Bisexuality, kink, bdsm, tantra, single, polyamoury ( a mention of sex abuse)

[Bestversionofme]

@AtheisticNonduality  Yeah that's true. I'm not too sure if Greeks are a great reference point though because they also liked young adolescent boys. I don't really know what's a good reference point to be honest. Experts say they don't really know how sexual orientation/ interest come about. They say it's a complex web of biological, hormonal and environmental factors. Why do people like feet ? Idk. People who have feet fetishes don't know why either. But ultimately having a feet fetish isn't wrong or unethical unless it was unwanted touch or something. Why do guys like transgenders? Who knows. They like the feminine face,curvy body, tits everything a woman has except they also have a dick. It's pretty complex to figure out why someone likes it. But ultimately it is harmless, who does it hurt? It's taboo and seen as weird, even today folks are trying to find language for it. But idk..

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 hours ago, Bestversionofme said:

@Thestarguitarist14 Actually when I started going to the bdsm events, munches, kink parties and made a FetLife account, I've met a lot of women who are into kink, bdsm, swinging. It's like another world. Doctors, lawyers, business professionals black, white, asian, old and young, single and taken. Married couples who just want to spice things. Young folks in their 20s. The thing about sexuality and couples is you don't know what people are into. So idk about that. I've seen some pretty wild stuff in person and not just on my web browser.

Kudos to you for really committing to your fetishes.

[tsuki]

@Bestversionofme First of all, I admire your sincerity and openness to your sexuality. You spent a lot of effort into exploring it and it does not seem like you are hiding it from yourself. That's good.

It seems though that you are afraid of being perceived as gay. I don't have any experience with people of your skin complexion, but I imagine that it would be a problem if you came out to your friends and family. I believe that it's important to keep things this important to yourself, if making them public would be threatening to you. The threat is the issue here - not because they are somehow "shameful", or "wrong". If someone is to feel ashamed, it's the people that would ostracize you for whatever reason - being it your sexuality, skin color, or kinks that you enjoy.

I took notice that you are afraid of being hypersexual. What does that mean to you? That your sexual drive is too strong?
I would be concerned about it only if you feel that you are using sex to distract yourself from something that keeps happening in your life, like unpleasant feelings or thoughts that haunt you. 

On 27.09.2020 at 8:40 AM, Bestversionofme said:

I remember having a family friend dry hump me non consentually when I was 11. I didn't do anything about it, but I hated it ,felt emasculated and forgot it completely. It was masked as playing around. I was 11 and the guy was 13. One of my older brothers had did the same thing to me when I was around that age too and was masked as playing around. It wasn't like a sexual I'm getting off kinda thing but it definitely was a power imbalance. I'm sure my brother forgot, yes that was inappropriate but idk if that had any contribution to me being bi now.

Feeling into that situation and expressing your anger for having your boundaries broken could release some of suppressed emotions that may still be stored in your body. Other than that - I wouldn't be too concerned about that when it comes to sexuality. Orientation is not a disease that can be "rubbed on" to you by someone else. I'm also bisexual and have never had any contact with another man, but it is not a concern for me. It was much more of a shock to my wife when I learned about it during my LSD trip haha.

The "family friend" situation may actually be related to some of your kinks. I have a feeling that you may be trying to re-enact this situation in your fantasies - either by having control over someone weaker, or giving control away for some reason. I am not a psychologist though, so I may be wrong - I think that it would be beneficial if you talked to one. Again - not because your kinks are wrong, but because your sexuality is unclear to you. It is really about you deciding what you like and playing with it.

[tsuki]

@Bestversionofme There is a book on Leo's booklist about similarities between humans and other primates. If I remember correctly, it says that dry humping among males is not necessarily sexual, but an expression of dominance. For example, homosexual intercourse is common in jails even though inmates consider themselves to be straight. It's about showing who's the boss.

Edited October 1, 2020 by tsuki

[Bestversionofme]

@tsuki yes I do have a fear of being perceived as gay. But it's not even gay, it really boils down to masculinity and man roles. For one sexuality is seen as a one drop rule so if I say I'm bi my identity will be ignored and will be perceived as gay, I will have to always correct people. My interest in women will be ignored. In some ways it is easier to be straight passing and otherwise unseen, because although my true bisexual identity is ignored if I'm perceived as straight also, whether you're seen as bi or gay there will still be stigma and mistreatment, even rejection from loved ones and ofcourse an overall misunderstanding. Nah I'm not hypersexual in a sense that I use sex to avoid my emotions. But I considered myself hyper sexual in a sense that I'm easy to arouse. I see a hot women, I'm turned by her curves and pretty face, I see a bearded muscular man I'm turned on by his physique and seeing that I don't really hear gay men talking about women in that way as well as men or straight men talking about men that way as well as woman I just took it that I must be hypersexual. To like girl butts and guy butts, to think an ass is an ass regardless if it's a guy or girl, no biggie. If people can wrap their mind around homosexuality, why can't they wrap their mind around bisexuality. Throw in the different non vanilla stuff that I'm into I start to think I'm hypersexual or just a very sexual person.

[Michal__]

6 hours ago, Bestversionofme said:

@tsuki yes I do have a fear of being perceived as gay. But it's not even gay, it really boils down to masculinity and man roles. For one sexuality is seen as a one drop rule so if I say I'm bi my identity will be ignored and will be perceived as gay, I will have to always correct people. My interest in women will be ignored. In some ways it is easier to be straight passing and otherwise unseen, because although my true bisexual identity is ignored if I'm perceived as straight also, whether you're seen as bi or gay there will still be stigma and mistreatment, even rejection from loved ones and ofcourse an overall misunderstanding. Nah I'm not hypersexual in a sense that I use sex to avoid my emotions. But I considered myself hyper sexual in a sense that I'm easy to arouse. I see a hot women, I'm turned by her curves and pretty face, I see a bearded muscular man I'm turned on by his physique and seeing that I don't really hear gay men talking about women in that way as well as men or straight men talking about men that way as well as woman I just took it that I must be hypersexual. To like girl butts and guy butts, to think an ass is an ass regardless if it's a guy or girl, no biggie. If people can wrap their mind around homosexuality, why can't they wrap their mind around bisexuality. Throw in the different non vanilla stuff that I'm into I start to think I'm hypersexual or just a very sexual person.

Yeah, maybe avoid telling people in real life, only your sex partners actually need to know.

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, Bestversionofme said:

yes I do have a fear of being perceived as gay. But it's not even gay, it really boils down to masculinity and man roles. For one sexuality is seen as a one drop rule so if I say I'm bi my identity will be ignored and will be perceived as gay, I will have to always correct people. My interest in women will be ignored. In some ways it is easier to be straight passing and otherwise unseen, because although my true bisexual identity is ignored if I'm perceived as straight also, whether you're seen as bi or gay there will still be stigma and mistreatment, even rejection from loved ones and ofcourse an overall misunderstanding.

Writing a response to this paragraph has been unusually difficult for me. This bisexual part of me indeed does want to be seen and accepted for what it is. It is in conflict with my masculine self that tries to shoo-shoo it back to conformity, but it does not feel right to do so. It is scary to come out to your friends and family, but it needs to be recognized that people that are close to you in proximity, aren't necessarily close to you emotionally. The fact that we feel threatened by saying the truth about ourselves indicates that people may not receive it well. Not every part of me is meant for every person in my social circle. Still, it is understandable that my bisexual self wants to be free and I empathize with you and myself in this regard. Pidgeonholing hurts when there is no right box for us.

7 hours ago, Bestversionofme said:

Nah I'm not hypersexual in a sense that I use sex to avoid my emotions. But I considered myself hyper sexual in a sense that I'm easy to arouse. I see a hot women, I'm turned by her curves and pretty face, I see a bearded muscular man I'm turned on by his physique and seeing that I don't really hear gay men talking about women in that way as well as men or straight men talking about men that way as well as woman I just took it that I must be hypersexual. To like girl butts and guy butts, to think an ass is an ass regardless if it's a guy or girl, no biggie.

I'm also very easily aroused. It gets on my wife's nerves pretty often. When she first learned that I'm bisexual, she was pissed because now she also has to watch out for men lol. Summer is especially difficult for me with all of the skirts and shorts. I sometimes even catch myself looking away from the road when I'm driving. I wonder if some woman would take my car accident as her badge of beauty.

When it comes to men, I noticed that there is a pattern to them. I like men in their early twenties in sportswear, aloof or even lost, with this rebellious vibe to them. Muscular ass helps.

7 hours ago, Bestversionofme said:

If people can wrap their mind around homosexuality, why can't they wrap their mind around bisexuality. Throw in the different non vanilla stuff that I'm into I start to think I'm hypersexual or just a very sexual person.

Unfortunately, a lot of people can't even wrap their heads around homosexuality. Not in a healthy way at least. I suspect that there are a lot of convert gay or bisexual people that can't even admit it to themselves, not to mention to their friends and family. Of course, this non-heterosexual part gets pissed for being ignored and they take it out on others, ridiculing them. Rejection of alternative sexual orientations is a definite sign of emotional weakness and should be approached as childishness. There is no need to have an adult conversion with a child about things it ridicules.

I'm also into kinky stuff, frequently watch BDSM porn and tried some of that with my wife. It was getting out of hand, unfortunately, because my dominant self tends to be emotionally volatile and it was slipping out of the bedroom. I need to grow up before we get back to it.

Edited October 2, 2020 by tsuki