Meeting your needs on your own

[Proserpina]

4 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Yeah, you are the one eyed emperor with no clothes on.

Okay. Makes sense. Especially since I saw it happen before.  

[Proserpina]

He still thinks he was an incredibly popular and helpful spiritual teacher.

[Proserpina]

I'm glad I was able to transmute the energy of this forum into something positive. 

[Selene]

Hi Tearos,

I think the reason why it is so hard to look at relationships from a spiritual perspective is because it requires your mind to hold a paradox/contradiction and this is difficult for us.  On the one hand - you are infinite, absolute, and therefore able to meet your own needs.  But on the other had - you are finite, you have a relative perspective and have wants and needs that are real and true for you.  The trick is to hold space for both of these perspectives as true, because they are.  Another way to think of it is, if you are absolute infinity, then you are you, and you are also the person in a relationship with you, so you ARE meeting your needs yourself, you see? 

The reason I say this is because it seems that you are looking to meet your own needs in order to avoid the pain that you feel when you look to others to meet your needs.  Yet there are some needs that you have as a finite human, such as intimacy, connection, sex that you will not be able to meet on your own, and this is ok.  It is ok to look to others to meet certain needs/wants that you have, because other people ARE you.  It is not something that need be in conflict with your status as an infinite being so you don’t need to go about your spiritual journey trying to completely deny your humanity in order to realize yourself as absolute infinity.  You are both at the same time, you are both sides of the same coin, one is not in conflict with the other.

That being said, I understand your desire to avoid the pain of the “lovesickness” you describe and I have experienced it myself, many times.  Some things that have helped me on the way are:

1. You can’t run from the pain.  No answers, no solutions, no new person, no insight is going to make it so that you don’t feel pain.  It will come, it is inevitable.  But what you can do is turn around and face the pain.  Let the pain wash over you and be ok with feeling it.  Sit with the emotion, don’t try to change it, don’t try to make it better or distract yourself or avoid it.  Just be constantly present with it, and you will find that you can bare it.  There is a lot that you can bare if you are willing to turn around and face what you are avoiding.  If you can find a way to make yourself OK with pain when it shows up, then you don’t have to run from it any longer, and it will not be something you fear.  Also realize, the emotion you feel is not you, you are the infinite presence experiencing the emotion, and the sensation can not hurt you.

2. Stop thinking of yourself as something broken that needs to be fixed, or something sick that needs to be healed.  Because underneath your infinite presence is there, it is whole, it is valid, it is worthy and there is nothing that you need to do for those things to be true.  When you undertake self actualization/consciousness work, don’t think of it as a process that will mend you, or as process to smash down a false wall to see what lies beyond it, instead think of it as a gift that you are giving yourself - the ability to see reality for the truth of what it is by lovingly scrubbing away the layers of dirt/grime (which are your particular ego hangups) that have collected over your life time.  Have patience for yourself, love your ego self and gently correct where it has made a mistake.

Here are some videos that have helped me with understanding validation, acceptance, self love:

 

 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

24 minutes ago, Selene said:

Hi Tearos,

I think the reason why it is so hard to look at relationships from a spiritual perspective is because it requires your mind to hold a paradox/contradiction and this is difficult for us.  On the one hand - you are infinite, absolute, and therefore able to meet your own needs.  But on the other had - you are finite, you have a relative perspective and have wants and needs that are real and true for you.  The trick is to hold space for both of these perspectives as true, because they are.  Another way to think of it is, if you are absolute infinity, then you are you, and you are also the person in a relationship with you, so you ARE meeting your needs yourself, you see? 

The reason I say this is because it seems that you are looking to meet your own needs in order to avoid the pain that you feel when you look to others to meet your needs.  Yet there are some needs that you have as a finite human, such as intimacy, connection, sex that you will not be able to meet on your own, and this is ok.  It is ok to look to others to meet certain needs/wants that you have, because other people ARE you.  It is not something that need be in conflict with your status as an infinite being so you don’t need to go about your spiritual journey trying to completely deny your humanity in order to realize yourself as absolute infinity.  You are both at the same time, you are both sides of the same coin, one is not in conflict with the other.

That being said, I understand your desire to avoid the pain of the “lovesickness” you describe and I have experienced it myself, many times.  Some things that have helped me on the way are:

1. You can’t run from the pain.  No answers, no solutions, no new person, no insight is going to make it so that you don’t feel pain.  It will come, it is inevitable.  But what you can do is turn around and face the pain.  Let the pain wash over you and be ok with feeling it.  Sit with the emotion, don’t try to change it, don’t try to make it better or distract yourself or avoid it.  Just be constantly present with it, and you will find that you can bare it.  There is a lot that you can bare if you are willing to turn around and face what you are avoiding.  If you can find a way to make yourself OK with pain when it shows up, then you don’t have to run from it any longer, and it will not be something you fear.  Also realize, the emotion you feel is not you, you are the infinite presence experiencing the emotion, and the sensation can not hurt you.

2. Stop thinking of yourself as something broken that needs to be fixed, or something sick that needs to be healed.  Because underneath your infinite presence is there, it is whole, it is valid, it is worthy and there is nothing that you need to do for those things to be true.  When you undertake self actualization/consciousness work, don’t think of it as a process that will mend you, or as process to smash down a false wall to see what lies beyond it, instead think of it as a gift that you are giving yourself - the ability to see reality for the truth of what it is by lovingly scrubbing away the layers of dirt/grime (which are your particular ego hangups) that have collected over your life time.  Have patience for yourself, love your ego self and gently correct where it has made a mistake.

Here are some videos that have helped me with understanding validation, acceptance, self love:

 

 

 

While I am a big fan of Teal’s she is speaking mainly from the feminine perspective as well as the outdated relationship paradigm.  She has been divorced four times if that tells you anything.

Edited September 28, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[josh jones]

If you're a fan of teal swan you gotta listen to the podcast the gateway.

 

[Selene]

@josh jones

Thanks for the podcast recommendation, I started listening to it and it's really good so far!

[Leo Gura]

@josh jones Banned

[mikelyons]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

@josh jones Banned

Thank God!

---

When I was new to Actualized content, I was watching a lot of Teal Swan. She has a lot of content that can have positive influence, but it seems to be lacking a certain precision in her understanding of the absolute and surrounding nuance in spiritual topics.

She could be a good supplement, but do not mistake her, or any teacher (including Leo), as having (or rather, being able to transmit to you through language) the whole picture. Leo says himself in The Challenges of Making Bold Life Changes that he'd, at that time, covered less than a fraction of 1% of self-help content. Which means that we have to use Leo as a source and not as a GURU.

Ultimately all "meeting of your needs" is YOU meeting your own needs!
You must consciously take action in your life, mentally and physically, to meet your own needs. If you do this and exceed your own expectations of life and spirituality, you'll eventually discover that all of Life is God writing it's own self-help system for itself!

Finding a partner who you can be intimate with is YOU meeting your need for intimacy. Just don't let the opportunity to LOVE and help another person meet their needs pass you by. That selflessness is what we need.

--

also, it looks like the gateway podcast only had like 5 episodes in 2018, so, you know, apply your infinite intelligence to it, does it really have any authority to explain reality to you...?

Edited September 29, 2020 by mikelyons
make my post not a worthless memery, also the gateway mention

[Thestarguitarist14]

2 hours ago, mikelyons said:

Thank God!

---

When I was new to Actualized content, I was watching a lot of Teal Swan. She has a lot of content that can have positive influence, but it seems to be lacking a certain precision in her understanding of the absolute and surrounding nuance in spiritual topics.

She could be a good supplement, but do not mistake her, or any teacher (including Leo), as having (or rather, being able to transmit to you through language) the whole picture. Leo says himself in The Challenges of Making Bold Life Changes that he'd, at that time, covered less than a fraction of 1% of self-help content. Which means that we have to use Leo as a source and not as a GURU.

Ultimately all "meeting of your needs" is YOU meeting your own needs!
You must consciously take action in your life, mentally and physically, to meet your own needs. If you do this and exceed your own expectations of life and spirituality, you'll eventually discover that all of Life is God writing it's own self-help system for itself!

Finding a partner who you can be intimate with is YOU meeting your need for intimacy. Just don't let the opportunity to LOVE and help another person meet their needs pass you by. That selflessness is what we need.

--

also, it looks like the gateway podcast only had like 5 episodes in 2018, so, you know, apply your infinite intelligence to it, does it really have any authority to explain reality to you...?

I have to say that Teal is an extremely spiritually gifted being.  Where as Leo had to work towards it.  Teal oozes spirituality.  She is a straight up mystic, which is way she has so many haters.  She is clairvoyant and clairaudient.  She can channel, she is a healer, etc.  She has been aware of her abilities since she was a child.  Basically Leo is like the athlete who became gold over time.  Teal is the natural has has been a beast since her rookie year.  

 

But I like your take.  It is up to you to meet your own needs.  And if you can go into a relationship with the intention of meeting the other person’s need, well...that is a recipe of success.

Edited September 29, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[mikelyons]

Teal seems to have developed a "framework" with which to understand reality, she's charismatic. I don't know what her psychedelic/altered-consciousness-state experience is, or other aspects like the material she's covered in an academic/traditional or auto-didactic fashion, or really even more than stories about what she's been through outside of the chunk of her stuff I've consumed.

Her descriptions of emotional understanding processes and experiential emotional satisfaction cycles are quite vivid and obviously different from Leo's material, and I would say they fundamentally are covering different things. They are each unique self-help authors/creators.

Leo's material teaches you to independently discover, study, and integrate with appropriate weight, all sorts of content in a widely varied curriculum of all the best material available to humans, spiritual or otherwise.

I would say that having a depth of experience with, and application of, material that may include Teal's, is a foundational prerequisite for much of the world-class-advanced material Leo is creating in recent years.

And what is all of this if YOU do not contemplate it and integrate it into your daily life and behavior by consistently taking action?

Once all your needs are consistently met you can let go of needs altogether

Edited September 29, 2020 by mikelyons
shoulda proofread

[Thestarguitarist14]

10 minutes ago, mikelyons said:

Teal seems to have developed a "framework" with which to understand reality, she's charismatic. I don't know what her psychedelic/altered-consciousness-state experience is, or other aspects like the material she's covered in an academic/traditional or auto-didactic fashion, or really even more than stories about what she's been through outside of the chunk of her stuff I've consumed.

Her descriptions of emotional understanding processes and experiential emotional satisfaction cycles are quite vivid and obviously different from Leo's material, and I would say they fundamentally are covering different things. They are each unique self-help authors/creators.

Leo's material teaches you to independently discover, study, and integrate with appropriate weight, all sorts of content in a widely varied curriculum of all the best material available to humans, spiritual or otherwise.

I would say that having a depth of experience with, and application of, material that may include Teal's, is a foundational prerequisite for much of the world-class-advanced material Leo is creating in recent years.

And what is all of this if YOU do not contemplate it and integrate it into your daily life and behavior by consistently taking action?

Once all your needs are consistently met you can let go of needs altogether

I would sum it up like this.  Teal teaches me how to feel.  Leo teaches me how to think.  Teal is also more into being mainstream with her shorter videos and lets been honest, she is hot.  Leo is just way more niche by nature.  

 

She has an episode on spiritual drugs.  But she does not advocate long term use.

 

And yeah, you have to apply both of their teachings.  Doing that has changed my life.  Funny, I got deeply into both of them at a low point in my life and never looked back.  Has changed my life.

[Selene]

11 hours ago, mikelyons said:

also, it looks like the gateway podcast only had like 5 episodes in 2018, so, you know, apply your infinite intelligence to it, does it really have any authority to explain reality to you...?

The Gateway is an investigative journalism style take on Teal Swan and the controversy surrounding her, it's a 6 part series.  I'm on part 5 and so far the reporter has done a good job of being neutral (if a bit skeptical) and building suspense on both sides of the debate, we will see how it ends lol.  But either way, its just an interesting perspective on it, no spiritual insights  

Edited September 29, 2020 by Selene

[Superfluo]

@Thestarguitarist14

Why outdated relationship paradigm? What do you mean?

@mikelyons

She has two types of videos: psychological/relational ones and spiritual ones. I think the former category is very advanced to really pinpoint psychological problems, unconscious patterns and traumas. Teal psychological content revolves around emotional recovery and stability through healing, feeling, nurturing, integrating. Not emotional mastery. Her videos also offer powerful frameworks taken from clinical psychology (see IFS, ego-state therapy, inner child work, gestalt therapy). Leo's videos are about logic, epistemology, the mechanics of mind, Truth.

Her spiritual videos are a different form of spirituality than Leo's. She is more New Age oriented, while Leo is more metaphysically/philosophically oriented. She's a clairvoyant, Leo's a mystic. She's mostly sixth chakra, Leo's mostly seventh.

In our work here, she prepares us, Leo guides us (simplified).

She's a great example of divine feminine, Leo's a great example of divine masculine (I'm projecting a bit).

9 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Teal teaches me how to feel.  Leo teaches me how to think.

Agree.

 

 

 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 hours ago, Superfluo said:

@Thestarguitarist14

Why outdated relationship paradigm? What do you mean?

 

 

 

The relationship paradigm in today’s society has been around for ages.  The sad thing is that it has only gotten worse.  51% percent divorce rate in the U.S.  Most men and women are unhappy with their girlfriend or boyfriend.  The majority of relationships are toxic and dysfunctional.  Yet we all would like to continue on thus path?  I don’t get it.

[GoingHome]

Needs are only of this world (although we can transcend them even whilst in this world - or the belief we are in this world still). Needs = lack and there is no lack when we truly know who we are and have undone all the beliefs that led to the belief of lack (separation). This is something that cannot be fully understood until you realise it though. Until then we will continue to have “needs” that cannot ever be fully met by anyone (even ourselves). 

Edited October 4, 2020 by GoingHome
To add clarification

[Angelacl]

Agree, what we need and what we want are two different things and not always what we want is actually what we really need. So, we should know our needs and meet them on our own