Trip Report #1: White boy tripping balls in the amazon jungle on ayahuasca

[Sanity]

This trip report is written in a storytelling mode. It was written three years ago, where I barely knew anything about actualized.org, enlightenment and levels of consciousness. This was my very first psychedelic experience. The trip was in the Amazon jungle in Peru supervised by two shamans. I hope you like it!   

+++ THE TRIP +++

Weird Voodoo guy - “Okay boys you have to drink 8 glasses of volcanic water before you can go to the ceremony”.

We were looking on a lemon lookalike juice in a huge jar, which approximately must have been 8 or 10 litres.

Rasmus - “shiiit I only thought it was one glass or something we had to drink"

Weird Voodoo guy – “When you are finished, you should be shitting clear water. If you feel like puking, don’t hold it, it is part of the purification.”

Weird Voodoo guy - “Remember to constantly drink and walk around meanwhile, it speeds up the process"

Weird Voodoo guy - “If you haven’t started shitting after the fourth glass, you have to go out on the street and power walk for a bit"

I and Aqqaluk were looking at each other and was thinking, is this really happening?

Weird Voodoo guy - “Okay boys start drinking! See you in two hours"

We filled up the glasses and said cheers with a smile.

The smile disappeared quickly on Aqqaluk’s face. The taste was awful, it definitely didn’t taste anything like lemonade at all!.

It didn’t take a long time before Aqqaluk started puking from the volcanic water. I was laughing for a bit, but not for long. I myself suddenly had to rush towards the toilet, to deliver a nuclear blast of fluid shit. It was a mess!

There was only one toilet…. Oooh god, why? Before we knew it, we had to run in intervals to the toilet. We even had to set a time limit for how long we were allowed to be on the toilet because otherwise one of us would shit our pants.

Rasmus -“ Aqqaluk hurry up! I’m so close to shitting in my pants right now!”

The shit became clearer and clearer. I took myself looking down in the toilet at one point in amazement.

Rasmus inner dialogue -“damn my shit is literally clearer than my morning piss now".

3 Hours had passed, we both had sour asses from whipping. Aqqaluk had giant bags under his eyes, because of multiple puking sessions. But… we were finally ready for the ayahuasca ceremony.

Shaman translator – “okay boys, let’s go to the temple"

Doing the taxi drive to the temple, the shaman asked us several questions.

Shaman translator - “What substances have you tried?”

Shaman translator – “How is your relationship with your parents?”

Shaman translator - “do you have any traumas"?

The shaman translator explained to us, that the ayahuasca will get us in touch with our unconsciousness mind. It will trigger the mind to let traumatic experiences and problems to re-surface in the mind, which then will get you in touch with your true self.

Shaman translator – “Your true self might be way different than you actually think. some people experience total character changes when they get in touch with their deep true self”.

Shaman translator – “Doing your session there will be five shamans guiding you through your session.

- The protector shaman, which will keep you safe.

- The connector shaman, which will connect you to the realm.

- The healer shaman, which will help you heal.

The last two I don’t remember, there was too much information.

One hour later we arrived at the temple. I and Aqqaluk were sitting outside the ceremony room and discussing how many of the things the shaman said, which actually was facts among shamans and how much was just her personal opinion.

It was quiet at the temple and the walls were decorated with animal faces carved out in stone.

Aqqaluk - if you had to choose one of the animals on the wall, which animal would you be?

Rasmus – Hmm I would probably be the B.....

I was supposed to say the bull, but I got interrupted by the shaman mid-sentence.

Shaman translator – Okay boys the ceremony will start now.

Before entering the room, we had to smear a weird smelling liquid on our clothes.

Shaman translator – This liquid will keep you safe.

We entered the room. There were two matrasses with a pillow and a blanket on top of it.

We took a sit on the matrasses. In front of us was the Amazon shaman, who was going to control the ceremony. There was a mysterious vibe to the Amazon shaman. In front of her, there was a big variety of bottles of palm leaves and cigars?

The Amazon shaman started to say something in Portuguese.

Shaman translator – The Amazon shaman has just arrived from the Amazon jungle to join this ceremony, she is looking forward to giving birth to two new ayahuasca babies.

The shaman translator walks over to a stack of buckets to collect two and places them next to our mattresses.

Shaman translator – 99 % of all participants pukes after awhile, after taking the ayahuasca.

If you don’t puke, then don’t worry.

A week earlier...

I and Aqqaluk are in Lima And hanging out with this “nice" Californian guy, who lives with his wife in Lima. We later found out, that he was a scammer (His job was to lure tourist to shops and bars and overcharge everything which was ordered). But we nevertheless had a good chat with him, and we told him that we were going to try Ayahuasca in Cusco.

Californian scammer – oh no guys, don't even think about trying that poison. I tried a lot of drugs throughout my life, but I would never ever get close to that poison. People die from it, it contains some of the same elements as rat poison”

I and Aqqaluk looked at each other confused, we have never read anything about people dying from it before.

Californian scammer – “if you don’t puke from it, you will die, don’t be stupid boys. You have a long life ahead of you"

We later did some more research, and the only severe case we could find. Were two Australian buddies, which had served in the military. Both had post-traumatic stress and went to an Ayahuasca retreat to heal themselves. Mid-session one of Australians pulled a knife because of the intensity of the experience and stabbed his friend…

Back at the ceremony...

The Amazon shaman brings forward a black liquid and pours it into two cups.

Shaman translator – the state your purpose of this journey, how can the ayahuasca help you?

Rasmus’s inner dialogue – Exploration, understanding of life in general, Personal development, fix my insecurities and visit my traumatizing experience 11th life’s ago.

Two years earlier…

A few years ago my parents gave me a free ticket to an alternative healer.

Short Childhood recap….

My parents have their own company, which sells alternative health products and are having a bunch of seminars for a lot of weird voodoo, Hocus Pocus and alternative things. Due to this, I have tried a bunch weird stuff throughout the years, such as sitting in a huge group meditation, which claimed to manifest a new consciousness to people around the world. I even remember one time, I was sitting around a table with a crystal ball together with a bunch of wacky people. The room was pitch black and we were singing like a bunch of weirdos. The ceremony was meant to summon ghostly activity, and after a half an hour or so, weird stuff was happening, which I really cannot explain. I’m still not sure to this day, if it was all in my mind, some kind of scam or if it really was happening. Let’s just say that I tend to just go with the flow, when I’m at my parent's company, and I’m not asking too many questions, because there won’t come any satisfying answers to my questions anyway, which would make logical sense. I could probably have ignored everything, which was happing at my parent's company, if I wanted too, buuuut I’m too curious of nature to do that, and believe it or not, it was actually fun. In the start, I was also telling my friends about all the weird stuff, which was happening at my parent's company. But I stopped because everybody would bully me for believing in such nonsense. So, I stopped and just told friends, that they were selling Jewellery and rented rooms for massage and things like that.

Okay back to the alternative healer….

The alternative healer asked me, what we should work on, so I stated that I wanted to remove my exam anxiety. She dug into the problem, and the main reason for my anxiety was apparently not the exam itself, but my fear of not fulfilling my dreams in general. She tried to dig into where this fear came from, and apparently, it was a traumatizing experience 11th life’s ago... super Weird, but hey I’m not sure what’s normal in my life anymore... During the session, I saw a vision of myself as a girl standing on a bridge and suddenly a shark jumps up from the waves and eats me. Nothing in the vision really made any sense, but she said not to worry about that, instead, she would just try to dig down into the feeling to remove the fear. After the session, my exam anxiety was actually removed, which was kind of remarkable, how and why? I don’t know, but who cares anyway, if it works it works. After the session I always wanted to understand the vision, so for this reason, I stated that I wanted to revisit my 11th life.

Back to the ceremony...

I and Aqqaluk drank the liquid. The drinks were tasting absolutely disgusting.

Rasmus inner dialogue – I could use some water right now, to remove this disgusting taste from my mouth.

Shaman translator – you are first allowed to drink water when you have puked up the ayahuasca.

Rasmus inner dialogue – “aaaah go fuck yourself!? Shiiiit, I really hope shamans can’t read thoughts... Think nice thoughts… think nice thoughts… there is only nice thoughts here…. Phew, calm down… caaaalm down… Hmmm, I wonder what it is like to have sex with a shaman… she is probably super dirty… WHAT the fuuuck!? Really brain… really… why the fuck, would you think that now…”

The Amazon shaman pulled up a cigar looking items up of her pocket, turned it on, inhaled it and blew it into our faces while saying some mysterious sentences in Portuguese.

The Amazon shaman took a sit in front of us and started singing.

Rasmus Inner dialogue – Oooh shit, I have to take a shit.

Rasmus – Can I use the bathroom?

Shaman translator – yeah sure, go ahead, it’s right over there.

I was still shitting pour fluids... absolutely disgusting.

I went to the sink to wash my hands. There was no water.

Rasmus inner dialogue – why the fuck is there no water? Oooh well... dirty hands it is...

I walk back to the room where the Amazon shaman still was singing like a complete weirdo.

Shaman translator – There is no need to use your eyes under this session. Close your eyes, you should mainly use your third eye.

Rasmus inner dialogue – eeeehhm okay, if you say so…. Weirdoo… Shhhh… shut the fuck up brain…

30 min has passed, I'm sitting with closed eyes, the shaman is still singing. I don’t feel anything and are wondering if anything will happen at all.

Rasmus inner dialogue - “Did I just pay for a concert? Bunch of scammers I tell you! No good sons of bitches….shut up brain…”

35-50 min into the session a lot of lines in different colours started to appear. It was like a laser show at a rave party or concert. Out of nowhere, I find myself in a tunnel with moving gold veins with colourful symbols in the centre. It was both animal symbols, and symbols you would see in ancient cave drawings. The tunnel was beautiful... it is hard to even explain all its majestic details.

I observe and admire the tunnel for a while. At some point I see Aqqaluk in there as well, he seems blown away by the tunnel’s beauty. It is almost like a dream, but with full “consciousness”.

A lot of the visuals was very similar to some of the art forms and statues displayed around the world. It was fascinating. I was wondering, if it was my own mind which connecting the similarities to reality, that I already had seen before. Or did artist actually get inspired by random connections to this realm? You hear about artists and scientists, which is inspired by their own dreams.

I opened my eyes at one point to see if there also were any changes to the real world. It didn’t seem to be the case. The Amazon shaman and shaman translator was still sitting next to each other singing like two weirdos. I later found out that the song, that they were singing was called Icaros.

The floor was covered by a layer of smoke exhaled by the shamans “cigars”.

The song was pretty nice, good vibes and everything. But the whole situation was in general kinda weird. Buuut then again, I love weirdness, so I might as well enjoy it while it is here.

I closed my eyes again. My stomach was feeling kind of bad. I’m was still enjoying the tunnel as it intensified with colours and motion. Aqqaluk was still in the tunnel walking around, I yelled to him in the dream-like world as a joke, that we should have brought a camera, so we could have uploaded some pictures of it on Facebook (LOL!). The visuals were amazing. If I had any drawing or painting skills, I would have loved to have a canvas and some paint to draw the visuals.

I felt like puking at some point, and I positioned myself in a begging position in front of the puke bucket. Nothing happened, but I kept sitting in a begging position over the bucket. I noticed that my breathing was changing, it was weird, I almost felt like an animal. For some reason, it felt like my lunges had increased in size.

Deep breath in – it was like my whole body was increasing in size.

Breathing out – It was like I had two sabre tooth’s in both my upper and lower jaw.

Deep breath in – the sensation seemed more and more intense after each breath. My body is pumping up with energy.

Breathing out – I identified myself as a white huge sabre tooth cat, and I started to see myself in third person.

Automatically out of my control my hands started to do a drumming melody on my upper body as if I was the weird ass shaman.

Suddenly there was a voice inside my head, which I identified as an ancient shaman.

Ancient shaman - If you give it meaning, it will have a meaning. If not, there won’t be any meaning to it at all.

Rasmus inner dialogue – eeehm what? Who the fuck is talking? And what are you talking about?

My energy kept rising. I started seeing something similar to the static, which you would see on tv channel without signal, but each spot just had its own colour. Suddenly my vision was zooming in on one of the spots. I suddenly realized that each spot wasn’t just spots, but different stories.. different lives of different people. I connected to one of the “lives" and I suddenly found myself in a new body, in an environment that I had never seen before. I looked at my hands, they were big and rough, like I had done labour work my entire life. I looked down in a lake, I had another face and another body, I took some of the water from the lake and washed my face. I felt the cold water on my skin, it all felt so real.

Even my thoughts were different, it was like I heard the dialogue from that person’s mind. It was like I was trapped in another person’s body, sometimes I could control the body, other times I was merely a spectator in a first-person perspective. He was probably around thirty, and I was trapped in his body for two years until he finally died. I heard his inner dialogue, I even felt the persons feelings. I felt his fears, worries, happiness and understood why he took all the actions he did.

Rasmus inner dialogue – Phew this Ayahuasca ceremony has to be done soon...

Swoop!!?.... swooop...

I’m was pulled out of the man's body and pulled into a new life, new body, new thoughts, new feelings. This time I was a kid, and this time it wasn’t just two years, It felt like an eternity. Another life was lived to its end, and I was then again pulled out.

Rasmus inner dialogue – It has to be done now...

What I didn’t know was, that this was only the top of the iceberg.

I find myself in a constant flow between life’s and deaths of what feels like a thousand different individuals and I lose all memories of myself in the process. The timespan of this flow seems so long, longer than my own timespan.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what the fuck is happening, who the fuck am I?

Sometimes I manage to open my eyes to the real world, where I’m sitting bend over a bucket about to puke. But I’m always pulled right back into the trans.

At some point my memory meets its limit, I jumped through too many lives... longer than my own life. I barely remember my own life. My own life seemed like a destined story told decades ago. What is actually reality? The life that I just lived or the life where I am Rasmus tripping balls in Amazon's jungle.

Ancient shaman – you are no one, and you are everyone at the same time. Don’t give anything meaning, there is nothing, which needs meaning. Nothing is real but the things you give meaning.

New life, new body, new feelings, thoughts, stories, kids, wife's and experiences over and over again.

Ancient Shaman - Do you want to die, Rasmus?

Rasmus inner dialogue – No what the fuck, I don’t want to die as a white boy tripping balls in the Amazon’s jungle, what will my parents not say?

Ancient shaman – very well

New life...

New life...

Ancient Shaman - Do you want to die, Rasmus?

Californian guy whispering in my mind – If you don’t puke you die.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what the fuck no, I already told you, I like my life.

New life...

New life...

Ancient Shaman - Do you want to die, Rasmus?

Californian guy whispering in my mind – If you don’t puke you die.

My hand starts drumming on my chest again

Rasmus inner dialogue – No I can’t leave my friends and family, they would be devastated.

I suddenly get a vision where my parents are sad and happy for me at the same time. They tell me that I don’t need to worry about them.

Parents – move on, go to the next step.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what the fuck, what the fuck is everyone talking about?

Ancient Shaman - Do you want to die, Rasmus?

Rasmus inner dialogue – Jesus Christ!! fuck off! no why the fuck, would I want that.

New life...

Ancient Shaman - Do you want to die, Rasmus?

Californian guy whispering in my mind – If you don’t puke you die.

Rasmus inner dialogue – NOOO!!

My hands start drumming

Ancient Shaman – Very well, we will take you to the next step, when you have ended this life. You are already ready for it, but we will wait for you.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what? What happens at this so-called “Next step".

Ancient shaman – you will see, finish this life and you will see.

Rasmus inner dialogue – eeehm what?

The voice stops and I zoom out and slowly moves into a new life, this time in a woman’s body. I feel like I know this life. It’s my 11th life that I wished to explore. I walk past a mirror and see myself, as a very attractive woman. I have never in my life seen such beauty. Thoughts and emotions arise, I’m a proud and an ambitious woman, I want to do a lot of things with my life. I know my future is bright, I just have to fight for it, and it will be mine. But suddenly there is a shift in mindset. There is sadness, anger, depression and anxiety. I see myself being abused and raped multiple time throughout my life. I’m trapped, I can’t reach out for help. I get a child, I have to support and protect my child. I have to get money and food on the table otherwise my child will die. I do whatever I can do to get money. My life is hopeless, and I live my life without fulfilling my dreams. I’m devastated.

Suddenly I’m pulled out “into the real world" where I'm at the ayahuasca ceremony tripping balls as Rasmus. I have to puke, I rush to the bucket. I puke and it feels like and I get the vision, that I puke up a dark diamond formed by the woman’s tears of destroyed dreams.

One of the shamans comes over and wave some leaves into my face while saying some weird sentences. The shaman pours the same smelling liquid into my hands as when I entered the room, which I have to smear onto my body.

I'm puking over and over again, I’m crying, and my nose is running.

Shaman translator - drink this water, water is life.

I drink the water and it feels like it has no end, I feel like I’m drinking the entire Amazon's river.

I have to go to the toilet, the shaman translator guides me over to the toilet, I can barely walk by myself.

I’m still shitting fluids. I grab a bucket next to me, I start puking, my eyes and nose are running again. I start laughing for a bit over the whole situation, never in my life have I ever felt like such a sad human being before. I’m literally shitting, crying, puking and I have a running nose in a temple in the middle of nowhere.

Rasmus inner dialogue – What the fuck is happening? Is this real life?

I go back to my mattress

I’m breathing heavier and heavier, the sabre tooth cat is back. My energy is increasing.

Breathing in - my lungs are increasing in size

Breathing out – I feel the flow around my sabre tooths

Breathing in – my body increases in size.

Breathing out – I see the Amazon’s river, carving the world.

Breathing In – I feel like I consume all the life’s from the statics, all life in the world, Universe and everything.

My hands start drumming, it’s always the same melody.

My body feels powerfully without any boundaries, I feel all the lives inside of me at the same. It’s like I’m living all the lives in the universe at the same time. All thoughts and feelings are roaming in my body. I suddenly get a vision of myself as a god, which is everything in existence.

Ancient shaman – everything is you, and you are everything.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what? How can I be everything at the same time? Two people are not the same person, that wouldn’t make sense?

Ancient shaman – imaging all life as one body, the whole body consists of multiple cells. Each person is like cells to a body. Without the cells, there is nobody. You are both the whole body and the cells.

The energy changes.

I suddenly see myself swapping between being a boy and a girl constantly. Suddenly I’m just a being without any forms of genitals.

The energy changes again.

I see two of my friends having a problem. The problem is symbolised as them being a creature in an egg, trying to burst through the shell. They suddenly hatch and out comes some of the most beautiful creatures, that I have ever seen. I’m suddenly their father, and suddenly I’m their son. I now see my parents, which swaps between being my parents and being my kids. As if throughout all my lives, we have been swapping between being the parents and kids of each other.

The energy is decreasing.

I suddenly notice Aqqaluk hadn’t puked yet.

Californian guy whispering in my mind – If he doesn’t puke he will die.

I want to zoom into Aqqaluk's mind for some reasons. I feel a dark presence, I’m horrified, the feeling is truly terrifying. I feel like I’m sucked down into an endless black hole.

Rasmus inner dialogue – I WANT OUT!

I’m sucked out of the vision

Ancient shaman – mind your own business, focus only on yourself, you have no control over him anyway.

I see Aqqaluk vanishing into the distance as he was about to die.

I’m in tears.

Rasmus inner dialogue – stay here Aqqaluk! You can’t leave me alone in this fucking weird ass situation, I don’t know what the fuck is going on! Please stay, don’t leave me!

Aqqaluk whispering voice in my mind – hmm.. okay.. if you say so.

Haha, I’m like what the fuck.

He instantly pukes in reality, right after saying those words.

My hands start drumming again

I hear the shamans waving their leaves and trying to give Aqqaluk some water. He resists, he doesn’t want the water.

Shaman translator – you have to, water is life

Aqqaluk – I’m terrified, please leave me alone.

Shaman translator – please just sip a bit of water

Aqqaluk sips a bit of water, and the shaman leaves him.

The energy changes again.

I get a vision of myself as a big ripped dude with a giant horse cock. I’m laughing my ass off, what the fuck is going on? I got a bunch of big cars, a big house and I have a ton of cash and a ton of woman’s in my life.

I don’t settle with one woman alone, and only live my life in the fast lane of success.

I suddenly get a vision of Aqqaluk, he has one beautiful wife, and love her more than anything. He lives the simple life, he doesn’t need anything besides the love of his life. Everything is about love and peace.

I now see myself as an elevated being sitting on a rock on top of a mountain. I can see everything from there. I can even foresee every outcome of every action people choose to take.

I swap back to the ego mind, which needs to have everything in life. Cars, houses, cash and everything life have to offer. I feel ashamed, I’m disgusted, why would a person need all this. I want to be pulled out of it. I visualize myself as an old bald old man laughing with all the riches in the world.

Ancient shaman – there is only meaning if you give it meaning.

Rasmus inner dialogue – what do you mean?

Ancient shaman – there is only meaning if you give it meaning. Something is only wrong when you say it’s wrong. There is nothing wrong about having all the riches of the world unless you give It that meaning.

Rasmus inner dialogue – Are you saying, that I shouldn’t be disgusted about it?

Ancient shaman – there is only meaning if you give it meaning. Nothing is only something if you want it to be something. The more meaning, the more energy.

I’m swapped back to a monk on the same mountain, I’m living my entire life on a rock, feeling the wind and the weather. Foreseeing all the actions of all scenarios and actions taken and are not judging or having an opinion on anything.

I’m back into the successful man who is charging through life, exploring every inch of the world, get everything he points his finger at, and never gives up.

Ancient shaman – What life, what mindset do you want to live with?

Rasmus inner dialogue – I can choose?

Ancient shaman – yes

Rasmus inner dialogue – Can’t I just have a combination, I don’t really want to sit on a rock my entire life as a monk. And I guess I don’t want a life without peace and perspective either.

Ancient shaman – So it is

I see the mind of the monk and the successful man fuse and I fall back into reality.

I feel like I have been away for ages, is this reality?

Rasmus inner dialogue – oooh shiiit we have probably been here for days!!?? Shit shit shit.

I suddenly remember that we have to catch a flight the day after the ceremony at 10:00. I totally think we have been there for days or even months and missed the flight.

I whisper to Aqqaluk – “Aqqaluk we have to go”

Aqqaluk – “what why?”

Aqqaluk sounded concerned.

Rasmus – “we have to catch our plane"

Aqqaluk – “oooooh shiiit that’s true!!! We totally missed it"

Aqqaluk had clearly also lost all concept of time.

The shamans have been quiet for a while now

I check my phone and can actually see, that we only have been at the ceremony for five hours and not multiple days or months.

The main shaman asks something in Portuguese, which sounds like she’s asking if we want a beer.

Rasmus’s mind – “Beer? What the heck is the shaman trying to say here? Even though I would love the idea of having a crazy afterparty with the shamans, then I highly doubt, that will ever happen, hahah”

Aqqaluk tries to figure out what she’s saying, so he asks “If we want a beer??"

Main shaman – “Beer? Hahaha, No Beer here, no”

I immediately burst out into complete laughter, because after all the “beautiful” things that just had happened. The shaman coming all the way from the jungle, holding this ceremony, the volcanic water for cleansing the body from all toxicities, the no alcohol and red meat policy for four days before the ceremony, and then the shaman says something which sounds like “ if we want a beer” as if all their traditions and rules have just been nullified.

I laugh, Aqqaluk laugh, even the shamans starts to laugh their asses off.

On the way home from the temple, I asked Aqqaluk what he experienced. The first thing he said was “I was like robin hood”. Hahaha, I died at first, because I felt like my experience had been soo intense, but Aqqaluk had just been robin hood... But there was more to the story. The robin hood character was more like a feature of walking through his visions, just like when I was a sabre tooth cat. But the things which really caught my attention was following.

Aqqaluk was seeing a vision of himself, where he found the love of his life. He would live a simple life together with his wife, where only their love for each other was needed. In his vision, he then saw me as highly successful and never wanted to settle for only one woman.

He later saw a vision of himself like an eagle, which had the overall perspective, which could foresee every outcome of every action.

He then saw me like a bull on the ground, charging through life, not stopping for anyone, exploring every inch of the world and taking up all challenges it met. But I couldn't do it without the help of him like an eagle, who had the overall perspective and supreme guidance. So he would picture the eagle sitting on top of the bull's horns, and that way both of the mindset was merged into one.

Just like I merged the successful man together with the monk. He even picked the bull, which I chose outside the ceremony room, which I didn’t even get to tell Aqqaluk before we entered the ceremony room.

The ceremony was done, and we were back in Cusco city. I felt sensitive and it was almost like I could read people's mind. Until this day I’m still confused about, what the fuck happened that day. I’m still asking myself the question, if this really is reality, or if I’m still stuck in the constant flow of lives? Did I really become God for a minute? Did I actually die in the process? Maybe I died as a white boy called Rasmus while tripping balls on Ayahuasca in the Amazon Jungle. Does it even matter if I did die? I’m living some kind of life now, so I guess, I might as well live that instead, and I might as well live it to the fullest...

Shaman translator – remember boys, this is really important, you should not have sex or have any intimacy affairs with anybody for the next seven days. You are really sensitive the next couple of days, you are pure, and you will easily be cursed by other people’s problems and mindset, which can be hard to escape from.

I and Aqqaluk nodded and continued our lives...

[Sanity]

57 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

What an awesome story! Love the writing on this one. 

I always wanted to participate in one of those ceremonies, I can't wait for it to happen!

Except for all the puking and shitting that is... ?

Thanks! haha yeaah, a little less puking and shitting wouldn't be too bad ?

[Adamq8]

Hahaha awesome trip report brother ?

[Applegarden]

DAMN, WHAT A TRIP REPORT, WHAT AN EXPERIENCE, I AN SUBCONSCIOUSLY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

[Sanity]

9 hours ago, Adamq8 said:

Hahaha awesome trip report brother ?

Thanks brother, I'm glad that you enjoyed it 

[Sanity]

8 hours ago, Applegarden said:

DAMN, WHAT A TRIP REPORT, WHAT AN EXPERIENCE, I AN SUBCONSCIOUSLY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

Thanks, it was a life-changing experience, I would never change it for anything, but it hit me quite hard to the core at that time 

[Marten]

Amazing, thanks for sharing!

How has that vision of the eagle and the bull been realized in these three years, if at all?

[Sanity]

On 22.9.2020 at 11:05 AM, Marten said:

Amazing, thanks for sharing!

How has that vision of the eagle and the bull been realized in these three years, if at all?

My life was mostly driven as the bull at that time, I needed more to prove I was more otherwise my perception was people couldn't love me. I didn't even allow myself to love myself, because I felt like I wasn't "perfect" enough for that. The eagle was the counterweight I needed in my life, I needed perspective/understanding to see, what I was doing to myself was pure madness. More success didn't help to fill the void I had inside of myself but perspective did. So what happened after this trip was small steps toward questioning and trying to understand my actions, thoughts and my surroundings better. This allowed me to actually start healing the void and only "charge towards" what is truly important to me, instead of hunting down every single trophy to prove to the world, that I'm good enough to be loved.

Edited September 23, 2020 by Sanity

[Marten]

@Sanity Awesome! ?

[lostmedstudent]

great story. thank you for sharing.

i had the most profound/mindfucking experience on ayahuasca and your story brought some memories back.

i need to revisit soon 

[Sanity]

1 hour ago, lostmedstudent said:

great story. thank you for sharing.

i had the most profound/mindfucking experience on ayahuasca and your story brought some memories back.

i need to revisit soon 

I'm happy to hear that 

[PeaceOut96]

What an awsome trip rapport, sounds like a really insane experience. 

Makes me really wanna try Ayauscha in the near future. Anyways thanks for sharing! 

[Sanity]

On 23.9.2020 at 7:59 PM, PeaceOut96 said:

What an awsome trip rapport, sounds like a really insane experience. 

Makes me really wanna try Ayauscha in the near future. Anyways thanks for sharing! 

Thanks, it gave me something to think about, that's for sure