A growing disdain for human behavior/the ego

[Shmurda]

Hello readers, 

I'm writing this asking for advice. Lately I've been putting in a lot of time on the cushion and also trying to align my life completely with what I want to be by cutting out the stuff that's holding me back like drugs, alcohol and laziness. 

Anyway my question is, as I become more serious about awakening, my hatred for the ills of humanity, on an individual and collective level seems to be growing. 

Now, this isn't a totally one sided development. I also am feeling more willing to love, help and connect with people and I make an effort to do so. 

However, I am noticing that as I'm coming to understand how completely and totally pointless our existence is, I'm having less patience for the kind of bullshit that I witness in a daily basis. 

For example, I was driving home today and I decided to spit on a car that was blocking the road and then I drove off feeling slightly annoyed. It wasn't even funny. I just thought, you're a cu**, have this.

I hear people telling me all this stuff about plans for the future or what they want for dinner. Basically anything related to self interest I just think what a load of shit, you don't really know anything and you're kidding yourself. 

Now, obviously you're going to tell me "well it's your ego projecting it's newfound views on everyone else." and yeah, that's true. But it's also hell. I feel like I've discovered something true - that we're a bunch of selfish monkeys living a pointless existence and shitting where we eat and then creating some narrative to hide that fact from ourselves. Tell me I'm wrong? 

How do I enjoy my experience when everywhere I look my ego is disgusted? 

[Shmurda]

And to top it off, it turns out I have taken the form of these pointless monkeys and am subject to all the nastiness and limitation that entails. I guess awakening is now defined as "learn to enjoy this shit show unless you die before that happens." wow, great. 

[Seraphim]

You can learn to see the innocence and beauty in people. And with further awakenings see that everything is you and also see that our father is everywhere in the oneness. It could help you to remind yourself that everyone is emotionally wounded to some degree, they need more love in order to heal. We have to be a good example and behave in a way that inspires others.

[Nahm]

God hung a flaming (suffering) sword (Truth) pointing away from the tree of good & evil, to the tree of life, but it didn’t work. God flooded the place, wiped the slate clean and started over, but it didn’t work. God incarnated and sacrificed Godself, but that didn’t work either. God scrambled people & language, that they might look within vs building a tower to reach God, but that didn’t work either. When it comes to judgement, there is literally no solution for God, because there is no problem. The appearance of twoness is too convincing, even for God. So there is the covenant, the pact, the only possibility. The reminder of the covenant is the rainbow. It reminds you that you are the prism, and rainbows are not possible. Yet, if you look, you can see them.  

Mrs. Nahm...”Go in there and tell those kids to stop fighting & arguing!”

Me...”God don’t listen to nobody. Imma just let it play out. They’ll learn that way.”

God bestowed upon you the breath of life & the word, that you can create, love, and share. There is no learning how to use it, there is only noticing that, and how, you already are. 

[Johnny5]

 

@Shmurda Perfectly natural and valid phase. You may or may not be able to skip it. I sure as shit didn't...  

Good to be aware of it not being a totally one-sided development. And both sides are allowed to co-exist simultaneously (i.e. beware the trap of trying to repress one in favor of the other). When it's time to drop, you'll know.

[Shmurda]

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

God hung a flaming (suffering) sword (Truth) pointing away from the tree of good & evil, to the tree of life, but it didn’t work. God flooded the place, wiped the slate clean and started over, but it didn’t work. God incarnated and sacrificed Godself, but that didn’t work either. God scrambled people & language, that they might look within vs building a tower to reach God, but that didn’t work either. When it comes to judgement, there is literally no solution for God, because there is no problem. The appearance of twoness is too convincing, even for God. So there is the covenant, the pact, the only possibility. The reminder of the covenant is the rainbow. It reminds you that you are the prism, and rainbows are not possible. Yet, if you look, you can see them.  

Mrs. Nahm...”Go in there and tell those kids to stop fighting & arguing!”

Me...”God don’t listen to nobody. Imma just let it play out. They’ll learn that way.”

But is he really trying to point the flaming sword away from good and evil? How could we know? We've literally nothing to compare it to. 

The cosmic joke is real, that's for sure. The poor can be as happy as the rich and death is the great leveler and all this striving leads to the same place.

But why is it a cosmic joke and not a cosmic cuddle? A slap in the face that basically says "you fool, how could you ever think you were anything but me. No, you don't get to choose, you are me and you will live and die exactly as I am. Now suffer and die or work to escape the suffering and then die. It doesn't matter either way because I love you in every form."

Well, that's well and good God but I'm a starving child in Africa and basically have no choice but to suffer and die and I will never feel happy about your love. Thanks for trying really hard though...

[Shmurda]

26 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

You can learn to see the innocence and beauty in people. And with further awakenings see that everything is you and also see that our father is everywhere in the oneness. It could help you to remind yourself that everyone is emotionally wounded to some degree, they need more love in order to heal. We have to be a good example and behave in a way that inspires others.

Thanks for reminding me of that friend. I am able to see the wounds and conditions that have lead us to be the way we are and I do love the deepest part in us. 

I'm just so sad about how far astray we are. So many of us are like drug addicts always looking for a fix that might finally make us happy and for some reason we find a limitless field of distractions ready to fool us. It looks like we'll sooner all die in a fireball of our own hunger than look within. 

[The Lucid Dreamer]

I can completely relate with this.

It’s funny how we don’t get angry with chimps for being chimps, but we get angry with humans for being humans. (who are basically chimps) This is because at some point in our journey, even though we are growing in consciousness, we still mostly identify ourselves with the rest of the human race, so we have this thought, “If I am a human and I am this conscious and can look past all this bullshit, then they should be able to as well.” And this thinking causes us to get frustrated when we see other humans behaving in a way we consider to be immature or unconscious.  But when we see a five year old throwing a temper tantrum over them getting their toy taken away, we see this as expected behavior given their level of maturity.  We hold other humans who are of the same or greater social status and age to higher standard.  This is totally normal, as we are basically programmed as social creatures to project ourselves onto other humans.  But just because someone else is human does not necessarily mean that they are even close to the same level of consciousness.  The differences between humans can be much greater than we would like to think.   

We are still very much in the dark ages, where the majority of the population still largely behaves like chimps and are almost completely plugged into the matrix.  Most people, even in the developed world, have not been lucky enough to have been exposed to wisdom we have, so let’s not get too high and mighty.  

In recent years, I’ve created a habit when it comes to reacting to the unconsciousness of other people.  Whenever another person does something against me, say like cutting me off in traffic, I immediately become mindful of my initial emotional reaction and I just observe myself getting angry.  This drastically shortens the half-life of that emotion, and can sometimes almost immediately diffuse it.  After that, I try to put myself into the shoes of the other person, and try to remember a time where I might have behaved in a similar way and my state of mind at that time.  Even if it when I was just a kid.  When I do this, it creates sympathy in me and I can simply forgive them and not think anything of it after that.  

Now of course, the greater the sin that is committed against you, the harder this is to do.  But it certainly has done wonders in my life concerning the smaller things.  

 

[Shmurda]

@The Lucid Dreamer what a great reply. It would be good more people like you in the world. 

[LastThursday]

On 02/09/2020 at 3:19 PM, Shmurda said:

For example, I was driving home today and I decided to spit on a car that was blocking the road and then I drove off feeling slightly annoyed. It wasn't even funny. I just thought, you're a cu**, have this.

Judging the world is easy. But you ought to be as white as the driven snow yourself before doing it.

[Arzack]

Take a vacation, enjoy yourself for a while. And check my sign. message me if you want someone to talk to. Love you, bye.