Insights: The Things I Learned by Going Inward

[Sash]

The Voices

There are lots of voices in my head, as I'm sure there are in yours. But I'm not exactly sure if the thoughts in my head are just ordinary anymore. These days, they seem to come more often from the me outside of me.

For the last 6 weeks, I've been regularly maintaining a meditative state throughout my waking day. Despite eating like a pig, I have managed to make my mind more pleasant, by filling it with only happy, positive, or grateful thoughts. It's like a box of light now. But this is not where my "auditory hallucinations" or whatever you can call these very deep, inner hearings, come from. I hear them from somewhere even higher in the body: the crown.

I think this is the reason I'm not so afraid of what these "hearings" say; because they feel as though they are coming from a pure place, instead of the hectic chaos that is below it, an body that's inflamed like a fire at the moment. And from all these different sensations that one would experience while meditating and going very deep, is this much larger, purer, more honest voice that just wants you to wake up. And as what feels like a gentle rain falls on the top of your head, you are called to dissolve further.

And that's why I trust it. 

[Sash]

The Love Story behind my Life Purpose

 

I fell in love with words at a young age, and the ability to convert my deepest emotions into readable ink or audible speech.

 

It's crazy to think about how vastly different my relationship to my life purpose is now, after having spent over a year in deep contemplation and reflection. After inquiring for some hundreds of hours, in and between meditations, in my journal, in commute, and in my emotional responses to life's "ordinary" events, my sense of life purpose has gotten sharper and sharper. I can say with more confidence now, that my life purpose is to lead the direction of innovation in media and society towards greater awareness of life's most fundamental mechanics, communicating patterns and connections that provide deeper understanding and the unfoldment our higher selves at a mass level. 

But I can't lie to you. I am struggling. I'm a 19 year old kid, who's spent far too long selling myself short, and this dream is so small in the ways that it shows up in my life right now, but I'm trying my best to be grateful as often as I can. I'm taking a class in public speaking, where I have the opportunity to learn from a professor who's been teaching this skill for over 30 years. I've also been blessed with numerous intangible advantages in my quest to understand myself and my own emotions, one of them being the wealth of insights I've received from Leo alone. My intellect is sharper, my sense of agency is larger, and my heart is more open. I've even had vivid inner visions from time to time during psychedelic trips, that seem to encourage this purpose in some way. At times, I see myself on stage giving keynotes about the wonder that is human nature, and how understanding it might hold the key for mass level harmonization. 

 

Semen retention, a weapon for massive action

 

I cannot see a way in front of me; how to approach this purpose; how to be the person that this purpose would require me to be; but I am committing to living in the most love that I am possible, and that includes the most loving gift that I can give to myself: the constant unfolding of my deepest dreams, desires, and authentic self. It includes, for me personally, the practice of bhramacarya, or semen retention, which has given me a completely new inner wellspring of energy and drive. I marked my commitment with this drastic decision to preserve the life fluid, which represents creation itself, and contains the soul power of a man's some unnumbered amount of unborn children, and the wisdom of his lifeline. In the past 14 days since I made that decision, I've noticed that my skin has gotten more radiant, my motivation to win is stronger, and people seem to be more drawn to me. At times I've felt as though I had a magical charm, and that people would simply bend to my will. Girls are more willing to follow me around. I'm more grounded, relaxed, and I've put a higher priority on myself and what I want from moment to moment. In the past 14 days, I've experienced a remarkable boost in terms of life purpose clarity, and that sense of being the hero of my own epic. These feelings are inexplicably powerful weapons.

 

If you are seeking that push to really own being the hero, I would highly recommend taking on the responsibility of preserving your sexual energy, regardless if you are a man or a woman. This isn't simply about strict abstinence from ejaculation, but the refraining of spending excessive time and energy in the physical or mental pursuit of sex. Of course, the man experiences a different range of new qualities than a woman would, but regardless, this can be a wonderful opportunity to further flower yourself. For me, it feels as though there is a ball of light getting larger in my perineum, pushing me to give to the world. 

 

I hope you consider giving it a shot. Thanks for reading.