Feeling Enraged Toward Parents For No Reason

[VincentArogya]

Whenever I connect with my parents, I feel rage emerging from inside. My talks are filled with rage. However, this isn't the case with other people. Though mind tells that I love them but I don't feel love for them. Also, they haven't done anything wrong to me. It's just that they are very stereotypical and I can't feel compassion for them.

[purerogue]

Your parents don't need compassion , they need love, they have been there for you all your life , you know them for whole your life, so you know exactly how they are, why to try and change them, they don't have mental issues , they just have different life view.

There clearly is reason for rage , it could be because your love for them turns into rage, you just can't bear to see them having your imaginary flaws, so you lash on them.

Maybe them showing love,kindness makes you push them away .

Maybe it is just  feeling of empowerment, top dog in the house that makes you act as you want, because no consequences, they are submissive.

Ofc there could be other reason too.

[StephenK]

32 minutes ago, VincentArogya said:

Also, they haven't done anything wrong to me.

The fact that you feel rage towards them means you don't truly believe this imo. Sounds like suppressed resentment.

[VincentArogya]

44 minutes ago, purerogue said:

Maybe them showing love,kindness makes you push them away

This is true. It feels that the love shown isn't true but there's some underlying intention behind it. Because they don't show the same kind of love to my cousins or even my friends.

[VincentArogya]

28 minutes ago, StephenK said:

The fact that you feel rage towards them means you don't truly believe this imo. Sounds like suppressed resentment.

There isn't a need for belief here. What I am trying to get at is what is it that causes rage to come to surface that I am not aware of. I can rationalize all that I want but that doesn't give a satisfactory explanation. There needs to be a deep understanding of where rage is coming from. I assumed that maybe I'll post the issue here and people might point me to things that I might not be seeing. The issue isn't my parent. It's me. But what is it?

[purerogue]

39 minutes ago, VincentArogya said:

This is true. It feels that the love shown isn't true but there's some underlying intention behind it. Because they don't show the same kind of love to my cousins or even my friends.

So I suppose rage arises when they try to tell you how to live, what to do, not to do, from their behavior interacting with others, maybe even random conversations between them self can push your buttons if it seems like judgmental , biased. 

I don't think that it is something serious, they are close to you,that is why you take it way more personal and only thing you have to deal with is your own judgement on them, because it most likely comes from place of love and wanting better for them.

That is if it has not grown into resentment, if it has then it could be more problematic. 

Edited September 13, 2020 by purerogue

[VincentArogya]

16 minutes ago, purerogue said:

So I suppose rage arises when they try to tell you how to live, what to do, not to do, from their behavior interacting with others, maybe even random conversations between them self can push your buttons if it seems like judgmental , biased. 

I don't think that it is something serious, they are close to you,that is why you take it way more personal and only thing you have to deal with is your own judgement on them, because it most likely comes from place of love and wanting better for them.

That is if it has not grown into resentment, if it has then it could be more problematic. 

No, it isn't resentment. But as you stated that their ideas tend to push my buttons and that's true. The issue is why do I still have these buttons. What is it within me that I have not paid attention to. Because if the buttons disappear, rage will disappear with that. 

[purerogue]

6 minutes ago, VincentArogya said:

No, it isn't resentment. But as you stated that their ideas tend to push my buttons and that's true. The issue is why do I still have these buttons. What is it within me that I have not paid attention to. Because if the buttons disappear, rage will disappear with that. 

what you can try is to look at them as whole , an essence of what thy are so to say , what they are to you , look past the small things that you disagree with,which is part of them , but is not what they are in whole. 

I am sure there are plenty of other people in your life who you accept even though of their silly behaviors,beliefs, but you love them even though of their flaws, don't complicate this, as long as they do not have some destructive behavior, are in real need of help there is no need to make crusade and change them. 

[VincentArogya]

1 hour ago, purerogue said:

what you can try is to look at them as whole , an essence of what thy are so to say , what they are to you , look past the small things that you disagree with,which is part of them , but is not what they are in whole. 

I am sure there are plenty of other people in your life who you accept even though of their silly behaviors,beliefs, but you love them even though of their flaws, don't complicate this, as long as they do not have some destructive behavior, are in real need of help there is no need to make crusade and change them. 

You're right. Thank you!

[purerogue]

7 minutes ago, VincentArogya said:

You're right. Thank you!

It is not about right, it is just solution, if you do not find this way fitting for you there are others, but everything comes with price. 

[okulele]

@VincentArogya Hey, I know that. So much anger towards my parents, mostly father. There is nothing bad about it, it does not diminish my love for them in the least. Own the anger, don't throw it out.

[Nahm]

@VincentArogya

Are you independent?

[VincentArogya]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@VincentArogya

Are you independent?

I do earn my money. But, I am not yet independent. I live with my parents.

[Nahm]

@VincentArogya

That might have something to do with it. From your own place, they can actually be rather enjoyable. Understanding & compassion relative to them is easier as well. 

[Pallero]

You feel like the anger is your fault, why? You say that it’s your problem, not theirs. If someone hits you and you get injured, is it your fault? Consider that your rage is a logical cause of your parents crossing your boundaries and taking power away from you. You just don’t realize what has happened because everyone around you has been gaslighting you.

[VincentArogya]

13 hours ago, Nahm said:

@VincentArogya

That might have something to do with it. From your own place, they can actually be rather enjoyable. Understanding & compassion relative to them is easier as well. 

I am getting my own place next month. I feel that should give me the room to reflect properly.

[VincentArogya]

11 hours ago, Pallero said:

You feel like the anger is your fault, why? You say that it’s your problem, not theirs. If someone hits you and you get injured, is it your fault? Consider that your rage is a logical cause of your parents crossing your boundaries and taking power away from you. You just don’t realize what has happened because everyone around you has been gaslighting you.

No. They don't cross my boundaries. It's just they pretend everything. Just like how I used to pretend to be awakened and I still do to some extent. This is what enrages me. They seem to have answers to all questions. I know it isn't their fault but maybe my love for them comes out as rage for they don't see the foolishness of knowing everything.

Edited September 14, 2020 by VincentArogya
Grammar

[Nahm]

@VincentArogya

Awesome. Congrats. That might explain a lot of what’s coming up. Take it easy on em. 

[Pallero]

On 14.9.2020 at 5:33 PM, VincentArogya said:

No. They don't cross my boundaries. It's just they pretend everything. Just like how I used to pretend to be awakened and I still do to some extent. This is what enrages me. They seem to have answers to all questions. I know it isn't their fault but maybe my love for them comes out as rage for they don't see the foolishness of knowing everything.

There is no anger without a violated boundary. They go hand in hand. If I understood you correctly you want them to be honest and admit that they don’t know something or admit when they are wrong. You deserve to be treated fairly and honestly. This is the boundary that they are violating by not treating you that way.