Moving Back in with parents?

[John Mitchell]

 I'm a 32 year old software developer living on my own. I never had a girlfriend and my life is pretty lonely. My parents always want me to move back in with them because of loneliness. Most of my social contact is with my parents, but even then I dont talk to them much. I'm always in my head. Do you think it would be a good idea to move back home?

[Sleyker]

I feel for you man. If loneliness is your problem, you can maybe join some kind of group class where you can start meeting people. 

Are you well-off? If you're not having financial problems I don't see why you would want to move back in with your parents.

[John Mitchell]

1 minute ago, Sleyker said:

I feel for you man. If loneliness is your problem, you can maybe join some kind of group class where you can start meeting people. 

Are you well-off? If you're not having financial problems I don't see why you would want to move back in with your parents.

Yes im very well-off with lots of free time, social anxiety and depression 

[nistake]

Imo, moving back would be a temporary solution. Your anxiety and depression issues would remain. Maybe don't move back just yet, try to work on your problems in your spare time instead. Leo has several great videos about these topics and you can probably find lots of useful books if you do some research. Do some inner work for a while to build a foundation and try to socialize. Get involved in group activities, different classes, yoga (lots of hot women), you name it.

You'll have to step outside of your comfort zone, but it'll so worth it.

[UDT]

@John Mitchell Go to therapy and start working out.

 If youre 32, you are making a big mistake if you move back with your parents.
Im telling you straight up.
You can get rid of your anxiety and social problems in a year or two with adequate help. 
If you have time and resources, get yourself a coach, heck I can help you, to build your social life. 

You dont need your parents, you need a few friends and a girl. 

Moving back maybe is what your parents want, but thats very questionable. Are they lonely and need you? Think about that, why would they not encourage you to go out in the world. 

See most people are stuck because they have dreams but no skills and no money. 
You seem to be stuck because of your mind, but you have skills and money.
Way better situation to be in. 




 

Edited September 23, 2020 by UDT

[John Mitchell]

@UDT I'm working out, i'm fit. Meditation, Yoga, Workouts every day. I'm now microdosing to try and deal with depression.

[Gili Trawangan]

8 hours ago, John Mitchell said:

with lots of free time

This is a problem, rumination is a result of not being busy. Find something to do and to keep busy. If I were you, I would start a project. One that keeps you busy and uses the mind to find solutions and learn how to get that project underway, instead of ruminating. What are you passionate about?

[Rolo]

@John Mitchell you need to develop skills in connecting with people, do workshops on stuff that interests you, go to burning man or if you are socially awkward do some communication skills course like conversational hypnosis or toastmasters. 

[hamedsf]

if they need some serious help from you why not but if you are moving back because you need them is not a good option. actually being life teaches you to be independent from all aspects. btw don't forget to learn the psychology of attraction to get yourself a girlfriend 

[LastThursday]

16 hours ago, John Mitchell said:

Yes im very well-off with lots of free time, social anxiety and depression 

@John Mitchell There's no right or wrong answer to moving back in with your parents. It will have its pros and its cons.

Whatever you do I would say that you need to concentrate on improving one thing though: your social anxiety. Depending on the severity of it, talking therapy may help or simply more exposure to social situations or both. I suspect both your depression and loneliness are a consequence of the social anxiety.

You could start gently by going out more and just be around people, no need to talk or engage. For example go to coffee shops or bars or libraries, galleries, and so on. Places where there are plenty of people. Get comfortable with being yourself around people first and take it from there.

[nahtanoj]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:51 PM, John Mitchell said:

@UDT I'm working out, i'm fit. Meditation, Yoga, Workouts every day. I'm now microdosing to try and deal with depression.

Look for therapy, do toastmasters, make friends, if you feel weird around people just look for weirdeir people. Also DO the LP course... Also be spontaneous change your routines as a software developer we are too much in our heads and looking for logic, drop that shit out of work, change the route to your house, go to a street you never been before and look everything with wonder, talk randomly with people in parks, visit an starbucks and start a conversation even with the barista. Do things that you don't plan, feel like a kid again. I'm doing this and is life changing. It is one of my values I found in the LP Course. 

Edited September 25, 2020 by nahtanoj

[Javfly33]

Start:

Pick up

Therapy

Psychedelics

..etc

Not necessary in that order.

But do something bro. And no, I wouldn't recommend you to move back to your parents unless you are very depressed

[kag101]

If you can afford it, I highly recommend you go to a good psychiatrist.

Depression and social anxiety are treatable illnesses.

[Origins]

Okay so I think a healthy process to contemplate this would be something like this:

• Is this good for my personal development?

- Listen to your intuition but at the same time, run various kinds of simulations in your mind that may even give you counterintuitive results. This is because our intuition is highly biased by past experience, so cultural conditioning and needless to say, familial attachment or their attachment to us. The following thought experiment is designed to get your brain to present you with new options, angles and so on through a process referred to as conceptual recombination, something that's often equated as creativity. 

For example, at least three separate scenarios per simulation , here's one simulation involving living on an island, say:
(1) where you're like the guy from Cast Away
(2) where you're living there under the premise of being a patient in a healing centre designed to help those with leprosy
(3) a third where you're there stranded with many people of your preferred sexual partner but they're totally incompatible with you
(4) another where you're there with a compatible opposite sexual partner (so you're just friends) and another where you're there with a friend and a compatible sexual partner but she cheats on you with the friend
(5) another where you're there with 50 people who decided to build a commune together and one of those people is a compatible romantic partner but they nor you ever cheat on one another.

Wonder what those various scenarios are like, include and remove things relative to your explorational preferences, imagine dinosaurs there even, or just something as realistic you want like potentially various farm animals that would most likely be on that island like a dodo bird used to be on at least one island, its up to you. How do you live? Are there predators? Are there threats to your values? What do you live in? Answer these in your own internal world as freely as you like.

Now shift the island scenario to any number of other scenarios you can think of or feel like thinking of, make sure you're in a comfortable space so that you can imagine and contemplate freely without restraint so you're able to be guided by your intuition as much as possible while at the same time enhancing it.

What this scenario building does is it at the very least momentarily resets the brains perception on its present condition relating to the corresponding real life scenario you're contemplating about. Ensuring you explore alternate pathways in the real world would be reflecting actual real life physical recombination, the more conceptual recombination you do on this situation the more likely physical recombination is more likely to occur. 

That's just a short answer but its a good exercise that I think will be useful for anyone who tries it.

 

[Michal__]

No.

[DreamScape]

don't even do it. you've gotta life to live! don't waste it or let it go bc youre having the wrong type of thoughts ((which we all do, more or less))

LIfe is literally waiting for you to put your hands in and love every moment that you're in. There's so much to do!!

Edited October 6, 2020 by DreamScape

[Average Investor]

I live with my mom currently and I can see how loneliness could spike up more on my own. I have thought about this a good bit myself. With the amount of friends I have has reduced quite a bit. Not much family I talk to. I realize though that this is what a lot of this work will bring you to. You can give into your desires for a quick fix that will not sustain, or face that loneliness head on. I think it is healthy to have contact with others though, so I am not suggestion to just cut out everyone. It could not hurt to maybe join a club or something that helps you fill your social needs a bit more. I realize how difficult it can be to find quality relationships once you start to develop more highly, but you can find friends or a girlfriend. It would likely be a big push in your development to work on attracting women too. 

Go out and get some fresh air at a park or something. I talk to strangers fairly often it seems like doing that. They usually start contact with me though.  That and possibly even meeting quality women there. 

[Michael569]

@John Mitchell I'd say probably not unless you suffer from a depression that is borderline suicidal or have any sort of other condition that requires that you need extra care. 

Moving back to parents will (in majority cases) threaten to pull you down the spiral. Parents will attempt to assume control over your life and over time, you will lose bits of your freedom. I don't mean it in a negative way but parents can be extremely controlling, 

Instead, I'd say it is good advice to force some socialisation, perhaps even try online dating, joining some sports clubs or board game clubs (like D&D or other), toastmasters, dancing classes etc. It is more difficult with covid but still possible. 

 

[Samuel Garcia]

@John Mitchell Hey man, it's so hard to give advice because it really depends on you. It's really nice to see a lot of people giving suggestions above, best to do what resonates with you, not what sounds good or what is the typical action to do. My opinion is, at least in my experience as a seeker of truth and love, is to turn towards spirituality. That's what many people realise is the only real solution.

Perhaps start with self-love. Here we mean, just learning to enjoy your life as it is. Enjoy being alone as you sit there. If you can easily sit for 15 mins and feel at peace at anytime as you ''drop out' of the world, you can slowly bring this into your social life and everyday life and socialise in a detached way - or not, whatever you choose to do. It will become clearer what you want in life and easier to follow your own intuition. But definitely start with yourself, because you deserve to be happy and be loved. 

If you resonate with what I am saying there are some great speakers on Youtube and books out there too. But anyway I really wish you the best. Keep going man. The universe always has a plan.

[vvv2k12]

why is everyone against him moving in with his parents? what would be the problem with that