Thoughts on men who have their girlfriends support them?

[Lyubov]

I've met a few very financially successful girls who end up paying for their boyfriends. By this I mean for their food, rent, travel, etc. Something about it I find pitiful if you are a guy and your girlfriend is basically supporting you. Some of them don't seem to mind it while others seem to get guilted into it. Why does this seem to be a thing in 2020? It's rare but I know of a few examples from my own personal life with girls who are making it and they end up with a leech boyfriend. 

[Spiral]

My stepsister is struggling with such a guy. Since girls are doing better these days in collage etc it’s not exactly odd. The male gender as a whole is having a bit of a existential crisis.

I wouldn’t judge these guys either, you might as well say, girls have been leeching of guys financially until very recently.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Spiral

[Leo Gura]

There have always been and will always be guys who leech of girls.

So what?

[hamedsf]

in2020? lol it's not a trend. there might be cases which girls can be supporting financially or emotionally but they will end up getting cold on you if this frame doesn't change. so if you wanna have a short-term, that'll work 

[electroBeam]

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

 Why does this seem to be a thing in 2020?

It should be more socially acceptable in 2020 then in the past. 

Going into the future, we should be more open to a variety of different wants and needs in a relationship. If some women want to be the provider, rather than the opposite, now is the time to be accepting of it, instead of resorting to judgements derived from cultural indoctrination and dogma rather than acceptance and love. 

Those women might be the provider, but in a lot of cases the guy is providing her with something that she personally likes, that you can't see because you've let your dogmas cloud your judgement. 

Be open to the possibility that there are more ways a relationship can benefit a couple, then the traditional gender roles. 

[Preety_India]

Eventually the girl gets tired and gives up. 

I used to do that to one of my exes. Paying his bills. 

It gets old after a while. And trust me these guys aren't any good. They are not like grateful or nice in return. He used to make me feel guilty for making money and having a bigger house. He was extremely insecure. He wasn't feeling guilty that he depended on me. I was supposed to feel guilty for having more.. 

So it was upside down logic. Such men are awful. They have deep Insecurities. They prey on the woman, not just for money, but they are very exploitative...

It would have been a different thing if he was my husband and cooperative and wonderful. I would have had absolutely no problem in supporting him financially. 

But I will break it down to you. This is how it works basically. He leeches on the girlfriend. At the same time he is not able to admit that he lives off her. Then he suffers internal guilt as a result of his own Insecurities. He doesn't take responsibility for his own insecurities. Instead he takes these insecurities to harass the girlfriend and make her the target of his problems by constantly attacking her success and putting her down every opportunity he gets. 

That's the profile of such men in general. 

Any girl who thinks that such a relationship will pan out successful will be in for a rude shock as the relationship moves forward. 

These are not the guys who are looking for Equality or appreciative of women doing better. They just need some women who they can be with  so that they don't need to do a thing in the relationship and put all responsibilities on the other person meanwhile also abusing the other person. 

 

Women who don't work and have their husbands providing for them at least have a sense of respect towards their husbands. They are proud of them. 

I can compare the "dependent man" relationship to a nagging entitled woman in a marriage where the man makes the money meanwhile she always nags at him and puts him down and hounds him with her insecurities instead of being grateful. 

These men are usually like that. They are a complete no no. 

 

Theoretically I don't have a problem with who pays in relationship, it can be either of the two or both. 

But in reality things are very different. The guys who depend on the girl aren't the ones who you would think would be grateful and nice. They are opposite of your ideals and notions. These are horribly insecure men. 

They are miserable themselves and they try to make their partner lives miserable as well. 

So they are not simply financial leeches. They also leech on your inner peace and sanity. Like energy vampires. 

I finally got freedom from my leech ex and it was a terribly abusive relationship. 

In fact it was the most abusive relationship out of all of my relationships. 

An insecure man is the worst nightmare. 

 

 

Edited September 7, 2020 by Preety_India

[diamondpenguin]

2 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

Men are designed/programmed to find a way to extract maximum profit while putting in the least amount of effort, and they’re really good at it. If he found an algorithm for sitting at home all day playing video games while his gf or wife goes to work and pays all their bills, then he’s gonna keep doing that for however long he will be allowed to keep getting away with being a leech. Until something in that mechanism breaks, a man himself -unless he’s crazy - will never get up and start fixing something that is already working (everything is working out great in his world, as far as he’s concerned). If a woman is not happy with how things are going in there relationship all she has to do is throw some rocks in there and break a few things- she could just get fired one day and start struggling to find a new job... She could become so busy with work that she no longer had time to cook for him. Should could just be so tired coming home from work that she didn’t have the energy to have sex with him. She could also have a coworker start courting her. She could also just leave him. So many ways to break that mechanism, the only limit is a woman’s imagination.

I doubt that men living off women is happening more now than it did in the past. However, current trend of being “a successful strong woman” is certainly something that a man will definitely try and exploit so if, indeed, there’s been a rise in the number of cases of leches, then thank feminism.

 

Damn. You really just said that men are lazy pigs in that post. That's messed. I demand an apology for your actions. 

[K Ghoul]

7 minutes ago, diamondpenguin said:

I demand an apology for your actions. 

@diamondpenguin will hurry up and get it to you real soon. In the meantime, while you’re waiting, start practicing the art of expressing your position without putting words in other people’s mouths. 

[diamondpenguin]

7 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

@diamondpenguin will hurry up and get it to you real soon. In the meantime, while you’re waiting, start practicing the art of expressing your position without putting words in other people’s mouths. 

I don't got time for that. I'm too focused on my projects. But yo, what's your phone number? 

Edited September 7, 2020 by diamondpenguin

[Yarco]

My wife has the better paying job compared to me (think professional like a doctor, lawyer compared to just an office worker. She was making more than double what I was.)

The good thing is this gave me the financial support/security to quit my office job that I hated and pursue my life purpose of being a freelance writer. 

I don't consider myself a "leech." I put a 10% down payment on our house when we bought it from my savings. I pay all my own bills like phone, internet, etc. When we got a new fence and air conditioner, half the money came out of my earnings/savings. My business doesn't earn six-figures or anything, but even this year with the pandemic and associated downturn, I'll still earn about the same amount that I would working full-time at a minimum wage job.

If you just see a woman paying for her guy's meal or driving him around, you are making your judgement from only a tiny piece of it. You have no idea what the full details of the situation might be. Don't just assume he's a total freeloader.

Still... Do I feel guilty that I contribute less? Do I feel like "less of a man"? Yes, sometimes. Probably mostly as a result of society's expectations and toxic ideals for masculinity.

Part of our long-term plan is also for me to be a stay-at-home dad though. I'm more of a homebody who doesn't mind making dinner or cooking, and my wife is a driven career woman. So for our situation, the arrangement just makes logical sense. Once we have kids, me staying at home will easily save us $10k/year or more on daycare costs, for example.

If you look down on guys in this situation... try to flip the situation on its head and look at it from another angle. Why don't you look down on women who are "leeches" as strongly? Why is society more accepting of this? Why is it perfectly okay for a woman to never go to college/university or plan for a career? Why is it okay for just getting married and staying at home to be a viable and even honorable life path for women, but not for men?

Edited September 7, 2020 by Yarco

[electroBeam]

2 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

Damn. You really just said that men are lazy pigs in that post. That's messed. I demand an apology for your actions. 

 

2 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

I don't got time for that. I'm too focused on my projects. But yo, what's your phone number? 

You practising push pull PUA techniques on the forum?

Guess you fucked up this one pal, you're gonna have to try another forum user. 

Edited September 7, 2020 by electroBeam

[Lyubov]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

There have always been and will always be guys who leech of girls.

So what?

I just can't believe there is this one girl I know who basically supports her boyfriend while he does nothing. Pays for his food and the luxury flat she rentsand he stays at. I'm being a bit judgemental cause I don't know the full story. Maybe he is trying to get a business off the ground or something. Last I heard he wanted to become a rapper 

[Preety_India]

@Lyubov

16 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I just can't believe there is this one girl I know who basically supports her boyfriend while he does nothing. Pays for his food and the luxury flat she rentsand he stays at. I'm being a bit judgemental cause I don't know the full story. Maybe he is trying to get a business off the ground or something. Last I heard he wanted to become a rapper 

Sorry I just can't control my laughter. What else does he want to become bwahahahahahhahah ?

 

[mandyjw]

If I wanna be somebody's sugar Mamma what's that to you, none of yer business, that's what. 

[Yarco]

Quote

Until a woman fully realizes her role as a woman and steps into her role and man does the same and steps into his masculinity there will only be tug of war, and all involved (including children) will suffer. 

This seems incredibly misogynistic and outdated to me. We live in a time when people are able to choose their own gender for god's sake. Why can't a man be happy in a role that isn't traditionally masculine?

I still feel like the "man" in my relationship. It's not like I'm suddenly transformed into a cuck because my wife is the breadwinner of our household.

[soos_mite_ah]

In my opinion, anyone leeching off of their partner or anyone who has their partner leeching off of them (regardless of gender) is not a good look. It can breed codependency issues and can result in a power dynamic. Both parties are insecure af in my opinion. The lens at which it's judged and how people jumps to conclusions can differ with societal context, popular tropes in the media, and roles in society. 

Guy leeching off of his girlfriend: He clearly isn't independent and that can reflect on his lack of masculinity. She is being a pick me by tolerating this behavior instead finding a guy who can be independent. This connotation of lacking masculinity comes from the context of how the man is supposed to be seen as the sole bread winner in the house since the woman isn't supposed to be the one bringing in all of the money. So that results in notions of gender roles. 

Girl leeching off of her boyfriend: She isn't independent and can be painted as a gold digger. He is a doormat or a control freak that likes having financial control over a woman (or both).  This connotation of power/financial control comes from the context of how historically women weren't allowed to work or heavily discriminated against when it came to high paying jobs so instead the goal became to marry a rich guy. So that results in a power dynamic. 

These common tropes do have a pattern which is women being on the losing end (though neither party is winning but that's another thing). In the first occasion, she is being leeched off of and in the second she is being controlled. At the same time the man is still in a more dominant position where in the first instance he taking from the woman while in the second he is controlling her. (I'm mainly talking about how these dynamics are painted not what they actually are. I hope this makes sense.) 

Both of the tropes above and how they are presented can be problematic as all stereotypes can be because it isn't representative of all situations. There are some women who are control freaks and there are also men who are gold diggers. 

Personally, having an imbalance like that, regardless how you judge either party, to me seems like a recipe for disaster. It seems soooooo unhealthy for everyone involved. 

Edited September 8, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Lyubov]

6 hours ago, Yarco said:

This seems incredibly misogynistic and outdated to me. We live in a time when people are able to choose their own gender for god's sake. Why can't a man be happy in a role that isn't traditionally masculine?

I still feel like the "man" in my relationship. It's not like I'm suddenly transformed into a cuck because my wife is the breadwinner of our household.

I read your post and I don't think this post is directed towards you exactly. I think it's different if you are married and gonna start a family and it's a healthy long term relationship. You also are pulling your own weight.

The one guy I know would use my friend's bank card to buy Nintendo Switch games behind her back while she was at work....

[StephanieCooper]

If it's for a short time, I don't see the problem. We all can find ourselves in a tight situation and where we could use some help and understanding from our partner, but just for a short period of time. If it becomes a habit, there is where I see a problem. I believe that there are things for men to do (go to work, supporting a family, build and repair broken things, etc) and that there are things for women to do (taking care of the house, of the family, women keep the family together), that is why we choose to be with someone, to complete each other, and to live a harmonious life. I'm not saying that women can't do what man can and vice versa, but I believe we all have our place in a relationship and we should let the man be man and women be women.

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I just can't believe there is this one girl I know who basically supports her boyfriend while he does nothing. Pays for his food and the luxury flat she rentsand he stays at. I'm being a bit judgemental cause I don't know the full story. Maybe he is trying to get a business off the ground or something. Last I heard he wanted to become a rapper 

Girls often fall in love for douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job, but they give the girl emotional stimulation and adventure. That is sort of the player stereotype. The manwhore

I bet that a lot of professional women in their 30's and 40's who work boring corporate jobs but make good salaries would kill to have a player boyfriend who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun and feel their feminine side. Which the proper guy can do for her. That's when she falls hard in love, and he can then exploit her emotional soft spot for him.

[Kiko]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls often fall in love for douchey asshole deadbeat guys who can't keep a job, but they give the girl emotional stimulation and adventure. That is sort of the player stereotype. The manwhore

I bet that a lot of professional women in their 30's and 40's who work boring corporate jobs but make good salaries would kill to have a player boyfriend who fucks her real good and provides her an outlet to be playful and go on adventures.

Girls just wanna have fun and feel their feminine side. Which the proper guy can do for her. That's when she falls hard in love, and he can then exploit her emotional soft spot for him.

What makes a guy a player? and in a nutshell what causes emotional stimulation in women?