Failure to Launch

[Raptorsin7]

I'm currently 25 and i'm struggling with maturing into a functioning adult and overcoming some ego developmental issues.

I live at home and over the past few months i've fallen into a serious rut and i'm pretty paralyzed with moving forward with my life. Although i'm 25, i'd say emotionally/maturity wise i'm still a teenager/child. I struggle with feelings of envy, shame, and a deep feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. When i look at job postings or think about my future, i just think/feel that i'm so far behind and i just feel hopeless and stop the search and look for an escape (mainly through food and video games). 

My parents mean well and they do their best, but i've been a huge devil in my life, and especially recently. I really resent my parents for how i turned out. I feel like a complete failure and loser, and i'm so ashamed for things have turned out so far in my life, and I blame/resent my parents for how they raised me and what they let happen. 

My thought process is completely toxic, and my habits are toxic as well (poor diet and little exercise), I take no responsibility for my life, and i'm a perpetual victim as well. 

The worst part is that i just feel helpless and hopeless, and i have strong desire/motivation to change. I know my life's a mess and i want to be happy and functional, but whenever i think of what it takes to get going, or make some progress, i just feel overwhelmed and give up. 

I feel like there's a million areas of my life that need improvement, but given what i've read on development there's definitely a hierarchy of stuff to work on, so i'm curious if anyone has resources or ideas on where to put my focus on improving. 

[electroBeam]

I want you to spend 30 minutes imagining your perfect self.

I want you to imagine what mindset you have, are you a positive thinker? When things go wrong, what do you think? How do you approach life? When someone dies, what does your perfect self do? How does your perfect self show compassion? What does your perfect self say to the loved ones of that dead person? When someone is lonely on the street, what does your perfect self say to that person? What does your perfect self do? When you're driving and your car breaks down, right before a huge meeting at work, what does your perfect self do? When you're in the shopping centre and your perfect self sees a kid, lonely, lost from her mum, crying in a corner, what does your perfect self do? When you are out in the park, and you see a bunch of kids stepping out a bunch of ants for fun, what does your perfect self do? What does your perfect self think? What does your perfect self say? How does your perfect self feel? When your perfect self's girlfriend gets bullied at school, what does your perfect self think? Say? Do? Feel?

How about enlightenment? Is your perfect self enlightened? God realized? How does your perfect enlightened God realized self see the world? Does he see the entire existence at once as being himself and one? Does he see all children as his own? Is the only desire for your perfect, God realized self to love each every being your perfect self comes into contact with? Does your perfect self just fully let go into the present moment, fully let go of control of everything, let go of his ego, his agenda, his beliefs, his views, his life, just so he can make room to love each and every thing in the universe?

Just really really feel that now. Feel who your perfect self is. Do it for 30 minutes.

Now your perfect self sees a user on the forum called Raptorsin16, and Raptonsin16 writes:

"

I'm currently 25 and i'm struggling with maturing into a functioning adult and overcoming some ego developmental issues.

I live at home and over the past few months i've fallen into a serious rut and i'm pretty paralyzed with moving forward with my life. Although i'm 25, i'd say emotionally/maturity wise i'm still a teenager/child. I struggle with feelings of envy, shame, and a deep feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. When i look at job postings or think about my future, i just think/feel that i'm so far behind and i just feel hopeless and stop the search and look for an escape (mainly through food and video games). 

My parents mean well and they do their best, but i've been a huge devil in my life, and especially recently. I really resent my parents for how i turned out. I feel like a complete failure and loser, and i'm so ashamed for things have turned out so far in my life, and I blame/resent my parents for how they raised me and what they let happen. 

My thought process is completely toxic, and my habits are toxic as well (poor diet and little exercise), I take no responsibility for my life, and i'm a perpetual victim as well. 

The worst part is that i just feel helpless and hopeless, and i have strong desire/motivation to change. I know my life's a mess and i want to be happy and functional, but whenever i think of what it takes to get going, or make some progress, i just feel overwhelmed and give up. 

I feel like there's a million areas of my life that need improvement, but given what i've read on development there's definitely a hierarchy of stuff to work on, so i'm curious if anyone has resources or ideas on where to put my focus on improving."

 

What would your perfect self do? What would your perfect self want? What would your perfect self feel? What would your perfect self say to this user?

Edited September 22, 2020 by electroBeam

[Mu_]

11 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I'm currently 25 and i'm struggling with maturing into a functioning adult and overcoming some ego developmental issues.

I live at home and over the past few months i've fallen into a serious rut and i'm pretty paralyzed with moving forward with my life. Although i'm 25, i'd say emotionally/maturity wise i'm still a teenager/child. I struggle with feelings of envy, shame, and a deep feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. When i look at job postings or think about my future, i just think/feel that i'm so far behind and i just feel hopeless and stop the search and look for an escape (mainly through food and video games). 

My parents mean well and they do their best, but i've been a huge devil in my life, and especially recently. I really resent my parents for how i turned out. I feel like a complete failure and loser, and i'm so ashamed for things have turned out so far in my life, and I blame/resent my parents for how they raised me and what they let happen. 

My thought process is completely toxic, and my habits are toxic as well (poor diet and little exercise), I take no responsibility for my life, and i'm a perpetual victim as well. 

The worst part is that i just feel helpless and hopeless, and i have strong desire/motivation to change. I know my life's a mess and i want to be happy and functional, but whenever i think of what it takes to get going, or make some progress, i just feel overwhelmed and give up. 

I feel like there's a million areas of my life that need improvement, but given what i've read on development there's definitely a hierarchy of stuff to work on, so i'm curious if anyone has resources or ideas on where to put my focus on improving. 

Sounds rough man, I feel for ya.  That said, I think your in a better spot then you realize, at least you know this instead of it just being a mystery and being thrown around by forces you just dont understand. 

I believe the first step in this process is to stop blaming your parents, its just not going to help or get anywhere, you could spend your whole life doing so and it would only make you feel either justified the way you are or infinitely resentful and still no closer to being what you want to be.

Next start taking smaller steps choosing 1-2 things you want to work on or towards and just commit and do them, this may mean working out 2-3 times a week to start and then maybe maxing out at 4, taking your time to reach that over the course of a 2-3 months.  Gradual over doing as much as you can humanly muster, but don't just half ass and do a few minutes here and there and just flake and pig out and disconnect on games (sure you can still do some of this, just keep it as a reward for times after you accomplished your new goals).

I'd start with (diet, sleep and exercise) as 1 block, because you'll get the biggest feel good results, and 2. I'd work on maybe freshening up your job skills or taking some classes if you need to. 

What kind of work are you looking for and what qualifications or schooling have you done so far?

Its really this simple on a certain level, and the sooner you just start the easier it will be, it may require you to call your own shit sometimes (dont be a raging asshole to yourself) and suck up some "I dont want to do it now" feelings and thoughts, but generally when you get started and keep with it, the thoughts become less heavy (not always, and sometimes you just have to go through this).

[RickyBalboa]

Jesus Christ dude, I feel like I could have written that verbatim. I don't have any advice, because if I did have any answers for you, I would be applying them to my own life. Wishing you the best of luck and letting you know you aren't alone. 

[Raptorsin7]

@electroBeam Okay i'll give this a shot. So the main purpose of this is just to visualize the absolute greatest version of myself, and try to picture and feel how he would respond to my life?

I feel like i'm engaging in fantasy/delusional thinking when i do this. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

14 hours ago, Mu_ said:

. I'd work on maybe freshening up your job skills or taking some classes if you need to. 

What kind of work are you looking for and what qualifications or schooling have you done so far?

I have a bachelor's degree in biology, but the only work i can get is maybe some part time lab work but i sucked at labs in school. I feel like my degree is useless and isn't really helpful at all in terms of finding a job.

I basically don't want to do anything besides hide in my house and play video games and eat junk food. The thought of just getting a normal job makes me feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I just feel kinda fucked and hopeless, i'm getting on antidepressants so hopefully it helps me feel a bit better.

[electroBeam]

32 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 

I feel like i'm engaging in fantasy/delusional thinking when i do this. 

What's interesting is, you feel like your story you wrote in the OP is true. Yet you have no scientific studies to back it up, I doubt anyone has told you that story directly, there's no bible that says "if I work at mcdonalds I'm a failure!" Plenty of immigrants would love to work in mcdonalds as a canadian. Your only source of evidence is basically you believing in it.

How do you know you're not already engaging in fantasy/delusion in your original post?

 

[DrewNows]

@Raptorsin7 A great way to reflect on your situation and realize your life purpose is to know your north node in astrology. This will also shine light on your karma (the south node), so you can be more self forgiving and motivated to keep your attention in the right areas to promote the growth you wish to see 

song for the ride with your “failure to launch” (Houston we have a problem) 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2020 by DrewNows

[Eva]

Nicely reflected, well done. You have the awareness, but it sounds like what you're currently missing is taking 100% responsibility. Leo has a nice video about the subject, maybe check it out.

EDIT: He also talks about victim mindset in several of his videos, those are useful too as a starter.

Edited September 23, 2020 by Eva

[Jacob Morres]

Big hugs man ? 

I feel you and I understand 

For me, I'm doing some emotional healing work. That seems to be helping. Its a letting go meditation by David R. Hawkins 

From what it looks like, this all seems overcomable. I think becoming aware of what's wrong is a great first step. 

You are completely perfect and worthy of love exactly where you are. Totally okay man 

A thought/suggestion - a good life coach could help you sort your life together. Maybe one that is patient too, im thinking

Also you could try leos power of asking questions video. You can design a road map and get some good questions from that to help you get through this. 

Lastly, just felt the need to say this but there is tons of great meditations on the "wellness app". Like ones that can help you gain clarity, find patience, get answers to life problems etc. 

all is well my friend , you will get through this <3 

Edited September 23, 2020 by Jacob Morres

[Leo Gura]

On 9/21/2020 at 7:50 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

I really resent my parents for how i turned out. I feel like a complete failure and loser, and i'm so ashamed for things have turned out so far in my life, and I blame/resent my parents for how they raised me and what they let happen.

The 1st step will be taking 100% responsibility and ownership over the unfolding of your life.

If you want a good life, you will have to bite the bullet and built it. No one will build it for you. No one will even tell you to build it, except maybe me

[Preety_India]

Maybe start with changing your diet. 

 

[Mu_]

8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I have a bachelor's degree in biology, but the only work i can get is maybe some part time lab work but i sucked at labs in school. I feel like my degree is useless and isn't really helpful at all in terms of finding a job.

I basically don't want to do anything besides hide in my house and play video games and eat junk food. The thought of just getting a normal job makes me feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I just feel kinda fucked and hopeless, i'm getting on antidepressants so hopefully it helps me feel a bit better.

Sorry bud, but you gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some steps, hell do it while feeling sorry for yourself. 

Also from what I've gathered from friends who have degrees that dont hire a lot of people, is some companies will hire for jobs that people dont have a degree in as long as they have a degree of some sort, it just shows that you can learn.  Just look at the qualifications of a job you may like or a field you want to get into, sometimes its just learning some extra skills +proving you've gone through a 4 year degree to land a job.  But ya, work on yourself dude, I believe ya.

[communitybuilder]

@Leo Gura How do you take full responsibility for your life if you have no free will? Genuinely confused on this point. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by communitybuilder

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

On the loa front, my son has been a chemist for 2-3 years, and was even promoted to lab supervisor...and he hasn’t even finished his bachelor’s yet. He even has a few patents. One is the process water bottles are turned into the foam in the seats of Ford vehicles. Attitude is more important than a degree (or anything else). 

@communitybuilder You can’t find free will because you’re made of ‘it’. You simple do it. Thinking retards doing, especially thinking about wether you have free will or not, ‘responsibility for your life’, etc, just do what you want to do. Careful not to conceptualize your own life away, you know?

[Raptorsin7]

@DrewNows I checked it out and it was pretty accurate in describing where I'm at. Theres a lot of people in this generation who are struggling with what I'm doing through now, and I have thought big picture if I solve this I'd likely just try and help others with this 

@Jacob Morres Thanks for the support. I'm seeing a psychiatrist right now, and I was speaking to a psychologist but I now have to find someone I can speak to less frequently.

@Preety_India I agree, I'm struggling with changing it but without some basics foundation it's hard to make progress I guess.

[Raptorsin7]

@Mu_ Honestly I'm really hung up on the victim mindset. I do feel sorry for myself, and there's just of parts of my psyche that are completely toxic. I don't know if I just have to give it time or what, but I've been stuck in this pattern for months now and although I do want to be better, theres no real drive or committment to improve.

@Leo Gura I'd say right now I take no responsibility for my life, but i if I'm going to move forward this is the area that really needs to change. Part of me doesnt know how to, the other part is afraid of the work and pain that I'd go through to actually take that responsibility.

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm My attitude is the most toxic part of me. When I read postings about required character traits I just realize that I'm the exact opposite of who anyone would want to hire. 

I'm not even super interested in lab work, it's just one of the few things I have actual credentials for.

Its always the same question, how do I become the kind of person who takes responsibility, works hard, has a good attitude etc when right now I'm a million miles from that guy 

[Nahm]

On 9/24/2020 at 1:18 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

@Nahm My attitude is the most toxic part of me.

Not true. It’s something you’re doing right now. You are not ‘parts’.  It feels incredibly untrue, but you’re doing / saying it once again, anyways. 

If you’re aware you’re saying that - then who are you talking about?!  The “other you”?

Quote

When I read postings about required character traits I just realize that I'm the exact opposite of who anyone would want to hire. 

Then don’t read it. And don’t internalize it.  You’ve never once (and never will) experience what anyone else is thinking. What you’re experiencing is the perspective you are choosing. Not someone else’s. 

Quote

I'm not even super interested in lab work, it's just one of the few things I have actual credentials for.

Get a job?

Quote

Its always the same question, how do I become the kind of person who takes responsibility, works hard, has a good attitude etc when right now I'm a million miles from that guy 

You could stop telling the story about yourself which feels terrible, because and only because, it feels terrible. 

“I’m a million miles away from what I want”. 

And so it is. 

“I’m writing what I am wanting on my dreamboard, and letting go of all the ‘how’ thinking, and just doing anything and everything that feels good to me, and letting go, and receiving what I have written on my dreamboard”. 

And so it is. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm I'm aware I'm saying it (even as I think this) but I'm identified with the mind I guess. I'm not living as if I'm the awareness, I haven't broken through to that prior space yet 

I'm completely disconnected from what feels good. The dream board runs on wants that feel good right? But theres nothing I can think of that makes me feel good in wanting it. 

Related question about the dream board, why can't you manifest I want @Raptorsin7 to wake up and "get" the teachings and then do stuff that feels good etc?

I don't have a job, I've been looking but I've been just dragging my heels. Part shame/embarrassment, part fear that i cant do it, and just a sense of I'm miserable and getting a job won't solve that so whats the point