The Journey Towards Intellectual And Emotional Mastery

[Change]

INTRODUCTION

What is the purpose of this journal?

This is a journal of the observations of a 21 year old of his own thoughts and insights. The purpose of this is for him to understand and fix the behaviors that run contrary to what is necessary to his own goals and commitments.

What is the overall goal of the writer?

Self Mastery - The ability to understand and adapt oneself in accordance to the needs of any scenario in order to reach the goals he wishes to achieve.

• Emotional Mastery - Understanding the emotional aspect of the mind: the source of the emotion, the biological/sensation facets of emotion, and the necessary response to the emotions that may arise that will allow him to act in accordance to what he deems beneficial.
• Intellectual Mastery - Understanding the automatic and deliberate thought processes of the mind: the trigger of the thoughts, the flow chart of the thoughts from its initiation to end, and how its interacts with the emotional aspect - the emotional response to the thoughts and the reciprocal thought response to the emotion.

These concepts are the ones that the writer is actively striving towards with the assumption that, through Self Mastery, one is able to mold one's behaviors in order to achieve whatever immediate or life-long goals he has.

Why is he writing in third person?

The journal is written in third person in order to distance the writer from the observations he witnesses of himself in order to maintain an objective view of his actions and thought processes. This rule may be modified or ignored in certain situations if deemed necessary later on.

 

Log of February 8th, 2016

This week's focus: Avoidance

Observation

There was a gap between 5:48 pm and 10:44 pm in his work. [No "pomodoros" (25 minute units of work) recorded between this time]

Interpretation of the Observation

Initiation

He had a scheduled meeting at 6 pm to meet with friends in order to study together

However, the meeting was not mandatory, and he had started to think that it was not necessary to go to the meeting.

Thought process

There were two thoughts that arose:

1. The thought that he could use the time to study by himself, which he thought might be a better use of his time
2. The thought that he could not miss the meeting to study with his friends

Behavior

The result was that it led to avoidance behavior - internet browsing

• Rapidly jumping from tab to tabs (20+ tabs open)
• Distraction from thinking

This led to heavy breathing, anxiety, and distress, which led to even more avoidance behavior

Resolution

The process was resolved at around 10:10 pm when he had to drive home from university. [Forced event]

 

Thought flow chart (tentative)

Initial thoughts: "I should do this" vs "I shouldn't do this" --> indecision on what to do -->

(

Judge "He is making a mistake in not doing X" --> Victim "I am making a mistake in not doing X"

+

Judge "He is making a mistake thinking about doing X" --> Victim "I am making a mistake thinking about doing X"

) 

-->

Emotional response Fear, frustration by the belittling of the self --> Biological response --> pain and heavier breathing in anxiety -->

Avoidance behavior to quell the thought process + emotional response 

-->

(

Judge "He is wasting his time, therefore he is an irresponsible and bad person" --> Victim "I am an irresponsible person

)

***This process will be shown by an actual drawing of a flowchart in the next log to avoid confusion***

 

Insights and Possible solutions

Observing the biological response (fear and pain) and using it as a reminder to stop thinking and breathe and regain stability.

Using mindfulness to observe and record the thought process when it occurs.

Acceptance of the emotion that occurs fully and with gratitude.

 

Action(s) to be taken

Start a timer for 5 minutes at realization that he is going through an avoidance thought loop. When the timer ends, he is to get back to doing the work that he needs to do.

This method will be used next day to see what results it brings.

 

Question(s) unresolved

How to resolve the indecision that led to the avoidance thought loop. 

 

---

Thank you for reading the journal. I would be extremely grateful to receive any advice that you may have for me, so shoot away!

Also, I am planning on streamlining the journal structure for next time. It took me a whole hour and a half to write this one, and I'm planning on writing one at least every second evening. I may even simply draw out the thought process I have gone through to attach in the post, then write out possible solutions to the problems that arises from them, and then write the results of the plan I've implemented.

Before I finish writing, I want to thank Leo Gura for creating this forum. I would have never imagined myself writing a journal to keep track of my actions, and I feel that the thought-keeping process will help boost me out of the mire I have been in for the past few months in terms of my productivity. I would also like to thank everyone in this amazing community. The helpful and friendly camaraderie I see in this forum is something I haven't seen in any other self-improvement/actualization forums, which is a nice change from the cynicism and snarkiness present in a lot of the online self-help communities. You guys simply are the best.

Godspeed to all of you, and good luck in your own journey towards self-mastery!

[Change]

I am only making a very short journal entry as I have a midterm coming up tomorrow. Here is an observation of myself for today.

Log of February 9th, 2016

Observation

There was a 3~ hour gap from 9 pm to 1 am, where the majority of the time was used in watching youtube videos.

The method of using a 5 minute timer to stop the avoidance loop occurred to him around 1 am, when he stopped procrastinating and avoiding his tasks of the evening.

Interpretation of the observation

Thought process

"He deserves to watch these videos because he will never get to watch them later"

• He deserves to watch these videos
• If he doesn't watch the videos he will feel bad
• If he watches the video, he will be wasting time

Conclusion

The thought process looks like an indecision thought flow.

Possible solutions

Accept the thoughts and emotions that occur with full gratitude

Assign an hour period when I can watch whatever I wish to in the evening.

• Ensure that the session is TIMED and that I start a 5 minute countdown after the hour rest session to start my tasks again
• Whenever I have an urge during the day, remind myself that I will be able to watch the videos later on in the day

Thought Flowchart of the avoidance loop (Tentative)

 

[Guest]

My background includes teaching and engineering technology so I can appreciate the detailed mapping process I see here.

However, I found that understanding life and our relationship to it is much simpler than the complex intellectual processes of the mind.

Yes, there must be order in the mind.  That is very necessary.   But the order is a matter of avoiding distractions and allowing for the fluidity of what transpires during observation.   The process of defining and categorizing, what we observe does not lead to understanding the observations.  Defining and categorizing IS the intellectual mind.  That is what the intellect does all day long.  It is just a mechanism that organizes and categorizes the memories of experience.

You are not this mind.   You are the perceiver, the watcher of everything that is happening in the phenomenal universe, which includes everything related to thoughts and feelings.

Gathering data and information does not produce the kind of knowledge that leads to the understanding of self and its journey towards actualization or realization.  Rather it provides information for theories of everything.  In fact concentrating on data, information and experiences is a prime distraction to real observation, which is disorder for true observervation.  To observe is just to watch without categorizing or plotting a course of any sort.  The watching itself resolves into insights.

joy

 

[Study]

Heeey.... Where have you been?  I don't see any updates. Have you been busy? 

I just want to keep you accountable to writing in your journal and staying on the path. (since we backslide easily.) Anyways, looking forward to your new entires and reading what you have to say.