becoming so clear to me that the perspective doesn’t feel good...and that I have been blaming and labelling feeling all along. It might take time, but I’m going to love feeling, and refrain from judging & labelling it. I will listen to it, like a student, and I will liberation in spirit as I do. I’m beginning to realize feeling has always been there for me - and because of a culture and environment where people did not recognize this within themself, I inadvertently took on their perspectives. But their perspectives suck. I now see how much they were suffering inside, and how much they really just want to be at peace with the love they truly are. They didn’t choose to be the student, to listen, and that is where they failed. I will not. I’ll listen, I won’t quit, and I won’t blame. I’ll heal, and in doing so, get to know this love intimately, and even intricately. I have a hunch this might lead to wanting to know a whole lot about this love within me. 

“Sometimes I think the most loving thing to do would be to kill myself. I keep hurting "others" and myself.”....Now I”m really starting to see how this would be the least loving thing I could possibly do. I’m realizing that is indicative of the environment I grew up in. I’m starting to see how that led me to develop those perspectives which never felt good in the first place. I’m not going to continue in that direction, as frankly, it sucks. I’m realizing that I’ve got some healing and love work ahead of me, but I can do it. I can feel how awesome that will be, right now, in how awesome it feels to realize that I can indeed do this. I think I’m done with the hurting. I think I’ve looking to escape feeling, and feeling was loving me the whole time, which is why perspectives like this one do not feel good. I don’t wanna hurt anymore, and I don’t wanna hurt anyone else with my words or actions anymore. 

 

It takes all of us Hyruga, we can’t do it without you. We need ya on team love my man. In many ways this world is astray, it’s a mess. But it’s us doing it. This is what we’re all waking up to, or from. We all gotta change somethings, individually & together. We are all in that boat with you, you are in that boat with everyone. There are lots of resources, practices, and help available. Take it easy on yourself, and utilize what’s available to you, and be a part of this whole, this love, this inherent intention of well being, healing, and loving. We love you, and we do indeed really actually need you. It takes every single one of us. 

 

 

[GoingHome]

What an opportunity for you right now! I too was at the lowest low before I had my first awakening. Also with what I labelled a “terrible childhood” where I was sexually abused.  I was thinking about suicide quite seriously even looking up ways to do it. I was 43yrs old. Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle also woke up whilst suicidal - Tolle at 29yrs and Katie at 43yrs. Theirs was instant enlightenment though. Their words and books have brought me out of another low this year and I share some of their words.

 

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, but when I didn’t believe them I didn’t suffer and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional.” Byron Katie

“Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” Eckhart Tolle

To realize that you are not your thoughts is when you begin to awaken spiritually. Eckhart Tolle

Death is not the end of suffering if we die suffering. 

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if you end this life or not. You’ll continue to come back until you fully wake up. Which will happen. It’s just whether it happens in this life time or not.
 

I am editing this to add an answer to your actual question and the answer being that there is no loving way to end your life. Love would see you asking for help and receiving it. Even screaming out “Please help me”. This is love, to yourself and others.  

 

Edited October 1, 2020 by GoingHome
Adding the answer to the OP’s question

[kag101]

NO! There is nothing loving about killing oneself. Do not romanticize suicide.

I do feel compassion for those who take their own lives away -- because it means that the pain was so intense that the person could not put up with it anymore. It is a tragedy. 

Seek help!

Feel free to PM me if you feel like talking.

 

23 hours ago, GoingHome said:

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if you end this life or not. You’ll continue to come back until you fully wake up. Which will happen.

How can you be so sure about that?!

Edited October 2, 2020 by kag101

[GoingHome]

29 minutes ago, kag101 said:

How can you be so sure about that?!

I can’t. It’s where my awakening journey has taken me, that death is not real which is why we are told by all enlightened people that learning to die before you die is the key to enlightenment. It’s of no benefit to anyone to end their life as they are only leaving their body. The ego remains until it dies which is the true “death”. 

[FortisFortunaAdiuvat]

13 hours ago, Leilani said:

I push people away because I feel so hated,.so unloved. A lot happened in my childhood it really hurt growing up you guys.

If you know exactly what is creating all this suffering for you, that's great because you can work on it. Easier said than done but knowing what you know is a good starting point. Please don't hesitate to work with a professional.

The Wim Hof breathing method can create powerful changes to your mood. I use this when I am in a bad place to see that there's something outside of it.

[Someone here]

"Find what you love and let it kill you." 

It's a quote but I forgot who said it. 

 

[LastThursday]

@Leilani sometimes there is a strong disconnect between our actions and our desires. We repeat the same patterns again and again out of habit and because we hold on strongly to our identities. We build up a big story around our unconscious actions so that we can justify them to ourselves later: I always do X because of Y and I'm not in control of it - I'm a bad broken person.

The only way to break out of a repeating pattern is to do something different. That means being conscious and aware of what you're doing in the moment and taking ownership of it.  You have to be aware enough to catch yourself before you do something you regret later - and then do something different instead. It's bloody difficult to do, but it's not impossible.

Do you think there's any chance you can make contact with the friend and apologise?

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

"Find what you love and let it kill you." 

Bacon?

[Leo Gura]

12 minutes ago, Meta-Man said:

5-MeO?

Already done that.

[Dodo]

Loving way to kill yourself is to realise you are already dead. There is nothing to kill. 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Bacon?

Cigarettes? Lol 

[tuckerwphotography]

Two years ago I contemplated suicide. Today I'm the most grounded, joyful and "alive" I've ever felt. I look back now on that time of immense darkness with nothing but love, for it created who I am today. Keep the faith, @Leilani. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but one day you'll look back and see that what you're going through is all a gift in disguise. Remember that the universe works in mysterious ways. Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you.

[Depersonilized]

@Leilani Consider the possibility that your friend still loves you and that your judgement is still clouded. If you were to kill yourself, how would that affect your friend? How that affect the people around you? I suggest therapy and to tell everyone close to you how you feel and felt. You may not believe it, but they're still there for you, and we're here for you. Sending love to you brotha. 

[Byun Sean]

@Leilani

ay man this forum loves you and deep down you love yourself.

One day you will look back at this moment and your life will be amazing and you will have a wild story to tell your loved ones.

 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep working toward your goals. You are not broken. You are beautiful being with a whole life ahead of you.  

The only thing holding you down is you not loving yourself in this moment. So the choice to love yourself is yours when you are ready.

 

Through the computer screen I'm sending you tons of good ass energy take that! take that! take that! take that! take that.