Dualities collapse & my brain hurts

[Guest EmptyVase]

Hey guys, so these last two psilocybin trips I had start to unwire my brain rather rapidly and unexpected. I'm very thankful for this, as this is a great gift, but it feels like my brain is working overtime, without me controlling it.

The combination of The Work by Byron Katie, Kriya Yoga & the two trips nuked my brain. Everyday I become more conscious of aspects of my being & personality. The subconscious gets flushed, awareness seems to rise a little bit and dualities start collapsing more and more. Not yet in an existential, "life-threatening" manner, but teeny-weeny mindblows. I now understand, that the psilocybin trip didn't only teach me how to meditate, but what nondual meditation is. 

Now this nondual breakdown doesn't happen at crazy depths (rather superficial or shallow even), but it happens without me consciously cracking them open. They just come. And I think that's partly because of The Work, because this rewires your brain and how you think subconsciously.

Here are the dualities, which broke down to a higher perspective, one meta-level above, to nonduality. Most of them were delivered by the subconscious:

Effortlessness vs. Effort

Authenticity vs. Inauthenticity

Comfortzone vs. Non-Comfortzone

Security vs. Insecurity

Truth vs. Falsehood (remember, shallow understanding!)

Within reality vs. Without reality

Being vs. Not-Being

 

I'm pretty sure, if I'd inquire further in a conscious manner, way more dualities would break down. Now that I write this, I think for now I can at least slow down this process. But a few hours ago, I couldn't concentrate on anything other than that. I tried reading a book, but I only saw polarities which would break down. I kinda can't unsee it. Because of this, I couldn't really read the book and my focus was off, because my brain was/is rearranging itself. It's really tiring. So I fled to sleep and after that, I could read my book again. I just worked out and ate something and feel better now.

I'm by no means against this process, but it's physically quite taxing. I don't know whether I'm fooling myself here or not, I'm just trying to describe what's happening as precisely as possible.

Is a hurting brain to be expected, when it is rewiring itself? One thing is for sure, I won't actively inquire this deeper, at least not for the coming time, as this will only deepen the brain exhaustion. Even writing this feels a little taxing right now. What I will do though is to surrender. Any advice? 

[Seraphim]

Glucose is the fuel for the brain, check out the medical medium teachings. In my opinion, the only duality that needs to be dissolved is the sense of "other" (everything is the self). Just be a normal human for a while until you recover. Follow your intuition and feeling always!

 

[Guest EmptyVase]

34 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

medical medium teachings

Sweet, thank you, I've never heard of that. Quickly checked out the website, sounds very appealing!

35 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Just be a normal human for a while until you recover. Follow your intuition and feeling always!

? Wasn't sure whether that would be a form of running away, but to not fry myself, this sounds very good. Thank you for the advice!

[Danioover9000]

@EmptyVase

1 hour ago, EmptyVase said:

Hey guys, so these last two psilocybin trips I had start to unwire my brain rather rapidly and unexpected. I'm very thankful for this, as this is a great gift, but it feels like my brain is working overtime, without me controlling it.

The combination of The Work by Byron Katie, Kriya Yoga & the two trips nuked my brain. Everyday I become more conscious of aspects of my being & personality. The subconscious gets flushed, awareness seems to rise a little bit and dualities start collapsing more and more. Not yet in an existential, "life-threatening" manner, but teeny-weeny mindblows. I now understand, that the psilocybin trip didn't only teach me how to meditate, but what nondual meditation is. 

Now this nondual breakdown doesn't happen at crazy depths (rather superficial or shallow even), but it happens without me consciously cracking them open. They just come. And I think that's partly because of The Work, because this rewires your brain and how you think subconsciously.

Here are the dualities, which broke down to a higher perspective, one meta-level above, to nonduality. Most of them were delivered by the subconscious:

Effortlessness vs. Effort

Authenticity vs. Inauthenticity

Comfortzone vs. Non-Comfortzone

Security vs. Insecurity

Truth vs. Falsehood (remember, shallow understanding!)

Within reality vs. Without reality

Being vs. Not-Being

 

I'm pretty sure, if I'd inquire further in a conscious manner, way more dualities would break down. Now that I write this, I think for now I can at least slow down this process. But a few hours ago, I couldn't concentrate on anything other than that. I tried reading a book, but I only saw polarities which would break down. I kinda can't unsee it. Because of this, I couldn't really read the book and my focus was off, because my brain was/is rearranging itself. It's really tiring. So I fled to sleep and after that, I could read my book again. I just worked out and ate something and feel better now.

I'm by no means against this process, but it's physically quite taxing. I don't know whether I'm fooling myself here or not, I'm just trying to describe what's happening as precisely as possible.

Is a hurting brain to be expected, when it is rewiring itself? One thing is for sure, I won't actively inquire this deeper, at least not for the coming time, as this will only deepen the brain exhaustion. Even writing this feels a little taxing right now. What I will do though is to surrender. Any advice? 

   Firstly, congratulations! A hurting brain is a sign that you've put lots of effort into breaking down these dualities. Now it's time to recover, so if you still want to continue, great time to micro dose on those psychedelics and shift your contemplation/self inquiry into concentration/meditation, and emphasis the letting go or do nothing meditation. Or stop with the psychedelics for a while until you given your brain some rest, and do some body awareness types of meditations. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

5 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

Firstly, congratulations! A hurting brain is a sign that you've put lots of effort into breaking down these dualities. Now it's time to recover

Great to hear, thank you! Leo said in one of his videos how looking at the relativity of everything would reveal the absolute. As I saw all those relative interdependences, something beyond the relative kinda revealed itself to me. That's really cool. Feels good to hear, that I can allow myself to just hit the breaks for a little bit, I really appreciate that.

You're right, psychedelics would overcharge my brain right now. Luckily, my access to them is really limited.

12 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

shift your contemplation/self inquiry into concentration/meditation, and emphasis the letting go or do nothing meditation

Do you mean by that to step away from the analytical approach, towards the relaxing type of beingness meditations?

15 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

body awareness types of meditations

Oh yes I agree, anything body awareness related (sports, hatha yoga, consciously loosening up the body) feels very embalming to the mind.

What would you say about energy work? Body awareness and energy work kinda merge for me, because both are really closely related in my experience.

[VeganAwake]

@EmptyVase maybe switch up the approach...

Liberation isn't the result of finding something external or gaining new insight or perception....

It's the collapsing of the individual that's trying to find fulfillment or liberation in the future...its the end of the seeker or the feeling that something is incomplete. 

Its so obvious that it gets overlooked. ❤

[Guest EmptyVase]

6 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Liberation isn't the result of finding something external or gaining new insight or perception....

Yeah I'm guilty of that, trying to reach something through meditation, when there isn't anything to reach at all. The moment you even move an inch closer towards Truth, you take a step back. As you said, it's so direct, that you don't see it and completely overlook it. Really funny, how we try to make sense of it 

7 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

maybe switch up the approach...

I feel like, what happened yesterday was changing the programm of the subconscious. I never consciously approached meditative stuff in a self-inquiry type of way. I did The Work only for releasing emotional blockages, not to find meditative truths, even though both are interconnected.

But you're right in the sense of the subconscious approach. It seems like my subconscious approached this whole meditation thing in the wrong way, and that showed yesterday. The subconscious realized that this isn't working, so it had to change. And maybe precisely that change was the thing, which was hurting my brain. Sorta like a muscle, which loosens up it's hardwired tensions and becomes more flexible.

As a little update: I'm feeling way better today and I guess I just overreacted yesterday. Nevertheless, for the coming time, I'm going to take it easy and just relax a bit, give this body/mind time to readjust. Actually, I feel like I was gifted two times:

1) The spiritual aspect of it, with the breakdown of dualities

2) Today I appreciate it a lot, to just be able to walk this earth as a human being and doing ordinary stuff. It truly is a great gift to enjoy this ordinary stuff. The beauty and struggle of human life was something, which I couldn't appreciate very much before. Well, now I do and it's great!

hidden 3) Maybe that's another duality, which will break down one day. But that's something which I won't investigate for now, it's all good as it is.

 

Thank you guys and gyals, for helping me out on this one! Life's beautiful 

[Nahm]

@EmptyVase

So ‘direct’ indeed, that thoughts like dualities, meditative truths, a subconscious, a body, a human, an earth, ordinary stuff, etc could almost be mistaken for actual things. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

@Nahm

Yeah that's all that, which happens in the actual but it is not the directness itself, because directness is direct.
Funny: when I write about it, thus think, the directness slips. I had to become conscious of the directness a few times before I was able to write this down. And even during writing I had to pause and reality-check. ? Please correct me, if what I wrote was not accurate.

I feel like the coming time will be a phase of moving away from teachings and just witnessing directness. Living life. Digesting. Relaxing in Beingness. That will not hurt my brain lol.

There are depths to directness, right? It's not like 0 and 1, like this is direct and this isn't. But there still seems to be a quantum leap when first becoming conscious of it. And then questioning: well how direct can it get?

[Nahm]

29 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

well how direct can it get?

Itlessness. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

48 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Itlessness.