Bright Brilliant Beautiful

[Preety_India]

Bunch of concepts /insights 

 

? Give freedom to the self and the ideals of the self 

 

? Find self - liberation 

 

? Find greater acceptance. Find peace in acceptance and compromise. This is the way of things instead of being constantly triggered, trying to change, trying to resist. Accept and find power in acceptance. Remember Karma has it's way.. 

No point in resisting too much. Acceptance is liberation. 

 

? Create your own beautiful haven. 

 

? Aesthetics need to go with the sequence 

 

? Consider yourself free. Liberate the mind. Remove all feelings of "to want to resist"... 

 

? Work from a place of centering, Grounding, freedom, acceptance, zero resistance, toxicity release (vented and discarded), lightness, de-stressed, balance and calm, smoothness and closure. Sense of completeness and equilibrium 

 

 

? When nothing is free, set your mind free. At least the inner haven cannot be attacked. 

 

? An outer mind and an inner mind. 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Why not live in comfort? 

The whole idea of comfort is foreign to me. 

This is because of my PTSD 

I have never felt a deep sense of comfort. 

I have always been thrown to the limits of despair. 

This has made the notion of comfort an alien to me. 

It's like I have to force myself to get some rest. Or else I will be working 24/7 like a maniac 

This obsession in me to work till my death on the desk is also a form of PTSD. 

I have been ingrained since childhood by my mother with the thought that I am Incapable, worthless and will never amount to anything in life. 

This sort of maternal abuse at an early age in my life, ages of 6 to 18, the most intense years of my  maternal abuse have given me a permanent state of PTSD. 

Often times I don't sleep at all. 

I feel the need to keep working to prove to myself that I'm not as bad as my mother thought I was. 

This eternal need in me to seek the validation of a woman, a mother who never gave me a sense of closure, it drives me insane. 

The past few days I have been confronting this feeling. 

 

I never saw my mother resting. She would be working non stop. 

And in return I never learned how to rest myself. 

I was always made to think that comfort is a bad idea. 

These days I'm challenging that idea. 

Why not take comfort? Why not rest? 

A lot of this has to do with Self Destruction. 

The only way to deal with my childhood abuse was self destruction. 

I was a self destructing teen

Cutting myself to release blood was a normal thing. 

Locking myself in a bathroom when I was 17 to get away from my mother's abuse was a daily thing. 

I used to play sad music, trying to vent my frustration and despair in an abusive environment 

Multiple suicide attempts. 

But all of it is just an endless cycle of self destruction. 

And I must say that I have come a long way from all of that. 

There has been tremendous progress in the past few years. A lot of it is psychological. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Why not live in comfort? 

These days I have been convincing myself to use some comfort and not be so hard on myself. 

I think one of the reasons why I treat my own self so harshly is because I don't love myself. 

This state of not being able to love myself comes from the feeling that my mother never loved me. 

Not getting maternal love can lead to a lot of self destruction. 

But I need to somehow break this cycle of not being able to love myself. 

So yes, I need to let my body live in comfort. Let my mind some peace and calm and comfort. Because it deserves it.. 

And it's beautiful to welcome comfort and get used to it... 

 

I think this deep sense of lack and deprivation is very Incapacitating. 

 

 

If I were to create a family of kids, I swear to God, I would never raise them the way my mother raised me. 

I would teach them comfort and happiness, I would teach them abundance and not deprivation.. 

I would never tell them "we don't have this. We don't have that." 

I would never tell them that they are not enough.. 

I would hug them to death and tell them that we have everything that we need. There is nothing to worry. Live in comfort my child. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

How to be kind to the self and how to set the self free? 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

I will be creating a personalized or customized aesthetic set for which I need some ideas.. 

I thought about the moon aesthetic but that's not very useful. 

Right now I have two thoughts in my mind that I will write in the next post. 

The set of aesthetics 7 things 

1 initiation ceremony - this will be like Grounding. It can be a bonfire. Starter kit. I can also do the Centering exercise 

2 keeping a timer. Solid timer. 

3 Chain Colored Lights method (draw and write, scribble) each light is goals, Completions, Bounty, 2 earthen pots method 

4 forest aesthetic...in the background. 

5 bonfire exercise 

6 doctor technique

7 Fireplace aesthetic 

8... More ideas 

 

 

[Preety_India]

How to live in a toxic system? 

Survival Guide 

 

[Preety_India]

Horrible dream. 

I had a horrible dream last night. A nightmare. 

It was related to coronavirus. In the dream everyone is telling each other that the coronavirus is much more than what we are thinking. 

The terror is real. 

The dream starts with me and my family returning from the US with my extended family of uncles. 

We in flight. After some time we are at the airport and then we grab our bags and come to our apartment.. 

In the apartment its all quiet and we put on the lights 

Then we sit down and get some rest. 

My uncles are chatting with me.. 

After a while they start playing puzzles with me. 

They are doing the puzzles faster than me.. I'm kinda trying to do the easy ones. 

I can hear some sounds but I'm not paying attention. Like bomb dropping sounds. I'm thinking it's fireworks. 

After some time the uncles introduce me to one of their friend's son who is my age. He looks cute. 

He steals the phone out of my hand and runs off to the end of the balcony. It's cold outside. I chase after him. I ask him what he wants to do with my phone. And he shows me that he wants to add a notification or reminder. 

Then he shows me how he does it. I'm curious to know. I take my phone and come back to the room. 

The uncles are still sitting there playing the puzzles.. 

I feel like the phone software is too complicated and I'm still trying to figure out how he created a special notification. 

After some time my younger aunt and uncle come into the room.. 

My aunt looking at me angrily that I'm still playing. She is lecturing me and mumbling something. 

Then she wraps herself in a bath robe and talking to her husband. 

Both are chatting when suddenly something catches her attention. She looks across the room. To the other side of the room is a very large window fully open and curtains pulled to the sides. It's late evening and it's dark outside. She can't imagine what she is seeing. 

She darts to get a closer glimpse. She is standing at the window completely horrified 

She can see the view of the entire city from this large window. 

It looks like 9/11. The whole scenery.. 

She can see blaze in the sky, everything is looking hot Orange and she can see tall buildings in the far, just collapsing, one building after another falling like dominos, I'm looking at it now and all I can see is fire in the distance and the light from the fire shows the buildings falling on their own like in an earthquake and lot of dust and smoke coming off like huge balls of clouds and releasing towards the sky.. 

It seems like it's coming closer feels like even our building will have the same fate within a few minutes.. 

We are in panic 

Suddenly a tall muscular man in the outfit of a captain or air pilot walks in and tells us to hurry up immediately and grab and go to the nearest place for a shelter. 

I run out with everyone holding each other's hands in sheer panic. 

But I immediately get the thought of the medicine bag that contains my family's medicines 

So I immediately shrug the hand holding me run back to my room to fetch it. By this time the fire is too close. 

I find the medicine bag and grab it and hastily make my way out to where my family is waiting. Then we are all huddled into a space like a shelter where I can see all other people and children. 

The terror continues as I can hear the sound of explosions. These are not bombings. Someone explains us this is the effect of the coronavirus. 

Some strain of the coronavirus has caused tremendous increase in the earth's temperature causing tectonic change and this has set into motion an awful natural disaster unprecedented in human history. 

I have a look of shock on my face. I can't imagine the world is ending so quickly. 

Dream ends.. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This was by far the most petrifying nightmare I ever had. 

Especially the scene of the wildfire with smoke and hot orange light and buildings falling.. 

[Preety_India]

Either we can fight for our survival as an individual or as a group of like minded people.. 

 

Extreme survival 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

The price of Unconsciousness 

 

Am I supposed to guilt myself for my actions? 

Am I supposed to live in regret? 

Am I supposed to feel like I'm unwise? 

 

Sometimes we pay a heavy price for being unwise. 

But then I ask myself, would it have been good if I had been wiser from the start. 

If I don't jump in the cold water, how would I know how cold the water is. 

How would I know things that I didn't know? 

But because I jumped I learned things, new things, amazing things, depressing things. All sorts of things. 

I achieved growth by jumping straight into it. 

But I got hurt by the cold water. It made swim my way out of the water. 

In hindsight, swimming out feels like a wise decision and I don't wish to swim back in, but the question remains if swimming was wise in the first place? 

I could have avoided the whole thing by not swimming at all. 

But only by swimming I realized what was in the water. 

This is the price of Unconsciousness. 

The only consolation is that I did not drown. 

I took the risk. I went in for the swim.. I know it would be stupid to do it again but wasn't all this unconscious madness worth it? 

Because only when you are exposed to lies, can you know the truth. 

If you are already fed with the truth on a silver platter, how would you know what lies are? 

The experience of such a lie would never exist. 

 

 

Life has always been a paradox to me. To be or not to  be is the  question. 

 

To be Conscious and Mindful is good. 

But at the same time, it means to forgo all the experiences and rich valuable lessons that are taught by being unconscious. 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Sometimes you have to be a little unwise and un-innocent to have greater truths revealed to you 

 

Sometimes your heart wants you to do things that are not exactly conscious or mindful but it wants you to do these mistakes or get waylaid in order for your greater good 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

You don't have to go further down the rabbit hole. 

It's okay to get trapped once in a while. 

Of course it's important to realize conscious traps and then avoid these traps consciously or on purpose. 

But awareness of these traps is even more important than being trapped in them. 

Don't be afraid of getting trapped. 

If you are trapped in something that you weren't aware, it's good for the time being, because this is your growth, this is how you become aware of traps. 

But once you are aware, you can avoid them in the future. Once you have become aware of the rabbit holes, it's time to move on.. You don't have to go further down the rabbit hole. 

 

Awareness of a mistake is more important than committing a mistake 

[Preety_India]

 

Is this a new kind of awakening? 

If I separate myself from everything, literally everything, how would I feel? 

 

Would this be a new kind of awakening? 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

They are oppositional and contradictory. 

Also a ton of word salad.. Narcissistic new agey ego. 

Very bigoted and myopic. 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Man's search for meaning. 

Man's search for a life 

Man's search for love 

Man's search for acceptance

Man's search for peace 

Man's search for survival and comfort. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Let whatever I said be  a memory. Let it stay when I'm gone. Because memory is all that is left in the end. Words spoken. Words read. Words understood. 

A haunting reminder that the words were true 

Immortal are words. Because lives disappear like dried leaves in the wind. 

 

 

 

 

 

When the pain is great, the ego is equally great. 

[Preety_India]

The remnant 

What is left in the end is a legacy in the form of a book. 

A voice from the grave that was never heard, never listened to. 

 

All the good disappears and becomes a memory. A memory of a golden age. 

That's the story of the world in short. 

This legacy is immortal. The memory is immortal. 

It makes perfect sense because anything that is matter is destroyed one day and meets the dust. 

But something like memory is not material and so can't be destroyed. Hence it remains immortal. 

 

God found a perfect way of immortalizing things and pissing off the devil. 

[Preety_India]

I forgot about the whole chapter thing. 

I need to get it done. 

 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Trump is really bad for mental health. 

Kinda screws you up. 

But he is nearly everywhere. Just can't escape his presence on the internet. 

No idea what more antics I have to see in the future. But I'm really tired of Trump. He is on TV 24/7. He is on YouTube and all social media. 

If he becomes President I will have to find a safer way of browsing the internet. 

And I'll do that 

This is the only last time I'm going to put up with his presence. Only till November just because I'm very curious about the elections. 

But once the election is over, I'll be done with the whole damn thing. 

It takes up too much space. 

His drama is non stop. 

Another 4 years will be so unbearable for the entire world. 

It will be like coming out of a psychological holocaust 

I can't imagine one man having such a negative impact on the world psyche. 

Literally everyone around me speaks about Trump and there is no YouTube channel that doesn't mention him at least once in a while 

 

Argh 

 

[Preety_India]

The other thing that I'm really really really tired of is the coronavirus 

They have installed a lockdown again. The shops around my place are closed. So no going out. 

I just want to go out so so bad. I want to travel. Meet friends. Do shopping. I want to go out to places and eateries and just go on a vacation. Beach etc. 

I just feel so depressed locked in the house like this. 

If I go out it's for groceries. Rest everything is forbidden. 

I just want this damn virus gone forever. I feel depressed just thinking about it. It creates a negative feeling, all the fear. 

The constant fear of this virus is tiring. 

Hopefully it goes and never ever comes back 

I just wanna pray pray pray