Fixing Past Relationship Mistakes

[Ricksta]

My question is simple: If a person starts with a journey towards becoming better with women and relationships, is it necessary to go back and correct past mistakes made?

I went through a divorce 1.5 years ago and since then started on a journey to learn more about relationships, women, pickup and dating. Some of my first attempts made to pick up women were nothing short of disgusting and one girl in particular took some offense to an approach I made. We still move in the same circles so I bump into her occasionally nowadays and her standard mode of operation is to stone wall me. I don't really mind, but I can see that she sits with some issues regarding this. Now that I have a bit more insight and experience I'm wondering if there is a call to action to correct some mistakes made in the past or should I just move on and let it be.

[egoeimai]

Firstly, If I were you ,I would like to change the title a little bit. 

Fixing past relationship mistakes?

Your actions. Its not about others or relationships in general.

The first question: No. What is done in the past stays in the past. In my opinion. Today is a new you. Dont think about your past self.

We all make this mistake. We do things we regret ,we break up,and THEN we try to learn more about ourselves. Whereas at first part you should have searched for these, improve us,and then try to build a relationship with others. So we are a little undeveloped here. We need to get in touch with our emotions in order not to suffer by "other's actions" where its not the actions hurting us but the beliefs and the reaction we choose to have.

And the last part I dont get it.

[Sir Raz]

If you still do these mistakes in the present, then you need to take action.

You can't fix what you did in the past; you can only choose what to do now. Do not blame yourself. It is useless!

These past mistakes serve only a single purpose: they show you what doesn't work! - I suggest you to think deeply about this statement. (I mean, to figure out exactly what you did wrong...so you won't repeat it again.)

If you did nothing wrong, then forget it & move on! 

[Lynnel]

@Ricksta Usually you wanna do that because you want her to validate the fact that you have changed or you want to get a second chance to get her or even you want to comeback at the past to prove yourself you can do it and that way forget the bad emotions related to it.

[Ricksta]

Thank you for the responses so far.

Just to update the story, after some soul searching I came to the conclusion that:

1) I am still entertaining the possibility of making something happening with her

2) I am curious to see if my skill set has improved

3) I am on some level still interested in repairing prior damage done, especially if it was done unconsciously by myself

So after a good amount of work I came up with a message that I sent to her and she responded by clarifying why she stopped talking to me and what it was that upset her. In a nutshell she is offended that I made a move on her and according to her we were never anything more than just friends. At this point I immediately stopped the conversation and decided to move on without delay.

[Merry Mount]

In order for you to be successful in your quest, your success lies understanding who you are, first. Statistics has show that we create 80% of everything we believe about ourselves and others by the time we are 3 years old.

Your relationship "rules" were established prior to your third birthday. Each "mistake" we make is the perception of a past-remembered-emotion of a child.

There are three things I would like you to think about, in order to start your journey into self-discovery. Take yourself back to the home you grew up in. Sights, sounds, smells, family and emotions.

What were the three things your child felt were most missing?

When you find those three things;

Imagine you are in a room with everyone you have ever known in your life. They are all talking about you. What would make you most proud to hear them say about you?

Compare the two lists. "Whatever we perceived as most missing in our earliest childhood creates our greatest values". If it were not for  the perception of missing, we would not value who we are today.

Get busy learning about yourself.

Only then will you be the type of guy that those kind of women want. (self-assured, with no baggage)

[Beam]

 

Owning up to mistakes is a quick way to teach yourself to be more thoughtful  , not owning up can make you look bad forever.  Give her some relief and you will feel relief.
I apologize more now then ever as it gives relief and turns mistakes into lessons of humility bravery kindness etc.

 

Edited August 28, 2016 by Beam