I've Just Slapped My Wife

[Uchira]

As you know, i am the 20 year old married guy. I am a pleaser type of guy. okay i will say only the facts. I was in my home watching "God father" the scene that michael slaps his wife when he realized she aborted their baby. Then i wanted to meet her and called her. But she just hung my phone while i was talking. I called again again. I said okay thats enough. I took taxi, making myself angry. When i met her, she didnt expect that i would shout at her. I was keep shouting at her why wouldnt you respect me. She said i didnt hang your phone. I was like bullshit. She slapped me not so strong in order to shut me up. Then i just slapped her. She said i am scared to live with you in Japan. There is a lot of things happened you guys never know. I just believed i was angry. In fact, she threatened my ego by hanging my phone. My ego defended itself.

[Blind Observer]

It's fine to express anger  otherwise It will remain repress until it will expode soon or later, in a relationship there has to be hate and love like a pendolum otherwise there wouldn't be a intimate  relationship at all, you could even use a mood like this one to dig and center into yourself straight to to the source when that energy came from in the first place 

Edited August 21, 2016 by Blind Observer

[Robert66]

Hi,

I am very new here and this is my first post, and I normally wouldn't comment, but I feel very strongly about your post.  Please take this the right way, but violence is rarely the answer and violence against a loved one is never the way.  I understand your ego may have been hurt and you felt disrespected, but you have made it worse.  How is she supposed to respect that?  You have choice, and you let your animal shadow self make a reactive  poor decision that "You", the true self knows is wrong.  Please do not compound the problem by rationalizing or justifying it.  I am saying this to you out of love and understanding.  You should try to make your future with her better by accepting full responsibility now and apologizing, sincerely and humbly.  Thank You  

[reez]

18 hours ago, Blind Observer said:

It's fine to express anger  otherwise It will remain repress until it will expode soon or later, in a relationship there has to be hate and love like a pendolum otherwise there wouldn't be a intimate  relationship at all, you could even use a mood like this one to dig and center into yourself straight to to the source when that energy came from in the first place 

 

But anger should NEVER affect other people. Go boxing or whatever to get loose of your emotions, but NEVER goddamnit hit someone you love.

@Uchira You should read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert Glover

[Blind Observer]

5 hours ago, reez said:

But anger should NEVER affect other people. Go boxing or whatever to get loose of your emotions, but NEVER goddamnit hit someone you love.

@Uchira You should read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert Glover

Watch out for moralism here. I might have writed a rushed answer. I'll make it more clear, first that's a concept I learned from Osho, not just a my idea.

Watch your moods - when a mood against someone arises, do not place it on the person in question, but remain centered.

The other is not the source, the source is always whitin you. The other is hitting the source, but if there is no anger within you it cannot come out. Remember that you are the source of everything that you go on projecting onto others. And whatever there is a mood against or for, immediately go within and go to the source from where this hate is coming. Remain centered there; do not move to the object. Someone has given you a chance to be awere of your own anger - thank him/her immediately and forget him/her. Close your eyes , move within and look at the source from where this love of anger is coming.  You will find the source there because the anger is coming from your source. It is easy to go to the source at the moment you are angry or in love or in hate, because then you are hot. The wire is hot and you can take it in, you can move inward with that hotness. And when you reach a cool point within , you will suddenly realize a different dimension, a different world opening before you. Use anger, use hate , use love to go within. 

Osho - The book of secrets

[reez]

@Blind Observer Yes I just wanted to make it clear that it's not ok to hit another person (use your anger on them) and especially NOT your wife. - Expressing your anger I have no problem with, but expressing your anger in violence against anything, be it animals or other humans is Not acceptable

[-nbolt-]

wow you guys got problems

[Blind Observer]

1 hour ago, -nbolt- said:

wow you guys got problems

So you got none, right? look yours before judging others

[-nbolt-]

1 hour ago, Blind Observer said:

So you got none, right? look yours before judging others

Of course I have issues. However they are personal and don't affect the lives of those around me. I am not physically and emotionally abusive with my partner. She should hurry up and divorce so she can start a normal life. She has every right to be scared to move to Japan with this chump.

If someone commits murder, are you going to just say "look to your own issues before judging others"? Of course not, that would be asinine. Judgement can be perfectly warranted depending on the circumstance. Familial abuse is a big issue and ruins lives.

Edited August 22, 2016 by -nbolt-

[Cuzzo]

22 hours ago, -nbolt- said:

Of course I have issues. However they are personal and don't affect the lives of those around me. I am not physically and emotionally abusive with my partner. She should hurry up and divorce so she can start a normal life. She has every right to be scared to move to Japan with this chump.

If someone commits murder, are you going to just say "look to your own issues before judging others"? Of course not, that would be asinine. Judgement can be perfectly warranted depending on the circumstance. Familial abuse is a big issue and ruins lives.

You're correct that abuse ruins lives. But there are better ways of approaching these things then to say "wow you guys have problems". You just sound really full of yourself coming off that way. Suggesting that he just walk away from the marriage or even saying 'I hope she is strong enough to walk away from you' would be better answers than that short ego fueled response of yours.

 

Just my 2 cents

 

As for op, I remember him mentioning being married at 20 and I can recall thinking that was a terrible idea. And it clearly is lol

[-nbolt-]

12 minutes ago, Cuzzo said:

You just sound really full of yourself coming off that way.

That's your own judgement. I said nothing about myself. And having the opinion that he has obvious problems is being full of myself? What does an opinion like that even have to do with me. Why don't you actually explain why this is an "ego fueled response", assuming you are even able to and weren't responding with an "ego fueled response" of your own. Why don't you talk about the actual conversation at hand rather than pursue an ad-hominem deflection. Even if I were "full of myself" it detracts nothing from my point or the issue we're talking about. He does have problems, and I did say I hope she is strong enough to walk away.

[Cuzzo]

Just now, -nbolt- said:

That's your own judgement. I said nothing about myself. And having the opinion that he has obvious problems is being full of myself? What does an opinion like that even have to do with me. Why don't you actually explain why this is an "ego fueled response", assuming you are even able to and weren't responding with an "ego fueled response" of your own. Why don't you talk about the actual conversation at hand rather than pursue an ad-hominem deflection. Even if I were "full of myself" it detracts nothing from my point or the issue we're talking about. He does have problems, and I did say I hope she is strong enough to walk away.

I'm just suggesting that you talk to people with respect. You seem to be tripping out hard core right now. 

[Matthew Lamot]

@-nbolt- This cuzzo guy is a troll. hes got noting constructive to add to this except little one line anatgonisms.  Look at the posting history, the muslim one is laughable.

Pass it by is my advice mate.

Matt

[Cuzzo]

2 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

@-nbolt- This cuzzo guy is a troll. hes got noting constructive to add to this except little one line anatgonisms.  Look at the posting history, the muslim one is laughable.

Pass it by is my advice mate.

Matt

*rolls eyes* oh look it's the enlightened one lol 

[Matthew Lamot]

Just now, Cuzzo said:

*rolls eyes* oh look it's the enlightened one lol 

Nice try.  Youre not going to bait me into one of your ignorant controlling mind games.  And if your Islam topic is anything to go by, then Im not surpised youre on this forum, its the perfect place for you.

[Cuzzo]

2 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

Nice try.  Youre not going to bait me into one of your ignorant controlling mind games.  And if your Islam topic is anything to go by, then Im not surpised youre on this forum, its the perfect place for you.

I'm not sure how you are trying to use that as fuel against me man. I asked someone to explain Islam to me because I didn't understand it. And it was explained. "Demonetization is the ugliest thing you can do", and you sir are demonizing me. I think you're mad because I knocked you off your high horse earlier lol. 

I hope you know that I wish you the best though!

Edited August 23, 2016 by Cuzzo

[Matthew Lamot]

13 minutes ago, Cuzzo said:

I'm just suggesting that you talk to people with respect. You seem to be tripping out hard core right now. 

 

8 minutes ago, Cuzzo said:

*rolls eyes* oh look it's the enlightened one lol 

 

33 minutes ago, Cuzzo said:

You're correct that abuse ruins lives. But there are better ways of approaching these things then to say "wow you guys have problems". You just sound really full of yourself coming off that way. Suggesting that he just walk away from the marriage or even saying 'I hope she is strong enough to walk away from you' would be better answers than that short ego fueled response of yours.

As for op, I remember him mentioning being married at 20 and I can recall thinking that was a terrible idea. And it clearly is lol

You imagine that this is respect?  You dont live by your own standards, which clearly tells me that you are fake, insecure and out to create a persona of being respectful and holding others to your nonsense standard while violating it at the same time.

No wonder you are on this forum,  you clearly are not interested in self honesty and working on yourself properly with a proper teacher.

You look  like a fucking hypocrite troll to me mate.  Remove the thorn from your own eye before working on others.  This is supposed to be a place to discuss growth, not a fucking therapy session by a psycho.  Keep your lectures about other people to yourself, unless its to do with the content.  

Edited August 23, 2016 by Matthew Lamot

[-nbolt-]

17 minutes ago, Cuzzo said:

I'm just suggesting that you talk to people with respect. You seem to be tripping out hard core right now. 

As expected. Instead of an actual reply to my points, just another ad-hominem attack. I guess "tripping out" means being cogent and able to make constructive points in an proper, adult discussion.

Edited August 23, 2016 by -nbolt-

[Cuzzo]

4 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

 

 

You imagine that this is respect?  You dont live by your own standards, which clearly tells me that you are fake, insecure and out to create a persona of being respectful and holding others to your nonsense standard while violating it at the same time.

No wonder you are on this forum,  you clearly are not interested in self honesty and working on yourself properly with a proper teacher.

You look  like a fucking hypocrite troll to me mate

You're right. I lack respect towards people who lack respect for others.  I should resist the urge to call out disrespectful people because it just reflects on me. Thanks for the insight. I won't call you and mr. nbolt out on your nonsense anymore. 

Edited August 23, 2016 by Cuzzo

[Matthew Lamot]

1 minute ago, Cuzzo said:

You're right. I lack respect towards people who lack respect for others.  I should resist the urge to call out disrespectful people because it just reflects on me. Thanks for the insight. I won't call you and mr. nbolt out on your nonsense anymore. 

Who are you, fucking Robin Hood?

Just because I swear doesnt mean I disrespect folk.  Maybe YOU have a fucked up idea of what respect is, and maybe its YOU who is a whiny butt hurt ego letting your fragile feelings get in the way.

If you want to call people out on their behaviour, or what you imagine their behaviour is, go study to be a copper and then you can pullup as many naughty asbos as you want.

Leave the tricky debates to people who are mature enough to handle a robust convo, and not let their butt hurt hypocrite ego get in the way.