Practised brutal honesty with my first FWB/gf

[josh jones]

@StarStruck ill just say, I'm 35 and if I tried any of that pick up stuff on the women I date(not that I want to or would), it would not fly, they would see through, they would bail, as they should. Adults (over 30) should not be messing around with the things you're talking about, that stuff belongs in high school. For quality dating as an adult, the only thing to be is genuine. But starting from no experience I could see would be difficult.

[josh jones]

@Thestarguitarist14 lol did you just simultaneously advise him and try to talk him out of books and methods?

[Gili Trawangan]

The advice you're getting here, whilst beneficial, will not make you better with women. I didn't read the whole thread, but it sounds like you're inexperienced and therefore you naturally fucked up on the date. It happens. What you do is learn from it (you have) and date another girl. You make another mistake, you learn from it, you adjust and you go again. Until you get it. When it clicks, it clicks.

But I would definitely drop the porn altogether, you need that high level of testosterone to go all out and the girls will feel that.

Self-esteem is of course wonderful, but it takes years to develop. You're 31, prime of your life, don't waste time thinking you need to get to a certain place internally in order to be successful at dating. Not true. What you need is to learn Game.

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 minutes ago, josh jones said:

@Thestarguitarist14 lol did you just simultaneously advise him and try to talk him out of books and methods?

The hell are you talking about?

[eggopm3]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Nofap community said that I should tell her about my erectile dysfunction. I didn't. I only told her about my porn addiction.

wtf? Are nofap intentionally trying to ruin people's dates with horrendous advice?  (also it occurred to me that if you imagine this quote said in the style of stand-up comedy, it scans as a decent joke.)

porn addiction and erectile dysfunction go hand in hand. Admitting to one practically admits to the other.

Edited September 28, 2020 by eggopm3

[josh jones]

23 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

I know but some part of me still wants to seek the answers out of myself. I will look into those books and methods

 

23 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Books, therapy, guided meditations, shamanic tapping and etc are here for a reason.  Utilize them.  Don’t let your ego protect something that is not even worth protecting

he said he'd try the books and the.methods and you said, 'no don't do that, use books and methods' essentially. I just thought it was funny ?

[josh jones]

ok, y'all are fucking nuts. I'm bowing out of this thread haha

[StarStruck]

29 minutes ago, josh jones said:

@StarStruck I don't know, you just seemed younger to me. I actually don't know what to tell you. I don't really think about things the way you or people on this forum seem to. I would never let anyone talk to me like that. If someone said that to me in person it would take effort not to punch them in the face. All I can say is I do not recommend pick up stuff one bit, but regarding where you're at, I just don't know how to advise you. Best of luck to you. I say give therapy another go.

Appreciate it. Personally I look behind the intentions of what is being said. Leo meant it well. When I read back what I wrote, I thought the same thing; I did acted as a gay and not as a man.

 

25 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

You have been doing that and look where there’s has gotten you.  If you keep doing that you’ll be 50 and be suicidal.

Books, therapy, guided meditations, shamanic tapping and etc are here for a reason.  Utilize them.  Don’t let your ego protect something that is not even worth protecting.

That is what I was thinking too. Soon I will be 32 and before I know it I will miss the boat. I don't want to date a woman that has children or 30+ years old and a lot on her belt. I'm at an age where I can get 25 year olds and not seem weird.

Also I feel like I have lot of emotional baggage. I know there are books, therpary, guided meditations and shamatic tapping but it will take years and years to recover and be a normal person. I'm afraid I will be 50 and suicidal by that time, like you said.

I had heavy abuse in my childhood. Especially my toxic mother fucked up my relationship with women I think. I didn't have a lot friends growing up and still don't have it. Perhaps it is too much to recover from that. I don't know anybody who recovered from such a traumatic childhood. Perhaps I shouldn't be casually dating and just have serious dates. Not that I have options really: girls aren't lining up for me.

[StarStruck]

35 minutes ago, josh jones said:

@StarStruck ill just say, I'm 35 and if I tried any of that pick up stuff on the women I date(not that I want to or would), it would not fly, they would see through, they would bail, as they should. Adults (over 30) should not be messing around with the things you're talking about, that stuff belongs in high school. For quality dating as an adult, the only thing to be is genuine. But starting from no experience I could see would be difficult.

My intention was to casually date for some time, get some experience and then look for a long term partner.

I get what you are saying about the age thing but it is not like I have options. I just took the options that was presented to me which was a highly educated woman but with low moral standards and with psychological issues.

Methods to find a woman

• On tinder I'm not a success. People don't like my vibe or my pictures although women told me they were surprised I wasn't succesful on tinder. They knew much worse looking guys who were very successful on tinder. So Tinder is not an option to date for me. It is not a good platform anyway.
• I don't have a social circle so dating through my social circle is not possible. I only know some friends through the gym.
• Going out is not possible either; corona
• Day game seems only option

I do flirt with some girls in stores and they seem positive but I never made an advance. I will definitely try. I need to take action otherwise my mental health is going to nose dive. I have been thinking a lot but not a lot of action.

29 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

The advice you're getting here, whilst beneficial, will not make you better with women. I didn't read the whole thread, but it sounds like you're inexperienced and therefore you naturally fucked up on the date. It happens. What you do is learn from it (you have) and date another girl. You make another mistake, you learn from it, you adjust and you go again. Until you get it. When it clicks, it clicks.

But I would definitely drop the porn altogether, you need that high level of testosterone to go all out and the girls will feel that.

Self-esteem is of course wonderful, but it takes years to develop. You're 31, prime of your life, don't waste time thinking you need to get to a certain place internally in order to be successful at dating. Not true. What you need is to learn Game.

I stopped porn when me and this girl were texting. Previously before knowing her, I could simply not stop my porn addiction. Therefore I don't really see this date a failed date. She kind of gave me the motivation to stop porn. Now I feel the urge to take action but mentally I don't feel very stable. I will go to therapy very soon because I'm not getting any younger. I always thought these problems would fix itself.

Edited September 28, 2020 by StarStruck

[Thestarguitarist14]

10 minutes ago, josh jones said:

 

he said he'd try the books and the.methods and you said, 'no don't do that, use books and methods' essentially. I just thought it was funny ?

You must have rode the short bus in school as I am telling him to read books.

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

That is what I was thinking too. Soon I will be 32 and before I know it I will miss the boat. I don't want to date a woman that has children or 30+ years old and a lot on her belt. I'm at an age where I can get 25 year olds and not seem weird.

Also I feel like I have lot of emotional baggage. I know there are books, therpary, guided meditations and shamatic tapping but it will take years and years to recover and be a normal person. I'm afraid I will be 50 and suicidal by that time, like you said.

I had heavy abuse in my childhood. Especially my toxic mother fucked up my relationship with women I think. I didn't have a lot friends growing up and still don't have it. Perhaps it is too much to recover from that. I don't know anybody who recovered from such a traumatic childhood. Perhaps I shouldn't be casually dating and just have serious dates. Not that I have options really: girls aren't lining up for me.

 It won’t take as long as you think.  All you have to do is be focused.  Quit watching porn, get a good therapist.  Get a female therapist if that helps.  Mediate for at least an hour a day to a guided meditation that deals with trauma , here’s two:

 

 

 

Try the Sedona method:

 

And audiobooks: 

 

 

If you start with these I guarantee you that be November you will be feeling better.  And by the end of 2021 you will not recognize yourself.

[josh jones]

@Thestarguitarist14 ok, ill try to explain again then I swear I'm out. He said.he would try the books. You said don't do that you'll be 50 and suicidal. Then you told him to read books. Get it? He already said he was going to and then you said...

fuck it. I'm out. ?

Edited September 28, 2020 by josh jones

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 minutes ago, josh jones said:

@Thestarguitarist14 ok, ill try to explain again then I swear I'm out. He said.he would try the books. You said don't do that you'll be 50 and suicidal. Then you told him to read books. Get it? He already said he was going to and then you said...

fuck it. I'm out. ?

He said he was going to seek his answers out for himself, I.E he did not want to try the books.  But you are so smart... 

 

Good riddance.  You literally provided no value in this whole thread.

Edited September 28, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[josh jones]

1 hour ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

I know but some part of me still wants to seek the answers out of myself. I will look into those books and methods. 

 

can't believe I'm doing this. Here. It was just a joke. No big deal. Sorry I couldn't be of more service guys. Cheers.

[Arcangelo]

She didn't reject you bro. She wants you. If it was me I would dial her cell phone # right now.

Arc: Hi nympho girl. Where are you?

Her: I am at XXX

Arc: Don't move I am bringing condoms.

Her: Alright then!

[Proserpina]

Maybe leave her alone.  Do your own thing.  

[StarStruck]

This video is about my life. Only difference is that I don't complain a lot and I have a life purpose.

@Thestarguitarist14  I will check that out. Thanks a lot.

Edited September 28, 2020 by StarStruck

[nistake]

Now this thread is a proper clusterfuck.

First and foremost: Don't listen to anybody blindly (me included of course). Only you can solve this, nobody here knows your 'real' personality, your history, etc. Sure, there's nothing wrong with listening to other experienced people, but all I'm saying is just be careful with the advices.

My 2 cents: You seem to have some serious self-esteem issues, maybe try to uncover that first. Spend some time doing inner work and when you feel like you've dropped your addictions and false identites and learned to appreciate yourself, then start dating. You'll probably fuck up several times, but that's how it is. You make a mistake, you learn from it and move on. I'm pretty sure you can do it.

If you're interested in a book which is about authentic and non-needy dating, check out this one. It is absolutely free from any toxic pickup stuff:

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

 

[tsuki]

@StarStruck This sounds like how my marriage started. Thankfully, I was getting past that incel stage back then and spared her that.

I'm not going to give you much advice because I was so emotional back then that I know that I would have misinterpreted any advice that was given to me. My wife dumped me on the second date and told me that she sees me as a friend. I told her that we're not gonna be friends. I also told her at some point that if I had her in my house, she would just be looking at the ceiling.

I wouldn't expect that she's going to appreciate what you're doing immediately because you're showing her a lot of rough edges and it's a big turn-off. If she reciprocates, then there's a chance that at some point you're gonna help develop each other, but it's a long and pretty painful road. Probably the most difficult thing I have ever done.

I've got a lot of compassion for you, you've got no idea what you're getting yourself into.

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

@StarStruck This sounds like how my marriage started. Thankfully, I was getting past that incel stage back then and spared her that.

I'm not going to give you much advice because I was so emotional back then that I know that I would have misinterpreted any advice that was given to me. My wife dumped me on the second date and told me that she sees me as a friend. I told her that we're not gonna be friends. I also told her at some point that if I had her in my house, she would just be looking at the ceiling.

I wouldn't expect that she's going to appreciate what you're doing immediately because you're showing her a lot of rough edges and it's a big turn-off. If she reciprocates, then there's a chance that at some point you're gonna help develop each other, but it's a long and pretty painful road. Probably the most difficult thing I have ever done.

I've got a lot of compassion for you, you've got no idea what you're getting yourself into.

She is ok to meet up again. I will have to make a choice if I want to be her friend and hide my dick, or that I will let her make a choice; we are either fuckin' or she is out.

That night I escalated majorly. Pulled her towards me. Push myself against her. And she told me off. I couldn't even kiss her because she held her chin down every time I tried. At one point she said "come and fuck me" after I said "fuck you" and I rolled my eyes. That was the only chance and I let it roll because I was tired of fit.

All of her exes were abusers and she constantly communicated that to me. I think subconsciously signalling that I should be like one of those guys if I want to make a chance. Next time, if we need, I'm just going pull her hair and let her make a choice.

I talked about this topic with a friend and he said the same thing:

1. I need to develop self confidence
2. I need to develop self-love; I love her more than myself while she is a low quality woman who subconsciously only attracted to abusers
3. Stop being needy: learn how to seduce

I know how to achieve one and two. A lot of resources were given to me in this topic and I made notes. I don't know how to stop being needy; I guess I need other people (like friends) who give me emotional attention so I don't look for it in dates.

 

2 hours ago, nistake said:

Now this thread is a proper clusterfuck.

First and foremost: Don't listen to anybody blindly (me included of course). Only you can solve this, nobody here knows your 'real' personality, your history, etc. Sure, there's nothing wrong with listening to other experienced people, but all I'm saying is just be careful with the advices.

My 2 cents: You seem to have some serious self-esteem issues, maybe try to uncover that first. Spend some time doing inner work and when you feel like you've dropped your addictions and false identites and learned to appreciate yourself, then start dating. You'll probably fuck up several times, but that's how it is. You make a mistake, you learn from it and move on. I'm pretty sure you can do it.

If you're interested in a book which is about authentic and non-needy dating, check out this one. It is absolutely free from any toxic pickup stuff:

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

 

I read that book years ago. I think I need to reread it again I guess. You are right about not listening to every advice that is given. I don't by the way but I do seem desperate. That is another product of low self esteem I guess.

I hope that everything will fall in place if I have my self-esteem figured out. I felt like micro-managing during the date and I still made blunders like giving advice how to deal with her bad boy hookups. WTF was I thinking.

Edited September 28, 2020 by StarStruck

[Parththakkar12]

@StarStruck About the issue of neediness - I think you only want to be talking to women who want to meet your emotional needs. Those are the compatible women, others will be incompatible. When you look for a compatible woman, not only will you get laid, you will be emotionally fulfilled in the relationship.

A lot of women who have something to offer in this sense, some emotional need they're wanting to meet in a guy feel rejected by guys who only want sex. This is why they feel let down when guys say 'I only want sex.' This is where the stereotype of 'All men are the same' comes from.

Yes, you heard me. You would be doing them a service by opening your heart to them and letting them meet your emotional needs!

When women say they don't want a guy who is 'needy', what they're really saying is that they don't want a guy to lean on to them, or they want a guy who takes responsibility for the creation of an emotionally compatible relationship. They don't want to be put in a position of mom, they don't want to have the pressure of expectations in the relationship. If you're taking responsibility for creating a compatible relationship, you should be fine!

Edited September 28, 2020 by Parththakkar12