Self-development and dreams

[chungii chang]

Hello everyone. I've been facing interesting (for me) thing for some time now. The more I change myself and act differently, the more contrasting to change dreams while sleeping.

For example:

Since I was a kid, my attitude towards people and world at large was fearful, hateful. I was lying and stealing, pretending and fear that someone revealmy lies. I will not go into details, since many of you know what I mean.

As time passed I become acquaint with books of Stephen Covey, Brad Blanton's "Radical Honesty", this forum, etc. Of course it all changed me in some deegre. Sometimes I was crying in my pillow because of thing I've done and people I've hurt. And so my attitude towards world was changed slowly and (and changing now of course).

But what's bothering me is the more I honestly I act, the more authentic I feel in real life, in my dreams when sleeping I experience all that past bullshit, I stealing from someone and fear that they find me, I lie to people the stupidest way possible, hiding from someone so that they do not beat me up, I torture animals and then comfort them. In my last dream I was torturing giant grasshopper and when he spoke to me with human voice, I was greatly ashamed and tried to fix his broken legs.

It's just hell of a nights. Would be highly appreciate any advice, book or some resource on that matter.

[Unseeking Seeker]

Be it what we call waking or dreaming ... the key points we may like to consider are these: 

• what is our response to the images as seeming reality manifest?
• are we aware of being aware or do we operate by our reflex instinct?
• why are we there?
• can we choose to be in silence & stillness within the movie?

[Jaz]