Why do I keep regretting not having started my Hero's Journey earlier?

[susanyzm]

I have a question for everybody.

I started watching Leo’s videos many years ago. I also took the Life Purpose Course. But there was never any fundamental change. I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into my limiting beliefs.

This year, things started to turn around. It felt like I hit so low that I was forced into facing my own demons (probably due to the loneliness brought by the coronavirus).

This time, Leo’s videos truly strike a cord with me. The metaphysical parts, which I used to skip, were particularly mind-blowing.

I deeply regret that I did not dig deeper into these materials. I remember Leo talked about the same thing. He said that in self-development, whenever people learn something, they often think why they haven’t learned it earlier. If so, they would have been far ahead already.

He also said that “knowing it earlier” does not exist because even if you knew it, you would have brushed it away. 

But I just couldn’t help thinking if I had started the journey when I was younger, with more ease, more opportunities, more energy, more support and more possibilities.

I call this a "Self-discovery Hangover."

I believe such regrets are rooted in the fact that I want to run away from fears in the difficulties of rebuilding my life. I don’t want to go through the pain of change. I want to to have already happened so that I can enjoy the fruit by now. 

What are your “turning point” in self-development to start the hero’s journey of figuring out your purpose? How did you feel when you discovered that you could truly live an actualized life? 

[herghly]

@susanyzm I don't look upon my purpose as something fixed. It's fluid, changing, and morphing as I change.

I prefer what Campbell says - Follow your bliss. 

Regardless of your situation now you can follow your bliss for a short amount of time daily. And through this, you will learn more about what you will learn more about your interests and you will develop.

 

Don't over-complicate this process.

[thedoorsareopen]

I'm not sure if I've hit my turning point yet. I might have, but maybe not yet. Turning points only look like turning points in retrospect, I expect.

I empathize with your feelings of realization and regret. I've progressed mentally and spiritually, and find that once I unlock a certain limiting belief, I find it easy to regret the specific instances that led me to those limiting beliefs, or that I didn't internalize the information I needed sooner. These regrets come up in my awareness uncomfortably. But I would say, try not to attach to these thoughts too much. Before I was even on a spiritual or self-actualizational journey, I still regretted things when I moved past them, and while you may not be able to stop the thoughts from popping into your mind, you are able to choose to remove awareness from them. A lot of my problems stemmed from attaching too strongly to these regrets in the first place. I literally developed PTSD from it, which of course added to the pile of regrets and problems. But it also led me to pursuing mindfulness and investigating metaphysics and my psyche. 

Would it be nicer if we were zen masters at age 18? Yeah, maybe. But I think regret is felt based on something lacking from your life now. What you feel you are lacking in changes over time, along with your position and perspective in life. A couple weeks from now you'll learn another mindblowing thing that could lead you to regretting some different event or missed opportunity from your past. You could attach feeling to it, and sit in the self-discovery hangover, or you could drop it and do something else.

Consider this, as well. I found that I had actually encountered a lot of this information in the past, many times in fact. But it went right over my head because of either a false limiting belief I hadn't smashed yet, or because I simply didn't understand enough about life or myself yet to understand the significance of the information. So for this stuff to work requires a little bit of the right kind of experience, which requires time, perhaps getting older or reaching a new life stage. Knowledge + experience = wisdom, and you're feeling that now. Your initial reaction may be regret, but what matters is what your ultimate reaction is. You can consciously choose to take action of some kind to self-actualize, whether it's career/business stuff or developing your meditation practice or whatever else.

I've cleared up a lot of my mental problems, but it seems to me that my brain simply has a circuit that works like this: When it learns something new that's useful for my interests, my brain instantly tries to slot it into my past, usually age 18, and when it realizes that's impossible because time travel isn't an option, it generates negative feelings. Maybe I can engineer that out of my brain, but maybe not. What I can do though, is think something else, challenge the regret, choose to do something about it, or even feel gratitude that my brain cares about me. There was a time when I couldn't sleep and stayed up all night carving PTSD into my brain feeling endless regret about shit, so it's progress.

I've found that the regret I felt way back in the day was based on believing in limiting beliefs that said my experiences were negative, when those beliefs were the highly distorted beliefs of a sheltered teenager, and ultimately were completely false in the face of my full potential as a human. So I felt all that regret over nothing, right?

What you focus on, expands. Focus on making a plan, or on making tomorrow slightly better than today.

[susanyzm]

On 2020/9/5 at 1:09 PM, thedoorsareopen said:

When it learns something new that's useful for my interests, my brain instantly tries to slot it into my past, usually age 18, and when it realizes that's impossible because time travel isn't an option, it generates negative feelings.

Thank you for your detailed response to my question. It is truly relieving to examine the psyche of regret close-up.

This is how my brain tricks me every time I make some progress. The resistance has caused a lot of friction. What you resist persists. So it's hard for me to make real breakthrough even though I see where I'm stuck.

I've been experimenting with  techniques to reduce the regret and resistance. For instance, carrying a mantra throughout the day can place some distance between myself and the automatic thoughts. Placing flow time in my day also helps.

On 2020/9/5 at 1:09 PM, thedoorsareopen said:

What you focus on, expands. Focus on making a plan, or on making tomorrow slightly better than today.

I need to keep reminding myself of this everyday! Thank you again!

[susanyzm]

On 2020/9/5 at 11:30 AM, herghly said:

Regardless of your situation now you can follow your bliss for a short amount of time daily. And through this, you will learn more about what you will learn more about your interests and you will develop.

Thank you! This is what I'm doing at the moment. Wanting to figure it all out at one is paralyzing and it keeps bringing me back to memories to escape from the work ahead. I need to take it slowly and not complicate things.

[universe]

It's probably just a habit.

I remember when I was lost in thought of the past as well. Sometime around when I started to read Eckhart Tolle and similar books it became pretty clear that spending too much time in the past was pointless. And I started to shift my focus and energy to the present moment.

Also having pitty for oneself can indicate that you are taking life a tad bit too seriously. And you might be holding onto thoughts and beliefs about yourself which limit your potential.

I'd recommend to rewatch Leo's videos on The Power Of Letting Go and Self-Love.

There is nothing to add to "you" and nothing to gain. The joy in starting your journey now might even be greater than walking on it 10 years later. Maybe "you" didn't actually have a choice in the matter and for you to start right now with your purpose, might actually be the perfect time.

❤️

 

[Vercingetorix]

There is Trickery in that

1) In regretting your imply that you can control your life, the circumstances of your life - and that is simply not true (From a normal Ego perspective at least) - You do not control The circumstances of your life.

2) You might say "no but I do control my reactions. and in that time I decided to act in a stupid and not do the course, and I regret today - In that case, you do not realize that you are in a process of development. It means that you had to act in the "stupid way" that you did so now you can grow from this. that's the only way to grow! In order to choose now to do the course, you had to choose to not do it in the past. Imagine if you again opted to not do it now and only in 10 years realize that you should do it. You can be grateful that you do it now  

3) When you are talking about the past, you don't really talk about the past - you talk about the present. What do you gain from Regretting? what "Hidden" benefit do you have from it? Maybe it's hard for you to accept certain parts of yourself? the "lazy part" or any other part of you that made you not take the course in the past perhaps?

4) The Root: We assume that everything comes from our childhood. We can ask the question - what a child needs to experience so that when she is an adult she will experience Regrets? we can look at regrets as a form of violence towards oneself. The violence that was inflicted on her, that she learnt and she keeps inflicting towards herself.
Is it criticism for her parents? do the regrets represent in you the voice of your parents that were criticizing towards you? and maybe you feel guilty still of what you were criticized? If it is so, It's important to go to the Root Memories and release the blame - telling the child: "you are not guilty", "you were doing what you could", "you couldn't do anything differently", "you did what you could and that's OK". 

5) It's about the journey, Not the destination. It doesn't really matter when you start, because all you really have is this moment. and if at this moment you follow your bliss, you pursue your purpose, you progress In your life, you're in flow - you are satisfied and happy, aren't you? and It doesn't necessarily get better than that.

[Yarco]

You couldn't have started any earlier. Your exact life experience is what led you to getting started in the first place.

A character in a movie can't go back to the beginning and start from minute 0 knowing everything they know at the end. The same is true for you. 

Just be glad you ever got started on the journey and weren't asleep for your entire life.

[susanyzm]

15 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

What do you gain from Regretting? what "Hidden" benefit do you have from it? Maybe it's hard for you to accept certain parts of yourself? the "lazy part" or any other part of you that made you not take the course in the past perhaps?

I regret so that I can stay in the victim mentality. I regret so that I can justify not making an effort: "See, you always fall behind. You always miss opportunities. Your life is a big disappointment." I regret so that I don't have to challenge the inner abuser. I regret so that I always have an excuse not to take action. I regret so that I don't have to face the possible bitter disappointment in the future. 

15 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

It means that you had to act in the "stupid way" that you did so now you can grow from this. that's the only way to grow!

I keep forgetting that when I realize that "I did something stupid." It's already a growth. I feel that self-development is just reminding me how stupid I was and I am and I will be. I must shift the perspective into "I grow from making mistakes. The more mistakes I make, the more I grow. Just keep moving forward." 

Thank you for this in-depth multi-perspective analysis into regret! It really shed light light on a lot of my blind spots.

[susanyzm]

20 hours ago, universe said:

Sometime around when I started to read Eckhart Tolle and similar books it became pretty clear that spending too much time in the past was pointless. And I started to shift my focus and energy to the present moment.

Thank you for your recommendation! I'd definitely re-visit his thoughts on the present moment.

Oddly, I found myself resisting a lot listening to Eckhart Tolle. My inner abuser feeding off from his words and grew more violent: "You should've been done with your trauma already!" And that paralyzed me. 

Then I found other teachers and tried somatic techniques to release the trauma from my body. Also doing yin yoga everyday to release day-to-day stress. 

So I guess "coming back to the present" could backfire because for some people, trauma needs serious focus and be released from the body rather than just playing a mental game. For this part, I'm still a bit confused. What do you think? 

[susanyzm]

2 hours ago, Yarco said:

A character in a movie can't go back to the beginning and start from minute 0 knowing everything they know at the end.

This analogy couldn't be more accurate. Who would watch a movie where the hero just knows everything?!

[universe]

2 hours ago, susanyzm said:

Thank you for your recommendation! I'd definitely re-visit his thoughts on the present moment.

Oddly, I found myself resisting a lot listening to Eckhart Tolle. My inner abuser feeding off from his words and grew more violent: "You should've been done with your trauma already!" And that paralyzed me. 

Then I found other teachers and tried somatic techniques to release the trauma from my body. Also doing yin yoga everyday to release day-to-day stress. 

So I guess "coming back to the present" could backfire because for some people, trauma needs serious focus and be released from the body rather than just playing a mental game. For this part, I'm still a bit confused. What do you think? 

You are thinking too much about it. Just get into the present and into being. See what happens. Im curious, what technique do you use to become more present?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@susanyzm

Think about it like that: right now, you are conscious of the fact, that you wasted a lot of your life already.

There is a lot of this feeling, that death is getting closer and closer and you only have one life to live. Use it as a fuel - every second counts now and you have to think really, really hard to make the best of what you have. It's a gift - not many people will ever become conscious of that.

2 hours ago, universe said:

You are thinking too much about it. Just get into the present and into being. See what happens. Im curious, what technique do you use to become more present?

Try that - start from just letting go of making a decision, and just let your body do whatever it wants to start from (for me, it's almost always cleaning my room). After that, you will automatically start doing another thing, and then another and day just goes by, that's a flow state. Good luck, stay strong

[susanyzm]

On 2020/9/8 at 2:08 PM, universe said:

You are thinking too much about it. Just get into the present and into being. See what happens. Im curious, what technique do you use to become more present?

Normally I try focusing on breathing, or carrying a mantra like ho'oponopono: "I love. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." When strong emotions hit it's hard to focus and I just give in. But I'll try bringing my focus back bit by bit from now on. Thank you!

On 2020/9/8 at 5:10 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

Try that - start from just letting go of making a decision, and just let your body do whatever it wants to start from (for me, it's almost always cleaning my room). After that, you will automatically start doing another thing, and then another and day just goes by, that's a flow state. Good luck, stay strong

Cleaning is a good tool for staying present. I never realized that until quite recently. 

Thank you for the advice! I do tend to flow back and forth into past and future. I need to start from small things to stay more present. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@susanyzm

Try read / re-read Power of Now or/and meditate more. Good luck!  

[Vercingetorix]

@susanyzm @susanyzm happy to help

great, that's a solid affirmation.

For me, as mentioned,  it helps to see that the inner abuser is not me. it's subconscious thoughts/beliefs that  were planted in me in my childhood. I actually see myself as a child and when I noticed them I change them to self love thoughts to that child. 

[Leo Gura]

On 9/4/2020 at 1:29 AM, susanyzm said:

But I just couldn’t help thinking if I had started the journey when I was younger, with more ease, more opportunities, more energy, more support and more possibilities.

That's what happens when you start to self-actualize. You see more and more how much time and potential you squandered by doing other useless shit like a monkey.

That deep regret is a sign of you becoming more conscious. Most people are so asleep they never even know what they missed. They live and die in blissful ignorance.

[susanyzm]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's what happens when you start to self-actualize. You see more and more how much time and potential you squandered by doing other useless shit like a monkey.

This is deep. Self-actualization is like taking the red pill. The world looks crazy and the former self looks crazy. There's no turning back. 

[Leo Gura]

@susanyzm Consciousness is the original red pill, before that term was co-opted by online devils.