Question for parents & Anger about these talks not existing in my youth

[Shan]

These are really two questions but posting as one since they are some what related. I am big fan of the channel and have done the life purpose course for context.

1. Regret: By the time I have discovered @Leo Gura I already was in my mid 30s and I am really stuck in life. I am doing my best to come out of wage slavey and might have better life than others but will never real reach to great heights practically speaking. I am still not clear on my life purpose after 4 years but woking towards it everyday (I already said Its a great course elsewhere, helped many ways but its taking time). I have constant anger / regret that I didnt have access to such material when I was 15 which could really made my life go some other way. I keep thinking its unfair and waste of my youth due to lack of guidance.

I would greatly appreciate input on how to come of this regret and accept the rest of my life. (#1)

2. One child or two for Actualizers ? I had a child in the mean time whom I love a lot, but drastically reduces the amount of effort I can put into self development. I cant meditate on most days as I need to attend the child despite having an amazing partner. In hindsight I should have thought long before having one and he is 3 now. Its high time I decide on child -2 and cannot decide if another baby gives company to the first one liberating me to further work on my life purpose. We dont have any family or friends whatsoever In the country we live as we are first generation migrants. The gap would already be 4 years so we need to decide soon and I am worried about my child not having company at the same time over committing to fatherhood. 

Any parents  input on 1 or 2 children is better for someone pursuing life purpose late in their life (#2) would be great. I know @Leo Gura's answers are generally are of much higher consciousness level but I would be interested in his take on a practical question.

[mandyjw]

The core of the problem here is that you believe your success, happiness and fulfillment can be prevented by others and circumstance. You could not have found the material sooner.  Rather than thinking that your child prevents you from doing practices that help you to build the habit of letting go of thoughts that don't feel good to think, just let go of those thoughts about the child and the practice as they come up, no matter what you're doing. Those of us with kids value our alone time so very much, and we by necessity get really good at focusing our energies and not wasting it. Because our desire to be alone and go within gets so strong, we ironically can get there faster than someone who has all the time in the world to do it. 

What does your partner think about the second child? I think ultimately the reasons we decide to have a child are not logical. 

Kids are an amazing asset to spiritual growth. You're forced into a position of sacrifice and giving. Kids mirror you and brings your bullshit to the surface to be examined. If you understand what a gift they are and don't miss the lessons, you'll have a whole new view on life. If you can let go of thinking that they stand in the way of the life you want, you'll be better able to let of of the thoughts of ANYTHING else that stands in your way. It all starts with your thoughts, this is the reason you want to meditate. You want to master your thoughts. Kids have a way of forcing you to do this, sink or swim. You're living with a little zen master and you don't give him any credit just cause you still have to wipe his butt for him. 

[Leo Gura]

1) Feel into the hurt sourcing the anger. Keep feeling it.

2) Don't have a child out of external or material obligation. Only if you really want one.

[Martin123]

3 hours ago, Shan said:

 I had a child in the mean time whom I love a lot, but drastically reduces the amount of effort I can put into self development. I cant meditate on most days as I need to attend the child despite having an amazing partner. In hindsight I should have thought long before having one and he is 3 now. Its high time I decide on child -2 and cannot decide if another baby gives company to the first one liberating me to further work on my life purpose. We dont have any family or friends whatsoever In the country we live as we are first generation migrants. The gap would already be 4 years so we need to decide soon and I am worried about my child not having company at the same time over committing to fatherhood. 

Dear Shan,

One of the greatest things we can do for our self-development and our spiritual growth is to overcome patterns of avoidance. What I hear you saying isn't 'I am afraid of not having enough time for self-development', what I hear you saying is 'I am afraid of commitment.'

The greatest practice for you is to make your family 100% priority, this will be the most effective spiritual journey of surrender and growth, where the love that is so instinctive for your highest consciousness, will be cultivated in the relationship with your partner and your children. If in time another child comes to be, it is only to deepen this relationship.

The main point I am communicating to you is - It is not that your child is stopping you from self-development, it is that your child IS the greatest opportunity for self development there is and ever will be.

May I also point out that if we make our children feel like they're not our 100% priority, we are creating wounding within them, where they will feel insignificant and like they don't matter, and we are creating a childhood environment from which they would eventually need to recover from once they reach a certain age, rather than a childhood that prepares them for a wonderful and fulfilling life.

This also goes to address the anger you mentioned.

In very simplified terms (this is actually one of the things that was valuable for me when I was studying for my counselling degree), anger is a cover emotion for hurt. Make it your priority to address this anger, and through feeling through it find what is underneath it, perhaps it is only another wound of 'I don't matter that much, and I am not important', as that is the situation you are facing right now.

Make it known to yourself that you and your emotional body do matter and are significant, and from that healed and renewed space, approach your family with an attitude that makes it known that they matter to you tremendously, much more than any idea that you make your 'self-development' to be.

May I also address the fact that if 'insignificance' is the wound that is causing the anger, it is only your need to feel significant that is causing you to be attached and driven towards self-development, that is saying 'Once I actualize and develop enough, I will finally matter enough.'
No...

You matter now, infinitely and absolutely. Your value and significance are untouchable and undoubtable in every moment, no matter the circumstances of your life.

Good luck, I know that if you apply all this, it will completely change everything for the better.

[Hsinav]

@Shan Very few "high" concious people are able to sustain their level of conciousness wile raising kids, then how solid was it!? 

[Shan]

Thanks @Martin123 , @Leo Gura , @mandyjw - Your input has greatly helped me.

[Shan]

@Leo Gura sorry for opening an old thread but hope you see I have been thinking and applying what you say. You said "Don't have a child out of external or material obligation. Only if you really want one."  How do I know if I really want one or not ? In many areas of my life I find It very hard to realise what I really want ? From you other content, our mind and intuition say different things and we should follow the later. But I find it very hard to distinguish between both of these. When I have two options I seem to always have emotional feelings to both options making it very hard to know which one is the mind and which one is the real call. How does one know what one really want ?