Why do I lose interest after sex?

[MsNobody]

Whenever I sleep fast with a man I end up losing interest after sex, and I feel bad because they are interested and become excited and I feel like I’m hurting them.
 

I know usually men feel like that but as a woman I’m not sure why, I think maybe because we didn’t build a deeper connection?! 

[Globalcollective]

I think you just answered your own question, maybe be mindful in sleeping with someone quickly or if you do know you might feel this way after you do it. The better option would be to get to know them more and feel out there character more amd you can get a better sense of how they will be after sex.

Your right tho its more a male thing to feel that unless the guy is needy after sex. 

Also could be a more deeper issue like a trauma or form of love avoidance, I use to use sex as a way to escape trauma and avoid love. 

Are you the one who was asking Leo for advice for pick up for girls? 

[MsNobody]

@Globalcollective yes, that was me. Thank you for the response on the other thread, I appreciate it. 

he wasn’t needy after sex, just kind. I think it’s my trauma from having an absent dad, I tend to fall in love with men that are not really present, when they are nice and want to be with me, I lose interest. 

[Globalcollective]

20 minutes ago, MsNobody said:

@Globalcollective yes, that was me. Thank you for the response on the other thread, I appreciate it. 

he wasn’t needy after sex, just kind. I think it’s my trauma from having an absent dad, I tend to fall in love with men that are not really present, when they are nice and want to be with me, I lose interest. 

@MsNobody  ah interesting, atleast your aware of this. It's not that uncommon. One of my friends has the same problem. 

Yeah, maybe outline what it is exactly you want to get from men and relationships. I assume to no longer be attracted to thos type of guys anymore. 

Have you considered going celebate for awhile and take some time to heal this trauma with your dad? Also working on your spirtual growth can really help with this. This really helped me with this area as I started to get way more control over my emotions and lust and was able to stop myself getting into the wrong relationships or having sex with the wrong people. 

But if you still young and exploring nothing wrong with experimenting and seeing what you like and don't but its seems like your becoming to aware for that ? I assume 

Edited September 12, 2020 by Globalcollective

[Gesundheit]

Sounds like a Masculine vs. Feminine imbalance.

Are your masculine traits taking over your personality? Like, do you feel more attracted to vulnerable/co-dependent men?

Next question may be too extreme, but do you have any BDSM, especially dominant-type fetishes?

[MsNobody]

@Globalcollective Yes, I do therapy and was celibate last year, but things seem to be the same still. I have my spiritual practices too but maybe I should work on my impulses. I'm really attracted to men that are not interested in me. While the ones that are nice I don't care about. It's more of an attraction thing than anything else.

@Etherial Cat Exactly! Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it! I've been talking about this in my therapy but it seems like it's going to take a long time to heal, do you have any recommendation of how I should handle this? I'm in my third relationship that I've had this happening, the first was 4 years, second was 2 years and the most recent three months, as I do the inner work and respect and love myself more I become more aware of the loop I'm in, but it's just difficult because there is a strong pull towards the men that are not interested in me, which are coincidentally the ones that are good in bed.

The 4 year relationship was very abusive physically and mentally, the other two were just mentally but I can see the pattern repeating itself like you said, would psychedelics help me? I'm doing therapy already, I do meditation everyday, read books, but it seems like it's a difficult cycle to break, my mom still nowadays is trapped in toxic relationship and I watched my dad abusing her my whole childhood. It's exhausting to participate in that for so many years, and whenever I have a little bit of awareness and become conscious of the vicious cycle I feel pretty bad about myself.

@Gesundheit I'm pretty feminine most of the time, but I'm very independent and strong and can be masculine as well, I feel attracted to strong and masculine guys, I don't think I have any crazy fetishes, I'm wild in bed but mostly submissive if I'm with someone who knows what he is doing. This is something I noticed too, I prefer dominant men, when he is more feminine I feel like I need to be in charge and am not bale to be in my feminine, while with masculine guys I feel safer and can be more vulnerable. It could be something from my Brazilian culture too.

 

[Gesundheit]

@MsNobody hmm okay everything seems fine regarding your sexuality.

Next question: Are you generally hyper-rational? I know a hyper-rational girl who does not find joy in being flirted with. She thinks it's silly that a lot of girls fall for that. Rationality is mostly a masculine trait, even though not really sexual, but it can cause an imbalance, which may result in inordinary things like losing interest after sex.

[Applegarden]

Maybe practicing intense emotion for 10 minutes a day would lubricate your feels you know. Or shadow work, you know, looking at the numbness directly and facing it, or maybe letting go of the guilt!

 

[MsNobody]

@Gesundheit no I’m not rational at all, I’m pretty emotional actually. 

I think the problem really is my relationship with my dad, I need to heal myself of unworthiness to be able to connect with the right person. But thank you for your comment, I appreciate it  

 

@Applegarden thank you for that! Love Sadguru, Im actually reading his book Inner Engineering, really amazing ?

[Akemrelax]

Maybe you just want sex.

[Gesundheit]

2 hours ago, MsNobody said:

@Gesundheit no I’m not rational at all, I’m pretty emotional actually. 

I think the problem really is my relationship with my dad, I need to heal myself of unworthiness to be able to connect with the right person. But thank you for your comment, I appreciate it  

No problem, and best of luck there.

[mandyjw]

Just a thought, sometimes when we aren't in touch with our desires, (not just sexual desires but all desires), we intensely desire to BE desired by another. Then once that desire is consummated/consumes itself, it's back to square one. It's sort of a self love thing too, but allowing our desires is a huge part of self love. 

Edited September 13, 2020 by mandyjw

[hamedsf]

how would a woman lose interest if she could receive trembling ecstasy during love making? 

[TripleFly]

This is what every woman on this planet goes through these days  

Stop letting men have sex with you(and I don't mean not to physically love you or have intercourse!!!)... I mean only be open to love.

Let them woo you, and then one day

You will encounter a man, and he will claim to love you, you gotta be a little vigilant, because at some point he may compromise, or you may compromise, for the promise of sex.

But the promise of sex always ends in disappointment and the oncoming on depression for the woman.

This is wonderful talk about sex and love:

Barry long, one of the only gurus that ever dared to talk about sex or love. He also has an incredibly powerful book about love making.