(Too) conscious about fear?

[Tistepiste]

So lately I have been (trying) to be as aware as possible of my inner turmoil.

I am very sensitive to outside stimulus.
When something doesn't feel right, it immediately is felt in the heart and stomach where it itches and hurts.

I am conscious that it are my thoughts that are causing these feelings. I am always aware of these thoughts but not always in "control".
It is extremely hard to dissipate the thought's energy. The energy of these thoughts keep floating around in the stomach and heart area.

I suspect it has something to do with my chakras; that they are blocked in that area?
When I meditate, I focus on my breath and on the heart area.

 

Now; I have been more and more conscious about how fear is a leading role in my life; so everytime I feel like I am doing something out of fear; I try to be aware of that and not go into it.

But sometimes I am not sure what to do. It is a game between authenticity and consciousness in a sense.
When I feel something isn't right, but I know it is coming out of fear: Do I act on it or should I just be aware of where it is coming from and not feed it?

Then I feel like I am denying myself. I am just confused on what is the best to do in a personal growth type of setting.

If a situation bothers me; should I just look into why it bothers me and learn from that and leave it be? 
Or do I do that while addressing the situation? Giving into my possibly irrational thoughts?

It is a confusing / hard balance sometimes. But I do feel that addressing situations lifts a heavy weight off my heart; but in a sense it feels like cheating.
I took the easy way out.. again. Instead of facing those fears and working through them by being conscious; and handling them on my own, it seems much easier to address directly and be authentic about how I am feeling which lifts a huge weight. But that feels like it is not helping my personal growth since I depend on external sources.

 

Any thoughts on this?

[susanyzm]

 

On 2020/9/9 at 7:27 AM, Tistepiste said:

If a situation bothers me; should I just look into why it bothers me and learn from that and leave it be? 
Or do I do that while addressing the situation? Giving into my possibly irrational thoughts?

Dear Tistepiste, 

Do I understand you right? It seems like one part of you is saying: "Your fear is false. You should bring yourself to the present moment, learn from the situation, and move on."

Another part of you is saying: "Your fear is real. It's your inner child calling out for your attention and soothing. If you look away, it'll come back 10 times stronger." 

Both sounds right. You can hears tons of teachings from spiritual teachers supporting both sounds. It is indeed mind raveling.

I'd like to share with you my own practice that I have experimented on myself. I usually pick a mantra. If the fear is strong, I say: "I'm here with you." or "Let me feel you fully." If the fear is not so strong, I say: "I accept it all." Or "Show me the lesson." Over and over and over again. I don't try to control my actions. Actions change as my frequencies change. Mantra has very high frequency. Plus, they are easy to do. Otherwise I easily chase the debating thoughts down through a rabbit hole. 

Moreover, I believe a daily routine of meditation is mandatory, even just one minute. It helps you to get more and more into the place of an "observer."

I hope my observation can give you some different perspective. All the best!

[Nahm]

@Tistepiste

It sounds like you are aware and becoming more aware that the ‘culprit’ so to speak is the current perspective. The issue seems to be that those perspectives in discord with feeling continue arising, and keep discoloring the present experience, and you are not sure how to resolve the aspect of the repetition of this.

Something that worked well for me was sitting comfortably and relaxed with a pad of paper, and bringing each category of my life to mind. We can feel the vibration, or energy, of each category. For example, I might think of my wife & kids, and feel no discord. Then I might think of my work / job / career, and feel not discord. Then I might think friends, or the category of being social in general, and feel the arising feeling of discord. 

From that point the sector or category is revealed. Then, I would feel more into that category, like...”what is the way I learned to look at this category & myself in kind, which is no longer jiving, no longer serving me”...”what is the insight, the message, of this feeling of discord?”. This may sound ‘woo woo’, but it works. 

Most of these would reveal a perspective about myself & the world which was indicative of my past and or childhood, which I hadn’t seen yet because I had a deep belief that something was ‘just how reality, or life, is’. 

When you say the thoughts in discord feel as if they are in the stomach, this adds some solidification to that course of action. The sensation in the body is an apparent physicality, which is in essence a living insight of representation of what is going on in thought & emotion. For example, I had a similar feeling in my stomach. I found it to be linked, or kicked up, when I brought the category of work / career to mind. I reflected on my upbringing as to what perspective I am holding presently, that I learned innocently, but which is not jiving with feeling anymore. I found it to be the concept of pressure, in relegation to responsibility. I thought pressure & responsibility were indicative of the objective reality. I discovered that was only my perspective. I then realized that was not even my perspective, but, a perspective which I inherited in a sense from my dad. For him, work = stress. I realized the for him factor of that. I found that in the more literal physical sense, the stomach issue was being caused by me essentially trying to ‘digest’ what is not indicative of who we really are. The willingness to be aware of the feeling, in consideration my perspective was what was unaligned, was enough. It was very impactful to recontextualizing pressure, stress, tension, and responsibility, and the stomach issues went away altogether. 

You also mentioned tension in the heart area, and blockage, and the chakras, and I feel your intuition is very on point. In sitting and bringing the categories to mind, you might bring each person in your life to mind and see which relationship brings up the discord in feeling. Then consider why they were or are the way they are, from the perspective that they truly are actually doing their best. We all are. You might recognize the undesirable feeling that arises within you, as having a correlation to their behavior. That might give you insight to their suffering, which might bring understanding to why they behave, in matters of love, openness and expression, as they did or do. This in turn helps you to not only realize where you ‘got it from’, but also brings understanding & compassion to the stomach & heart experienced viscerally as healing. 

Rupert Spira has many videos that help us explore the feeling by going to it, and also the self or “I” which is hurt or in discomfort. This can be very powerful in releasing, grounding, or ‘reconnecting’. 

Abraham Hicks videos are also very insightful in this regard, but may give less attention to healing and understanding the past, than they do the metaphysical actuality of focus bringing more of whatever it is pointed at anyways, and creating what is desired. 

There are of course many teachers and methods, but I would consider that they all ultimately aim at brining understanding to the mind to the extent that emotional misunderstanding is released bodily, and understanding arises, or fills in. It is these emotional misunderstandings that we are in actuality labeling as “fear”. 

I would also look at and do a bit of reading on the emotional scale, as well as The Roby Body chart. The information and imagery of these alone can be insightful and stand to trigger connections and ah ha’s, if you will.