Bright Brilliant Beautiful

[Preety_India]

I just want to heal heal heal. 

 

Coming out of an intensely narcissistic abusive relationship and to feel healthy and normal is a very difficult and arduous process. 

It needs post trauma therapy. 

Your self esteem and self worth has been injured big time. 

The other thing is the constant feeling of anxiety I used to feel in the relationship, the need to impress my boyfriend at all costs. 

Narcissistic abuse starts pretty quickly in the relationship and before you realise, it has already gotten you. 

The sense of shame and fear is extremely high. 

The person assumes an authoritarian relationship 

Initially the guy acts like a protector and lover and slowly he starts to take a domineering position in the partner's life. 

It usually starts with control, manipulation and verbal abuse. That's where it escalates. 

You feel helpless because you're deeply plagued by the fear of losing the relationship if you don't agree to the narcissist. 

This is also the time when you start experiencing mental distress symptoms where the person's level of control in your life begins to create an enormous anxiety in you. 

The pressure to be the best girlfriend keeps mounting. 

I remember how Joseph used to control each and every aspect of my life. If he rang the doorbell, I used to feel very startled and anxious. 

This is a significant symptom of being controlled by a narcissist where you begin to feel fear in their presence.. 

You're afraid of their judgement about every little thing. 

It takes time to get over the hold and power of a narcissist and be able to confront them on their domineering and threatening or controlling behavior. 

I slowly began to open up. It took me a year to feel confident enough with Joseph and ask him questions over his behavior or be able to tell him to stop hurtful behavior. 

This is difficult and needs a lot of confidence. 

It also needs a maturity to be able to accept the consequences of what that person will do once they are confronted. 

The fear of losing the relationship needs to be removed and replaced by the love and compassion for self.. 

 

A relationship should create love, not fear. 

[Preety_India]

The one thing that I deeply deeply want is to never be around a narcissist. 

But it's very tough. Because I have a very poor judgment although I know now a narcissist behaves, I always fail to connect the dots. 

And I'm never very self aware to be able to start a diagnosis 

 

One thing that can be done to solve this endemic issue is to keep a record. And keep an eye. Be on the watch. Be careful and already prep the mind to repel a potential narcissist. 

 

[Preety_India]

Trauma and the deep deep psyche 

Different types of psyche. 

Psyche is usually a good word to be used while describing any form of trauma. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Potential signs of a narcissist 

 

 

 

 

 

Also signs in yourself of having suffering or still suffering narcissistic abuse (signs of suffering narcissistic abuse) 

Lack of sleep.. I started losing sleep early on in the relationship due to anxiety instilled by the partner 

Feeling anxious alll the time 

Happiness is experienced in doses 

Weight gain or weight loss 

Feeling of being controlled 

Feeling of guilt without incident 

Feeling of being abandoned or isolated 

Feeling of fear 

A general depressed state 

A feeling of humiliation on occasion 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Potential signs of a narcissist 

 

 

Any discussion is sabotaged 

He is never interested in hearing 

He only talks about himself 

He never gives attention 

He acts selfish

When you ask for affection, he deprives you and leaves you alone 

He assumes too much 

He projects too much 

He invents a lie to either cover up his mistake or make you feel guilty 

He will gaslight you. 

He will be very contradictory 

If you say that you like something, he will try to negate it or tell you to not do what you like 

 

He will control your freedoms 

If you are feeling tired or weak, he will make you feel like a failure 

 

If you don't like something, he will make you feel guilty for not liking it 

He can use abuse words during an argument

 

 If he did something wrong like cheating or any other, then when you confront him, he will make you feel guilty or get very angry. And shut down the discussion instead of trying to come to a resolution 

He never gives you closure on anything, leaves you open ended on everything 

 

He will resort to threatening when you are trying to leave the relationship 

 

He will tell you to cut ties with your family members in order to isolate you. 

In matters of sex, 

He will only want you when you needs you sexually. Other times he will ignore you. He might even insult you when you are trying to be affectionate. 

When you are in a sexual mood, he will dismiss you. It should only happen when he wants and how he wants. Your sexual needs are pretty much ignored and neglected. 

He will chastise, mock, ridicule and make you look small or unimportant. 

He will bully you 

If you are having a mental breakdown, he will either scorn you or laugh at you rather than being empathetic or supportive. 

He will make you feel like a loser all the time

He will compare you with other people in a disparaging way 

 

He will criticize you non stop 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Another aesthetic is this 

 

A cabin in the woods. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Narcissistic gaze. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 3, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Floating house aesthetic 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Vintage house aesthetic

 

 

Abandoned hospital(miserable, haunted) aesthetic

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

A narcissist will never respect your presence, existence, your identity and or self esteem or worth 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

How does it feel to be with a non narcissist? 

The answer is brilliant. 

 

They respect you.

They create security and hope 

They create happiness and comfort 

They create positivity 

And they bring sanity and progress 

 

They are chill 

 

Edited October 4, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Like I said, the ones who genuinely love and care create 

Hope 

Security 

Trust 

Closure 

Completeness 

Accommodation 

Welcome and support 

TSDLYB 

This time the streets will love you back. 

TSTLYB - the streets that love you back. 

 

 

 

 

I used to ride the bike as a kid. And a lot of it. 

So to me, a kid riding a bike in the neighborhood is a sign of security, peace, freedom and acceptance 

 

This is a powerful aesthetic. The street aesthetic. 

Have you ever felt a feeling of homeliness when you see streets familiar to those that you saw as a child? 

It's a sentimental nostalgic thing. 

 

Edited October 4, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Always be attached to good things, not bad things. 

And learn to forgive and let go. Because forgiveness is taking the higher road. But don't be foolish. 

 

And if something bad has happened and ended, be grateful and glad that it has ended. Because it's continuation would have caused more harm. So if the bad has gone then be happy that it's gone. It's good that the bad has ended or shown itself 

The bad has detached from you, the parasite has detached from you 

And understand that the comfort or love or attachment or family feeling or support that I'm seeking is not going to come from a bad place. It has to come from a loving place or a loving person. 

And heartless and selfish go together. 

Edited October 4, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The behavior of bipolars. 

One thing I noticed with the bipolar person is that they either show extreme rage or extreme joy or exhilaration or extreme neurosis or extreme silence. 

So when are they silent? 

When they feel hurt, or shattered or emotional upheaval or depressed. 

They don't open up rather they shut down if they got a hit in the heart 

 

[Preety_India]

What to do when someone treats you badly 

 

— be very independent (emotionally) 

 

— understand that you are getting hurt because you are being vulnerable 

—

—

—

—