Questions after awakening experience

[Adamq8]

Hey guys!

So i did 200 mcg LSD this weekend and it was the most profound/insane/beautiful experience ive ever had in my entire life, i saw how all of my life is something I as God imagined,  my dad my mom my girlfriend was just my imagination and my ego freaked out totally! And I almost got sucked into a black hole but i resisted, and the freaky thing was when i was hugging my girlfriend i was hugging myself, i felt my self touching my self and when i looked at her she was me, totally mindfuck. 

But here's the thing now, my ego said never again to tripping and so forth, but now im just wanting to get back to the GOD- head and explore more of it. 

But my ego is doubting the experience now, like it was just a fantasy, i guess just to survive. It is to fantastical to be true but nevertheless it is Absolute Truth, GOD exists and God is YOU. 

I feel like that iam in a sort of limbo, my life is so weird right now and im not happy or anything right now, just want to sleep and not be around people.

Anyone who have any experience of this after an awakening?

[Adamq8]

And one more freaky thing was that when i realized i was GOD, questions like why do i exist and how do i exist came up? And it was obvious that life,spirituality, people is something i was imagining, even Leo and this forum was something i was imagining so at the time it felt like there was no point in asking why i exist cause i would just be asking my self and even GOD don't know why it exists,  it was pure nothing but it was conciousness and imagination.  Really twisted but really cool aswell, i understod that this reality is to experience being "alive" but death and life and all other things is totally imaginary. I could find out about things and a knowing took place on why this universe is " existing " but GOD can't answer why it exists cause it is existence itself, total mindfuck.

[erik8lrl]

Ego backlash is normal as you awaken, keep going. You should get your life together first tho, having a fulfilling life helps with the surrender. Those questions have answers and they are found deep inside that black hole you resisted. Watch how your ego is using the mind to keep it from surrendering to God.  

[Adamq8]

18 minutes ago, erik8lrl said:

Ego backlash is normal as you awaken, keep going. You should get your life together first tho, having a fulfilling life helps with the surrender. Those questions have answers and they are found deep inside that black hole you resisted. Watch how your ego is using the mind to keep it from surrendering to God.  

I will keep going! Felt like i was going to die if i went into the black hole , like all of reality was going to disappear and all my memories of this life were being erased.

My next trip will full blown ego death and I won't resist it.

[Moksha]

Maybe see if you can replicate the experience in a more traditional way, without the shortcut of drugs? I'm not sure "full blown ego death" is realistic or desirable as the result of hallucination. No judgment at all, just caution that you usually get what you pay for. Enduring, meaningful enlightenment is a lifelong process for most. Maybe drugs are helpful as a starting point, I can't say. I do know it's possible to arrive at that same starting point naturally, and with a lot less risk to your health.

[Adamq8]

@Moksha im doing it in a traditional way as well, yoga , meditation, what is desirable is to explore conciousness and GOD atleast for me, but in my experience is that psychedelics is way better for getting a breakthroughs into reality. 

[Moksha]

Good to hear. I'm a noob on psychedelics, but I can see it being a pathway to initially getting past the natural limits of the conditioned mind. My sense is that there is still a lot of personal work involved with letting go of ego and the mind's attachments. Durable growth is more than just a realization or a thought experiment.

[Adamq8]

@Moksha that i can agree with! Alot of personal work is needed, especially when doing psychedelics, but it was my second serious trip and I got the insight that iam GOD , but i was not ready for it so the ego freaked out and was scared of infinity, imagine how it would feel like when you know that your whole family is something you imagined because you didn't want to be alone, or that life and death and people and a world is also imaginary and you see it so clearly and the thing that you are , is nothing and can't be pointed to, its such a mindfuck that your life falls apart and you wake up , but you can only share it with yourself cause no one else is there. Lol 

[Moksha]

Lol, I hear you. The ego is the illusion and all of us are the same dreamer. You are not alone; the rest of us are here too, but we are one reality discovering and having a conversation with itself  

[Breakingthewall]

15 hours ago, Adamq8 said:

even GOD don't know why it exists,  it was pure nothing but it was conciousness and imagination

@Adamq8great report! That question could be the ego mixed with the god conciousness? I do that question like ego, conciousness exist, but why? How? It's like one dimension and are more? What the hell is the conciousness? Why there is a nothingness that is ? 

 

[seeking_brilliance]

Just intuitively navigate the dream, experiencing what you can now, and not worried about what you might be missing out on, like answers or more information.  Take psychedelics when you please and enjoy the insights which come with those as well.  Iron out any energetic disharmonies in your life to help your life and psychedelics trips flourish.  Enjoy the Garden. 

Make a list of things you want to learn most from the trips. But also look for the responses to these inquiries in daily life and your dreams. 

Edited September 29, 2020 by seeking_brilliance