Can you take 100% responsibility too far?

[BjarkeT]

It got to the point where i try to take responsibility for other peoples problems and try to help them when I should be sleeping lol.

When I need to do something I try to give it my all for example with cleaning the house or playing games like board tennis.

I asked a girl out but no response now I will study dating seriously.

I also tried to think up of a solution from COVID 19. What if you could make a cure that spread the same way the virus does but instead of doing harm to people it’s cure them for CODVID 19 that would fix it fast but probably hard to make something like that without it has serious consequences.

it can sometimes take a lot of energy from you.

lol I also tried to think a solution to this which the key might be balance.

Edited September 15, 2020 by BjarkeT

[Vittorio]

"It got to the point where i try to take responsibility for other peoples problems and try to help them when I should be sleeping lol."

100% responsability applies to YOUR life. 

You will burn out by doing this and obtain nothing. 

You cannot take responsbailites for the actions of other people. 

That's their choice.

"When I need to do something I try to give it my all for example with cleaning the house or playing games like board tennis."

Why are you doing that REALLY? Ask yourself, wheter you are doing that to get approval and acceptance or rather due to real passion (or a mix of both). 

"I asked a girl out but no response now I will study dating seriously."

This is really black and white thinking. You don't know, why she did not reply. There are thousands reasons.

"also tried to think up of a solution from COVID 19. What if you could make a cure that spread the same way the virus does but instead of doing harm to people it’s cure them for CODVID 19 that would fix it fast but probably hard to make something like that without it has serious consequences."

If you are not a scientist or such and you don't wanna become one of them, leave it be. 

It's a waste of energy. 

Again, ask yourself, why you want to find the cure. To get approval, praise and glory or rather due to genuine passion. 

[BjarkeT]

@Vittorio I am not doing such things for approval, praise, glory maybe not even passion but because I believe in responsibility. 

Edited September 16, 2020 by BjarkeT

[TripleFly]

100% with you on that buddy,

Our brain is really good at solving and fixing problems. Notice the fixation. Continue your path.

Some things are more important to think and are more urgent. Others are more playful and less serious

 

Here is my tip to my fellow,

Play it out. You wanna take 100% responsibility for why other people are not acting the way you want? Play, it, out. Do it all, do it even more than if you're hesitant. 

Teach yourself the lesson you need to be taught by doing it.

Sometimes you will have to see yourself do something that you think is uncomfortable, or awkward, or a mistake.

But you know you wanna do it  

Just as long as you're not hurting anyone.

 

Also remember, be honest with yourself, this is how you test if you're bullshitting yourself. Don't stop yourself just be honest with yourself, so you know what's up and can understand yourself better.

 

And lastly.... Your now honest is not the same as your past-honest. Sometimes you'll discover things about yourself that you will feel embarrassed about. That's great! Because if it seems embarrassing to you, that means you're past that stage, that also means that you won't be doing that anymore, so you don't even need to be hard on yourself. It's a 'Done this, did that, not going to repeat that again' type of situation, but only, with yourself !  

Edited September 16, 2020 by TripleFly

[BjarkeT]

I realize that you can't take responsibility(or control) for how other people act or feel so when that happens I try to just accept that it is what it is I won't blame anyone.

Edited September 16, 2020 by BjarkeT

[Vittorio]

13 hours ago, BjarkeT said:

@Vittorio I am not doing such things for approval, praise, glory maybe not even passion but because I believe in responsibility. 

Your answer doesn't make any sense.

It is as if I asked you: "What's your name?" and you would tell me: "It's 9 o' clock". 

"Responsability" is a relative concept and means nothing.

You did not think hard enough. 

Try again

[BjarkeT]

@Vittorio I don’t get why It doesn’t make sense. I just wrote how I feel.

I basically just believe in what Leo talks about here.

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by BjarkeT

[w4read]

@Bjarke This idea of taking responsibility, does it only come from watching Leo's videos or is it a principle you have lived with for a longer time? I think the key is to find out why you hold on to it in the way you do. Maybe the problem isn't nescessarily that you take too much responsibility but that you lack the implication of other principals such as finding a balance with it and also allowing for things not to be perfect all the time? Or yeah, maybe it even isn't a problem. Do you feel it has caused problems in your life?

[BjarkeT]

@w4read The problem it caused I feel like is that it can take a way a lot of energy sometimes but it can also be rewarding. But I think you are right about that I need to practice balance as well.

“does it only come from watching Leo's videos or is it a principle you have lived with for a longer time?”

Actually it’s both lol I have been watching leos video a few years ago I think and tried to lived by it since. The reason I hold on to it is that I realize that any personal problem I have in life will remain a problem unless I do something about it. I belive it’s similar to external situations.

It’s also what scott m peck talks about here:

“Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.”

[w4read]

@BjarkeT Taking responsibility is generally a good thing, but I think it needs to be combined with some sort of acceptance of the reality and the situation that exists in the moment. This is probably one of the hardest and most counterintuitive things in personal development and I've been struggling with it for years now. I find that when you are able to combine those two more, you will still take action, but it will come more from a peace of mind and a sort of positive motivation ( inspiration if you will). Notice how you feel when situations come up. Are you getting tensed up and stressed? Or are you gettting genuinely curious and want to find out more? That is a sign of weather you are accepting the situation or not. If you have no need to change the situation, why would you get stressed? At the same time, why would you not take action and see where it goes? After all life is an exiting process  

Edited September 17, 2020 by w4read

[TripleFly]

1 hour ago, BjarkeT said:

@w4read The problem it caused I feel like is that it can take a way a lot of energy sometimes but it can also be rewarding. But I think you are right about that I need to practice balance as well.

“does it only come from watching Leo's videos or is it a principle you have lived with for a longer time?”

Actually it’s both lol I have been watching leos video a few years ago I think and tried to lived by it since. The reason I hold on to it is that I realize that any personal problem I have in life will remain a problem unless I do something about it. I belive it’s similar to external situations.

It’s also what scott m peck talks about here:

“Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.”

Some things will take away from your energy without giving you much back, so in this situation you are definitely losing energy. But what if you took this responsibility for things that give you more energy? In that case it would be rewarding wouldn't it?

Problems are energy that you are holding onto, and holding on requires energy by itself, so when you are insisting on a problem then you are wasting more and more energy.

Can you try to use your rational mind together with your valuing mind, because it sounds like you're giving your problems so much credit that they hold you back.

Sometimes we need new energy in our system to clear the old stuck up one, a book about our struggles, a friend to talk about with, even just a walk in the beach can do the trick.