I want to kill myself.

[INIT]

On 10/15/2020 at 0:15 AM, UnconsciousBastard said:

Its ok to feel bad, stop chasing feeling good embrace the way you are , don't resist it and it will fade away ,

Yea.. its kind of weird actually lol

i was like yea i am feeling depressed, lets try to love that feeling. 

After accepting that feeling of depression and actually kind of loving it fully it fades away on its own.

[INIT]

On 10/15/2020 at 0:21 AM, UnconsciousBastard said:

I'm also curious about death and it doesn't sound like a bad option for me at all, I can completely understand that desire for people who suffer all day.
But when you understand that you are not the mind, when you can just turn the machine off and see it as a movie player you can instantly find peace.
the mind is just a bla bla bla machine, the contents doesn't really matter .
i'l give you easy way for enlightenment.
Ask yourself why do I feel bad ? -- answer
then ask why is it bad ? who said this is a bad thing?
question your assumptions and question your answers. the more questions the better.
the final answer is I don't know. at this place you find peace.
then if u wanna play the game of life you can, it involves joy and suffering which are interlinked but you will realise its just a game.
I suffered depression for years, I just don't take life seriously now so when I have chains of bad thoughts I don't take them seriously they are just thoughts they have no meaning.

I don't really give a shit about suffering now to be completely honest with you.

my desire to know what death is is not due the suffering that i sometimes experience, (although sometimes it is). But it is mainly there on its own. (After a WTF IS ALL OF "LIFE" moment lol.

it is kind of like a feeling that its the only thing that is there to do really. To know what death is. I mean think of it, whoever we are, we are all going towards death and most of us are denying that fact by distracting ourselves with surface level trivial bullshit that we convince ourselves and others are "important things".

When i experience a "bad" feeling, its only a feeling to me because i've got no idea who i am, cant describe myself in any way because i would be lying. What the fuck is that feeling? Why was it there a few hours ago and why isn't it there now? Did it die? Where did it go and how was it even here in the first place? Why was it here? 

 

[INIT]

 

On 10/15/2020 at 0:44 AM, bejapuskas said:

@INIT  Stop taking life so seriously  

 Someone has too??

 

[bejapuskas]

9 hours ago, INIT said:

Someone has too??

Yeh there is nothing serious about this.

[INIT]

3 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

Yeh there is nothing serious about this.

Its a joke isn't it..

i can't not take it seriously though

Edited October 17, 2020 by INIT

[Chakra Lion]

 

3 hours ago, INIT said:

Its a joke isn't it..

i can't not take it seriously though

Yes you might be depressed and suicidal, but is it justified? What other reason besides thinking and feeling like it do you have? There are souls without arms and legs having to survive day by day just like you. There are adults who have to work all week just to feed their children, and there are others who have lost their whole family, seen their family get killed, had to find refuge alone in a foreign land. 
Life can be fucking hard. And I too want to die every now and then. But when it gets to serious I have to reflect and stop feeding this weak Ego of mine that thinks it has the hardest life out of them all. Why am I not strong enough to continue? 
This is tough love, but realize you have it so much better than a lot of people, no matter your situation.
Alone that you have peace and time to contemplate suicide should make you feel grateful.

[bejapuskas]

@INIT  What is serious about maintaining a sense of self?