Practised brutal honesty with my first FWB/gf

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@Leo Gura Are you guiding @StarStruck to have one-night stands, multiple partners or the one serious relationship?

Makes no difference. I am guiding him to execute a proper first date.

[Martin123]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

WTF is this gay needy nonsense???

No! No! No!

If a regular member posted this I'd report the post as offensive and demeaning.

But it's Leo posting this... instructions unclear, toxic behavior demonstrated by the Spiritual Teacher?

[StarStruck]

1 minute ago, Martin123 said:

If a regular member posted this I'd report the post as offensive and demeaning.

But it's Leo posting this... instructions unclear, toxic behavior demonstrated by the Spiritual Teacher?

It was directed to me and I didn't find it offensive. It was what I needed to hear. 

[Martin123]

@StarStruck It makes no difference to whom it is being posted, it's an offence to gay people. It's stigmatizing and disrespectful at best.

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

I think being brutally honest is great. Sure you might not get laid, and have your ego propped up as much by being genuine and honest then if you follow pickup stuff, but by being brutally honest, you get to feel good in your body, knowing you've lived up to the genuine principals that you strongly value, and haven't done anything with bad intentions or karmic. 

The problem is, for brutal honesty to get you some pussy, you need to do lots and lots of shadow work first. You need to show your REAL self, not the fucked up one you're identifying with (delusional self). The fake self is the one turning her off. The needy addicted to porn one. That's not your real self.

A lot of people on here are telling you to just read books on how to make women wet and then follow them. That's a lazy strategy. That's the strategy you do when you're too lazy to be your real self. Its a short term, depressing strategy. 

Try and do shadow work on yourself and become more than just a mere human. Feel good in your bones first. Feel like you're on psychedelics all the time, then go up to these women. 

+1000% Agree

[mandyjw]

Sometimes you just need someone to fuck your psyche. As if intimacy could be quantified, measured and defined. 

[StarStruck]

4 hours ago, electroBeam said:

I think being brutally honest is great. Sure you might not get laid, and have your ego propped up as much by being genuine and honest then if you follow pickup stuff, but by being brutally honest, you get to feel good in your body, knowing you've lived up to the genuine principals that you strongly value, and haven't done anything with bad intentions or karmic. 

The problem is, for brutal honesty to get you some pussy, you need to do lots and lots of shadow work first. You need to show your REAL self, not the fucked up one you're identifying with (delusional self). The fake self is the one turning her off. The needy addicted to porn one. That's not your real self.

A lot of people on here are telling you to just read books on how to make women wet and then follow them. That's a lazy strategy. That's the strategy you do when you're too lazy to be your real self. Its a short term, depressing strategy. 

Try and do shadow work on yourself and become more than just a mere human. Feel good in your bones first. Feel like you're on psychedelics all the time, then go up to these women. 

You recommended shadow work previously. I have been busy with that and just started listening to my shadow parts more. That kind of screwed me up I think. It was also definitely the weed I think.

At the moment I'm looking down so much on my social life. I didn't know how to connect with people and last night date was just like a punch in my face.

Obviously the problem for my incel life, isn't, aren't girl(s), or other people, the problem is in me. It kind of drives me crazy. Everything seems so easy for others. For me everything is difficult and the reason for that is that I'm making it difficult.

[Parththakkar12]

32 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

You recommended shadow work previously. I have been busy with that and just started listening to my shadow parts more. That kind of screwed me up I think. It was also definitely the weed I think.

At the moment I'm looking down so much on my social life. I didn't know how to connect with people and last night date was just like a punch in my face.

Obviously the problem for my incel life, isn't, aren't girl(s), or other people, the problem is in me. It kind of drives me crazy. Everything seems so easy for others. For me everything is difficult and the reason for that is that I'm making it difficult.

Have you looked into the possibility that you're emotionally starving? Human beings have emotional needs that need to be met through personal relationships. You could do a lot of shadow work around childhood traumas around emotional starvation.

For me, this turned out to be a major part of social awkwardness around attractive women. I had this fear of losing myself, which is why I wasn't going for it with attractive women (and rightly so). I needed to sort that out before I was able to visualize an emotionally safe relationship for myself. I will start dating once my strategy for creating the relationship is complete.

[StarStruck]

@Parththakkar12 I resonate with that. How are you going to feed your emotional starvation? In my opinion it is a bottomless hole. Perhaps trauma release but that obviously didn't work out for me. 

[Martin123]

@StarStruck @StarStruck

Learn about your attachment style and work through your emotional needs and core wounds.

If I had to guess, given your focus on logic and mindbased rationalizing, followed by the description of 'bottomless hole', you might be dismissive avoidant attachment. Take an attachment style QUIZ!

Edit: Now that I think about it you're more of a fearful avoidant than a Dismissive avoidant, but I couldn't know for certain.

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

Edited September 27, 2020 by Martin123

[Parththakkar12]

@StarStruck Check out Teal Swan on youtube. She has amazing content on relationships and creating authentic relationships. If you really want to go through the emotional labor (and it is a LOT of emotional labor) to create authentic and meaningful relationships, then that is for you.

I started with tuning in more and more into my emotions and learning to name emotions, seeing internal emotional patterns and linking them to my childhood. This really opened Pandora's box for me. I've had a 2 year long emotional healing crisis ever since and things are changing very rapidly for me!

The fact that I was a wage-slave was a big part of why I didn't have time to date. There, I got more attuned to how I feel and I started to get more on track with my Life Purpose. When you have that going as a male, good things start to happen for you. I just had to leave wage-slavery in order to have better personal relationships. It's been a mix of finding myself, enlightenment work but most of it on relationships.

Edited September 26, 2020 by Parththakkar12

[diamondpenguin]

Why did this turn from a dating thread to a debate?

[UDT]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You fucked up real bad here, boy.

What are you thinking being brutally honest on a date? It reeks of neediness and low-value.

The first month of dating should be all fun and games. No serious talk! No serious talk until you sleep with her at least half a dozen times.

Stop using your dates as therapy.

LOL

Because you set the BOYFRIEND FRAME. Now she will withhold pussy from you for days and weeks. If you were fun and playful she would have had sex with you and everything would have been great. But you had to go and act needy and serious with her.
 

WTF is this gay needy nonsense???

No! No! No!

Keep it light and playful.

P.S. If you haven't had sex with her, she is certainly not your gf.

??????

Leo you´d be a great dating coach for introvert internet boys.

However appreciate the difference between gaming and dating.

I know you had much success with reading and practicing PUA, but you´re underestimating the maturity it takes to take the lead in dating and relationships. He clearly looks as the girl more as his momma than as a girl and him being the man. But thats okay, thats where hes at.

He had a great night being beta, and its ok they´ll not fucking because when he felt the night, so what?
Its not about getting her, its about being authentic. If he was that, in his situation, then kudos to him.

Honestly, I think the emptiness of puling a girl you just win over because you know how to play, is deep.
Its like youre playing chess and constantly look for better players, discarding those you won over, running after those who beat you. Thats no way for good relationships.

If youre dating, be your authentic self and see how it goes. Say whats on your mind.
If youre trying to fuck her and the rest is history, well then you shouldnt pour your heart out pal, but play with her.

 

[electroBeam]

@StarStruck Along with the suggestion of attachment styles, you can also try loving kindness meditation. No need to make things complex. Just sit down, imagine or think about a time you really cared for someone, or had empathy for someone, then just generate more, then spread that energy to your parents, friends, strangers, people who bullied you. 

You can also try loving what arises(matt khan).

And you can also try Byron Katies  love/forgiveness technique.

[Applegarden]

1 hour ago, diamondpenguin said:

Why did this turn from a dating thread to a debate?

Because for the same reason we love this forum, and you know it.

[josh jones]

none of that stuff matters if the girl likes you. I've done all of that stuff, made every "mistake" in the so-called dating book, and still gotten the girl. nobody has perfect dating game, the girl doesn't, you don't need to. Its exhausting trying to play by all the rules. Just relax.

[diamondpenguin]

Yea, its gotta be a fun time or else, what's the point. 

[Proserpina]

2 minutes ago, josh jones said:

none of that stuff matters if the girl likes you. I've done all of that stuff, made every "mistake" in the so-called dating book, and still gotten the girl. nobody has perfect dating game, the girl doesn't, you don't need to. Its exhausting trying to play by all the rules. Just relax.

Exactly. 

Creepy is cute.  

[josh jones]

Leo still sounds like a little boy the way he's talking in this thread.

[diamondpenguin]

1 minute ago, josh jones said:

Leo still sounds like a little boy the way he's talking in this thread.

Come on man. Don't be throwin' shade like. We all know your ego just kicked into 4th gear.

Edited September 26, 2020 by diamondpenguin