Practised brutal honesty with my first FWB/gf

[Origins]

This emotional healing stuff sounds like a great idea man, I'd be focusing on that. Set at least a 10 min morning and night goal where you're just listening to something soothing while taking deep breaths in and out feeling and releasing emotions as deeply as possible within and from the body. Release the mind during this activity and just become grounded in the action, it'll create a difference. I'll send you money if you it doesn't work.

[Origins]

Life kind of goes something like this in the following order relative to how we perceive and interact with it in terms of the levels we can reach:

1. Physical (so be grounded - and which in the context of the beginning of relationships means biological)

2. Cultural/Sociological

3. Value Driven from a personal level

5. The Creative

4. Existenital

5. Consciousness based

6. The Transcendent 

Notice at all 6 levels relationships still can occur, but it starts with the biological. It's because is the lowest level, its the foundation of the relationship, if a guy were a cat or the woman no guy/woman would likely be fucking them because it doesn't pass the biological test. But it does on another kind of emotional level of course, as a pet. But they'll never get to the existential end with the cat, perhaps the creative at a very primitive end and thus the value and cultural level but again at a very low level. And for the other levels not likely but you'll never really know.

This is a good rule of thumb to follow for human relationships. If you can't get past cultural differences, you'll never likely get past value differences, if you can't get past value differences it'll be hard to reach the creative stage, if you can't get to the creative stage it'll be hard to get to the existential stage or just be weak, though given there's less cognitive requirements for consciousness and transcendence, you'll have a higher chance on a general level to reach those levels with all people if you're able to bypass the physical, cultural, value, creative and existential barriers. Likely not on an individual level though, mostly collectivism allows people to bypass the first 4 to get at 5 and 6. Still, you'll never be really close with someone if you can't properly transition from stages 1-4 if you've personally stretched yourself in those levels and they haven't or they have but there's a lack of alignment which *can't be bridged with higher intelligence/creativity (5).

Edited October 7, 2020 by Origins

[Origins]

When you hit a new level in these stages, it requires you to redefine your actions in life and what you're creating in the world. I've now just recently for example integrated at the beginning stages of transcendence, have been moving back and fourth there for a bit over a month, and now I'm going through the process of furthering that integration by sewing up the prior stages as well. At every level it requires deep contemplation about where you are, so that you can integrate the lower stages to sew up the quilt of consciousness to prepare for the next stage. You'll be surprised just how much healing your emotional body will help you release all those identifications you have with the cultural images that have been planted in your mind to move you up the scale more deeply.

You have enormous potential that won't be realised by your consciousness until it integrates and releases those bottled up energies, anyone on this forum capable of constructing a paragraph is capable of doing so. It can be intensive and you'll need balance there it won't happen all it once but you'll have sparks, in the end if you're consistent you will make it through when you're ready to and as you're ready to.

Healing your relationships with the social world, developing your introspective capabilities and emotional intelligence there I feel is a major gateway for your personal development journey to growing your experience on this plane.

[Origins]

And with the numbers jumbled, I guess I'm still sleep deprived haha. I'm sure everyone can figure it out. I'll leave it for humour.

[Pilgrimage of Self]

Sorry to hear that your date sucked but there's lots of learning you can do from this experience.

Agree with Leo on his first date advice. (minus the "gay" comment")

Try and be light and fun for the first few dates. Don't overthink things. (know its easier said than done).  

Keep it simple. An advice that helped me a lot is this; Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That's it.

Also don't listen to her bullshit. No she doesn't want a long term relationship with you. And no she doesnt find you attractive. If she did, she would have fucked you. 

When I say "not attractive" I don't mean your physical appearance. You demonstrated a lot of weak, feminine qualities and acted in a weak manner so that's what I mean. Women find that a lot more repulsive than looks imo.

Last but not least;

READ. THIS. BOOK. 

How To Be A  %3 Man By Corey Wayne. 

 I read this book 10 times. Yes, 10. Not once, not twice or not 5 times. Would advise you keep re-reading it too but read it AT LEAST once. And I will keep coming back to it over and over.

This book helped me with dating more than any other.

Oh also, another great book;

Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell. Read this 3 times. But read the one above first.

Also, we spoke before via DM's I think. Write to me if you want more help.

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Pilgrimage of Self

[Pernani]

Ey I think you did great, not everyone has the self honesty and the balls to expose their unfiltered vulnerable self to someone they just met. Maybe u didn't get sex but I think u did what u wanted, brutal honesty, which is great. At least now you have a reference experience of what it's like to open up and that may prove to be beneficial in the future. The fact she could open up to you too is awesome and shows that she felt safe enough to show her vulnerable side. 

Just that, if you really want to have sex (and get over being an incel) maybe try to switch up your strategy. People don't usually bring all their insecurities to the forefront on their first date. So hold on to that stuff until you both actually deepen the relationship, if you so choose to. Also don't put up a fake persona that you won't be able to sustain during the relationship, it will eventually crumble, so I'd say try to bring as much of an authentic positive vibe into your first encounters. Good luck.