Dating someone much older than you pt. 2

[Stratos]

Hello everyone, 

Couple of months ago I started a topic called "dating someone much older than you". In short I started dating one of my mothers friend. She is 35 and I am 20. I was really nervous and troubled at first because of the age difference. We dated for 7 months and broke up recently. The main problem in our relationship was that I was taking it to a serious level although she wanted it too, she was holding back due to the age gap. I was giving 100% of my emotional world to her and she knew that she can't couldn't hold me back forever. You see, she wanted to let go but the thought of someday marrying a guy at my age was a little over the top, not only for her but for me too. 

So one day after she left for her village where she was going to stay for two weeks, I met a girl. This girl (younger than me) communicated her feelings right away and this intrigued me. After hanging out some times ( where I didn't let anything happen) we finally made out. I immediately regret it because I had promised myself to give everything to the other woman and also because I hate cheating. That is why I called her the same night and told her what happened. The next day I missed work and went on to find her. After travelling 6 hours by bus to meet her we discuss for a little and break up. (Please have in mind that the reason of breaking up was all the problems coming from the age gap, the cheating was the thing that brought everything up).

The thing is we still deeply care for each other and actually went out the other day. I noticed she still had feelings but wanted to be alone for some time. She seemed to be upset for cheating on her because almost all her exes did it. That's why she indirectly told me that she doesn't trust me anymore, at least not as she used to. 

My goal is to gain her trust again without "violating" her space, irritate, or annoy her. I want to be close to her and if one day we are ready maybe start something from the beginning, continuing what we left of or just stay friends.

Thanks a lot for listening to me and I hope you have some time to leave a reply, have a good night.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Stratos

[The0Self]

I dated a 33 year old when I was 24-25 and it was extremely intimate and passionate, but she was fairly SD green (max) and I was yellow, so it really didn’t work out. Maybe try to find someone in spiritual, service, or activism circles and disregard the age, though older is likely to be more developed.

[Stratos]

@LessonsSavesLifes first of all thanks for replying. Secondly, she never referred to them neither as good friends or assholes ( although some of them were) she was always neutral about that. 

Hope it helps

[The0Self]

We can’t help who we love but supposedly a 12 year gap is the point at which statistics have shown problems regarding the gap to be far more increasingly likely. If the main issue is that she (or you) is self-conscious of the gap, there probably isn’t much of an issue though, if y’all are thinking of possibly getting back together.

[Stratos]

@The0Self At the time being, what would be the best way to act during this difficult time? Leave her alone, sending a message once in X time, pursue her more?

 

[Grateful Dead]

Leave her alone for now

[The0Self]

@Stratos

1 hour ago, acidgoofy said:

Leave her alone for now

Yeah

[Stratos]

@acidgoofy @The0Self 

I see, thank you 

[hamedsf]

never get back to your ex or trying to make her your quote unquote "normal friend" after havin' some love affair. don't either be a man who cheats but move on like a king when the subject of detachment=breakup comes up 

[Stratos]

@hamedsf life only goes forward right? It's hard to let her go, I feel that I could have given so much more. 

[evgn]

12 hours ago, Stratos said:

@hamedsf life only goes forward right? It's hard to let her go, I feel that I could have given so much more. 

Don’t blame yourself of what you could have done better.

Letting go could be extremely difficult if you dont have anythig going on beside her in your life.

So my best guess right now is that your are planning how to get her back.

[Stratos]

@evgn @hamedsfthe truth is that I am thinking it. 

To be completely honest I've dated some women after her ( some of them at the same age some of them 40+) and I don't seem to be satisfied. I always think of her and catch myself regretting going out with the other women after the date is over.

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by Stratos