Breaking through the insinuation of TIME/Mental Disorientation

[Galyna]

Recently I’ve been experiencing a breakthrough regarding Time and its implication. I am not in a state of clarity all the time but rather is pushed into it when suffering occurs. 

!!!!For starters, human language is incapable to relay the feeling or inner perception. But I will try as hard as I can. Please do not be too hard on me, I will be using words like "me", "I", "yours", "mine". Nothing here is mine or yours and it is shocking. 

Shortly after becoming “nothingness” in my direct experience on September 12th, I fell into the conceptual abyss of time. It became clear to me that if nothing has happened but only appeared as it has, there is only a present moment, time is not real. You carry this body in the 3D space (it is also an illusion, btw), it’s moving but on the background of “your” awareness, there is always stillness. It literally feels like I hit the wall and the motion of time in my thoughts has come to an end.

The only representation my mind can create is this:     ------>|

 

Where the vector (------>) is thought about “my personal history” aka identity and its past and the wall ( | ) is this present moment.

For the ego it is terrifying. Quite frankly I am not sure how to process this. This realization creates anxiety, the desire to hold still and do nothing. It disrupts my ability to plan ahead, dream, hope, and make any kind predictions. When thinking about the future it becomes blank/nothing.

 As of right now, I have this perception of the body in the 3D space and my thoughts. I am disoriented because my ego used to identify itself with a future/past when making any plans and creating hopes.  It is scary because when nitpicking a thought there is no ego really, just a present moment that catches these thoughts’ frequencies (including the thought about “me”) as radio waves. I don’t believe in the thought story anymore. It is shocking. Because I clearly see how this illusion, call it ego, creates a time continuum and a personal story to function normally, to survive. When ego cannot cling to the time, it’s slowly dying, there is no story for it to hold on. Any thought that arises about the future is rejected automatically because I see that it is just a thought and the so-called future will never happen the way thoughts present it.

Now…try to really grasp it and see what will happen. You'll be in panic. I’m experiencing this horrific fear. Of what? Of ambiguity and uncertainly, for the major part because I am very confused about this experience. The best word to describe my mental state would be confusion or disorientation. Also, the feeling that I am going slightly insane.  However, this present moment is THE ONLY SAFE PLACE to be to avoid the suffering that is caused by the thought about the illusory future. This is my only escape.

Appearance, call it "reality",  is a quicksand of thoughts that create ego and time. There is only appearance, nothing really happens, and impossible by default. 

I do not claim anything here, just sharing. I am still confused and can not wrap my mind around it. 

 

 

[Someone here]

@Galyna

As you pointed out.. There is no ego.. No time.. No future. There is only the present moment. And that's still not quite right.  The content is constantly shifting. There is only "presence" .. Eternal presence. You are getting close to recognizing your true self. Empty ever-present nothingness. And it doesn't identify itself with the person Galyna. Galyna doesn't exist. . The confusion is not a problem.   It just is what it is. Yeah when you wake up your whole reality will collapse.. And that's no mistake.   You are not going insane.. There is no you to go insane.. Who is going insane?  No one! And that's freedom.  

You are one step away from awakening.. Now just focus on what is the actuality of this eternal presence beyond all concepts and analysis. You've glimpsed it. Now try to "define" it. Not by words.. But "see" what it actually is. 

This thing called life.. Existence.. Reality.. The universe.. Etc.... Isn't anything you think it is.. It just is. 

[Amit]

Ambiguity nd confusion ... Well bc it's a new paradigm.. 

find out what the fears & confusion about, write down the thoughts that comes, now try to discover the truth behind your core beliefs, are they able to explain the experience you're having, mostly not, then adopt the better models in whatever confusion you have... 

[Raptorsin7]

@Galyna What led you to experience the nothingness?

What les up to the realization? How did you know when you got "it"?

[Member]

Nothingness isn't some absurd existence that just is. It is everything. I would advice you to let go this concept that nothing happens because your mind creates reality, so it is everything - not just Galyna but all of your past experiences and everything that you will create from now on. It serves to a purpose and that's to discover your True Self and to recognize the godly image in the mirror that is YOU.

Btw, this guy explains what's the True Self pretty well, so you may want to check it out:

 

[Galyna]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Galyna What led you to experience the nothingness?

What les up to the realization? How did you know when you got "it"?

Everything I posted on this forum in the past month happened due to an enormous amount of suffering. Call it my DMT.

Not just one thing has happened, every step in my life was designed for this realization. 

"Knowing" is not the right word. The correct way would be to say that I have just noticed the blind spot or "some glitch happened in the system for me to notice it." Bear in mind, there is no one here/there to see, notice, or know. There is no time, nothing has happened, just seems as it has. 

There is no such thing as enlightenment bc there is no one to gain it and bc there is no timeline where it can happen. 

Fluke luck but this experience has always "been" there. 

Everything is a dream, dream does not have any quality.

Everything I write here is a total BS.

[Galyna]

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

The content is constantly shifting.

I would argue that because shift implies time! and there is no motion and change but rather the appearance of it! It is all Singularity which means there is no point A and point B. You understand that there is no distance between the objects, right? Think about how motion is possible in these instances. 

 

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

There is only "presence" .. Eternal presence

Can not agree more!

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

Empty ever-present nothingness. And it doesn't identify itself with the person Galyna. Galyna doesn't exist.

I believe I do not identify myself with the body anymore. There is an appearance of the body, and perception along with feeling and thought, these all comprise Galyna.

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

The confusion is not a problem.   It just is what it is. Yeah when you wake up your whole reality will collapse.. And that's no mistake.   You are not going insane.. There is no you to go insane.. Who is going insane?  No one! And that's freedom.  

Yep, but we all know that the process itself is painful with regards who claims it. 

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

You are one step away from awakening

If there is no time, there can NOT be any steps, my friend. We can not anticipate awakening in the future. See how we can create thoughts. Like there are so steps for me in the future that i need to move forward to achieve something. Is it really? But in a relative sense, I understand very well what you are talking about. God damn it, the awakening has already happened and hasn't happened at the same time, lol.

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

You are one step away from awakening.. Now just focus on what is the actuality of this eternal presence beyond all concepts and analysis. You've glimpsed it. Now try to "define" it. Not by words.. But "see" what it actually is. 

This thing called life.. Existence.. Reality.. The universe.. Etc.... Isn't anything you think it is.. It just is.

Thank you!

Edited September 25, 2020 by Galyna

[Galyna]

6 hours ago, Amit said:

find out what the fears & confusion about

Had anxiety out of nowhere in the morning today, I believe according to some data about Kundalini, this anxiety is a necessary step of the purification process. 

Confusion is about how to execute, plan and organize if there is no one there behind the scene, and because I am not the raw experience all the time, feels like confusion as I can not make a choice now, no control right? but the illusion of the ego is still there. Surrender, right...

6 hours ago, Amit said:

write down the thoughts that comes

I guess it has nothing personal but more like existential or absolute fear. Like “ who am I and what is happening?” These type of crazy thoughts. 

This kind of fear that happens prior to total surrendering. 

6 hours ago, Amit said:

then adopt the better models in whatever confusion you have... 

In all honesty, it is not up to this "illusory ego" of what will be adopted or abandoned. All forecasts are false.

Deconstruction is hard. Prepare for unexpected!

 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Galyna

[Galyna]

5 hours ago, Member said:

It serves to a purpose and that's to discover your True Self and to recognize the godly image in the mirror that is YOU.

Well said, thank you for your feedback.

[Someone here]

@Galyna you are on the right track. Just be in the present moment and all will be well.     @Galyna

[Amit]

1 hour ago, Galyna said:

Confusion is about how to execute, plan and organize if there is no one there behind the scene, and because I am not the raw experience all the time, feels like confusion as I can not make a choice now, no control right? but the illusion of the ego is still there. Surrender, right...

You know how to do everything you knew before, making choice depends on your aim... And aim/purpose is just construction, so construct a purpose and then making choices will be simple

[Galyna]

@Amit would it be proper to say to completely surrender in relaxation and the choice will make “me”? Illusory purpose will create the being on its own and “I am eleven miles away from the window of paradise. “
 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Galyna

[Galyna]

@Someone here I am always in the present moment ?

[Amit]

4 minutes ago, Galyna said:

@Amit would it be proper to say to completely surrender in relaxation and the choice will make “me”?
 

Yes relax and be joyful..

What do you mean choice will make you? 

 

[Amit]

"I am eleven miles away to the window of paradise."

Not really

"Illusory purpose will create the being on its own"

As a being, it's your responsibility to create it and though absolutely it might be illusion but create it consciously. We live in the relative world, conscious purpose will help to create a beautiful dream, that's what God choose us for, to dream up more loving, more conscious world. 

[Galyna]

1 hour ago, Amit said:

What do you mean choice will make you? 

Literally, since there is no one to make a choice, being happens without any choices and without anyone to make them. 
 

 

55 minutes ago, Amit said:

As a being, it's your responsibility to create it and though absolutely it might be illusion but create it consciously.

Agree, but that’s already the case. ? no need to do anything, no effort is needed. Just go with a flow. 

56 minutes ago, Amit said:

We live in the relative world

Who are we?

[Amit]

4 minutes ago, Galyna said:

Who are we?

Consciousness

4 minutes ago, Galyna said:

Agree, but that’s already the case. ? no need to do anything, no effort is needed. Just go with a flow. 

You're wrong, that's what your confusion all about and it's your ego resisting truth right here

 

[Galyna]

@Amit I mean as God I am already creating. God=I. We can’t separate them. So God/me manifests through me/God. The circle is complete. ?

[Amit]

7 minutes ago, Galyna said:

@Amit I mean as God I am already creating. God=I. We can’t separate them. So God/me manifests through me/God. The circle is complete. ?

Good seems like we have resolved your confusion, did we? 

[lmfao]

@Galyna There's no time but there's flux. Now isn't that damn strange? 

Or is there flux? 

Edited September 25, 2020 by lmfao