The Stuck Addict

[JaroslavtotheT]

Hi everyone,

Imma be bluntly honest with this:

I'm 17 y. o., never been good with other people, never had many friends, ... which made me want to have them. When I had some friends, I never appreciated them enough, always trying to be friends with more popular people. Since I don't spend time with friends, almost all my time is spend with myself or my family. And you guessed it.. I don't appreciate my family enough either. Other thing about me is that I always try to be accepted. Ever since I can remember I always tried my best at everything, always tried to be cool, to be the best or at least one of the best at every single thing from sports to drawing... because I thought if people like me, I'll have an easier life. So basically I have a mindset of a child. Always wanting what I don't have. But that sh#t never works (cuz when something doesn't work out I'm very ashamed and I put extereme and unnecessary pressure on me [words of my psychologist]), so I need a change.

And I found it. In self-actualization. I've never been happier and I've never found more beauty in this world than when I was meditating daily for 3 weeks straight. I've even found a whole new purpouse for improving myself. I no longer do it for appreciation but just because I like it. That said.. I've developed some addictions along the way and  I think they have little something to do with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You see.. my social life is pretty much non-existing. It's been like that for more than a decade now. Results? I always tend to waste time just to waste time, procrastinate, brag and evade my problems. And I just can't live this way no more. I'm stuck. I wake up every single day and say to myself: "This is it, the new beggining. Today I'll work towards my dreams. Today I'll do the things I wanna do!" But, aside from working-out, I never will. I just can't get myself to do the things I love. I can't get myself to meditate, work on music, go to the nature, or sometimes even work out. I just keep on wasting time on the internet, watching youtube, porn, movies, other peoples lives and so on. I lay down on my bed and listen to music while imaginig the future, living life like I want. I'm addicted to wasting time. And sometimes I can get myself to medite, write text etc., but it never lasts more than a month. It's like a never-ending cycle. The psychologist didn't help me much but maybe sharing it here will.

Lastly, I'd like to tell you what I want at the moment. I wanna live like I'm feeling that I live, experience passion, love, hate etc. Experience as much as possible. Go to as many places I can, get to know as many people I can and share love through music with as many I can. Make no mistake, one day I'll live this way, and when I do, I'll be ready to look for the true happines, for the truth.

Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

PS: If you found any grammar mistakes.. well... I-uhm.. english ain't my mother tongue, so suck it.

 

Edited August 21, 2016 by JaroslavtotheT

[Beam]

From what you wrote I am guessing that your ego is calling the shots and as always is paying little attention to your desire for a fulfilling happy life.

The ego I am finding out , is responsible for keeping us separate from others and safe in the current situation even when one is unhappy in it as the ego will not take ones happiness into account rather it protects ones physical body at the expense of happiness.

 

[philosogi]

5 hours ago, JaroslavtotheT said:

Experience as much as possible. Go to as many places I can, get to know as many people I can and share love through music with as many I can.

Seems like a solid goal! Do you want it enough to commit to this? What's the first place you would go to?

[Gabriel David Gomez]

Sometimes you can't wait until you desire to do something before you do it. You can't rely on extreme emotions to tell you when the time is right simply because you feel motivated. Sometimes, emotion gives bad advice. You should contemplate what moves to make intellectually rather than with the entrancing music of emotion. You'll see things clearer and likely not as interesting as you thought they would be, but your perception will be better. Thought is like understandable lyrics whereas emotion sometimes seems hard to interpret like the melody. Sharpen your endurance and take the intellectual route. For every hardship that comes your way, find out how to get past it; afterwards, find out how to put to shame the method you used to get past it. Then, find a way to get past that hindrance which is a hindrance to the first approach. YOu will increase in wisdom and tactic and will more confidently assess situations under pressure. Maybe even the pressures of socialization.

[JaroslavtotheT]

Beam, you're right about the ego. Most of the times we're making thing needlessly harder to ourself because of it. That said, the ego itself's not a bad thing, it has its purpouse. But sometimes people don't know how to work with it. Like everything it takes practise.

Philosogi, the first would be something really manageble the mountains nearby my home. Problem with that is that I don't wanna go alone due to bears... many many bears. I tried to find some companion who would go with me, but seems like the whole summer isn't enough to find one. I'd love to travel across my country by train, but once again, I don't have the balls to go alone. But I'm still trying to find someone.. so who knows.

Gabriel David Gomez, your advice is on point. If I want to change, I need to take few steps at a time, master change in one thing, then move on to the other. Easier said than done.

Thank you all for a response.

Edited August 22, 2016 by JaroslavtotheT

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, JaroslavtotheT said:

Hi everyone,

Imma be bluntly honest with this:

I'm 17 y. o., never been good with other people, never had many friends, ... which made me want to have them. When I had some friends, I never appreciated them enough, always trying to be friends with more popular people. Since I don't spend time with friends, almost all my time is spend with myself or my family. And you guessed it.. I don't appreciate my family enough either. Other thing about me is that I always try to be accepted. Ever since I can remember I always tried my best at everything, always tried to be cool, to be the best or at least one of the best at every single thing from sports to drawing... because I thought if people like me, I'll have an easier life. So basically I have a mindset of a child. Always wanting what I don't have. But that sh#t never works (cuz when something doesn't work out I'm very ashamed and I put extereme and unnecessary pressure on me [words of my psychologist]), so I need a change.

And I found it. In self-actualization. I've never been happier and I've never found more beauty in this world than when I was meditating daily for 3 weeks straight. I've even found a whole new purpouse for improving myself. I no longer do it for appreciation but just because I like it. That said.. I've developed some addictions along the way and  I think they have little something to do with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You see.. my social life is pretty much non-existing. It's been like that for more than a decade now. Results? I always tend to waste time just to waste time, procrastinate, brag and evade my problems. And I just can't live this way no more. I'm stuck. I wake up every single day and say to myself: "This is it, the new beggining. Today I'll work towards my dreams. Today I'll do the things I wanna do!" But, aside from working-out, I never will. I just can't get myself to do the things I love. I can't get myself to meditate, work on music, go to the nature, or sometimes even work out. I just keep on wasting time on the internet, watching youtube, porn, movies, other peoples lives and so on. I lay down on my bed and listen to music while imaginig the future, living life like I want. I'm addicted to wasting time. And sometimes I can get myself to medite, write text etc., but it never lasts more than a month. It's like a never-ending cycle. The psychologist didn't help me much but maybe sharing it here will.

Lastly, I'd like to tell you what I want at the moment. I wanna live like I'm feeling that I live, experience passion, love, hate etc. Experience as much as possible. Go to as many places I can, get to know as many people I can and share love through music with as many I can. Make no mistake, one day I'll live this way, and when I do, I'll be ready to look for the true happines, for the truth.

Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

PS: If you found any grammar mistakes.. well... I-uhm.. english ain't my mother tongue, so suck it.

 

You may be trying to change too much at once. Start with one small change, then stick with in for a month to set the habit. Then make another small change. Over the course of 12 months, that's 12 habit changes. This effect will really begin to snowball. But don't pick more than one at a time. It will just feed into your paralysis.

[philosogi]

1 hour ago, JaroslavtotheT said:

Philosogi, the first would be something really manageble the mountains nearby my home. Problem with that is that I don't wanna go alone due to bears... many many bears. I tried to find some companion who would go with me, but seems like the whole summer isn't enough to find one. I'd love to travel across my country by train, but once again, I don't have the balls to go alone. But I'm still trying to find someone.. so who knows.

@JaroslavtotheT Like, freight train hopping? Or purchased train tickets? Good luck finding a traveling companion! How are you going about doing that? 

[Beam]

The ego has a answer for everything and nothing all at the same time , its a know it all with little  knowledge other then to use fear and the unknown to keep you in your current place.

If one thinks he is ahead of the game , or has figured it out in record time ,  its a sign the ego is making the progress up with little real gains being had.

Until the inner self is happy / healthy ( me included) we are at the mercy of our ego's deluded outlook of self , which subsequently causes us to live outside of reality.
People can spot others ego's but do not notice their own until they study on it  , despite how obvious it can be to others.

It will also cause you to be afraid of change and changing and try its hardest to keep you away from others as it thrives on separation from others.  Its a natural part of ourselves that could stand to be educated but can only be educated from the inside out.

my take on it is - First we have to fix our minds useless thinking and improve our self image , then the ego will fall inline with our thinking and start working for us instead of against us.

 

 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2016 by Beam

[Matthew Lamot]

12 minutes ago, Beam said:

The ego has a answer for everything and nothing all at the same time , its a know it all with little  knowledge other then to use fear and the unknown to keep you in your current place.

If one thinks he is ahead of the game , or has figured it out in record time ,  its a sign the ego is making the progress up with little real gains being had.

Until the inner self is happy / healthy ( me included) we are at the mercy of our ego's deluded outlook of self , which subsequently causes us to live outside of reality.
People can spot others ego's but do not notice their own until they study on it  , despite how obvious it can be to others.

It will also cause you to be afraid of change and changing and try its hardest to keep you away from others as it thrives on separation from others.  Its a natural part of ourselves that could stand to be educated but can only be educated from the inside out.

my take on it is - First we have to fix our minds useless thinking and improve our self image , then the ego will fall inline with our thinking and start working for us instead of against us.

 

 

 

 

This is nonsense.

A) You dont know that the watcher is already whole, complete, non dual, limetless.  So this is bullshit numero 1

B) The ego will get better once permanent disidentification has happened, no need to do anything.  Just get a satvic mind and let the self inquiry continue.

C) When a person can deconstruct your ego with real and accurate insight, it can be said they are further along on the path than you.  But ultimately you want a teacher to do that for you to protect you from people laying their trip on you, newbies who know nothing except what they learned in a youtube video.

D) The ego is not going to work for you, this is another bullshit fallacy, the ego actually just does what it is programmed to do until Iswara has done its dirty deed with it and you have paid your karmic dues.

[Beam]

A ego driven person will put his insight above others and believe no one except his/her own ego.

The size of ones ego is directly related to how he treats others or more so how he does not consider others only himself. Its the classic trap that weak willed people fall into , ME ME ME and screw everyone else cause I'm the shit.. oh how easy it is to spot.

[Matthew Lamot]

56 minutes ago, Beam said:

A ego driven person will put his insight above others and believe no one except his/her own ego.

Yes this is true.  But you are putting your insights above the truth, and when somebody says its bullshit you get butthurt an post emotionally hurt nonsese based on what you saw on a youtube video.

Thats ego, because you still believe you are your insights, and not the observer, so when you believe you are your insights what else is there than to be butthurt about it?

Vadanta is 100% accruate analysis of reality, if you want to know what the ego is, and what the real self is then you must study Vedanta and stop making up your own version of what the ego is and getting butthurt because somebody does not agree with it.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Matthew Lamot

[Beam]

Whooosh ,  right over your head , wake up man and read over your posts they are very  disturbing  , you should be much more open minded if you hope to fix your unappealing self.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Beam

[Matthew Lamot]

Just now, Beam said:

Whooosh right over your head !

Are you attempting to call my ego out with your butthurt psycho-emotional over reaction?

Study Vedanta, and understand what the ego is.  The ego is programming that is created by identifying with your thoughts, feelings, perceptions and experiences.

The inner self is the observer, already whole, already non dual and limitless.

This is the teaching, and misleading yourself and others is just lies dependent on your butthurt-ness.

Click on the link below and discover what Vedanta says about reality, rather than making it up as you go along and then getting butthurt because somebody says its not accurate.  Its nothing to do with "me" its to do with you not misleading people with your nonsesne.

[Matthew Lamot]

7 minutes ago, Beam said:

Whooosh ,  right over your head , wake up man and read over your posts they are very  disturbing  , you should be much more open minded if you hope to fix your unappealing self.

This is nothing but manipulation and mind games.  You are asking me to change because I dont fit into your model of what a person should be.  If you were actually aware of "ego" you would understand that this is nothing but a form of social mindgame and emotional reasoning.

Leave the personal stuff out of it and concentrate on the teaching.  That is what youre here for, to not be a guy with preferences but to develop what the tradition calls a sattivc mind free of personal preferences that is able to self inquire.

 

[Beam]

News flash :  Vendanta is bullshit and your NOT being any type of a good example of anything to anyone. rude mfer

Edited August 22, 2016 by Beam

[Matthew Lamot]

16 minutes ago, Beam said:

News flash :  Vendanta is bullshit and your NOT being any type of a good example of anything to anyone. rude mfer

Right, so Vedanta is bullshit, and your version of the ego and inner self is the correct one?

Thanks, I'll start taking notes! lol

And this is not playschool, Im not here to be an example to anything, Im not a door to door salesman looking for a sale.  Again, you are trying to manipulate me into being something you need in order to convince you that you should take up Vedanta.

You are not ready for Vedanta, and this is not about you.  Its about me making a point that the New Age attracts people who need role models to convince them to think a certain way.  This is what the New Age attracts, this kind of thinking and level of reasoning.

C'mon man, do you really think you can speak of ego when you really dont know?  You must learn intellectually first, and then experience the ego by observing the correct teachings rather than making up your own, calling Vedanta bullshit and getting all butthurt because I'm not being enough "Jehovas witness" for you

Edited August 22, 2016 by Matthew Lamot

[Beam]

The precious vandanta you speak of has made you nothing but obnoxious and off balanced.

You need to start working on yourself and throw that idiotic vandanta theory in the trash , its not helping you its hurting you.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Beam

[Matthew Lamot]

3 minutes ago, Beam said:

The precious vandenta you speak of has made you nothing but obnoxious and off balanced.

You need to start working on yourself and throw that idiotic vandenta theory in the trash , its not helping you its hurting you.

What would make me obnoxious is if I were not interested in serving the needs of my environment.  This environment here is too needy for me, and have not taken kindly to my offering.  Instead people like yourself have made it into a ego gratification thing where you let your butt hurt ego get in the way of good advice.

If I were a kiddie fiddler, I might be inclined to take your advice.

But I'm not, I'm here posting, doing what others are doing in my way.  There are people who dont have a problem with it, so I can only assume those that do that it's not about me, but rather about you and your needs based on your distorted patterns of thinking.

I've been working on myself for years man, this is why I can spot a sick ego.  What, you think I read this in a book and I'm just parroting it on here? 

Im here to offer insight for people who are serious about Liberation and dont just want to enter into a game of poke their own reflection.

Nothing you have said so far about me has been accurate.  So I can only assume that it is you who need to do the work and stop believing your thoughts too much.

Is that helpful?  Because I feel my advice might be too advance for you.  Next to apologizing to you for something I have not even done, I cant think of anything else that will help you.  I've given you all I have, and that is a shit load of advice, practices, feedback and links to goldmine sites.  You should be like a kid in a sweetshop lol

[Beam]

Of course you won't take my advice will you , you have a bent mission to share your nasty personality with people trying to better themselves.
 

Thanks for sharing your hateful attitude , what a maroon !

[Matthew Lamot]

2 minutes ago, Beam said:

Of course you won't take my advice will you , you have a bent mission to share your nasty personality with people trying to better themselves.
 

Thanks for sharing your hateful attitude , what a maroon !

?

This is absurd.