David Hawkins stuff helped me with my addiction

[StarStruck]

This thread is about my porn addiction so this is a little warning if you are easily triggered.

For a long time I was an incel. I didn't have any girlfriends because I expected girls to approach me (yes, I know how spoiled that sounds as a guy but it was my upbringing). And I was a heavy masturbator. I got everything from porn so why would I put effort into talking to girls and trying to know them. Intellectually I knew I was just wasting my youth doing this. There were girls interested in me but I was just not open and didn't know how to chitchat/connect to them.

I read tons of books on addictions (to stop my porn addiction) and nothing worked, until I came across David Hawkins stuff and that brought a change within me. Addictions had less control over me. I started feeling like a man again. I mean, masturbating does deplete you. Stopping with porn made me fill up with man juice, literally and figuratively. The size of your testicles determines how much you produce man juice. I produce a lot of it and I didn't know what to do with this energy. I started hitting the gym everyday but that wasn't enough. This male energy eventually pushed me to do day approach. It was scary but when I finally completed my first set of approaches I felt courageous. I felt a different person and this new energy radiated to different parts of my life.

Eventually I met a girl, she was cute, smart and all that.. but promiscuous. I'm holding off meeting with her because I want to finish my 90 day no fap challenge but this girl doesn't sit still. She fucks around. She can do what she wants so I don't judge her but it caused a crises within me. These feelings of jealousy, anger and range were unfamiliar with me. I quickly realized that I shouldn't project these emotions onto her or the world but use these emotions to power my self development.

This is the part where I want to ask advice. Where should I put my energy towards? I mean meditation is a staple so I'm doing that nonetheless. I'm also working on my life purpose which is becoming an IT consultant. This is what happened: I wanted to use her as a rebound chick as an incel > I caught feelings for her > and now I'm stuck with these nasty feelings. I'm writing about them and trying to understand them. I know what I have to do: keep her as a side hussle and look for a "respectable" girl but these feelings kind of overpowered me. Accepting her as a friends with benefits partner is the easy part. I just want to learn from this relationship this time because I don't want to repeat it. It is not the first time this happened to me.

 

Edited September 7, 2020 by StarStruck

[Javfly33]

What do you really want to do? If you put aside thoughts like "not respectable girl" which does not feel good.

Either way keep approaching. If you meet more girls those feelings towards this girl, I'm not saying they are going to dissappear, but they will be put into a proper perspective. To get you out of emotional neediness

[JosephKnecht]

9 hours ago, StarStruck said:

This is the part where I want to ask advice. Where should I put my energy towards?

Obviously you should put more energy into reading David Hawkins.  

I will tell you a story...

There was once a man who didn't know how to fish. He liked fish, but for the love of God, he didn't know how to catch them. So he started reading books on how to catch fish. He learned about their movements, he learned what the fish liked and what they didn't like. Only when he knew the nature of the fish, he thought that he will finally be able to catch them. After reading and learning, one day he decided to go to the lake and start fishing for himself.

Fishing was hard. The man had to have the right bait to catch the fish. He had to know the right ponds in which the had to catch the fish he liked. One day, with skill but and more luck he was able to catch a nice fish. The fish was pretty, but when he looked closer, the man noticed that the fish has been caught many times before. At first sight, the fish was special, but upon looking closely there wasn't anything special about the fish. The man got lucky, but he still felt unlucky. 

One day, the man read on some forum that he shouldn't throw baits to catch fish. Catching fish one by one is too much hassle. Instead, he should throw large nets into the deep blue water and catch much fish at once. The fish he wouldn't like, he should release, and the fish he liked, he should keep.

Only when the fisherman had a lot of options, he was able to find the right fish. 

[StarStruck]

@JosephKnecht I love stories. They are easy to remember. I wish I could fish with a net. I don't have the social circle and there is corona. I just have to do a lot of approaches and stay open minded because I do get desperate from time to time. @Javfly33 today I went to the gym. I work from home. There was no opportunity to meet new girls. I'm looking around. I never see guys approach girls on the street. How the fjck is everybody meeting girls? By the way I did chitchat to some people at the gym and made a friend. I tried to talk to a girl too but she didn't seem to be interested. 

[Javfly33]

2 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@JosephKnecht I love stories. They are easy to remember. I wish I could fish with a net. I don't have the social circle and there is corona. I just have to do a lot of approaches and stay open minded because I do get desperate from time to time. @Javfly33 today I went to the gym. I work from home. There was no opportunity to meet new girls. I'm looking around. I never see guys approach girls on the street. How the fjck is everybody meeting girls? By the way I did chitchat to some people at the gym and made a friend. I tried to talk to a girl too but she didn't seem to be interested. 

With the Covid situation it's pretty difficult to decide if one should approach girls or not. But even if the ratio of success is lower you still grow yourself just approaching.

By the way could you recommend some material of David R Hawkins in regards to addiction that worked for you? Kind of bored too of losing time and energy watching porn.

[StarStruck]

@Javfly33  yea of course, I started reading "Letting go" (it taught me the letting go technique and the hierarchy of consciousness) and power versus force (basically letting go of resistance). I coupled what I learnt with shadow work to reprogram my sub conscious mind.

Sad thing is that me stopping porn has put me in a flat line. I have basically ED right now because I bombarded my dopamine receptors with porn during corona. She wants me to fuck her but I can't. I don't want to invite her and get embarrassed. Fuck this shit. It is all my own doing but I can't help but to be a little bit angry towards myself.

 

Edited September 7, 2020 by StarStruck

[Javfly33]

10 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@Javfly33  yea of course, I started reading "Letting go" (it thought me the letting go technique and the hierarchy of consciousness) and power versus force (basically letting go of resistance). I coupled what I learnt with shadow work to reprogram my sub conscious mind.

Sad thing is that me stopping porn has put me in a flat line. I have basically ED right now because I bombarded my dopamine receptors with porn during corona. She wants me to fuck her but I can't. I don't want to invite her and get embarrassed. Fuck this shit. It is all my own doing but I can't help but to be a little bit angry towards myself.

 

Nice, thanks a lot..I have to check them out  definitely then.

About the ED/flat line, are you sure is not something psychological? I mean of course ED is psychological but I mean actually you are doing to yourself a sort of "nocebo" effect (the opposite of placebo) and therefore actually "creating" or making worse this problem.

I say that because I've been in the noporn/nofap community, and I found out a lot of the narrative made a very very strong nocebo effect on me.

For example I used to have a lot of social anxiety the day after I relapsed. However now there isn't any variations in my social anxiety whether I watch porn the previous day or not (or even the same day). If any I might have a little bit more energy if I don't do,  so that can make me a little bit more high-energy confident, but nothing too signficant. This is obviously different to what you are talking about but it's a good example of how a narrative (Which I'm not saying is true or false or not based on scientific evidence, but it is a narrative after all that can make ) can literally create problems where they aren't.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Javfly33

[StarStruck]

@Javfly33 ED can be caused because of many reasons. I think my situation is as follows: I just trained by brain to have sex with a lcd screen.

By the way I'm super fit, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week now, and I feel the masculine energy radiating from my groin area. The problem is the ignition which is in the brain. There is only one way out: no-fap for 90 days to rewire the brain and sproud new dopamine receptors.

Problem is that she won't be hanging around for 90 days. This girl has a big sex drive.

[Javfly33]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@Javfly33 ED can be caused because of many reasons. I think my situation is as follows: I just trained by brain to have sex with a lcd screen.

By the way I'm super fit, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week now, and I feel the masculine energy radiating from my groin area. The problem is the ignition which is in the brain. There is only one way out: no-fap for 90 days to rewire the brain and sproud new dopamine receptors.

Problem is that she won't be hanging around for 90 days. This girl has a big sex drive.

But I have done exactly the same as you and I don't have ED. That's why I'm saying, contemplate If this could be less worse/real than what it appears to be.

See that you might have a "flat line" now doesn't mean that you won't be able to have sex with her. But hey maybe I'm wrong. We all are different. Just my 2 cents of advice. Do not take the narrative of nofap community too serious (not going to enter whether is true or false, but rather the fact I did take it as 100% true and as I said it backfired me. It made things worse).

By you now telling yourself "until 90 days pass I won't be able to function normally sexually" you take the risk of a self-fullfilling profecg

[StarStruck]

@Javfly33 I thought about that this week actually. It is great that you say the same thing I thought. I'm doing meditation and Joe Dispenza style of praying. I hope it will work out. I don't want to be embarrassed or let this girl slip out of my hands.

[Godhead]

@StarStruck

12 hours ago, StarStruck said:

The problem is the ignition which is in the brain.

I sometimes had the same worries but whenever I actually got close with a girl the brain didn't have that much say in that process