Being alone in this path and my mushroom insanity trip haunts me

[John Iverson]

3 months ago i have this terrifying mushroom trip that haunts me about i am one in the universe, and until now i am scared because there is a point where I don't know if my mind is responible for that or what I don't know either what is happening or why it is happening? There are days that my mind remembers that experience and put me in that scary experience, that experience i called it insanity, i am still scared and it bothers me about family life and my life purpose and my sanity.

i am scared with this experience of i am walking a path where no one is with me, i am alone in this path, at the same time i am wanting that my family is with me in my journey and there are people with me where i can communicate with them,  even if it's not like a communication about spirituality or passion thing, i mean i want it to be like they are just existing there , i am still scared that time passed so fast that i do not have the courage and time to spend time with them even if it is shallow and express what i want to express to them. I want this comfortble life where i am just here existing in there reality field. I am afraid to proceed with life without them. And spending my time alone selfishly doing i want to do with my life, and that my mind will have an excuse to not call them or spend time with them cause i am a coward.also taking for granted their existestence that i could not pull of i need to pull of in the moment . Even if it is that the case because i am in this house with my parents and my brother i am rest assured.

and with the experience about my own insanity in my past experience..? It is too much for me to handle so when that thought or experience came up i distract me self into this reality i put my perception in my surroundings, or  i go to social media and spend time there chatting people, and i give my self to them, or spending time talking with my parents, my mind is still recovering.

the problem is i cannot do stuffs productively, if some task i want to try doing it my mind sabotages me in to that family matters and in to that being alone in the journey and the problem i am going to face in the future, that i am going to live a house where i am alone and what if there is a problem like something happen in the toilet bowl that i cannot fix who i am going to call? Who is going to help me fix that, or how i am going to transfer my things in to new house what is the strategy or what. 

also i cannot do stuffs because of this thoughts and feelings that i am scared about. I want in this comfortable life in this very moment... at the same time i am motivated to do stuffs that interests me but being alone in this journey haunts me

Edited September 18, 2020 by John Iverson

[Thestarguitarist14]

How many grams of mushrooms did you do?

[John Iverson]

11 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

How many grams of mushrooms did you do?

I don't know i bought 4grams but i divide it, to be honest I don't scale it but i think it made it strong because of i use lemon. I intake it with lemon, I soaked it for 20 minutes in lemon before taking it

[Thestarguitarist14]

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

I don't know i bought 4grams but i divide it, to be honest I don't scale it but i think it made it strong because of i use lemon. I intake it with lemon, I soaked it for 20 minutes in lemon before taking it

Lemon definitely enhances the trip.

 

  You have to remember, it is all in your head. Having clear intentions before you trip is key.

[John Iverson]

1 hour ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Lemon definitely enhances the trip.

 

  You have to remember, it is all in your head. Having clear intentions before you trip is key.

True! It really enhances my trip ??

okay ☺️

[electroBeam]

I went through something similar here and here. I'm open to trying to help you with anything specific if you would like that. 

[Human Mint]

Same here, a week ago i had a similar ugly schizophrenic experience with wet mushrooms.

It was a disturbed paranoid mind.

I am trying to go trough the experience, live life and surrender more. i have hope for my life.

I do not permit myself to get stuck into that negative train of thoughts, not healthy. My mind sabotages too, but that's to be expected so I let it happen

But honestly I thought I was going to stay like this forever and I even thought I had to kill myself because i wouldn't have choice...

Strength and please take care of yourself, if it is necessary go to therapy or psychiatrist. everything is going to be fine

 

pro tip: when my mind starts to build the horrifying negativity, i get angry. And it usually helps lol. Expressing emotions help me not to get caught in the doubt/overthinking

Edited September 18, 2020 by Human Mint

[Human Mint]

during the trip i was convinced everything was a show., exactly like the Truman show lol. and i was traumatized. I'm still recovering

 

this post is nice and has nice advice (from @electroBeam)

some comments of the post that i really liked:

from @Nahm

"Even more practically (and obnoxiously to ‘get through’)...I would literally slap yourself across the face a few times. Literally. Also have someone else do this. Seriously, yet to slap the seriousness right out of you. Then, I would make a list of everything you can think of which contributes to relaxation no longer being a thought, or having anything to do with thought - and fully realizing relaxation is feeling, and or is more ‘actual’ relative to thinking about relaxation. I would do all those things you can come up with. For starters, go get a massage. Maybe order a neck massager device thingy. Do deep breath stretches early in the morning, hold extended stretches while breathing into them, feeling the literal deeper & deeper release of the muscles. Stretch like that multiple times a day. "

"Now there is no not make this about ‘the path’, awakening, enlightenment, etc. If you notice you did / are, then you have or are conceptualizing it. That is the one thing we don’t want to transpire. Feeling can not be thought, in spite of pretty much everyone pretending it can. Make this tangible, about things in your life that feel good to you, and that are relieving & relaxing. Anything from choosing a perspective which resonates, to checking yourself into a spa / retreat center. Maybe this is possible for you where you’re at in life now, maybe not quite possible now, but I hope & think you get the bigger point I’m trying to make."

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by Human Mint

[Human Mint]

hey, how are you doing? I recently read "The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead" by Timothy Leary, and it is very helpful for me. I recommend you to read it if it is difficult for you to escape insanity during a trip or after

[kag101]

Are you still taking psychedelics?

Forget about spirituality and just do mundane stuff. Spend time with your family, cook, watch a movie, etc.  

[evgn]

Is it really so scary to realize ones? I have never experianced it so i have no idea what would it be like

[John Iverson]

On 10/15/2020 at 2:05 AM, Human Mint said:

hey, how are you doing? I recently read "The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead" by Timothy Leary, and it is very helpful for me. I recommend you to read it if it is difficult for you to escape insanity during a trip or after

It made do tiktok acct ? I am enjoying it..

[John Iverson]

On 10/15/2020 at 3:48 AM, kag101 said:

Are you still taking psychedelics?

Forget about spirituality and just do mundane stuff. Spend time with your family, cook, watch a movie, etc.  

I don't want to take anything even coffee or alcohol.. even alcohol the experience is not the same anymore, when i drink alcohol for me it is another state of consciousness..  

yes and mosly i spend my time doing tiktok haha, and i let myself slackoffs, be in the comfort, i think i also have an ego backlash from that.. idk what will happen to me.. i think the mushroom i took messed up my brain haha i hope that it isn't 

[John Iverson]

On 10/16/2020 at 2:05 AM, evgn said:

Is it really so scary to realize ones? I have never experianced it so i have no idea what would it be like

If you are going insane how would you react ? Happy?? Realizes oneself is very serious stuffs that is what i experience.. when you become conscious that you are alone in the universe you me, I don't want that how am i supposed to live with that.. i am alone? All along.. dayumn!! 

[kag101]

On 10/19/2020 at 0:23 PM, John Iverson said:

I don't want to take anything even coffee or alcohol.. even alcohol the experience is not the same anymore, when i drink alcohol for me it is another state of consciousness..  

yes and mosly i spend my time doing tiktok haha, and i let myself slackoffs, be in the comfort, i think i also have an ego backlash from that.. idk what will happen to me.. i think the mushroom i took messed up my brain haha i hope that it isn't 

Well, it might have done some damage, but it probably is something temporary. A bigger problem would be if you were still using psychedelics... They are known for triggering paranoia, for example. 

A similar thing happened to me. But, unlike you, I was in denial. That is, I was interpreting the whole thing as something spiritual. As if I was entering the energy field of the collective unconscious. I thought I was waking up spiritually. Little did I know, I was going mad. 

I had to hit rock bottom to go to a psychiatrist. And let me tell you, dude, it really helped. I was getting "flashbacks" of that state of insanity regularly, even without using any type of mind altering substance.  That shit was scary af. So I ended up having to take an antipsychotic for about 3 months or so. And it was crucial to my mental health.

[Human Mint]

@kag101

On 10/20/2020 at 11:19 PM, kag101 said:

Well, it might have done some damage, but it probably is something temporary. A bigger problem would be if you were still using psychedelics... They are known for triggering paranoia, for example. 

A similar thing happened to me. But, unlike you, I was in denial. That is, I was interpreting the whole thing as something spiritual. As if I was entering the energy field of the collective unconscious. I thought I was waking up spiritually. Little did I know, I was going mad. 

I had to hit rock bottom to go to a psychiatrist. And let me tell you, dude, it really helped. I was getting "flashbacks" of that state of insanity regularly, even without using any type of mind altering substance.  That shit was scary af. So I ended up having to take an antipsychotic for about 3 months or so. And it was crucial to my mental health.

Thank you for this reply, i thought in going to a psychiatrist but i was feeling better, but still the trauma and insecurity is in my daily life. I am pretty much determined to go now

As you john, i also thought it might have done some damage to my brain lol

[Nahm]

On 9/17/2020 at 8:50 PM, John Iverson said:

3 months ago i have this terrifying mushroom trip that haunts me about i am one in the universe, and until now i am scared because there is a point where I don't know if my mind is responible for that or what I don't know either what is happening or why it is happening? There are days that my mind remembers that experience and put me in that scary experience, that experience i called it insanity, i am still scared and it bothers me about family life and my life purpose and my sanity.

i am scared with this experience of i am walking a path where no one is with me, i am alone in this path, at the same time i am wanting that my family is with me in my journey and there are people with me where i can communicate with them,  even if it's not like a communication about spirituality or passion thing, i mean i want it to be like they are just existing there , i am still scared that time passed so fast that i do not have the courage and time to spend time with them even if it is shallow and express what i want to express to them. I want this comfortble life where i am just here existing in there reality field. I am afraid to proceed with life without them. And spending my time alone selfishly doing i want to do with my life, and that my mind will have an excuse to not call them or spend time with them cause i am a coward.also taking for granted their existestence that i could not pull of i need to pull of in the moment . Even if it is that the case because i am in this house with my parents and my brother i am rest assured.

and with the experience about my own insanity in my past experience..? It is too much for me to handle so when that thought or experience came up i distract me self into this reality i put my perception in my surroundings, or  i go to social media and spend time there chatting people, and i give my self to them, or spending time talking with my parents, my mind is still recovering.

the problem is i cannot do stuffs productively, if some task i want to try doing it my mind sabotages me in to that family matters and in to that being alone in the journey and the problem i am going to face in the future, that i am going to live a house where i am alone and what if there is a problem like something happen in the toilet bowl that i cannot fix who i am going to call? Who is going to help me fix that, or how i am going to transfer my things in to new house what is the strategy or what. 

also i cannot do stuffs because of this thoughts and feelings that i am scared about. I want in this comfortable life in this very moment... at the same time i am motivated to do stuffs that interests me but being alone in this journey haunts me

You are attributing how you feel to everything else but your present perspective, and apparently suffering dearly in doing so. You’re essentially claiming the stake of hand on stove, and then asking for people to help you with the refrigerator, kitchen sink, dining room table, toilet in the bathroom, etc. If a thought doesn’t feel good, doesn’t resonate, focus elsewhere. Focusing on it for three months would seem ‘haunting’, but you would be the “ghost”. 

[kag101]

On 10/31/2020 at 4:01 AM, Human Mint said:

Thank you for this reply, i thought in going to a psychiatrist but i was feeling better, but still the trauma and insecurity is in my daily life. I am pretty much determined to go now

Nice! I think you should totally give it a try, and see if you resonate with the doctor. Good luck! 

[Nahm]

On 10/20/2020 at 10:19 PM, kag101 said:

Well, it might have done some damage, but it probably is something temporary. A bigger problem would be if you were still using psychedelics... They are known for triggering paranoia, for example. 

A similar thing happened to me. But, unlike you, I was in denial. That is, I was interpreting the whole thing as something spiritual. As if I was entering the energy field of the collective unconscious. I thought I was waking up spiritually. Little did I know, I was going mad. 

I had to hit rock bottom to go to a psychiatrist. And let me tell you, dude, it really helped. I was getting "flashbacks" of that state of insanity regularly, even without using any type of mind altering substance.  That shit was scary af. So I ended up having to take an antipsychotic for about 3 months or so. And it was crucial to my mental health.

Super happy to hear something’s helping you. Just a random perspective...“shit” isn’t an accurate interpretation of who you really are. “Fear” (scary) is an interpretation. In letting go of an interpretation which does not resonate in feeling, vs clinging to it or believing it, the source of the interpreting is realized, and that one was creating fear by labeling themself, instead of feeling, is the revelation, and realty is ‘seen as it is’. You are so beautiful it blinds, so loving it’s “horrifying” to see the conditions “held”. Likewise, paranoia is interpretation, namely, thinking one knows other’s are thinking, and venturing into the thinking one knows what another is thinking. Even as I type this now and tell you I am thinking of popcorn, I am not. Because I am not, fear is not.