Buddhism and relationships

[Thestarguitarist14]

Last night I revisited some videos by this monk.  I like how he speaks about relationships.  How there is no logical reason to be in one, how we all have bad in us (shadow self) and monks have found out that it is better to not bother with them.  That we have been sold a lie about getting love from other people and that fulfilling us and things like that.  Though he does say how it is more about your reaction to the relationship than the relationship itself and if you are in one, to be conscious.

 

It’s interesting.  My parents never hammered in the idea of getting into relationships when I was growing up.  In middle school and high school I would only get into relationships because I thought that was the only logical move.  After a break up and a bad first date when I was 20 I went into pick up and did that for two years, had some fun and learned a ton.  After that I have been more into my career and just have dated/hooked up when I can.  I got into a long distance tho g once, but I was not into it.  Then I tried to get into something more serious again and got entangled with a straight narcissist and another woman who was at least narcissistic.  Both had that twin flame energy to them, so makes sense as I have changed a ton since dealing with them.
 

When I got away from the last one, a trip on shrooms and month later I began to feel happy again.  I realized that I am happier without those women in my life than I am with them.  While I have become more active with online dating (sexual desire is a bitch) I have already laid out that I only am looking for hook ups and short term non monogamous dating at best.

 

I guess I want to know for guys who are still looking to get into relationships, why?  What do you expect to get out of them?  It seems like the only legit reasons for a guy to get into a relationship is sex, domestic needs met or kids when they get into relationships.  My big aversion to getting into relationships or even serious dating again are the constant games and shit tests that women play.  Add that in with emotional attachment and it can become a narcissistic/codependent thing so quickly.

Edited September 27, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[Thestarguitarist14]

20 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

? Ooh I know this guy )) I went to a walking mediation he did when he was in NY, was somewhere in Brooklyn. He is awesome. And he does not touch money (physically lol I had to put the donation in a special bucket cause he wouldn’t touch it)

To answer your question - I personally don’t date. I don’t see how one would combine these two things, you become literally not interested, and you can’t fake your way out of it. You just won’t want to date once you’re on this path.

 

Wow, that’s dope.  Yes, he is cool as hell.  
 

I am basically at that point.  I noticed with the last woman that I dated that I was subconsciously wanting out the whole time.  While I am open to a deep soul to connection, that would have to be something that comes towards me.  I’m done pursuing that.  
 

Guess the only thing is sex.  I like the notion of having two to three friends with be benefits.  Dinner and sex once a week with each.  When they want to develop something serious, they can move on and just dump me.  No hard feelings.  

[Globalcollective]

@K Ghoul @K Ghoul sadguru, rupert spira and Tolle all have wifes. (I know sadgurus wife is dead) but you can totally have a relationship if you want. It's not black and white. Relationships can also test you more and make you grow quicker. 

 

I'm aware they can also be a trap too and take up alot of time and energy you can channel into your spiritual life but you have to be honest with yourself sometimes to make sure your not bypassing 

 

[hamedsf]

looks like mad scientists 

[Cammy]

I feel this is why all my relationships never last too long. I think subconsciously I want to do this inner work.

[Thestarguitarist14]

5 hours ago, Cammy said:

I feel this is why all my relationships never last too long. I think subconsciously I want to do this inner work.

I am starting to feel this way too.

 

Now, I am getting to the point where I feel no desire to pursue women.