Paradigm Journey

[Chew211]

8/20

 

This is my first Self-Actualization Journal Entry.

 

How I got started on my Self-Actualization Journey is a whole ‘nother story. A fun one, definitely one I would like to write about, but irrelevant for this entry.

 

Recently, I had turned 20, and a week later, in the middle of the night, I felt a DEEP DARK FEAR of DEATH. Mainly just try to grasp oblivion,trying to grasp no longer existing. As time went on, I started to notice how much of my life I had been wasting, and I also see so many people wasting it around me. Now this sort downhill mood went away after being strongly present for a week, and then made its comeback every two weeks or so, and then goes away. It was like a mid-life crisis that would recur a little every once in awhile.

 

Today, I decided to commit the the lifelong study of self mastery. I’ve seen a few of Leo’s videos before, and thought the concepts were cool, but I never seriously applied them, nor took any notes, nor integrated it with my overall strategy for life (and at the moment I don’t even have a really developed strategy of life either). But this weekend, I was triggered to take Self-Actualization seriously, and today I made a commitment. I’ve already taken notes on several videos, and today I will strategize to apply them on a daily basis. I know it’s going to be difficult, I also know I don’t know the magnitude of the difficulties yet, I have an idea, but I’m sure I’m greatly underestimating... after all, I’m facing the toughest opponent ever, my ego, my existence, ME.

 

Where am I on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Or rather, what am I lacking on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

 

Physiological Needs - In my physiological needs, I am lacking sex. I’m as virgin as olive oil. This honestly doesn’t really bother me, but I occasionally turn to porn, and I masturbate regularly. I don’t really see a problem with porn and masturbation, however, I’m thinking I might want to cut porn simply because it is a waste of time, as it doesn’t really raise my consciousness or anything. Do I want sex in my life? Yes. But it doesn’t bother me that I don’t have it, hence I’m not working towards getting that in my life.

 

Now some would put sex as a part of a love and belongingness, and I would agree with them. That’s why I’m going to write it down twice, but a different aspect of that “need” not being met.

 

Safety Needs - All my Safety Needs are met. I’m currently a college student. I will be living in an apartment, and when I’m not at college, I am back at home. My parents pay for my college and for my living expenses at the moment. This means my Safety Needs are met until I try to tackle living completely on my own. So I wouldn’t consider my Safety Needs permanently met, but they are completely fulfilled for now.

 

Belongingness and Love Needs - I have great friends, friends that I can talk to about anything, though none of them are Self-Actualizing, nor are they even on the path of self mastery. So, at times, I feel alone. I do want to help my friends and family get on this path, hell, I might even want to help the whole world get on this path (I’ll get to that later when I talk about my life purpose), but I don’t feel I can do that until I myself am seriously on track with this. I think I’m better off focusing on my own development, and producing results, so those closest to me can see it, and do it for themselves.

 

I don’t have any romantic or sexual relationships, nor have I ever had any. This was  a big problem for me during my teen years, but as my teen years came to an end, this didn’t bother me too much. My attitude towards this is that I’ll find the right person as I develop into my authentic self. Do I want a romantic relationship that would grow me and the other person? Where we both could explore our sexuality together? Where we both transcend together? (After all, there really is no ME and HER, we’re all one, but to discover that together, aw man, I would LOVE that). Yes, I would like that. Right now though, there’s no one in particular I’m interested in.

 

Esteem Needs - Oh boy. This entire goddamn level could be missing for me I don’t have financial independence. I haven’t gone far into my life purpose, hell, I just started. And even that, I can’t say I TRULY KNOW my life purpose. I could find out I’m wrong. But that’s why I really want to be sure. Once I have figured out my life purpose for sure, then I could go hardcore without doubt in the back of my mind.  

 

Self Actualization - Ok, I barely have shit here, so I’ll talk about what I DO have. It’s very little, but a daily meditation habit, that I actually started after watching Leo’s video on meditation back in March (when I first discovered him). Only for the last 60 days have I done it consistently daily, before bed. I hope this adds up over time.

 

Self Transcendance - Yeah, no.

 

What am I to do to permanently plug in those holes in my swiss cheese of a hierarchy? Well I will strategize more on that later (I know, procrastination, sue me), but I believe I gota develop a good systematic approach, and I don’t have that yet. However, a big thing TO fill in these holes would be life purpose.

 

What is my life purpose? Or rather my understanding of it right now?

 

Here’s a long drawn out answer: I’m a writer. I write stories. I have a small company (no money at all coming in, but that’s what I want to grow). My passion is writing stories. All my stories, I recently discovered, I am writing to raise awareness to those reading it (and to myself as I write it). All my stories, though different characters, time period, and genre, are all about the same thing, what that thing is, hard to put into words. I intellectually knew from a young age that all there is, is NOTHING. I intellectually knew that everything is an illusion, and that’s what all my stories is focused around, though each in different ways. I’d give you examples, but I’ll write them first AND THEN tell you guys about it  I want my company to release these stories, and I want to release them into many different mediums, not just novels and graphic novels, but also video games, animation, live action, etc.

 

In one of Leo’s videos, he said things like movies, stories, and video games are all chimpery, that all are designed for the lower consciousness. Though this is true for the majority of people, it’s really the manner in which you engage in consumption that matters. I believe that one could actually raise awareness by experiencing certain stories. And the way my stories are structured is that the main character(s) start from low consciousness and go to high consciousness. I want to develop the ability to tap into the reader’s emotions, so I can lead their consciousness upward, as the story progresses.

 

I guess in a way I want to lay a trap, but unlike most traps society places for us, this is meant to expose the readers to a different paradigm than the predominant paradigm most people live in (hell, even I live in it most of the time).

 

So with this journal I will keep track of my development, keep track of my self-experimenting. Every week, I will focus on a concept of one of Leo’s videos.

 

This week I am focusing on the concept of the “How you Lie” Video. I am wearing a yellow rubber band on my wrist, and everytime I look at it, I remember to stay vigilant of my ego’s self agenda. Right now I’m focusing on noticing when I lie, the truly difficult task of destroying my self image must later be strategized, so that it can be done gradually. After all, gradual self improvement is what I committed to, emphasis on gradual.

 

Now as I begin, I must take note of my weaknesses. For one I can fall into laziness. At the moment I’m more neurotically motivated than positively motivated. I am still moralizing. And I sometimes take what Leo says as Black and White, and I think I’m too much influenced by him. Although I intuitively know what he’s saying is true, I believe I still ought to be critical before accepting it.

 

Well, this is all for my first entry.

 

I’ll commit to writing here to keep myself accountable... I know that at this point I’m in danger of slipping into laziness.

Thank you @Leo Gura for the work you do, and for constructing this forum. Thank you also for triggering/bullying/harassing/kicking my ass to get me started on this journey. 

- Varun 

Edited August 21, 2016 by Chew211

[Chew211]

8/21

Today feels like a shit day. I feel doubt, I feel anxiety in the back of my head, I feel a mild weight on my heart. I did some of my work today, which was write a blog post and correct typos on a chapter of my graphic novel, but the work was slow, and honestly not fulfilling (don’t get me wrong, I love writing my stories. If anything, I believe that writing stories is my life purpose, but I guess it was the mood I was in today). I took a two and a half hour nap in the middle of my work, as I woke up rather early today for some reason. I feel concerned about my family, my parents and my brother, I want them to be on the path of self-actualization, I don’t want them to have an unfulfilling life. I see my dad, working his usual job, not spending much time doing self-development work, my mom gets pissed off at little insignificant things, and my little brother is very lazy, and doesn’t have passion in anything. I see them all eating unhealthy, and not growing themselves. I don’t want them to die regretting anything. I don’t want them to get sick, but given the way they are living right now, it might happen years down the road. It honestly sadness me, I’m tearing up as I’m writing this. And the thing is I know that if I tried pushing them in the direction of self-actualization, it wouldn’t work, especially because I myself haven’t really started. And I can’t just ignore everything and pretend it doesn’t bother me, that would just be lying to myself. I guess all of these are neurosis.

I remember the Elliott Hulse saying: “The best thing that you can do for others is becoming the strongest version of yourself.”

I know that I must be well on this path to bring those closest to me on the path... and I know I can’t make them go on the path, they have to do it themselves, after all, it is their own path.

And I do realize that all this is not unconditional love. This is all fear-based. This is my mind focusing on what I don’t want.

I feel paralyzed, unmotivated to do anything, and at the same time, I’m not going to give into watching t.v. or reading a manga I was planning on reading, because if I did those now, it would be an escape. I personally think that entertainment, in moderation, is not bad. As long as I don’t spend over an hour everyday (though I still need to cut down).

Right now, I don’t know what to do. I know what I “should” do. I “should” strategize.

Right now I’m listening to this on loop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBe6zDfL_ao

I want to get to the root of this sadness/fear deep down.

I also know that when feeling come to me, it’s best to express them. I’m somewhat doing it through this post, and I’m doing it also by letting out the tears. But I’m honestly holding them back a little so no one else in the house can hear (currently at parent’s house, will head to apartment when semester starts on Tuesday).

---

I'm starting to feel better right now, especially after reading a reply to a thread by Emerald Wilkins:

“If you want clarity, don't consult your mind, consult your emotions.

If it feels right to you to pursue novel-writing then pursue it. Don't worry about the "chimp-game". That's just an idea and will be a stumbling block to authenticity and fulfillment if taken too seriously. I have a feeling that you really love novel writing, just from reading your message. Remember "low consciousness" "chimp-game" and all these other things are just value judgements and labels that only exist within the mind. Meaning is highly subjective, so you could literally try to sort everything in your reality into blacks and whites like "high consciousness/low consciousness" "wise/unwise" "good/bad" etc. But all these labels are false. The reality of the matter is that nothing "means" anything until you make it mean that.

So, let your emotions guide you. Also, watch out for judgments in general. So, if you find yourself judging people for being "low-consciousness" or engaging in "low-consciousness" behavior. Then you congratulate yourself for not engaging in these behaviors. Then, this type of judgement and reward system in your mind will tie your hands and keep you in a very narrow boundary. Because you'll get emotional rewards from a contraction of possibility and not an expansion of possibility, and life will become like walking through cement. I'm not sure if you're doing this, but I know that I have in the past. So, I figured I'd give you this caveat.”

Thank you @Emerald Wilkins, even though this reply wasn't for me, it helped me a lot, as I was feeling doubtful after watching two of Leo's videos, one of which he pointed out most entertainment is part of the "chimp game." But this comment triggered me to re-ground myself. It's important to heed what Emerald said because not only will it prevent me from worrying about judgments, but it will also let me be more open minded about others, as I do not need to fear what they say. 

I put out a post to find other entertainment/story creators on this site, others who have a similar life purpose to me, and are on the path to self-actualizing. 

This is all for now, I might make a post tonight about a plan, my plan and strategy to make gradual progress. 

- Varun
 

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, Chew211 said:

8/21

Today feels like a shit day. I feel doubt, I feel anxiety in the back of my head, I feel a mild weight on my heart. I did some of my work today, which was write a blog post and correct typos on a chapter of my graphic novel, but the work was slow, and honestly not fulfilling (don’t get me wrong, I love writing my stories. If anything, I believe that writing stories is my life purpose, but I guess it was the mood I was in today). I took a two and a half hour nap in the middle of my work, as I woke up rather early today for some reason. I feel concerned about my family, my parents and my brother, I want them to be on the path of self-actualization, I don’t want them to have an unfulfilling life. I see my dad, working his usual job, not spending much time doing self-development work, my mom gets pissed off at little insignificant things, and my little brother is very lazy, and doesn’t have passion in anything. I see them all eating unhealthy, and not growing themselves. I don’t want them to die regretting anything. I don’t want them to get sick, but given the way they are living right now, it might happen years down the road. It honestly sadness me, I’m tearing up as I’m writing this. And the thing is I know that if I tried pushing them in the direction of self-actualization, it wouldn’t work, especially because I myself haven’t really started. And I can’t just ignore everything and pretend it doesn’t bother me, that would just be lying to myself. I guess all of these are neurosis.

I remember the Elliott Hulse saying: “The best thing that you can do for others is becoming the strongest version of yourself.”

I know that I must be well on this path to bring those closest to me on the path... and I know I can’t make them go on the path, they have to do it themselves, after all, it is their own path.

And I do realize that all this is not unconditional love. This is all fear-based. This is my mind focusing on what I don’t want.

I feel paralyzed, unmotivated to do anything, and at the same time, I’m not going to give into watching t.v. or reading a manga I was planning on reading, because if I did those now, it would be an escape. I personally think that entertainment, in moderation, is not bad. As long as I don’t spend over an hour everyday (though I still need to cut down).

Right now, I don’t know what to do. I know what I “should” do. I “should” strategize.

Right now I’m listening to this on loop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBe6zDfL_ao

I want to get to the root of this sadness/fear deep down.

I also know that when feeling come to me, it’s best to express them. I’m somewhat doing it through this post, and I’m doing it also by letting out the tears. But I’m honestly holding them back a little so no one else in the house can hear (currently at parent’s house, will head to apartment when semester starts on Tuesday).

---

I'm starting to feel better right now, especially after reading a reply to a thread by Emerald Wilkins:

“If you want clarity, don't consult your mind, consult your emotions.

If it feels right to you to pursue novel-writing then pursue it. Don't worry about the "chimp-game". That's just an idea and will be a stumbling block to authenticity and fulfillment if taken too seriously. I have a feeling that you really love novel writing, just from reading your message. Remember "low consciousness" "chimp-game" and all these other things are just value judgements and labels that only exist within the mind. Meaning is highly subjective, so you could literally try to sort everything in your reality into blacks and whites like "high consciousness/low consciousness" "wise/unwise" "good/bad" etc. But all these labels are false. The reality of the matter is that nothing "means" anything until you make it mean that.

So, let your emotions guide you. Also, watch out for judgments in general. So, if you find yourself judging people for being "low-consciousness" or engaging in "low-consciousness" behavior. Then you congratulate yourself for not engaging in these behaviors. Then, this type of judgement and reward system in your mind will tie your hands and keep you in a very narrow boundary. Because you'll get emotional rewards from a contraction of possibility and not an expansion of possibility, and life will become like walking through cement. I'm not sure if you're doing this, but I know that I have in the past. So, I figured I'd give you this caveat.”

Thank you @Emerald Wilkins, even though this reply wasn't for me, it helped me a lot, as I was feeling doubtful after watching two of Leo's videos, one of which he pointed out most entertainment is part of the "chimp game." But this comment triggered me to re-ground myself. It's important to heed what Emerald said because not only will it prevent me from worrying about judgments, but it will also let me be more open minded about others, as I do not need to fear what they say. 

I put out a post to find other entertainment/story creators on this site, others who have a similar life purpose to me, and are on the path to self-actualizing. 

This is all for now, I might make a post tonight about a plan, my plan and strategy to make gradual progress. 

- Varun
 

I'm glad this was helpful. For me, this is a trap I've fallen into many times after my glimpses of enlightenment. I have a video about the differences between ego repression and ego transcendence. I'll PM it to you. Best of luck on your journey.

[Chew211]

@Emerald Wilkins

Thank you for the video  . The insight in the video has changed how I will go about strategizing my self-development. I think the video is a must watch for those seeking enlightenment, not only would it make us aware of potential pitfalls, but also emphasizes self-acceptance, allowing, and mindfulness, which I think might be the pillars of reaching enlightenment.

 

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Chew211 said:

@Emerald Wilkins

Thank you for the video  . The insight in the video has changed how I will go about strategizing my self-development. I think the video is a must watch for those seeking enlightenment, not only would it make us aware of potential pitfalls, but also emphasizes self-acceptance, allowing, and mindfulness, which I think might be the pillars of reaching enlightenment.

 

You're welcome and thank you! 

[Chew211]

8/22

 

I took a few wrong steps in this Paradigm Journey. Luckily I was given insight to a mistake I was making. I am thankful for finding that insight as soon as I did on this journey, because I was making plans on heading down the wrong path.

 

I was heading down the path of Ego Suppression. Suppression is a form of resistance, and resistance is the opposite direction of Enlightenment, because it is not accepting reality as it is, in this case the part of reality I call “me” and “my ego.”

 

I don’t have to interfere with my ego (because that would just be more ego), instead, I will just merely mindfully observe the ego.

 

Now that that is out of the way, I shall now begin my planning!

 

What are the main areas of my life that I am actively developing? (Other than self-mastery)

 

Writing

My life purpose is to write stories. Nearly all of my stories (with the exception of a few pure comedy pieces) all are centered around the same theme, though each story has it’s own set of characters, it’s own tone, etc. All (except for the pure comedy pieces) are set in the same Universe.

All of the stories (with exception of the comedy pieces) will be constructed to raise the awareness of the people reading it

I want to move people emotionally

University

I’m a Cognitive Science Major. My focus is on human psychology. I want to understand human nature.

I also plan on minoring in creative writing

Japanese

I’m currently learning Japanese. The interest was triggered by anime and manga, and now the modern culture. There’s a story to how I became interested, but that’s a story for another post.

I will be studying abroad in Japan coming April.

I want to experience everyday life there, and I will be doing that, because I will be a student, not a tourist (though I do plan on seeing the sights )

I have general interest in languages and learning them.

My Company

I have a company, it’s official now, but we don’t have any money coming in

I want to publish my stories, and other stories with this company

Later I want to do things in other mediums, such a video games, films, and animation

Body/Health

During school, I go to the gym regularly

I also do bioenergetics to release trapped emotions in my body

I try my best to eat healthy

Blogs and Vlogs

I want to share my human experience to the world

Express myself in a nonfiction way

I haven’t really started on this goal very much

 

^ I don’t much care about having things in neat numbers like 3, 5, or 10, but it seemed to work out here

 

Here’s my overall goals in life:

Write all the stories I have planned

I’ll have a specific list later (I already have it, and it grows sometimes, but I won’t post it here, because it’s not necessary to)

Release my stories in different mediums. Do all the projects I have planned

I have ideas of video games. I have ideas of stories I want to animate, shoot as a film or T.V. show. On top of novels, I’m also working on a manga/graphic novel series.

Grow my company to be able to release all those things. To release stories that are uncensored and not watered down.

Become fluent in Japanese, and all the other languages I want to learn. Make connections from all around the world.

Build up my body to be strong, both physically and physiologically. Maintain the best health I can.

I want to connect with and empower those around me.

 

Leo did say that goals could be made bigger, like 100x bigger than we are making it now. I would say that doing everything I want to do will take a lot of money, and working with a lot of people, and is no easy task. It would be a lot of  hard work, a lot of results making, a lot of leadership, a lot of connecting with other people, and lot of inspiring other people, a lot of helping others. It’s good to know that I am capable of accomplishing a 100x more than what I am setting out to do. And perhaps I will push myself further. Or perhaps as I go on, life might lead me in an unforeseen direction.

 

Now that I have laid out my areas of life I’m currently developing, and my overall life goals, I can begin strategizing my self-mastery.

 

Now, for the last three days I’ve gone off my usual schedule due to the turmoil caused by ego suppression... but I had a schedule and a few routines. For example: Bioenergetics in the morning, Daily Kanji Review, Daily Writing Session, and Daily Meditation.

 

I think throughout the day it’s good to have a few scheduled things, and the rest be unscheduled, during which anything can happen.

 

So step 1 of my strategy is to decide what I want to do in a scheduled fashion. Things I schedule would be things I would need to do for regular growth in the fields of my life that I am working on, self-mastery, reflection, and alone time.These schedules can, and will be modified, especially as I find more effective things to do. The normal everyday schedule will not be possible to do everyday, it is important that I do not get neurotic about my everyday schedule, as being stuck to one thing can make me very narrow minded, and doing the same routine every single day can put me in a comfort zone. I also will need to keep in mind that this schedule is fluid, new habits will take time to develop, and old habits might be replaced by new ones.

 

Step 2 would be to anticipate my downfalls, take into account my weaknesses, and then figure out how I can transcend those. This step would include creating things that would motivate me, keep me going, keep me reminded of my authenticity, keep me grounded.

 

Step 3 would be to make sure to keep the unstructured time as unstructured as possible. Some of the unstructured time will be temporarily structured if there’s a particular thing that needs to be done (such as search for an appartment, finish a big-ass assignment for a class, work on my Study Abroad application).

 

Step 4 would be regularly check in on myself. Also to adjust the strategy. A strategy is something that is fluid, not set. I will make adjustments on my strategy when needed, I will re-evaluate it every week or so.

 

Step 5 would be picking a concept to work on each week. For example, with this first week, I am using the concept in the “How You Lie” video. I am wearing a rubber band on my wrist to remind myself of the self agenda. This week I also learned that my job isn’t to interfere with the ego’s self agenda by preventing anything, but rather just be aware, accepting, and observant of it.

 

My Strategy (as of 8/22):

 

Structured Activities

Bioenergetics (Daily)

Kanji (Daily)

iTalki response + learning new words (Daily) (Needs to be developed)

Meditation 20min (Daily)

Gym (3-4 days a week)(Needs to be developed) (This particular activity needs to be strategized. I will be working with Elliott Hulse’s Hybrid Power Program) (I will start this once the semester starts again, which will be this Wednesday 8/24).

Japanese Tutor (1hr, once a week)

Japanese Review (once a week, for 1-2 hours) (Needs to be Developed)

Weekly meeting with my company (Weekly)

 

Weaknesses

Distracted by Social Media

Drains time, diverts focus

Doubt

Usual neurosis

Ego Suppression

Lack of practice in the habits I want to start

Sometimes I get pulled down into darkness

Feeling doubt, fear of death, etc

 

Countering weaknesses

Develop affirmations

Develop empowering routines

Develop emergency activities

Such as separating myself and work on surrendering to those feelings

Analyze weakness when they do happen, take notes on it, find root cause

 

Unstructured Time

Work on not looking at a screen for more than 15 seconds when not intentionally entertaining myself

First step is to be aware of my distraction. That’s where the emphasis is, not on the pulling away, but the noticing.

Try to find activities that I don’t have to do daily, for example, if there’s something that would be better time and effort wise I can do once every 2 days instead

Stay vigilant for company tasks

 

Check-in

Seeing as I am starting out, there’s nothing to check in here, just getting ready for the first run. I will say that weekly strategy development would be best done on Sundays.

 

Concepts to Focus on This Week

Ego’s Self Agenda - watching out for lies

Secondary focus: self-acceptance/ego-acceptance/unconditional love exercise

 

Habits to Focus On

Daily Writing Session

I’m not writing as much as I would like. I want to make it a daily thing, that way I can make progress

Weekly Japanese Review before Tutor

This should be easy to do because I can schedule to do it ahead of time

Gym

Maybe this week study the Hybrid Power Program, and start implementing it next week.

That’s all for today’s post. Today I will not be doing all my daily stuff, just the essentials, such as Meditation. Instead I will be catching up on some stuff. Hell, I might even take some time to relax today Pretty much leaving today most unstructured.

 

^ BTW, the strategy isn’t the stuff listed, but it’s the way I’m going about it. There’s so much possibility for change. I will keep this fluid.

 

- Varun

[Chew211]

8/23

 

Today I will be heading back to the town where my college is. I will be living in the front room of the house I stayed for the summer session with my friend, and another person who will be living with me and my two friends in our new apartment, which we’ll move into 9/24.

 

I had a lot of energy today, felt a lot of flow and enjoyment as I got work done for my company and caught up on the kanji reviews that I had missed.

 

I also showed my dad the audio for one of Leo’s episodes. He is happy I’m listening to stuff like this, and he said he’ll be checking stuff out too :). This makes me happy because I would like my family to improve.

 

One important thing I did yesterday was let go of trying to get to enlightenment. To not even concern myself with enlightenment. To instead focus on developing all the area of my life, emotional mastery, and observing the ego... and also unconditionally accepting and appreciating everything when I can.

I am also enjoying this forum, interacting with the people here, sharing my human experience with others.

[Chew211]

8/24

 

Last night, I return back to the town where my college is, and went to the house I was staying at over the summer. My friend and I will have to stay here until we can find an apartment. Due to a series of bad luck, we’re back to square one, and have to find a place, which is really hard to do at this point. I didn’t get much sleep last night, because my friend and I have to be in the front room of the house, and there was really fucking loud music playing in the hall for a good hour. I’m on campus right now, I woke up a 6:30 (4-5 hours of sleep), don’t have classes yet today, but just thought I’d do work.

 

I brought all my toiletries on campus, put them in a day locker, and showered in the locker rooms next to the gym.

 

^ Despite the shitty situation I’m in, there are something I am feeling positive about. This year, despite this shitty start, can very well be an AWESOME FANTASTIC YEAR

 

All the classes I will be taking this year are relevant to my interest. My company is being more active and we’re putting out more content, I’m learning stuff of my other interest, and I’m also going to be doing a lot of self-improvement work.

 

Today I watched Leo’s latest video on the Paradox of Trust, I really liked it, and I will take extensive notes on it and keep it in mind. It seems to be one of the most important videos of his I’ve seen so far.

 

Realistically I am not implementing my full strategy (rather I  must adjust it for the current situation).

 

Right now the main focus in my Unstructured Time is to find an apartment for my friend and me. This made me realize that my structured time is contingent on my unstructured time, not the other way around.

 

Also given my certain situation, I’ve decided to focus on the concept of the “How to Deal with Negative Emotions” video this week instead of the “Ways You Lie.” Feeling out my emotions I feel will save a lot more energy than resisting them, energy that I don’t want to waste on resistance because I want it for more constructive things.

[Chew211]

8/24 (post 2)

So right now as I am figuring things out, I know that Thursday is the day where I’m going to focus a lot of Japanese. My last class that day ends at 11:45 so I will schedule the tutoring session to be from 5 - 6. In between my last class and tutoring session I will write down notes from last lesson. I will also have time to do gym in between that time too. Because Thursdays will have a lot of Japanese related Structured Activities, I will also use the unstructured time of Thursdays to look over my Study Abroad stuff and make plans to get all that in order, as there will be due dates and tasks I will have to complete.

 

This Thursday I will make a whole planning document to organize all my Study Abroad stuff.

 

I’m thinking for Friday’s I would leave a lot of unstructured time after noon. Mainly because some Fridays I will be heading back home for the weekend or holiday. If I’m not heading back home, I will use Friday to socialize with friends, or spend time by myself, whatever it is I feel like doing.

During the weekend it will be mostly unstructured time, where I’ll deal with homework. Structured time over the weekend will be to reflect on the week, do daily practices, strategize, and also set up for the week.

[Chew211]

8/25

Today learned about the Graves Model. Really interesting stuff. I want to learn about it more in depth.

[Chew211]

8/26

Had a conversation with a friend of mine I hadn't talked to in a few months. I will talk about the conversation later. For some reason I am stuck listening to Leo's videos For some reason I'm just sitting here, sucking up info, not even applying, because I'm too busy just listening. 

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Alright now I have weaned off  

Off to do something productive

 

[Chew211]

8/27

Overall this week went fairly well, despite having to do things like shower and laundry on campus while living in the front room of the house we’re currently staying at. Though I didn’t quite apply the strategy very well, which is fine, because like I said, I knew this week was not going to be optimal.

 

However, this appartment issue is continuing, so I have to start pushing to get things done despite the discomfort, which will only make things easier once everything does get comfortable.

 

This week, the videos that stood out the most to me were the Paradox of Self Trust, and the video about the Graves Model. I’m starting to see a lot of things through the lense of the Grave model and it makes sense.

 

At first I thought of myself of a split between Orange and Green, but further self-analyzing revealed to me that there’s a chunk of me that’s still in stage blue. The parts of me in stage blue I’m have been trying to short circuit into stage green, but I can’t do that. I figure that to move certain Dogmatisms from blue to orange the mindset should change from “Everyone should be like this!” to “It doesn’t matter if other people are like this, because I will benefit greatly from being like this.” Pretty much to move parts of me that are blue to orange, I will lose the idea of greater good.

 

^ Anyway that’s a summary. Overall, I could use a lot of work on the strategy.

 

I find one of my main weakness is the amount of time to kick into gear. Once I kick into gear I can get work done, but kicking into gear is what takes time, usually due to resistance I have from kicking into gear, which is probably due to distractions, falling into homeostasis of comfort, etc.

 

Another thing is that I haven’t been focusing on one concept as much as I should have, instead I listen to 2 or 3 of Leo’s videos everyday. I guess that in itself is not bad, to get information, but I need to apply it to see benefit, and I need to start small. For some reason I don’t seem to want to start small, I want to apply so many changes immediately, but I know if I do that I would easily fall back, because I need changes to solidify to be sustainable.

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Tomorrow I will go in depth into strategy review and construction. Today I will talk about some ideas I have that I want to implement, in particular Visualization and Ruthless Effectiveness for each area of my life.

 

I find that Visualization I can implement rather easily. I’ve already been meditating since April, and though at the time I missed a few days for the last 75 days or so I haven’t missed a day; Visualization looks pretty much the same, setting aside 20 minutes to sit and do something. The only thing is that I don’t know what in particular I want to visualize, mostly because there’s SO many different ideas I have.

 

The Ruthless Effectiveness practice on the other hand I know which fields I want to be effective at, but the only problem is that I don’t know which one I want to prioritize.

 

^  I would slowly build up to being able to visualize everything and get Ruthlessly Effective at everything I want to be effective at, but right now I have to find a starting point, focus on that, and really solidify it.

 

Areas where I want to be Ruthlessly Effective:

Writing and Creating Content

I want to write more and get a lot more done.

I already know how to do it, I just need to do Step 3. Which in this case would be committing to writing for uninterrupted 1 hour sessions.

Japanese

I want to speak and read Japanese fluently

This would be done by doing my daily Kanji practice (already set), working with my textbook, getting exposed to some Japanese medium where I can focus on listening or reading, AND doing my weekly tutoring session (already set).

Aka: Spending 1 hour, aside from Kanji practice, on Japanese.

 

^ I think this would be a good start. This would pretty mean that I would set aside 2 hours of my day. I feel that this might be hard to do, but NOT because I don’t have the time. My awareness during my times of distraction has confirmed I have MORE than enough time.

 

Another thing I want to be ruthlessly effective at is gym, increasing my physical power, mass, and general neuromuscular health. I’ve been gyming for a while, though it has been inconsistent and not as effective as it could be. That is why I bought Elliott Hulse’s Hybrid Muscle program. I need to actually implement it. My plan to do that is to build up my gym 3 days a week habit, and before gym, set sometime aside to prepare by watching the Hybrid Power Program, so I know exactly what to do that day. That’s going to take some time though, so first I will focus on setting habits for those two on top.

 

As for visualization, what should I visualize? There’s so much that comes to mind. One thing I could visualize is my “Ideal Self”, visualizing every detail of how I want to be, physically, mentally, what I want to have around me, the feeling I want to have, and my temperament. I could do the perfect morning exercise the Leo did in his example.

 

In order to do all that I need to optimize my time. I need to stop letting myself get distracted. There’s time for rest and relaxation, and hell, distraction cuts down on that too.

 

The visualization exercises, I will do them for five minutes before the activities. For example, do a writing visualization before my writing session, and language learning/fluency visualization before a Japanese learning session.

[Chew211]

8/28

 

Didn’t post this yesterday, but that’s because I was so busy yesterday getting so much done! I woke up yesterday, and immediately got to work, and I didn’t force myself to either, I just felt the natural drives and followed them. I got a lot of the menial chores done, and then I did a visualization before studying Japanese for an hour

 

The computer crashed like three times in a row, but I didn’t feel myself get angry or worried, I just went to reading the textbook while the computer booted up.

 

Once the computer booted up, I continued working with little to no distractions

 

After that, my roommate woke up, we went to the University. First we did gym, but this time we started a new program, so we spent like three hours figuring everything out

 

After that we went library to work. I spent the whole day working on company related stuff

 

My company is growing, and I’m excited to take on more responsibility, but in order to do that I need to cut down on time wasters.

 

Overall the day was awesome, I felt like I got so much done, though for every activity I did there was a problem that took like 2-3 hours, but for some reason it still felt like I was making good progress. I guess now that some of the problems are fixed, things are going to be EVEN MORE time effective.

 

My Strategy (as of 8/28):

 

Review of Last Week

 

Structured Activities:

In term of my structured activities  last week I did not do my daily bio-energizing in the morning or gym. I however did get prepared to do the Hybrid Power Program coming Tuesday so gym should be on track. My friend and I also committed to going EVERY Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, because Monday and Fridays are iffy, so we picked three days for sure we’ll be able to go, regardless of the type of three day weekend we might have.

 

Weaknesses:

I didn’t have a problem with ego suppression, doubt, or getting pulled into deep dark feelings. I did however have a problem with social media/distractions, but that started to improve yesterday

 

Lack of practice I realized, I realized this week, isn’t a weakness. It’s just something to get used to.

 

My usual neuroses were still there, but I’ve been having more meditative experiences so for the most part they don’t bother me, and when they do, I’m conscious that they are my neuroses. If I ever get a strong negative feeling, I just sit in place, close my eyes, and feel it out.

 

Countering Weaknesses:

I didn’t do any of that last week. On the bright side I was noticing the weaknesses, but I still let myself get affected by them.

 

Unstructured Time:

Was distracted by social media. I honestly need to be more aware, and cut it.

 

Structured Activities

 

Bioenergetics (Daily)

Kanji (Daily)

iTalki response + learning new words (Daily) (Needs to be developed)

Meditation 20min (Daily)

Gym (will do Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, following the Hybrid Power Program)

Japanese Tutor (1hr, once a week)

Japanese Review (once a week, for 1-2 hours)

Weekly meeting with my company (Weekly)

 

Weaknesses

 

Distracted by Social Media (THIS WEEK’S FOCUS)

Drains time, diverts focus

Doubt

Usual neurosis

Ego Suppression

Lack of practice in the habits I want to start

Sometimes I get pulled down into darkness

Feeling doubt, fear of death, etc

 

Countering weaknesses

 

Once I become aware that I am distracted, give myself 10 seconds, and then don’t look at phone/screen for 10 min

 

Unstructured Time

 

Make sure all my structured stuff is complete

 

Concepts to Focus on This Week

 

Visualization

 

Habits to Focus On

 

Daily Writing Session

I’m not writing as much as I would like. I want to make it a daily thing, that way I can make progress

Weekly Japanese Review before Tutor

This should be easy to do because I can schedule to do it ahead of time

Gym

Maybe this week study the Hybrid Power Program, and start implementing it next week.

 

[Chew211]

8/29

 

Got a new idea for a video game based off of a dream I had, my friend is the one who catalyzed me into thinking of it more, and finding more depth to it.

 

I won’t get into much detail here, but the game, if made, will be something that is very different for a video game, and there will likely be a lot of resistance from a lot of people. But that’s to worry about later, first to design the entire thing on a paper.

MAN, I NEED TO OPTIMIZE MY TIME TO GET MORE DONE. PARADOXICALLY, I HAVE TO DO THAT BY DOING LESS .... I LOVE IT

[Chew211]

8/30

 

So yesterday I watched Leo’s affirmation video in them morning. Later in the day I was talking to one person who was a part of my company (she edits my writing). We were talking about languages, and she told me that she used instinct more than rules to learn languages, and was able to quickly pick up Japanese, mostly from learning on her own (playing visual novels, listening to songs, etc).

 

Later when I thought about it, I noticed two things about her which made sense as to how she is so good at learning languages. One had to do with affirmations and the other had to do with a theory I came up with called “Resistance Free Learning.”

 

1. She says “I pick it up fast.” It sounds simple, but she has no limiting beliefs about learning languages, she doesn't say it’s difficult, she doesn’t say it’s a lot of work, rather, it’s something she says comes easy. To her subconscious mind (as well as her conscious mind) language IS easy to pick up on.

 

In order to boost my ability to pick up languages, I will do affirmations. Right now I believe that learning a language takes a lot of time. I’m also narrow minded when it comes to how I go about learning the languages that I am. Her confidence (it’s almost not even confidence, it’s just reality for her), and her open mindedness (instinct, not rules) allowed her to be a natural at languages. If I adopt that mindset, not only would I be able to learn all the languages I want to faster, but it would also be more enjoyable. If I take this general mindset to other areas of my

 

2. The way she was learning was Resistance Free, meaning that it was full focused on absorbing and using. There was no resistance about getting it right, no neuroticisms, instead, just an appreciation and full genuine interest. If I want to make leaps and bounds of progress, I need to drop a lot of my resistencies.

 

Overall, I don’t need to change what I’m doing right now, I just need to keep an open mind to other methods, an open mind about my skill level, and an open mind about easily picking up languages.

 

I haven’t started an Affirmation Practice, but I might make an affirmation to tell myself that I am a natural at learning languages, or a more general affirmation that would cover that and a lot more.

 

OVERALL (if that editor was here, she’d make a note of repetition here, lol), I want to reprogram my subconscious. I’ve already been doing that since I was young, but now do it consciously and take it to the next level.

 

[Chew211]

 

9/2

 

This week I’ve been having a lot of inspiration and drive. It’s like I suddenly have access to more creative resources. I can do more.

 

However, now I must concern myself with the strategic allocation of those resources so I can get specific projects done. Right now my resources are spread out, I want to focus them on a specific project at a time to finish those projects (which will also allow me to build up my macro momentum, thus giving me more resources).

My plan to do this is by focusing on a specific project every week, instead of splitting equal amount of time between ALL my projects every week. When I split everything equally in a short amount of time, then the momentum of each project is lost. I need to focus, and take things one at a time.

[Chew211]

Alright. Long time no post... actually just a week  But it feels like a really long week because I'm getting so much stuff done. 

I just watched Leo's video about Ego. Instead of documenting my plan, like I have been doing before (mainly because my habits have been pretty good. I just need to keep them up, they all fit in my daily and weekly plan) I will be focusing on the assignment that Leo gave in the video.

"To notice on a very minute to minute, daily level, when I am suffering, and to connect that to the ego. Ask myself how is my identity producing this suffering I am now experiencing in my life."

I will do this for the self-development theme for the week.

Will post later.