I've Just Slapped My Wife

[Ayla]

Users that keep attacking other users as opposed to oppinions of other users, are permanantly banned. Every ban is approved by Leo.

Ayla - moderator

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, reez said:

 

It's the man's job to be caring for his wife, just as it is the woman job to embrace the man. The masculine and feminine polarity. We should be equal but not as it's often generalized in today society. We should be equal in a way that we complement each other. Men often are purely biological stronger than women, and therefore should complement the woman's lack of strength by being protective of her. Sure, maybe it's "equal" to let the girl have the same punishment as a man for hitting a man, but they do still not have the same physical strength as we men do, and after just "1 hit" men can cause a bigger damage than women can. Even if they both "give it they're all"

its the man's job? Sorry I must have missed the memo god sent us about how we should live our lives. There is no job that a woman or man has, that's absurd. I'm not sure what masculine and feminine polarity is either.

Yes men CAN cause more damage than woman can, but that doesn't mean that women should be dismissed from punishment all together for hitting someone else. Domestic violence happens in both directions. If a woman hits a man, they should be punished in the same way if a man hits a woman. This girls are pussies and can't hurt anyone, and all men are pussies if they get annoyed about women hitting them is just discriminatory and sexist. 

Like women aren't physically capable to handle jobs in warehouses and being tradies because of the physical strength, yet we still let them. In the same way men shouldn't be criticised and discriminated against when females hit males, even though their physical strength is larger. 

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Ayla said:

Users that keep attacking other users as opposed to oppinions of other users, are permanantly banned. Every ban is approved by Leo.

Ayla - moderator

Honestly It doesn't seem like an attack : technically if you are telling someone that his ego is full of shit from your perspective it's of course not nice but... It can be done from a place where you want the other person to realize it. Of course done from a place where you wanna be higher or better is problematic and then it is indeed an attack but lack of "political correctness" doesn't mean bad intentions.

The energy behind the words and the intentions are more important than the content itself.

+ You could equate the other user as the ego of the other user and thus a set of beliefs/opinions... "You" Are made of opinions.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Lynnel

[Sultan]

guys relax and take a cup of tea don't take things more than they are 

because this is forum not real world  @Wormon Blatburm your idea is clear but to me you take things too seriously what psychopaths next time terrorism OK they are cross the rule and they punish simple please relax guys relax 

[reez]

@electroBeam It's called the bible

Well, read about masculine and feminine polarity before you actually discourage anything other I am saying.  An interesting read can be "The Way of The Superior Man" - David Deida

I am not saying that women should not be punished, just that there are other things counting into whether or not someone should be punished. This accounts for both men and women. Personally, I don't believe that a so-called "bitch-slap" from women close (read family) to you is such a big deal often, at most of the time at least. They are often made  in order to put the man back into his right mind, let's say in this thread. Where she (OP's wife) bitchslapped him when he said that shouldn't have hung up on him. For all I know she could have gone out of battery, maybe a radio-tower went down? She bitchslapped in him in order to stop him from thinking that she actually hang up on him and that there could be other alternatives to what was happening. She saw it as no other way, she thinks she loves this man who comes to her work when he's on a busy day and he looks furious while she went out of battery and therefore it appeared she "hung up". She realises he won't listen unless he stops being so damn angry. So she bitchslaps him lightly in hope of just stopping him and let him think a bit on his own. Instead, OP gets angrier and slaps her back, most likely harder than how hard his wife hit him.

If my thoughts were to prove correct I don't think that OP's wife did anything wrong.

But if it would have been in another case where a woman had been hitting her man. Yes hitting him, not slapping him. Then she should get just as high prison/rehabilitation as a man would have gotten from that.

[electroBeam]

@reez Lets just pretend for a moment hypothetically, that the gender was reversed and that OP slapped his wife to put her into the right mind (with the same force) would you still be ok with that?

To be totally honest, i just dont understand how gender relates and affects morality in this context.

I dont understand how its appropriate to use gender as a completely direct way of determining how wrong a particular violent crime is. Especially after all of the dogma feminism projects onto our society about equality.

If you want equality, go all the way, or be happy with specific gender roles that have been used for hundreds of years.

If youre going to neglect a females ability to hurt a man, while also advocating women power! And the empowerment of women, and how women are stronger than men in some cases, then its clear to me that unfortunately you are supporting a movement that's main aim is female supremacy, and not genuine equality. 

[reez]

@electroBeam I am talking about a woman in this case as she was the one getting slapped and who dealt the first slap and my guess of what went down in OP's case is up there^^ It might be totally wrong, and it might be right. 

Gender relates nothing about morality in this case. But to totally understand and give a "correct" punishment from that individual/person and make sure that any person (gender has no matter in this case) won't repeat anything like that again. You would have to understand WHY X hit Y. If you just say "okay X you're going to jail, we don't give a damn about your reasons" they will just continue to act the same way as they don't necessarily understand that it is/was bad, they only find out they get punished for it. The judge in the matter of the case may not truly understand if it truly was such a bad act after all? In order to rehabilitate (and in order to see if a rehabilitation is even needed) a person, you would have to understand them and why they did it, wouldn't you? I gave my opinions in OP's case but this does obviously not fit in with every other case where a man/women slap's each other. But nonetheless, you should view it from that person's perspective. I'll try to paint a picture so it's hopefully more understandable of what I mean.

"You have just bought a new car. This car is fantastic, it's your dream car and you have worked your ass off to get this. You feel completed as this was your dream car ever since you found out what cars even were. Oh and the paint job... It's customized to your specific needs and you can't really believe this car is TRULY yours. You close your eyes during the red light ... Then you hear a shriiek and a car drives recklessly through the red light and scratches your car. Your AMAZING paint job, that cost you 5000$ is officially destroyed within minutes of driving with it. You have no idea who this person is, but you REALLLLY HATE him/her."

Now let's look at it from the other person's perspective. "You've been invited to your friend's BBQ party and you bring your whole family and just enjoying the time together. Then you hear it, your kid gets an allergic reaction and starts choking... The hospital is 5 minutes away and it would go faster if you drove instead of calling an ambulance. So you put your kid in the car and drive as fast as you can and you see a red light and notice how they're not so many other cars from the other sides so you are driving through it anyway. You notice you end up scratching another person car who seemed quite new but you are completely focused on driving to the hospital as fast as possible."

What do you think of the "reckless driver" now? I am not saying he/she did anything right but I am quite damn sure you and I woulda done the same way. You HAVE to view it from the individual's perspective, not from your own perspective to give a proper evaluation.

I am not for equality, at least not how the media displays equality, and I would never say I am a feminist. But neither am I happy with how it is now as well. No, I am not gonna settle for something that was MADE hundred of years ago. Everything that was good a hundred to a thousand years ago would not be as good today now, would it?

I have never stated that a woman has no ability to hurt a man, whether it be physical or mentally. I expressed my opinion in THIS case, for the OP. Where I doubt he was physical hurt more than maybe a "red-hand" which I also believe his wife received. He was probably Mentally hurt as we should conclude by his reaction, but that doesn't mean that his reaction was correct either.

I don't believe in the superiority of any gender. I believe in a society where we COMPLEMENT each other. That does not mean that I believe women are suppressed in any way, even if they are in SOME countries (that's a fact). But in most western countries, women ARE NOT as suppressed as the feministic movement claim them to be. Now this does differ from country to country, but in my country (Sweden) I would not say women are suppressed in any sort of way the feminists claim them to be. Yes, there are some injustices, but that goddamn system is perfect?

I hope I made myself clearer with this post.

[Emerald]

12 hours ago, electroBeam said:

@reez Lets just pretend for a moment hypothetically, that the gender was reversed and that OP slapped his wife to put her into the right mind (with the same force) would you still be ok with that?

To be totally honest, i just dont understand how gender relates and affects morality in this context.

I dont understand how its appropriate to use gender as a completely direct way of determining how wrong a particular violent crime is. Especially after all of the dogma feminism projects onto our society about equality.

If you want equality, go all the way, or be happy with specific gender roles that have been used for hundreds of years.

If youre going to neglect a females ability to hurt a man, while also advocating women power! And the empowerment of women, and how women are stronger than men in some cases, then its clear to me that unfortunately you are supporting a movement that's main aim is female supremacy, and not genuine equality. 

I disagree that Feminism is out for female supremacy. All feminists that I know personally are genuinely trying to correct the imbalances that are there and feel deeply hurt about the state of things or the perceived state of things. There really is real pain there and not just an attempt to dominate. I even self-identify as a Feminist despite diverging in many ways from the mainstream ideas that you'll find shouted across all social media platforms. The problem with the current state of Feminism is a lack of awareness of how the door sometimes swings in the opposite direction and using the same backwards ideas about gender to pepper some of the claims. For example, our society has a really backwards social pattern that says man= strong aggressor/woman=weak victim. It's called the predator/pray dichotomy. So, anything done by a man against a woman will be seen compounded exponentially by our social norms surrounding whatever the issue is.

So, domestic violence against men is often looked at as less serious or even laughed off like we'd laugh at a Great Dane who's afraid of a kitten despite the disparity between male and female strength and stature being much much closer together. Women are roughly only 15% smaller than men. The metric for strength, I'm not sure. But I'm sure this metric isn't as far apart as we make it out to be either. This automatically paints women as weak and men as strong but aggressive. Even though more aware Feminists seek to dismantle these types of ideas, the emotionality in the group often unconsciously feeds off of the assumption of man=strong/woman=weak. So, unconsciously, when it's perceived that a man has something in a better way than a woman an unnecessary emotion is added to it and a reaction where it would be more beneficial to deal with these types of issues dispassionately. To look at the issue in a deeper way to dismantle impersonal social norms. But there comes to be a lot of shaming and demonization that is just unnecessary and very divisive. So, I agree that this issue too should not be peppered with the "a man should never hit a woman." ideas as it stems from the assumption that men are always the one in the position of power and women in the position of powerlessness. But I do ascribe to the ideas "A physically stronger person should never hit a physically weaker person." and "People shouldn't hit eachother." and "It's unwise to be in a relationship with someone who hits you." 

[Uchira]

Whoa2 guys2 calm down, she left me haha. The interesting thing is that i feel like that wast the best thing ever happened to my life. I got time now for me. 

[reez]

 

@Emerald Wilkins I saw a great video on feminism earlier today and this is kinda how I feel about it and what I suppose many other men feel about it. 

 

[Beam]

 @reez I think like you reez and I bet we both get laid anytime we want !

I know I do , I love to treat women like they are special.

Edited August 26, 2016 by Beam

[Beam]

12 hours ago, Uchira said:

Whoa2 guys2 calm down, she left me haha. The interesting thing is that i feel like that wast the best thing ever happened to my life. I got time now for me. 

That's an excellent attitude , its the one I use when a relationship ends. I think I learned it from my Dad , he left without much fan fare or tears. Or its genetic..
Sure beats whining about it for weeks like most men feel they need to do !

  side note - We ALL make mistakes , if you learn from them they become lessons.

Edited August 26, 2016 by Beam

[Gabriel David Gomez]

React to your suffering with calmness.
React to your sadness with calmness.
React to your anger with calmness.
React to your happiness with calmness.
If you feel nothing at all, react with calmness.
Forcibly acquire an unconditionally calm and content attitude.

This advice is part of what I offer in my book.

[Emerald]

On August 26, 2016 at 2:37 AM, reez said:

 

@Emerald Wilkins I saw a great video on feminism earlier today and this is kinda how I feel about it and what I suppose many other men feel about it. 

 

I only watched about a quarter of the video, and it just sounds reactionary against mainstream Feminism but not a new thing in itself, if that makes sense. Anti-feminism and Feminism are similar in that they are both very surface-level in their views of social patterns, focusing mostly on how much good stuff women get in comparison to men socially, politically, and economically. This is about the least productive way to come at these types of issues.

The problem here is that you can't kill a tree by picking the fruit off the tree. It will all just grow back. So, Anti-Feminists are basically saying: "Leave the fruit on the tree, it's kind of sucks but it's manageable. Just eat it and stop complaining." Feminists are basically saying: "Pick all the fruit off the tree and destroy it. The fruit on the tree is terrible. We need better fruit on that tree and we need to constantly police when any bad fruit grows." While I think that Feminism as it stands is the more productive of these two viewpoints, neither is anywhere in the same ballpark as the problem. My view is "Let's uproot the tree and plant it in healthier, more balanced soil, so that the fruit grows better and we have healthier food to eat."

What this means is to recognize the deep roots of gender inequalities (and a scad of other non-gender related issues) which is the imbalance between Yin and Yang in our social system. We as a society love Yang but are largely unaware of and mistrustful of Yin. Yang shares an implicit tie to masculinity and men, and Yin shares an implicit tie to femininity and women. So, this is why I identify in solidarity as a Feminist. It's not just about gender equality and getting women equal rights under the law or making sure that everything conforms to that ideology. That's all good but it's just fussing with the fruit on the tree past a certain point. My version of Feminism is about changing the social system in a way that integrates the feminine principle thus reducing the shadow masculine which comes as a force to compensate for repressed femininity. So, it's about cultivating an acceptance of Yin values within society, where they were previously absent or denigrated. So, gender barely comes into this... It's why no one's looking there.

The shadow masculine archetype, that I mentioned above, is shown through corporate greed, constant war, raping and pillaging the Earth for profit, the disenfranchisement of women, disregard for nature and animal life, extreme hierarchical thinking, lack of compassion, lack of unconditional love, emotional numbness, children raising themselves, etc. There is a shadow feminine too, but we suffer less from masculine repression, so we don't see it as much. But it sometimes rears its ugly head too. This is more along the lines of hedonism, stagnation of progress, irrationality, self-hatred, and the like. 

So, that's my issue with the current state of Feminism, is that it doesn't go deep enough. It looks at a social pattern and thinks that it's a simple fix when that one simple fix is connected to million other things that don't appear to have anything to do with gender equality. Then it shames people for not being on board with the ideology. My issue with Anti-Feminism is that it denies that there's even an issue, even in the face of all the turmoil within society relative to gender. It basically ignores what's going on and take the "It wasn't me." standpoint. So, from what I've seen of this girl's video, it doesn't seem to do anything other than negate Feminism which is the opposite of what we should be doing. We should be improving and reframing Feminism instead. But this probably won't happen until the 4th or 5th wave of Feminism or something like that, if my predictions hold any weight.

 

Edited August 29, 2016 by Emerald Wilkins

[Beam]

To strive to be equal or egalitarianism is like being one where as feminism is based in separation of the sexes. I like wheres its gotten us so far , since the French Revolution when women first began demand new freedom and rights when men were granted more.  These women wanted to have equal rights but some would call them the first feminists.
India is just beginning to talk about it , sadness will be turned to gladness eventually.

[electroBeam]

@Emerald Wilkins Feminism in a lot of respects, also are negatively orientated and projecting. To solve the gender gap for example, they would rather lower men's wages, instead of increasing female wages. 

[Beam]

Equality goes out window when a  CEO get 5 million a year and his staff of men & women only get 40 grand. Wealth sharing

[Ajax]

16 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

What this means is to recognize the deep roots of gender inequalities (and a scad of other non-gender related issues) which is the imbalance between Yin and Yang in our social system. We as a society love Yang but are largely unaware of and mistrustful of Yin. Yang shares an implicit tie to masculinity and men, and Yin shares an implicit tie to femininity and women. So, this is why I identify in solidarity as a Feminist. It's not just about gender equality and getting women equal rights under the law or making sure that everything conforms to that ideology. That's all good but it's just fussing with the fruit on the tree past a certain point. My version of Feminism is about changing the social system in a way that integrates the feminine principle thus reducing the shadow masculine which comes as a force to compensate for repressed femininity. So, it's about cultivating an acceptance of Yin values within society, where they were previously absent or denigrated. So, gender barely comes into this... It's why no one's looking there.

Interesting that you mentioned this... I often look at ancient dictionaries to get ideas about how people in the past may have thought about various topics. Here is the definition of  Feminism from 1912 " a condition of men who become hypersensitive, too imaginative and lacking in traits  that are supposed to be masculine." New Webster dictionary 1912.

Wouldn't it be interesting if more men were inflicted with such a condition?

 How would you say one would go about changing the social system?

On 8/19/2016 at 11:36 PM, Uchira said:

 When i met her, she didnt expect that i would shout at her. I was keep shouting at her why wouldnt you respect me. She said i didnt hang your phone. I was like bullshit. She slapped me not so strong in order to shut me up. Then i just slapped her. She said i am scared to live with you in Japan.

 

 

 I try to see things at a case by case basis. You shouted at her. You created a confrontation.  You kept shouting which made things much worse.  No one likes to be yelled  it can even be considered abuse if it is used as punishment, which in this case it was.  The purpose of of punishment is to get your point across by causing pain. Any point worth communicating can and should be delivered with kindness and compassion. For the most part punishment does not result in understanding it results in more pain. Because of you uncontrolled rage you were causing pain by yelling. She only wanted you to stop the abuse, by your own words.

So yeah you fucked up, a woman sometimes does things to piss you off to either tell you that you are doing something wrong and you better find out what that is or to test your emotional stability... either way you failed big time. But it seems you wanted out of this marriage and relieved that she left so I wouldn't dwell on it... Just educate yourself on how to manage the male\female relationships better in the future. It's all good.

 

 

 

[Armand]

On 8/24/2016 at 10:16 PM, electroBeam said:

@Armand Its our job to protect women? What ass did you pull that belief from? Sounds like something a white knight from the 1500s would say. 

I find it fascinating that in this day and age, we are all about giving men and women equality, but at the same time downplay and even sweep under the rug the fact that the OP's wife hit him as well, because she is a woman. Seriously if a woman hits a man, that is just as wrong and serious as a man hitting a woman. 

OP, violence usually isn't the answer, but your preconceived beliefs about how you hitting her is worse than her hitting you is internalized misandry  and quite troubling to someone trying to self actualize. I would work on those, along with the rest of the points made on here. 

Damn right. They should never hit us or even have the thought cross over into reality vice versa. I would classify myself as the white knight type at times. My strength is more than my own girls. I know I was born with more anger and more physical strength than any woman I was raised with. I was brought up to believe that a man that will beat on a woman who is weaker than himself is a pussy. That is all i can say about it. If she has a gun on her or a knife then it's game on son. 

[Emerald]

21 hours ago, Ajax said:

Interesting that you mentioned this... I often look at ancient dictionaries to get ideas about how people in the past may have thought about various topics. Here is the definition of  Feminism from 1912 " a condition of men who become hypersensitive, too imaginative and lacking in traits  that are supposed to be masculine." New Webster dictionary 1912.

Wouldn't it be interesting if more men were inflicted with such a condition?

 How would you say one would go about changing the social system?

The issue here is that the majority of societies only see femininity in relation to the masculine lens or are just unaware of what femininity (as a non-gendered principle) actually is: Yin. Femininity has been historically see only as beauty, weakness, motherhood, irrationality, burden to society (in agrarian societies), and hyper-sensitivity. But this is due to social unawareness of Yin qualities which is so much more expansive and valuable than these social caricatures of femininity. So, if a man took on the social caricature of femininity, then that would be very negative indeed as the social caricature of femininity is very limited and unhealthy, indeed. But if men and women both took time to develop the full depth and breadth of their feminine qualities, it would help society solve its deepest issues. The problem is that we don't like femininity as much because the social caricature of femininity is so much less appealing than the masculine principle.

Real feminine qualities are things like: compassion, creativity, open-mindedness, exploration of mystery and paradox, a connection to the unconscious mind, connection to our instinctual nature, care for the Earth and its creatures, awareness of natural cycles, the ability to accept and flow with life, emotional connection, emotional intelligence, peace, intuition, unconditional love, beauty, motherhood, a connection to the non-rational, acceptance of the many deaths in life, exploration of the internal experience, respect for darkness, stillness/meditation, receptivity to wisdom, etc.