Should I do PickUp again?

[Life]

I am wondering lately whether it's a good idea to invest some time an emotional labour into pick up.

Some background:
My main pick up phase was between 2014-2015 (24-25 years old). I started off as a rather hard case (virgin and no kiss until 23, rather unsocial, nerdy and very logical guy). My first pick up phase gave me huge personal growth and I progressed from a terrible shy level to okish level. My main motivation had been overcoming the emotional pain of never having a girlfriend and on the positive side crazy sex experiences and experiencing intimacy. After having Sex with around 6 new girls I entered my first relationship in end of 2015. I enjoy the first weeks extremely but soon realized that she is not my dream girl (especially in terms of looks, she was cute and the sex was great, but I saw girls which turned me on much more frequently and I felt that I am betraying myself somehow). I broke up with her after a year and some days in end of 2016 - my emotional reaction to the anniversary showed me brutally that I had to do this step. After that I tried to approach new girls here and there but I never got back my old momentum. Up to now I just had sex with 2 new girls (+2 hookers and 1 gay guy from tinder because despite my fears I am curious of extreme experiments). In the phases I tried to gain momentum I gave up very soon and the same pattern repeated multiple times: I can date girls which I am very attracted to (hotter than my ex girlfriend) but as soon as I kiss them things get awkward and I am out. This along with the other frustrations (e.g. getting flakes) costs a lot of mental capital for me and I give up to pursue pick up until after some time of forgetting these frustrations a new cycle begins. I also have the feeling that my motivation in 2014-2015 was much greater, I feel that I had "much less to loose" and also hold the believe that an intimate relationship would be the holy grail and the missing piece to my live, soon in the relationship I was disillusioned about that.

Right now I am wondering wether I should start a new cycle but I fear to fail again and to waste a lot of mental capital: being frustrated about missed approach opportunities, failed dates, flakes, rejection, anticipating massive approach anxiety, thinking about what happens if colleagues from work see me approaching, dating woman with dangerous friends (e.g. ex hookers - which I would find sexually extremely interesting). Though I am on a good track with my career too much distraction wouldn't be great.

Should I outgrow pickup by doing it again and obtaining the levels I feel to miss (having sex with the girls I am extremely attracted to, and playing out more my fetish for high heels) or should I do it somehow else?

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

You need to ask yourself what you truly desire.  Are you looking for enlightenment?  Or do you just want to get into a relationship?  If it’s the latter, go back to pick up.  But if it’s the former, I would work on self love and healing.  Take a break from women for a few months.  They will always be there.  Plus, your energy will shift and you will become more attractive anyway.

[Javfly33]

Yes, it seems like you haven´t almost even started yet.

Lots of growth to do there.

[Danioover9000]

   No, don't do pick-up again, go clarify what you want out of life, your ideal purpose in life, and develop other area of your life. Leave other women alone for the time being. Big mistake making a woman priority over your own soul, and channel that sexual desire into other areas of your life.

[Recursoinominado]

YES

[Life]

11 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

   No, don't do pick-up again, go clarify what you want out of life, your ideal purpose in life, and develop other area of your life. Leave other women alone for the time being. Big mistake making a woman priority over your own soul, and channel that sexual desire into other areas of your life.

I have a hard time channeling my sexual desire, I do a lot of masturbation - fortunately not so much with porn, but thinking of past sexual experiences or thinking about girls in high heels. Do you have any advice on how to do the channeling?

[Michal__]

Yes, start again.

[Michal__]

The only way to transcend sex is to have enough of it. Also there is still a lot of personal growth available.

[Horizon]

I agree with @Michal__ ... the only way to Transend sex is by having enough of it.

But the flakes, failed dates, shutting off after kissing  shows incongruence between mind and body...

You probably need a deeper mental stimulation, both emotional+physical+spiritual connect with the right partner to enjoy sex for longer time in a much fulfilling way. You really will have to inquire yourself what you want.

About breaking up with your girlfriend or sexual partners... I believe all intimate relationships come with kind of an expiry date even if the involved partners don't acknowledge the same. Even the most sizzling relationships exhaust their sex quota after some time (could be an year or a decade depends) and later on the emotional bond keeps them together.

[Thestarguitarist14]

13 hours ago, Horizon said:

I agree with @Michal__ ... the only way to Transend sex is by having enough of it.

But the flakes, failed dates, shutting off after kissing  shows incongruence between mind and body...

You probably need a deeper mental stimulation, both emotional+physical+spiritual connect with the right partner to enjoy sex for longer time in a much fulfilling way. You really will have to inquire yourself what you want.

About breaking up with your girlfriend or sexual partners... I believe all intimate relationships come with kind of an expiry date even if the involved partners don't acknowledge the same. Even the most sizzling relationships exhaust their sex quota after some time (could be an year or a decade depends) and later on the emotional bond keeps them together.

Truth.

 

Right now, I’m just online dating, setting up some fwb situations.  That way, it does not matter what the woman does.  
 

Detachment is key with women, or anything in life really.

 

I will say, sexual needs can never be satisfied.  Nobody can ever have enough sex.  That is something that can never be satisfied.  You transcend that need by not giving into your sexual neediness.

Edited September 25, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14