Leo - I need some advice

[PeaceOut96]

Hey Guys - about a 1-2 weeks ago I posted about my breaktrough experience I had on acid, where I became consciouss of the many facits of God - Infinity, Love etc. 

But tripping in the end will only show you glimpes. There is still a lot of work you got to do while sober. 

My intuition keeps pulling me to take another trip. And I will. Not to soon. There needs to be some time for integration. But what I am about to tell, may seem reckless and dangerous stay with me, and please dont misunderstand this. And be please don't be inspired to do exactly like what I feel like I NEED to do, to go deeper.

The case is. I contempleted after my trip. And yes I became consciouss of God/Infinity/Love. But here I am with my ego. I still have many fears. My life has gone a lot better after the use of psychedellics. And I am 1000 times more motivated to achieve and be succesful, not only on awakening, but also ordinary personal development. But the only thing that gets in my nerves, is my fears. I am really tired of them. Its like being doll thats being controlled. I want liberation, I want understanding. So I am planing my next trip, to go very deep and to be very serious one. 

I have my intention, I am gonna take serious protocol and trip on the right way. But what is on my mind is to take a high dose (Not stupidly high), but a bit above what I took on my last breaktrough trip. And the thought is. I want to go head on with my fears, So I am willing to die physically if that happens. I am ready - Not ego death, but to physically die. No more games, no more chasing your tail. 

So Leo, does this seem like a wrong and stupid way? Is it a dangerous route to take? (If this post goes against any forum rules, than feel free to delete it). 

 

 

 

[Fran11]

1 hour ago, PeaceOut96 said:

So I am willing to die physically if that happens. 

Why would you pshysically die? 

Anyways, that attitude of surrendering is precisely what it takes to face and overcome your fears. 

[WonderSeeker]

@PeaceOut96 If you are getting fearful, then I'd highly recommend reading some of the "Emotional Mastery" books on Leo's book list. These books are almost mandatory if you want to make a smoother ride in this territory. At least that's my POV. Just started reading Loving What Is, by Byron Katie, and I can tell you that one is huge for this work.

Best of luck with your journey!

[willl]

Why not face your fears head on sober?

[VeganAwake]

2 hours ago, PeaceOut96 said:

 

But here I am with my ego. I still have many fears. My life has gone a lot better after the use of psychedellics. And I am 1000 times more motivated to achieve and be succesful, not only on awakening, but also ordinary personal development. But the only thing that gets in my nerves, is my fears. I am really tired of them. Its like being doll thats being controlled. I want liberation, I want understanding.

 

There isn't a "you"

 

Who wants liberation...

Who wants understanding...

What makes up this sense of "I"...

What does this sense of "I" consist of...

Who is "I"...

Where does this sense of "I" exist...

 

If you are physically willing to die for Truth, then you can investigate these questions with all of your energy and focus.

Psychedelics are not needed. ❤

[Leo Gura]

@PeaceOut96  Take it easy bro. Your journey has just begun. No one trip is gonna get you there. This a long process which takes years of inner work.

[Depersonilized]

@PeaceOut96 It seems like you're being resistant to your fears and are doubling down on the idea of ego death. Seriously, take a break and do some shadow work. I understand what your going through, and it's an ego trap funnily enough. Instead, acknowledge your fears and work with them rather than just full-on deny them of what they want. Your mind is constructed on multiple parts and architypes of your personality, and you need to learn to communicate with them on why these parts of your self have these fears. Get to the point where in the next trip you don't want to just die as if it's some challenge; just whatever happens, happens. Good luck man.

[Nahm]

14 hours ago, PeaceOut96 said:

what I am about to tell, may seem reckless and dangerous stay with me, and please dont misunderstand this. And be please don't be inspired to do exactly like what I feel like I NEED to do, to go deeper.

Nothing’s wrong with you. 

[PeaceOut96]

Thanks for all the replies. 

@Fran11 Its not like I am suicidal my friend I am just willing to take the step if needed. @WonderSeeker Thanks gonna take a look. 

@willl Speaking of both doing it sober and whiles tripping. But you as me know how good the mind is at dicieving. But your right most of the work needs to be done while sober  

@VeganAwake Yeah I know There is no I. But I am not consciouss of that. So it does not help with these word games. Anyway, your right, I am planing to begin a serious practise spiritual practise besides just tripping. 

@Leo Gura Your right, I need to slow down. 

@Depersonilized Yeah, I have had the thought of doing shadow work, its not like awakening is a magic pill that makes everything in ones life perfect. I will take your advice to my heart, thanks! 

 

Edited September 20, 2020 by PeaceOut96

[Inliytened1]

@PeaceOut96 so..when i became directly conscious that the self was an illusion and i was simply pure awareness was when i was innocently curious doing meditation and self inquiry - the ego was not aware of what it was getting itself into and thus defenses - fear - was non-existent.

Since this seemly isn't feasible for you as you know too.much (i had stumbled on all of this late in life) - the whole point of a psychedelic is that it will seamlessly overwhelm the ego.  So the ego doesn't have a say in the matter.  At least that is the idea - from what i have seen Martin Ball and Leo discuss.  I don't have direct experience  that it overwhelms the ego and triggers non-dual states, since meditation worked for me.  However if this is the case there isn't much to do but responsibly trip.  No point in working yourself up over anything.  Should trigger ego death at responsible doses.   May take many trips before it happens.

[Sempiternity]

That willingness to risk physically dying to reach the higher levels of consciousness is exactly what is needed to surrender yourself when the time comes of full on ego death as you dissolve into infinity. Frankly I'm a little bit envious. My not wanting to lose my life is precisely what stops me from achieving my goals of full god consciousness. So in my opinion, use that superpower. Go deep. 

[PeaceOut96]

@Inliytened1 Had my first ego death on my first psychedellic trip. Forgot who I was, even that I was a human. There many degrees of ego death. What I have come to realized is that to be willing to literally die physically is what it takes to go deep in this work. With or without psycedellics. 

@Jed Vassallo Thats also what I have intuited and realized. Thats like the ultimate surrender. But off course not in a sucidal way or in any ways of hurting yourself. I feel you, I have also so many goals I want to achieve, and to really make something out of this life. But at the same time its calling me, and I am not afraid. So when the time comes I am ready. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

@PeaceOut96 I'm in no way entitled to give advice, here are just my thoughts on this.

I think it's a great skill to be able to take things seriously, that's an important part of maturity. Dedication and hard work are an essential part of spirituality. But that must be delicately counterbalanced by dropping that hyper serious approach. Paradoxical, yet that balance shows you the way.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Non-seriousness seems natural (thus leads you to your true Nature, both on psychedelics and in meditation) while the achiever-style super serious attitude can backfire. Just as hyper Non-seriousness can, if you're lazy and as Leo says "not serious about this work". Delicate balance indeed. It's helpful to reflect every once in a while, whether your drive comes from a deeply compassionately desiring place or whether the ego catches hold of that desire, and twists it into something, which it wants to have.

Maybe contemplate the fear, of trying to get rid of the fear? What's behind it? Going deeper is great, but the more "you try" to go deeper, the farther away you eventually will get. A delicate balance is also needed here, in order to discern whether you're really going deeper or not. Effort vs. Effortlessness

 

[electroBeam]

@PeaceOut96 ooo you seem like a seeker like me. Very ambitious, very driven, willing to put your life on the line to get it all. Willing to experiment and enter unknown territories and take massive risks that could end up extremely deadly.

Like an adventurous viking setting sail to a new, hostile continent, knowing the risks.

This made me particularly unique compared to most others (or others I thought existed) which was extremely uncomfortable. Had to just believe in and hope I know what I'm doing, without relying on other teachers, friends, doctors or family for approval and support.

My biggest challenge on this path is(well was) the fear of being too reckless and burning myself out. Lots of people told me I was. I think the greatest triumph that's happened on my particular path till date, was believing in myself, and going full steam ahead even with the disapproval of the naysayers. Fortunately there was a couple of spiritual teachers who really helped me through it. Without them it would have been very tough.

I took a very high dose of syrian rue, which on here got a lot of disapproval. Yet that trip, while it triggered stuff that was scary as fuck, was THE trip that transformed my life. It was the best thing that happened to me. Which goes to show, sometimes you need to be willing to do what others are afraid to do. 

I think taking a high dose of acid is nothing, and if you feel the need to do it, go for it. Don't let anyone stop you. Whatever happens, whether you have an amazing trip, or end up in hospital, its all a massive opportunity to grow, learn and wake up. 

[PeaceOut96]

@EmptyVase what you are describing is one of the realizations I had. Since I have taking psychedellics, I am much more chill and playful in my life. And its true that a hyper serious approach will eventually backfire. Maybe it seemed like what I was describing was me becoming serious. But Its nothing like that. Its more the willingness to go really deep. And the fears I have was just the triggers of my realization. If you wanna gonna go deeper, you'll have to be willing to have your own life at stake. Anyways thanks for your advice, I apprecite it! 

@electroBeam Indeed, we have to take the risks. And I am more than willing. I am gonna take the trip at a point (dont know exactly when - but I will have a trip rapport ready after If anything crazy dont happen lol). 

[Guest EmptyVase]

17 hours ago, PeaceOut96 said:

Since I have taking psychedellics, I am much more chill and playful in my life

Same. You know it's starting to get serious, when it really doesn't and the thing that wants to take it serious, starts fading away. And it gets serious. And you can't help, but to laugh at that. ?

[Bojan V]

Hi. Any progress happend to you since your last post? I hope you're still with us, alive and well...

[PeaceOut96]

@Bojan V Hey I am still here ? 

Yeah I tripped some while ago - On the same dose as my breaktrough experience, that I also posted here over 1 month ago. 

Yeah its really hard to boil it down. But wow, yeah my latest trip was not like none of the others, and I have tripped like over 15 times now. 

Like I said I was willing to physically die. And I am not lying to you, I had it in the back of the mind. But I didn't expect to experience it. Thought it would be a typical trip. But when it hitted me, everything in my visual field began vibrating, my heart beat raising drasticly, my breath was going super fast. I thought ok God is not fucking around, its serious now. The other trips were child play even my so called breaktrough trip. (You can look it up). It was so fucking powerful, I thought I could perform a mahasamadhi right there, leave my body for good. But I pleaged God not to leave now, because I still have so much left to do, and the thought of me really dying and the pain it would leave to my parents, some what cooled it down. But I surrended to it. And it became fucking clear to me, that I AM GOD. I have had that realization before, but not this deep. It was clear and to the point. I AM GOD. No more second guessing. 

I don't wanna write all the trip, because there was so much. But the most important things I got out of it. 

I - My ego is a total fiction. I am a fantasy. Like I saw picture of myself when I was a kid, and I laughed like a insane person. I finally felt home, this life is only temporary. 

I became consciouss of Absolut Infinity - And that I am looking through the eyes of every person. I was everybody on the same time. Everything and Nothing. 

The most unique part of the trip, was that I in a way almost became braindead. Nomind - Like every distinction collapsed. Every duality collapsed - It was a total nondual state of conscioussness. I couldn't make sense of anything - My logical mind got shut down. 

It was ground breaking. But you see it has become to easy for me to get in this state with acid. So the good thing I got out of it, is I am super serious now, not only in awakening but also my personal life. Working hard now to achieve what ever I want. But like I said, it has become to easy to get in this state. So I have began practising Kriya Yoga, because you'll always get back to baseline. Back to your ego. Off course there is a change, but the work still need to be done. And seriously I wanna lay off the psych for a long time in regards to spirituel and metaphysical inquiry. Maybe a low dose, If I have something in my heart I wanna get out. (Theraputic use). Again thanks for asking! 

Edited October 8, 2020 by PeaceOut96