Nightmares after Kundalini Yoga

[meow_meow]

So some of you have previously joined me on the topic of Is Kundalini Yoga dangerous?
Some of you shared your direct experiences (Pure gold - thank you!)

Anyway, this is insane, I've been meditating (simply watching and releasing thoughts) for 35mins daily for a year now and doing self-inquiry daily for half year  45minutes and Yes - I've 'reached' some realizations ("I" is illusory, everything is made of the same stuff) and had my dark moments (dark night of the soul, depression etc)

Even tho some of you shared very, very unpleasant experiences, I as a rebel,of course ignored all that and continued to do Kundalini Yoga exercises mixed up with Kriya Yoga meditation + self inquiry.

No psyches.

And well... holy fucking shit.

This post will be mostly me sharing my experiences with these methods combined together.
And they truly are unpleasant.

1. Meditation has gotten very unpleasant:

When I meditate it feels like my upper body is getting swung around like a puppet. Head is also spinning (Like when your drunk as fuck and trying to fall asleep, except there is no nauseous feeling)
Moments of complete emptiness (that emptiness is cold btw) and fear of that emptiness together with swinging of the body have become so strong that I have to stop my sessions and open my eyes, calm down from fear, and restart my session. I meditate in yogic position.

2. Random stuff happening in my life that I can't explain:

This one might sound strange, it also feels stranger than it sounds. I feel like I'm going insane but some fucked up coincidences have been happening since I've started Kundalini. I meet people in person that I've been recently thinking of or dreaming about. Things that I've been thinking abbot suddenly happen trough random events etc.

I know it's most likely just my mind putting together random events that have occurred and blaming it all at Kundalini since it's somehow mystical (kinda like ancient people blaming nature disasters on gods) but still I feel like it's worth mentioning.

3. Nightmares

There hasn't been a single night that I've had a night without atleast 3 dreams. They're all completely fucked up. I dream about things that I've been suppressing - Relationships with my mother & father. Communication with the opposite sex. Lack of sex. Lack of masculinity etc. I'm not going to go into full detail what I'm seeing in those dreams but it's always a nightmare.

I dream of murdering people, having sex, being worshiped by a demon and being swung sharply around with no control (similar to like when meditating)

4. Something just simply has changed:

This one is real hard to explain but something about my reality has just simply changed. Nothing is how it was before I started mixing up those practices.
It's like nothing has changed, but in the same time everything has changed.

Edited September 18, 2020 by meow_meow

[Seraphim]

Interesting. Most people have some type of spiritual possession, because whenever wars and conflicts happen these occult practitioners will curse people and their bloodlines and it also connects with our inner distortions and make it worse. You could watch Jivanmukti's video about it on youtube (Siddhanta yoga) and maybe ask her, she really is an expert when it comes to yoga, kundalini and these things.

 

[meow_meow]

19 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Interesting. Most people have some type of spiritual possession, because whenever wars and conflicts happen these occult practitioners will curse people and their bloodlines and it also connects with our inner distortions and make it worse. You could watch Jivanmukti's video about it on youtube (Siddhanta yoga) and maybe ask her, she really is an expert when it comes to yoga, kundalini and these things.

 

I doubt it. My symptoms of body getting swung around are not uncommon. Leo even mentions some of them in his video 'Dark side of meditation' also other sources talk about it.
Also nightmares are not so uncommon and are considered to be a 'normal' part of this journey.

It is still unpleasant tho if we need a judgement on this.

[Member]

Maybe you should take a break?

[meow_meow]

6 minutes ago, Member said:

Maybe you should take a break?

Yes. I already took a brake from self-inquiry for a week, but it looks like it's time for a break from meditation aswell.
However - those nightmares really do have meaning, they are the output of things I really should correct in my life.

But blue rings under my eyes and foggy thinking due to lack of sleep fucks up my daily life.

[Thestarguitarist14]

@meow_meow Sounds like normal kundalini awakening to me.

[electroBeam]

I know what you're going through. 

The past week I've woken up in the middle of the night, afraid that I was about to forget how to breathe. 

At this stage, my brain feels extremely fried, like I've taken a kilo of weed and having a serotonin overdose at the same time. I have a massive massive massive pulse of energy in my brain. I keep zoning out, and forgetting where I came from or who I am. And this energy rises based on the smallest things. Just the feeling of going down the elevator makes this energy rise and huge existential fear comes up of dissolving. When I look at objects, I zone out, forget who I am and forget what the object is. The world just dissolves all the time. I go to the shops, and as soon as I look at the food, my stomach has a huge explosion of information about what this food is, and what it will do to me. And that explosion of energy alone, gets me in a state where I zone out, the kundalini energy explodes, and I forget where I am, who I am and where I came from. Also my coordination is deeply out of wack. 

And you know what? Its perfectly fine. I've been like this for the past couple of weeks now, and at the beginning it was extremely scary, I felt like I was about to be in a psyche ward, but now that I've gotten use to it, I can operate normally. I just stop listening to the negative thoughts, feel the massively overwhelming energy and information, if I forget who I am, fuck it. Yeah its scary but who cares. Just have fun with it.

Its a bit challenging being in this state driving a car, and having meetings at work, but if you just keep at feeling the energy, letting go of the negative thoughts, you can get by like a world war 2 plane flying by with 50 shots in its wing. And its more fun flying a plane that's battered anyway. Way more adrenaline. 

[meow_meow]

@electroBeam Woah, that sounds pretty rough.
 

Quote

When I look at objects, I zone out, forget who I am and forget what the object is.

YES! You put into words what I couldn't. I experience somehow familiar feelings.

Also do you sometime feel like "You" are loosing control over your body? Like for example - you reach out to turn off a light switch, but the movement itself suddenly becomes automatic, the arm turns the switch and then returns to its previous position without 'You' actually doing or controlling anything?
I get this a lot..

..and the damn nightmares.. they all have meaning, very very unpleasant bad shit is surfacing. Do you experience them aswell ?

[electroBeam]

@meow_meow Yep.

Nahm has a really good reply here:

 

Edited September 20, 2020 by electroBeam

[lmfao]

@meow_meow perhaps this yoga was the straw that broke the camels back. 

Or maybe it isn't that complicated, and you're seeing what was obviously there in your psyche but you ignored or never opened up to. 

But uh yeah. Shit happens. A lot of us relate to these weird experiences or very negative states. I believe you've posted about them before. 

Worst thing for me was looking at myself in a mirror and hardly feeling connected to it, like it wasn't me. 

Edited September 21, 2020 by lmfao

[Mu_]

On 9/18/2020 at 5:34 PM, meow_meow said:

So some of you have previously joined me on the topic of Is Kundalini Yoga dangerous?
Some of you shared your direct experiences (Pure gold - thank you!)

Anyway, this is insane, I've been meditating (simply watching and releasing thoughts) for 35mins daily for a year now and doing self-inquiry daily for half year  45minutes and Yes - I've 'reached' some realizations ("I" is illusory, everything is made of the same stuff) and had my dark moments (dark night of the soul, depression etc)

Even tho some of you shared very, very unpleasant experiences, I as a rebel,of course ignored all that and continued to do Kundalini Yoga exercises mixed up with Kriya Yoga meditation + self inquiry.

No psyches.

And well... holy fucking shit.

This post will be mostly me sharing my experiences with these methods combined together.
And they truly are unpleasant.

1. Meditation has gotten very unpleasant:

When I meditate it feels like my upper body is getting swung around like a puppet. Head is also spinning (Like when your drunk as fuck and trying to fall asleep, except there is no nauseous feeling)
Moments of complete emptiness (that emptiness is cold btw) and fear of that emptiness together with swinging of the body have become so strong that I have to stop my sessions and open my eyes, calm down from fear, and restart my session. I meditate in yogic position.

2. Random stuff happening in my life that I can't explain:

This one might sound strange, it also feels stranger than it sounds. I feel like I'm going insane but some fucked up coincidences have been happening since I've started Kundalini. I meet people in person that I've been recently thinking of or dreaming about. Things that I've been thinking abbot suddenly happen trough random events etc.

I know it's most likely just my mind putting together random events that have occurred and blaming it all at Kundalini since it's somehow mystical (kinda like ancient people blaming nature disasters on gods) but still I feel like it's worth mentioning.

3. Nightmares

There hasn't been a single night that I've had a night without atleast 3 dreams. They're all completely fucked up. I dream about things that I've been suppressing - Relationships with my mother & father. Communication with the opposite sex. Lack of sex. Lack of masculinity etc. I'm not going to go into full detail what I'm seeing in those dreams but it's always a nightmare.

I dream of murdering people, having sex, being worshiped by a demon and being swung sharply around with no control (similar to like when meditating)

4. Something just simply has changed:

This one is real hard to explain but something about my reality has just simply changed. Nothing is how it was before I started mixing up those practices.
It's like nothing has changed, but in the same time everything has changed.

Its all ok man, its not insanity, just part of the course for some on this pathless path.  Not to scare you, but what you've shared for some is like a normal walk in the park, nothing unusual about it, but understandably for you its new.  You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and its not steering you of course internally and the limited communication I've had with you tells me your on the right path.....  If it gets to overwhelming, its alright to just back off on your practices for a bit and just do something else, like play a game or have a few drinks with some buddies and chill out for a few days.

If it sounds interesting to you, if your feeling like the meditation your doing is getting kinda stale, instead of approaching it from the angle of watching your thoughts, instead just close your eye's and let experience, which includes sounds, feelings, touch sensations, thoughts, emotions, "everything", just come up as it doesn and pass as it does, and to do so for 30-40 mins.  No goal, no intention, just be....  And then maybe after a few weeks of doing so, just reflect on the difference and I'd be curious what it is.....

[meow_meow]

18 hours ago, lmfao said:

Worst thing for me was looking at myself in a mirror and hardly feeling connected to it, like it wasn't me. 

Ahhh. Yes!
During day time it's bearable, but it gets real scary when you have to take a piss during night-time and you pass a mirror in the dark and that feeling of 'who the heck was that' brings up fear & anxiety, hehe.

15 hours ago, Mu_ said:

Instead just close your eye's and let experience, which includes sounds, feelings, touch sensations, thoughts, emotions, "everything", just come up

Yes, that's what I actually started doing yesterday and will continue to do every other day until nightmares subside.

However during my sessions I'm trying to keep that distance between bodily sensations and to what I believe is the observer, and not take thoughts too seriously, not get attached to thoughts and not letting them carry attention too far away, basically just watch everything. I also was contemplating 'what is attention?' and 'who is watching?' the other day, which basically just ended in chasing my own tail.

I came to an conclusion that focus/attention is simply the brains ability to highlight one sense over others.
And who's watching is yet again just the brain processing all inputs received by the body (inner and outer visual, audio, physical sensations)

No "I" is still involved in this process, so who is aware of all this, remains a mystery.

Thanks for your advice, I'll continue the type of meditation that you suggested and if you don't mind then I'll get in touch with you in a week or two.

Edited September 22, 2020 by meow_meow

[Nahm]

37 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

I'm trying to keep that distance between bodily sensations and to what I believe is the observer

? “I’m cutting myself off while doing practices intended to end the cutting off of myself.” 

? “I’m doing practices to raise kundalini, while suppressing sensation, which rips me in half...and the nightmares seem ‘unrelated’.”

37 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

No "I" is still involved in this process, so who is aware of all this, remains a mystery.

Awareness, you, are aware. ‘I’ is a thought, ‘who’ is a thought, but you are obviously you, awareness of ‘the thoughts‘.  

37 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

focus/attention is simply the brains ability to highlight one sense over others

‘Brain’ is a thought. A thought does not have properties like ability. Focus/attention is not like things in this world. 

On 9/18/2020 at 5:34 PM, meow_meow said:

I dream about things that I've been suppressing - Relationships with my mother & father. Communication with the opposite sex. Lack of sex. Lack of masculinity etc. I'm not going to go into full detail what I'm seeing in those dreams but it's always a nightmare.

I dream of murdering people, having sex, being worshiped by a demon and being swung sharply around with no control (similar to like when meditating)

Body is releasing, this is the desired response / process. Tug of war between feeling and controlling, which is to say, between mind & body. But body & mind are Mind, and Mind is Love. Imagine Luke discovering & connecting with the force, and Yoda saying “No, stop! Don’t feel it!”. That wouldn’t make sense. 

We could call it The Big Transition to lighten the mood. The transition from the paradigm to get into this place, that “How I feel is due to outside forces beyond my control”, to, “I’ve always been in control, I’ve always only ever felt my interpretations of outside forces, not outside forces”. This almost always brings us to the doorstep of the ‘real’ control...acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, with not a GD thing between ‘you’ and LOVE. 

Write the dream content down when you wake up, and let it go 100%. Completely. Move on with your day. Later in the day, when you’ve forgot the dream (mostly) and emotions (which you created but seem to be caused by the dreams) have dissipated, then read the content and apply yourself, your real self, to the content (love, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding). 

Allow the transcending which you are invoking. 

Also, just a ‘my two cents’, I would drop the kundalini thinking. I don’t believe it’s helping because it’s a mask which in a sense holds ‘you’ apart. Maybe you can stoop down to our level and just call it love.  

In short, culminating love and the magic of focus via practices ??...then suppressing the actual results which were desired by labelling them, thus perpetuating “I” am the “other separate (& protected) thing”. ??

[Mu_]

@meow_meow Mahmoud already commented on what I was partially going to say but ya drop trying to deprecate things during meditation. And stop looking and identifying what the observer is and is not. Wouldnt you say without looking for or looking for such an observer, awareness is already taking place in the process of looking and not looking.  It’s so obvious it’s not even funny. I’m not talking about a supposed god consciousness with unique qualities, just the fact that it’s obvious reading this sentence right now is taking place. 

[Mu_]

@meow_meow and yes, your free to get in touch with me if you like.