Mechanisms behind pride, love and one partner doing the heavy lifting

[Lise]

Hello to you who's reading this,

I'm here because I'm in love and in a relationship with a guy who has a lot of issues with pride. I feel like we do love each other, but sometimes he gets stuck in a mindset of being right, and not for example apologizing, even though I know he is sorry (or am I projecting?). The consequence is that I have to be good at reading him and understanding his psychology to not get hurt by what he is saying. And this doesn't feel right. What is the real issue?

I don't believe that the relationship culture today is any good, as I feel like we're in a throwaway society where we just throw away partners without realizing that we're the issue, not the relationship. We're very damaged, and we have to fix this. So what would the issue be in my (and probably many others) situation? What are the real mechanisms behind one partner having to be more understanding than the other? And what about love? I'm actually willing to bear the relationship on my shoulders alone (as of now) because I'm so deeply in love. What are the mechanisms and "flaws of character" behind this? Or am I totally misguided?

 

Peace and love,

Lise from Norway

[Recursoinominado]

1. He won't change.

2. You won't change him.

3. You seem to have codependency issues and a martyr complex.

4. Relationships don't have to be this hard.

5. Chances are, you are on the same level of consciousness, just manifesting it through different mechanisms. 

6. You are not deeply in love with him, you are deeply attached and fears being alone.

7. Learn to love yourself first.

8. Someone who truly loves themselves, aren't willing to "bear the relationship alone on their shoulders".

 

[No Self]

It is noble to want to see a relationship survive despite the throwaway culture - this used to be the norm once upon a time. But it is important to have the right starting point and not be blinded by ideology.

Psychological understanding can be dangerous if it causes us to excuse harmful behaviour over and over. Even the behaviour of highly aggressive people can be understood using biological and psychological theories, but this does not make it acceptable in a relationship.

It is also important to ensure that you are communicating to the best of your ability. If he understands that he is hurting you but ultimately does not care, you might have to reconsider why you are there.