living the best life possible / my situation

[Avi Khomutovsky]

hey guys, i will start by saying that i am re watching @Leo Gura LP course again to make sure i am clear about my purpose, its gold really.

i work at a simple job which i dont like and dont seem to take a lot of energy and time from me. i always liked artistic stuff first photography later i thought about movies and now its the guitar and music.

but i dont have time to grab the guitar, i realize i should minimize my habits and stop doing the meditation and yoga/exercise or at least minimize it to minimum. i feel so helpless because to be able to live from it you really need to be a legend, and have those hours and time to invest in it. 

how the hell i will become a legendary musician or film director, and have time to read the great books and the really high level stuff, such as retreats and all of this serious work and other stuff, i guess i should forget from it for a while although  i find this stuff so interesting i went to a vipassana retreat and it felt intense stuff and saw how much this stuff needs to be done more. ( felt like i am going crazy and though about leaving the place, crying wile we all meditating suddenly, at the last day meditating almost all night, and the best moment was a felling of love that lasted couple of seconds which i cant explain its like it is all love, i heard some mother telling something to her child and it made me so emotional it was crazy and then it went away) 

baby steeping of course...i need to get money to just live, i already left parents house i am 22 soon, its hard but its the right way...

 i started digital marketing course because i realized i need some skills to make money, then got frustrated from it and the passion for it went because i am thinking why i will want to do this marketing for people that i most likely will not really believe in their product. so i thought maybe going to other course that called ethical hacking but i dont sure i can learn it its so much technical. i already invested the money so i should maybe stick to DM because the other one require extra money payment, which will take more time also,( the payment is way higher too so there is  that),  ( ethical hacking sound more interesting to itself to me but since i know its not my ultimate goal i dont sure if i should peruse it), or digital marketing...i guess DM can be beneficial later) 

take this whole phase of getting myself to place when i can forget about survival basic stuff, there is so much work a head of me,i though about just working at a basic job and do my music and research and stuff but that is a childish approach isnt it so? im stressing about this stuff so much i even talked to my parents about it and was vulnerable and ashamed they should see me like that i want to make them proud and be able to stop dabble in my thoughts and actions.

sorry for it being so long i feel like people i really supportive here, i guess i should start figuring the solutions for myself because i see how easy for me to read posts and look for help and advice here,

i know i am ready for this material i really want to die without no regrets, clearing needs to be done for sure, i cant evan go on bad at the time i wanted today  because i streess about this stuff so much, i just need a plan to be able to go to sleep and know it and see it and then slowly do it.

im going to look for a different job because i need some change from the place i work now for 2 years to have more balanced simple job. ( i work as a cook at a private restaurant that have a lot of problems with getting enough workers and poor management skills from the owners, basically working way to hard physically with twisted hours and schedule ) 

god its already too much 

i promise myself i will stop to rely on others so much and give my power like that, i feel free here to express this feeling...thank you all for being

i honestly hope leo will see this and give me his advice.

may you all live the best life possible 

peace love and fulfillment to all of you here!

[susanyzm]

9 hours ago, Avi Khomutovsky said:

take this whole phase of getting myself to place when i can forget about survival basic stuff, there is so much work a head of me,i though about just working at a basic job and do my music and research and stuff but that is a childish approach isnt it so?

Why is it a childish approach? A lot of people are working on their purposes in a part-time manner. For instance, Marie Forleo often talks about how she developed her coaching career while working as a bartender. You can always figure out a way. 

Some have found their purpose and can go all-in. Some people's purposes are experimented and engineered slowly. There's no all-in or all-out. Actually most people are in the grey area between the two.  

[Avi Khomutovsky]

@susanyzm you right Susan, i understand this more now and realize that all those big movie directors and musicians which i admire had very different life and situation and everyone acts, looks, have different body and psyche.

and well i already paid for the course so i cant just drop it i feel like this would be very not smart, i need to pick some course and then to master it and study for a year and work at it couple of years, i thought about saving enough to buy a house and rent it or something like that afterward or just save enough and then pursue  the things i feel passion and curiosity about.

 anyways it was a good choice because i will have better paycheck and conditions i had enough of physical job.

i think i am going to switch my course to the ethical hacking, and make this my main thing in life, chapter by chapter 

thank you for replying and helping))