1-2 Months Homemade Consciousness Retreat

[Naviy]

Briefly speaking. I am 26 years old male, currently working on my abusive father with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and I've never worked on any other real job. Recently, I have realized, how much pshychological damage has been dealt to me by his presence in my life, and that there is no way I can grow further with him staying in my life. So I decided to switch to another job, cut contacts with him and begin a more independent life.

Right now I have some money and I am the owner of my flat, so I don't have to pay rent. I can live without any income for 6 months and will still have some savings left after that. I feel that I do not want to just jump from one job to another immediately. I want to use my savings for a good purpose. So, I think that I should make some meditation-consciousness-self inquiry retreat for myself. I kind of feel that this would be the most right thing I can do in current situation. Of course, it would be even better, if I went to live in woods for whole 6 months and only meditate and do self inquiry there, but I won't lie, I am totally not capable of doing it right now - too scary for me.

So after I leave my current job, before looking for another job, I want to do the following. For 1-2 months I will spend 6-8 hours daily meditating (various techniques, all of those I know) and doing self inquiry. However, outside of meditation, in the morning and in the evening I will allow myself all distractions - Internet, games, music, walking, reading, cooking.

So... If there is anybody who did something like this (I know there were such guys here on the forum), or just anybody, - will you suggest anything? Like, books I should read before doing this, videos I should watch, techniques I should use. Do you think it is acceptable to still have distractions like internet and games while doing this? Do you think that doing this for relatively short period of time of 1-2 months will worth of it? I think that from financial point of view, I will be able to do this for longer period of time, but I am afraid of the fear that will tell me that I must start looking for new job, or I will get in huge trouble, and that this fear will distract me too much. Thank you. 

Ah, and yes, I am also planning to buy Leo's Life Purpose course and start working with it right now and continue working with it after I leave my current job - together with this consciousness practice. Do you think it is ok to mix these two things?

[Wouter]

I think the most important factor in raising awareness is a daily  habit. Personally I would use the time you have now to cotemplate a lot about what you want to do for a living. Don't take meditation and working on yourself as an excuse to not build a valuable source of income (i mean a carreer/business/... you love). So if I were you I would focus the most on the life purpose course you want to take. And besides that I would install a consistent meditation habit (by starting small, what is the longest time you have meditated during a day?).  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 20, 2016 by Wouter

[Naviy]

@Wouter

Thank you. I've been meditating daily for the last 3 years. The longest time I meditated in a day was 4 hours (4 one-hour sits with 10-15 minutes breaks between - SDS + Do Nothing). I also try to maintain the constant mindfulness practice during the day.

Yes, I want to switch my profession, because I realized that my current profession (law) makes zero sense to me. Currently I need to do 2 things - a) leave my father and start an independent life; b) work on my Life Purpose and attune my career to it.

On one hand, I believe, that leaving my father is an urgent need, because it is clear to me that I must stop being a victim of psychological violence and stop being depended from another person as soon as possible. But on another hand, with him I have money and time, which I can spend on the Life Purpose work, and only then, after I have insights from this Course, I can leave him and switch straight to another profession, more attuned to my Life Purpose (if I will have such results from the Course).  

And if I leave my father right now and go to another job as a lawyer, then I will resolve the problem "a)" quickly, but on another lawyer job I will probably lack time, money and energy to work on my Life Purpose, and it will be much more difficult to switch to another career, if I will need to.

So yeah, strategically thinking, maybe it will be better, if now I will stay on my current job with my father (tolerating and enduring the psychological damage), while working on Life Purpose, and when I have insights and clear view from the Course, I will leave him, then spend a couple of months for a retreat (because I still want to do it), and then switch to a better profession.

Probably, even, as a result of the Course, I will realize that I do not need to switch my profession at all. I don't know what will happen, but I feel that I need to make big changes in my life.

[Wouter]

I admire your honesty. But it seems a bit hyprocit to use your father-whithout who you wouldn't be alive- to support you and at the other hand to treat him as poison. Do you know for sure that he is abusive and has a negative impact on your life? Did you already talk to him about the problem, wathever that may be?

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

Become a Zen monk here in the west? It will probably cost you under 5000£. It will cost me about 2600£. 5 hours of meditation per day. 8 Sesshins per day. Thats a 7 day meditation retreat with 10+ hours of sitting per day. All that shit for a low ammount of money!

Edited August 20, 2016 by Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj

[Eelco1981]

@Naviy I got away from my toxic wife. I saved some money last year. I did the life purpose course. I am still not 100% sure of what to do. I am thinking about OR going on with my job and do more meditation in the hope my life purpose will come from within. The money I saved over the last year was to start my life purpose or do a course/education for that life purpose. But since I do not know it yet, I was also thinking about option 2: taking 2 months sabbatical and do a home meditation/vipasana retreat in the hope that my life purpose pops up from within.

[Leo Gura]

Be more clear about your objectives.

Are you seeking enlightenment? Or career/life success? Seems like what you need more of right now is some basic life success, not enlightenment.

If you're gonna go for enlightenment using this kind of isolation and focus strategy, then ditch nonsense like games and internet. Those will screw everything up.

[I_Am]

I think you need to drop this identity of being a victim as soon as possible, practice forgiveness if necessary and don't jump to make any decisions out of desperation.

If you feel that your current job isn't fostering your authenticity and you're unhappy there you may find grace when circumstances force you out.

my advice to you would be to yield and surrender control of your life and let whatever is going to happen play out and take its course without resistance

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Naviy Taking the risk to make a positive change is awesome! Consider putting less focus on the time frame; a week alone in nature (distraction-free) could yield more results than a month with distractions, if you were truly focused, etc...

Maybe try things like mainstream "skills and interest tests". (I think this is from a Leo video, but I don't remember which): make lists of activities that bring you joy (no financial incentive) , THEN brainstorm ways some of those things could earn you money.

I have found with most people I know that have found their purpose, there was at least a flicker of this light since childhood. Perhaps, your limited savings could be used to help start a business if your path became clear, early in your homemade retreat! ...or, you could consider volunteering in fields where you see a potential spark....during some of this "time off"....