Problems after direct experience

[DVL]

HI @Leo Gura. I am very grateful of your work. You have changed my life and I am forever grateful to you. Watching your videos more than 1 year already. Will be happy if you have any advice for me in following situation. I was thinking that it is my business and I must figure it out by myself and was stopping myself to write to you, but have forced myself anyways. Please respond and tell honestly what you think. This is my story:

Before watching your videos was in self-help. Was working hard to enhance my programming skills and achieve success. After knowing about enlightenment was very interested and started to meditate on daily basis (also started reading books which were not about programming) without dropping any habits that I had before. As you were saying in videos I was not believing to you and was trying to experience by myself what was the truth. After 5 months of 1 hour meditation had some experience. In that moment realized that fear and joy was my making and opened up for the truth. Was aware of sensations of my body and wasn't attaching it to myself. I think that's called no-self experience. It was the most incredible moment in my life for sure. After this had relief that there was nothing to achieve in life. In that mood continued doing all my habits. Had some experiences of joy, but nothing more after 10 months of doing meditation without missing a day.

After that experience, I have no doubts that I want to do spiritual work and it is my priority in life.  I am meditating every day and reading books about spirituality and other interesting topics, which you have in your book list. After all of that and reading at least 30 books from your book list, have no motivation to develop my skills in programming any more and to say clearly have no motivation to work for any kind of company. I am still enjoying coding for myself, but I am not driven to achieve success in programming anymore. I think, I am wasting time in front of computer in work and have hard time to get up in mornings because of that. I do not know what to do anymore. Was always angry to people who were working for the money and I am that kind of guy now.

One way to handle this, I think, is to get a high salary job and after some time quit, but for that I need to improve myself in programming and I have no motivation to do that. Another thing I am thinking is, to quit my job now and after some time when I will not have any money, from my savings, I will figure out what to do.

I am thinking months about that. What I remember clearly is that after having direct experience was not worried about work or what others were thinking about me. But now it is not so and I think that maybe I have created new belief from that direct experience, that life is pointless. And because of that I do not want to work.

 

Edited September 19, 2020 by DVL

[JosephKnecht]

It seems that you have achieved some spiritual growth in the past year. 

When we experience sudden growth,  we tend to look back at our past self as inferior to the present self. In a sense, to grow means to rise above your past and that is what you've achieved. 

But when you grow, you might see yourself at a higher elevation than the others. You might judge others for working for money or doing mundane daily tasks just to survive. But remember, everyone has their own path in life and some people enjoy sitting behind a computer for 8 hours. In fact, you used to be one of those people. So don't judge others, and above all don't judge yourself for who you used to be. 

Now that you have grown, your passions have changed. And your problem is that you have lost the passion of your past. But if you lost your passion, was it really your true passion? 

Try to find new passions... Something that makes you excited to wake up every morning. Only you can find your true passion. 

We are all looking for our North Star, but sometimes we mix the North with the South and we go in the wrong directions.

What is your North Star? 

[DVL]

@JosephKnecht thanks for responding. Yeah you are right. Will try more to be not-judgmental

What if things you are passionate about can not give you a money, which is important to live normally today? For example, I am passionate about reading books and do meditation. Yeah maybe you can make money from those things, but problem is in another. I want to do something which will be good for other people. After that experience everything seamed meaningless. And now I have this mindset that if I will do anything in life, I will do something which will help people.  Now I am writing code for banks and do not think that it is beneficial for people. for example. But I have passion to write a code and I am enjoying it, but my company has some ugly projects and I am not enjoying doing anything in those. But again if even it is piece of art, if it doesn't serve well for people I do not want to do that. 

My dream is to be enlightened and help people as Sadghuru is doing for example or Leo. I can not do it now, because I am not competent in this. I think there are many other ways I can help do something valuable for people. But also thing is, programming is highly paid job and it doesn't seems clever to drop it  

I am trying to think from different perspectives. For example if I have million what would I do? Clearly I would not work for 8 hours day in an office. My brain is crashing on that question . Writing this now I have an idea to contemplate this question every morning . So thank you again for your response.

Do you have this kind of problems in your life? Do you think you are doing valuable thing for humanity?

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by DVL

[Dodo]

On 19/09/2020 at 11:10 PM, DVL said:

HI @Leo Gura. I am very grateful of your work. You have changed my life and I am forever grateful to you. Watching your videos more than 1 year already. Will be happy if you have any advice for me in following situation. I was thinking that it is my business and I must figure it out by myself and was stopping myself to write to you, but have forced myself anyways. Please respond and tell honestly what you think. This is my story:

Before watching your videos was in self-help. Was working hard to enhance my programming skills and achieve success. After knowing about enlightenment was very interested and started to meditate on daily basis (also started reading books which were not about programming) without dropping any habits that I had before. As you were saying in videos I was not believing to you and was trying to experience by myself what was the truth. After 5 months of 1 hour meditation had some experience. In that moment realized that fear and joy was my making and opened up for the truth. Was aware of sensations of my body and wasn't attaching it to myself. I think that's called no-self experience. It was the most incredible moment in my life for sure. After this had relief that there was nothing to achieve in life. In that mood continued doing all my habits. Had some experiences of joy, but nothing more after 10 months of doing meditation without missing a day.

After that experience, I have no doubts that I want to do spiritual work and it is my priority in life.  I am meditating every day and reading books about spirituality and other interesting topics, which you have in your book list. After all of that and reading at least 30 books from your book list, have no motivation to develop my skills in programming any more and to say clearly have no motivation to work for any kind of company. I am still enjoying coding for myself, but I am not driven to achieve success in programming anymore. I think, I am wasting time in front of computer in work and have hard time to get up in mornings because of that. I do not know what to do anymore. Was always angry to people who were working for the money and I am that kind of guy now.

One way to handle this, I think, is to get a high salary job and after some time quit, but for that I need to improve myself in programming and I have no motivation to do that. Another thing I am thinking is, to quit my job now and after some time when I will not have any money, from my savings, I will figure out what to do.

I am thinking months about that. What I remember clearly is that after having direct experience was not worried about work or what others were thinking about me. But now it is not so and I think that maybe I have created new belief from that direct experience, that life is pointless. And because of that I do not want to work.

 

I would urge you to read the Bhagavad Gita. It will help you out a lot imo.

 

Here's a snippet.

So here is said that action is not a problem on this path, as long as one is detatched from the fruit of that action. 

Selfless action gets us closer to liberation than selfish inaction. But I can relate deeply with what you're saying because I too was a programmer and i just couldn't take being in my head so much. And it didn't feel like my life purpose. It feels mechanical and dead to me. 

But just like Arjuna had to fight the war he didn't really want to fight, so too maybe I have made a selfish decision to not continue with programming. Maybe.

 

[Leo Gura]

As your mind develops and your consciousness expands you will have to take on the burden of realigning every aspect of your life with a higher vision and purpose. This includes your career/biz, your relationships, sex, how you interact with people, your diet, etc.

That's what makes this work so challenging and rarely done. Upgrading all that stuff is hard. No one is gonna hold your hand through it. You must learn to lead yourself.

[Breakingthewall]

From what you wrote, you have been able to do specialized work successfully. you have also been able to meditate for an hour a day every day for a year. It is evident that you can do more or less any activity that you propose. the problem is that the one you are doing now has completely lost interest for you. that in time becomes unbearable. If you have the chance, it might be a good idea to consider a time of rest and meditation, perhaps traveling for inspiration. I would completely discard any concern for the future, the opportunity will appear in due course

[DVL]

@Breakingthewall I am thinking about that also, to have a rest from meditation and everything for a little and see things from that perspective. Thanks for replying.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You must learn to lead yourself.

@Leo Gura was thinking that it is my business yeah, but hearing this from you and hearing other people advices felt good. It feels that you are not alone on this path. Thanks for this forum. I am kind of introvert and holding everything in myself and now I see that sharing is a good thing

[DVL]

@Dodo is Bhagavad Gita that type of book that you must read between the lines? Have hard times to understand this type of books

Edited September 21, 2020 by DVL

[Nahm]

On 9/19/2020 at 6:10 PM, DVL said:

What I remember clearly is that after having direct experience was not worried about work or what others were thinking about me. But now it is not so and I think that maybe I have created new belief from that direct experience, that life is pointless.

See through those thoughts, rather than thinking from them. It sounds like you are waking up from the façade of negative motivation, the motives of the separate self and or self image, doing for your idea of yourself doing, achieving, becoming and being seen as such. I’d make a dreamboard. It inspires because it’s derived of feeling, rather than thinking. In a nutshell, you’re in limbo, purgatory, between human motivation and divine inspiration. Living & ‘getting by’, vs creating the life you actually want. Motives of an individual vs inspiration of apparent individuation. 

[krazzer]

‘Is there something that you “should” be doing but are not doing it? Get up and do it now. Alternatively, completely accept your inactivity, laziness, or passivity at this moment, if that is your choice. Go into it fully. Enjoy it. Be as lazy or inactive as you can. If you go into it fully and consciously, you will soon come out of it. Or maybe you won’t. Either way, there is no inner conflict, no resistance, no negativity.'

- Eckhart Tolle

[Dodo]

2 hours ago, DVL said:

@Dodo is Bhagavad Gita that type of book that you must read between the lines? Have hard times to understand this type of books

Well the version I have has like 50 pages of introduction and then a separate introduction before each chapter. So it makes it much easier to understand, rather than having to decipher it yourself.