Transcending Relationships and Sex

[TDW1995]

I'm a guy in my mid-20's who has been introverted and quiet for much of my life. For this reason, which may not be a valid excuse, romantic relationships have never been a part of my life. 
Although I've been eating healthy, practicing concentration, meditation, and self-Inquiry, and reading/learning about self-help topics, the need for sex and relationships seems to be halting me from true growth in the areas of career/life purpose and enlightenment work. Sex is something that I continue to crave and without it, I believe that these areas of my life may not progress as well. 

I realize that sex and relationships is not the highest ideals, like life purpose and truth, but I'm starting to think I can't skip over this area of my life. 
Is it accurate to say that until life purpose and spirituality make big leaps, I need to transcend sex and relationships? For thoughts of sex and relationships have strongly occupied my mind for much of my 20's (thanks to hormones).

[Thestarguitarist14]

What is your sexual/dating history?  

[arlin]

This is how i also feel...

[How to be wise]

@TDW1995 Read the book ‘The Way of the superior man’ by David Deida. 

[TDW1995]

@How to be wise Fantastic book! Read it a month ago.  I know the importance of life purpose and making that your priority. I may need to take even greater action in the area of life purpose. 

@arlin It's a tough situation for sure.

@Thestarguitarist14 No history of dating/sexuality. There's continuous pressure building up in me since I'm 25 already and don't have much experience in this area. 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

4 minutes ago, TDW1995 said:

@Thestarguitarist14 No history of dating/sexuality. There's continuous pressure building up in me since I'm 25 already and don't have much experience in this area. 

 

Then getting into pick up is best for you.  Buy this book:https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061540439/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8 it is a thirty day challenge.  I did this when I twenty after getting dumped by a girl I dated in high school and college then friend zoned by another.  Before the thirty days was out I started dating a chick.

[arlin]

@TDW1995 For me , im not even attractive , i mean, even if i want to get a girl is a lot harder.

im stuck.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, TDW1995 said:

need for sex and relationships seems to be halting me from true growth

I would consider it is the categorizing as need, when really it’s a want...which is ‘givin you the trouble’. You want to have sex & relationships, so have em!

2 hours ago, TDW1995 said:

I realize that sex and relationships is not the highest ideals, like life purpose and truth, but I'm starting to think I can't skip over this area of my life

Life is the purpose, not an ideal. Truth is the Truth, not an ideal.  Your experience of life, is the only purpose of life. As you’re already experiencing a life, that much is already done. So within living, you can create purpose - what which you most want to experience in this lifetime - and it can and will change in an ongoing manor, in accordance with experience. If currently, sex & a relationship is what you desire, then by all means have sex and a relationship. There are not absolute ‘highest ideals’, and I suspect that the idea that there is didn’t even come from you, but you’re attempting to superimpose it upon yourself, and feeling the resistance of it. You don’t have to do that. You get to choose, and do what you want to do in this life. It’s all relative, always. It’s up to you, always. More existentially...if God didn’t want to experience being a human, God wouldn’t. 

@arlin Attractive is relative. This might sound funny, or offensive, and I don’t mean it that way...but...it ain’t up to you if you’re attractive, or how attractive you are. That’s a bogus belief. 

[arlin]

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Attractive is relative. This might sound funny, or offensive, and I don’t mean it that way...but...it ain’t up to you if you’re attractive, or how attractive you are. That’s a bogus belief. 

I understand you don't want to sound offensive, in fact you are not. You are only wellcomed by trying to help me or putting a nice word.

But yeah, it's not up to me how attractive i am, in fact it's up to all those girls who said im ugly including my EX, and all the others who loughed at me when i approached them normally.

[Nahm]

@arlin

That she is your ex reveals she, at one point at least, found you to be attractive. 

You (anyone) can always be more authentic in your approach. It’s an ongoing experience. But if someone blatantly literally laughs at you for trying to meet and get to know them, that’s on them. Assuming you were being decent and relatively mindful & appropriate about it, laughing at you is a rude thing to do. You didn’t do it, and they have feelings...so why think you should feel based on what someone else says or does?  Let them.  Honestly, I’d say thanks. Cause that isn’t someone I’d really want to be with, and at least they showed their ‘true colors’ upfront. ‘Ugly’, like beauty, is relative - in the eye of the beholder. 

[arlin]

@Nahm Allright, thank you man.

[mandyjw]

@arlin When I was a teenager I once laughed at a guy who was hitting on me as a knee jerk reaction because I didn't believe someone would actually hit on me and felt awkward. His friend punched him like he was a loser and I realized what I had done too late. I still feel awful about it. You really never know what anyone else is thinking. Even if they are clearly being mean, it's driven by insecurity. 

[arlin]

@mandyjw Oh wow, this is actually helpfull in the sense that it's a valid point.

thank you!

[Danioover9000]

@TDW1995

4 hours ago, TDW1995 said:

I'm a guy in my mid-20's who has been introverted and quiet for much of my life. For this reason, which may not be a valid excuse, romantic relationships have never been a part of my life. 
Although I've been eating healthy, practicing concentration, meditation, and self-Inquiry, and reading/learning about self-help topics, the need for sex and relationships seems to be halting me from true growth in the areas of career/life purpose and enlightenment work. Sex is something that I continue to crave and without it, I believe that these areas of my life may not progress as well. 

I realize that sex and relationships is not the highest ideals, like life purpose and truth, but I'm starting to think I can't skip over this area of my life. 
Is it accurate to say that until life purpose and spirituality make big leaps, I need to transcend sex and relationships? For thoughts of sex and relationships have strongly occupied my mind for much of my 20's (thanks to hormones).

   Well, sounds like you're ready to put more effort into life purpose. If you focus on improving different areas of your life, you can eventually attract a woman that's very similar to you, because she'll sense that the common weaknesses exhibited by normal men won't be present in your being.

   I'm in a very similar position to you in terms of having little sexual history but having a higher craving for sex. It's worth it to put effort into meditation and maybe doing some body awareness exercises and continue letting go of that lust. Channel that sexual energy into something creative. If you're ready ready to put dating on the chopping board for a better life, more health, more energy, more vitality comparable to spiritual master that most common people don't have, then you can transcend that need. It may take work, but it's worth it.

[Byun Sean]

i used to be here. I didn't necessarily want relationships or sex at the time but my body and mind said otherwise. 

 

My advice is if a relationship comes your way naturally and helps you grow, by all means have at it. But if you feel like its just fulfilling a need and is not something you actually care that much about experiencing and what your really after are the fruits of deep spiritual work, then keep meditating, if it distracts you too much, masturbate or something and use as much time as possible for spiritual work, reading books, contemplation or whatever personal development work you do.

 

Like just about anything, relationships can either help you grow and make you even more conscious, or they can also be a distraction from the work.

[TDW1995]

@Danioover9000 I feel like at times I have a high sex drive and this leads me to the habit loop of letting it go through masturbation (sometimes through porn, bit I try to stay away from it). Never thought of trying to channel sexual energy through creative means. Thanks!

@Byun Sean I have made self-help and meditation a priority, however, recently the desire for sex and relationships have increased. Masturbation does help keep my mind off sex afterwards, which helps with meditation practice. Thanks!

 

[Horizon]

Dude!

I mean Dude!

I am someone who is wayyyy past twenties, believe somewhere near Leo's age... Listen to me! and don't get into the spirals of ideals... THere is no glory in supressing sex.

If you only take Maslow's Hierarchy of needs as the only guiding principle for rest of your life and do not read any books, not follow gurus, no Ayan Rand absolutely nothin then also you will end up living a fulfilled life. And as per this pyramid you are and you should be looking for sex. Believe you me if you don't peruse sex in this age you will regret not spending time and resources in this direction big time!

Whatever are your innate desires... be it sex, money, relationships, politics, world peace, spirituality... I place absolutely all of them on same level no higher no low. you HAVE TO give yourself what your soul desires the most before time passes you by!! 

The idea of suppression of sex is a sham!

And trust me even if you decide today that you want to have sex from now on, it will take a whole lot of effort for you to find a partner (right or wrong doesn't matter) . It is a different ballgame all together to get the person interested in you and then take it to a level where you both feel fulfilled ... because you see there are levels in sex as well, only once you get in you will know.

Leave your thoughts, books aside get in the game!! before it is late..

 

[Globalcollective]

@TDW1995  yeah I second @Horizon . 

Your in your twenties and your sexual energy is at its highest enjoy it and go get laid. If you cant then learn how, you can't bypass this unless you have some kind of powerful spirtual gift. 

Be mindful of not getting sucked into it tho but it can be a very enjoyable part of your life

[hamedsf]

sex and relationships is not the highest ideals? heh, if you think so, you are not the highest ideal because you wouldn't roam around in this forum without it and I'm talking harsh because I want to wake you up to the fact that you are shooting yourself in the foot when you are depriving yourself from it. better to learn dating & pickup science than learn some spiritual techniques which also can be used for repressing your inner body desires. nobody has told you to do so. maybe a false teacher can say it's a minor & petty thing. who knows...

[Danioover9000]

@TDW1995

19 hours ago, TDW1995 said:

@Danioover9000 I feel like at times I have a high sex drive and this leads me to the habit loop of letting it go through masturbation (sometimes through porn, bit I try to stay away from it). Never thought of trying to channel sexual energy through creative means. Thanks!

@Byun Sean I have made self-help and meditation a priority, however, recently the desire for sex and relationships have increased. Masturbation does help keep my mind off sex afterwards, which helps with meditation practice. Thanks!

 

   Good to hear, One of the ways I know to find where to channel that energy into which creative activity is to know which of my senses is stronger. Am I more visual, or auditory, or tactile? Then I make a list hobbies, in my past, and a list of potential hobbies, that match up to which senses I have more efficiency in.