Thoughts on being friends with moderate toxicity?

[Jacob Morres]

Judgements underneath breath, laughs at you, looks at you weird, few times competitive to the point of slightly abusive (yelling, screaming, insulting), can talk behind back sometimes, judges green-ness from an orange perspective 

It's a bit over the top. Definitely stems from some inner wounds 

Dude is a decent guy though besides that? We've had some intimate conversations, had some fun times and overall decent friends 

However the former always turned me off. I always wondered if I should talk about it (usually he does change overtime when I bring it up), or just move on where I'm treated better because some things, (like judgements) just are not possible to change.

Also granted, it does not seem personal to me, he seems to be this way with other people as well. Wondering everyone's opinions! Thank you   

 

[egoeimai]

Let it go.

[Applegarden]

2 hours ago, egoeimai said:

Let it go.

Can't stress this enough. Its like putting up with chronic disease.

[Globalcollective]

Yeah I have been thinking about this for awhile, I definitely have one or two toxic friends similar to how you describe them but we have been friends for years and over time developed close bonds but the more I grow on my path of choice the less I resonate with there toxicity. Letting them go would hurt them and there is a part of me not wanting to but another part that its not worth it. Its a problem because you can't really be authentic about it and try and have a chat with them as they will just get defensive ect.

I guess ultimately there is a line and if they take a toll on your emotional heath then why bother ? seems the most rational way to approach it. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

Let it go because ultimately you will stay stuck in a lower state by associating with him.

[creator20]

Let it go appears to be the top answer- However, I know that's not always easy to just do. If I was in your situation I would gain a lot of insight on your friend's behavior & then sit them down & try to explain to them that you are concerned for their psychological wellbeing with the way that they've been treating you & others. If you have this conversation from a place of genuine compassion & concern then maybe it will spark a change & bring some self awareness to your friend. If this doesn't work, then you will eventually have to distance yourself from the toxicity. 

[Recursoinominado]

Isn't worth it. 

[Roy]

If the good heavily outweighs the bad then it's probably worthwhile to him as a friend. If it's causing you stress and it's happening frequently, just bring it up and address it in a kind/direct way. If he doesn't receive it humbly enough and refuses to work on it, well it's a shame but you might have to cut him off and find a better friend.

Everyone has their flaws of course, but if you truly respect and value yourself there is only so much you put up with or allow yourself to take until you create some standards.

Personally I don't put up with any shit anymore. I only bother with having the absolute closest and compatible friends possible. Any hints of toxicity that I know won't be fixed soon enough. I cut it off immediately. Good vibes only.

This has left me with not many friends as I used to have but that's ok.

Edited September 17, 2020 by Roy