Latest vid - dating within the stage you are in

[aklacor727]

Leo mentioned in the part 3 ego development video he just released that dating someone that is in a different stage than you will never work out. What are your thoughts on this?

I feel as long as theres compromise and making the others perspective feel heard and understood is what's going to make the difference. 

Unless the two peoples points of views differ SO much to where there are instances when both people feel very strongly about something that those two perspectives directly clash with eachother in regards to the future you are wanting to create for yourself. 

I understand why he would say that...it definitely would make the relationship easier and more fulfilling having those similarities. But at the same time differences and being able to talk those out makes a relationship interesting as well. 

Another thought,  people are always evolving and growing. Why find a relationship at all then, with someone in the same stage as you. If you are just going to evolve and grow out of that eventually anyway.  (At least people like us that are interested in self actualization).

Anyway. I am currently in a relationship where we are very much different on this ego development level (him conventional, myself post conventional). So this is something I am considering and pondering. Would love to hear other peoples thoughts:)

[electroBeam]

Well it better work out otherwise you're gonna be single

[The0Self]

5 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Well it better work out otherwise you're gonna be single

Until you find another partner. Your stage maybe +/-1 seems best ime. It became very clear intuitively.

[Martin123]

@aklacor727 Of course it will never work out.
But not for the reason that they're in a different stage, it is because you've taken someone's individuality and intellectualized and compartmentalized it into a mind based system that actually because its so rooted in thinking and conceptualization kills the intimacy within that relationship.

It is the eternal truth about relationships that true genuine and authentic relationships is where we go to allow our egos to dissolve. If we are insisting that a relationship won't work out because of some 'conceptual stage', we are actually not doing our part in the relationship, and not allowing our 'ego' (in this instance probably a spiritual ego) to be dissolved.

Therefore saying 'it won't work out because we're at a different stage' is just a fear of intimacy pretending to be insightful. True intimacy says 'We may only grow as a result of this experience together, and no artificial stage could ever define the connection between us. May it come and go as we both grow and change as individuals, even if it means growing together, or growing apart, both are equally valid for our journey ahead, and in knowing this to be so, I can only thank you for the gifts of healing and expansion that I have and will receive in our relationship'.

[aklacor727]

@electroBeam I've never really minded being single

@Martin123 I think you've misunderstood my post. Leo stated this in the beginning of the part 3 video, that a relationship will never work out if you are in a different stage. I was disagreeing/challenging that saying that compromise and making eachothers perspective feel heard, etc is what's going to matter whether there are differences or not. I was just wondering if others agreed with leo and their thoughts on why. Seems you do not though I think it is perfectionism and being very idealistic to only seek out relationships in the same stage as you. Like I said above though,  I do see how it could make things easier.

[Martin123]

@aklacor727 oh when I said ‘you’ I didn’t mean you specifically I meant generally when someone’s avoiding the intimacy within the relationship through over intellectualising (not that Leo would ever do that haha)...

[aklacor727]

@Martin123 I remember him saying before that the relationship you end up in is usually the relationship you are willing to settle for(or something along those lines) and same with all other areas of life.. Also I saw him comment once saying he wouldnt touch 99% of women with a 10 foot pole. Lol. He definitely has very high standards. Nothing wrong with waiting for that if that's what he wants,  but yeah I dont think that is an ideal most people should wait for and seek out. 

Just thinking about relationships and finding that happiness and those feelings for someone there are SO many factors that contribute to that dynamic. Being in the same stage would definitely be an added bonus but not a make or break to me.

As far as these stages when it comes to relationships, I think the main benefit is just being able to understand where your partner is coming from in their views. We got into a tad bit of an argument a few weeks ago, because we got into talking about the business he is going to be starting and he was going into the huge house he planned on eventually getting, boat, maybe even a maid, things like that.  I responded in a way that those things wouldnt be what made me happy, and that just that he will have money and nice things that doesn't necessarily mean he will be happy. He was upset that I wasnt being supportive and excited about our possible future. I was upset that he was getting defensive and not making my point of view feel understood. The next day I reflected and remembered that's just the point of development he is at, and I was at that point before too. I realized when he gets excited about those things i should and will be supportive. Nothing wrong with wanting those things, and of course he wants those things.  He HAS to go through this stage to ultimately grow further. Just an example of how these different stages have clashed in my personal relationship. But the understanding and reflection of it helped me to feel peace about our different points of views with it, and that is what I feel will make the difference..

Edited September 14, 2020 by aklacor727

[Martin123]

1 hour ago, aklacor727 said:

Also I saw him comment once saying he wouldnt touch 99% of women with a 10 foot pole.

Yeah... that sounds like a very harsh judgement.

Ive also saw him say the advice of men struggling with dating and his go to statement tends to or used to be ‘Did you fuck her right’?

 

... all props to Leo for setting up a platform for self-development and creating a community based on spirituality and self-actualisation but I wouldn’t be taking his relationship advice to heart too much... It doesn’t sound the healthiest and in my personal opinion, it feels like Leo kinda tends to avoid that area of his life pretty extensively...